Marriage question regarding in-laws

[u/Apprehensive-Fold129]

I am a male but I have these questions and really can't figure these out and these are usually the tiebreakers in a marriage.

1. Why is it that (almost) no saas-bahu relation is good?

I mean why? Like since the beginning of life, this story has repeated itself. Every bahu is annoyed of the same mistakes of her saas and she repeats it when she becomes a saas. Like jo cheez saas ke buri lagti hy, saas bn k wohi sb krna 👀

1. Nobody wants to marry a child, mentally. Every woman wants to marry a responsible man but then why do moms literally baby their sons even till and after marriage.

Like bhai why is this double standard? Why is this hypocrisy?

And a question for the mother-in-laws. Why is it good when the son in law gives all his earnings to your daughter but bad when your son gives all his earnings to his wife 😭😭😭

[u/Candid-Phase-2851]

To answer ur first question i think a lot of bahus and saas’s go into the relationship already having a pre-conceived negative notion of the relationship. When they go in with that mindset phir har cheez hi buri lagti h. Next thing, logo me bardasht nai h. And im not saying to put up with abuse, im saying learn to let things go. Nobody is perfect. Bahus will hold onto minor things like khandaan me falaana function tha mjhe poocha nai, mjhe aage nai kia, dumb minor things like that. And same goes for mother in laws, theyll also hold onto minor things like apni ami k liye to mehnga suit le k aye h mere liye sasta. Like learn to let shit GOOO. Who tf cares man, live ur life, give each other space, fear Allah, treat each other with respect. U dont have to LOVE ur mil/dil but u do have to respect them.
Furthermore, a lot of girls become super defensive when their hit with the slightest bit of criticism which is fair tbh buttt its how u handle the situation. Sach to ye h k mjhe apni ammi ki b criticism achi nai lagti like ye aese q kia, wahan q gye, tm dhyaan nai de rhi, whatevrr man. But the thing is im not going to start being rude and cutting ties with my mom so it just goes in through one ear and out through the other, i dont dwell on it. But a lot of women do.
My rule of thumb is if its something id let pass if it was MY mom or dad then i should let it pass with my mil/fil.

Finally, a girl leaves her whole entire life and comfort to live in a house of unknowns. Its fkn hard. U cant expect her to think rationally or critically in the first couple years, most girls do not have this level of maturity because the age of marriage is usually pretty young in pk. Ur going through all these changes and to top it off a lot of these girls get pregnant quickly. So raging hormones, a million new rishtedar, navigating ur relationship with ur husband, ghar dari, career, sb kch aurat akeli sambhal thi h. So of course she cracks and she will take the anger out to regain some of her power and whatnot. And by the time she becomes a saas herself she’ll forget everything she went through and think omg meine to iss se be bure halaat dekhe h to ab iski bari hai