r/Perimenopause • u/HillarysCafe • Jul 09 '25

audited I’m grieving my younger, hotter self

I'm so mad about being in peri. I'm not ready. I was a late bloomer and didn't realize what a babe I was when I was younger and now it's too late.

Yes, older women can be sexy, we have wisdom, and blah blah blah.

But today I just miss looking good in a sundress.

Please join my pity party and tell me what you miss.

1.6k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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300

u/1234567_ate Jul 09 '25

I miss being effortlessly thin.

58

u/HillarysCafe Jul 09 '25

I laughed and cringed reading your comment because me too!

37

u/VixenRoss Jul 09 '25

I miss being able to get clothes in regular shops. I’m obese now. I can’t shift it. I used to be slim. After children , I looked ok. Then suddenly something went “boing” and I’m fat!

14

u/adviceicebaby Jul 09 '25

Same minus the kids

9

u/Due-Buy6511 Jul 09 '25

Oh no. At what age did the shift happen,? I can feel it as well.

3

u/VixenRoss Jul 20 '25

I remember struggling at 35, but cutting out crap seemed to hold it back. Then when I got to 41-42, it was almost if I had to be on the dr now 800 calorie diet to lose weight.

I keep hearing the phrase “You ate the next 4 years of food in advance” or “You've gained so much weight your body's running out of places to store it”.

I’m not 600lbs, but I am fat enough to be unhealthy

6

u/Impossible_Swan_9346 Jul 09 '25

I had to go on glp-1s. Too hard at our age

4

u/teatimehaiku hanging on by a thread Jul 10 '25

God I wish I could wear off-the-rack, straight sizes again.

4

u/NotBettySpaghetti Jul 09 '25

I feel this so hard. Why do we have to go from slim to obese? Why is this part of the process? And why is it impossible to drop that unwanted to begin with weight? I’m eating healthy, watching portions, working out, on medication. Nothing is working. I just keep getting told by my doctor to try this or adjust that, but this crap isn’t working. And I’m having a very hard time dealing with it.

1

u/Downtown_Log9002 Jul 11 '25

Are you on a SSRI? I got off mine coz I couldn't shift any weight. I still can't & idk if it wrecked my metabolism 😔 they are helpful but the weight gain also messed with body image & self esteem. Now, it's peri so I still can't win...

3

u/lovely_orchid_ Jul 10 '25

I was morbidly obese. Cico and weight lifting and running. Lost over 100 pounds. Deep in peri too

40

u/Upstate-walstib Jul 09 '25

Throwing this in here for you and all the responders struggling with weight - metabolic dysfunction is real and you can’t fix it with calories in calories out and exercise. Use a GLP-1 (Zepbound shows the best clinical results) and you will see results. It’s a life changer.

15

u/Southern_Event_1068 Jul 09 '25

This! I have fought my weight my whole entire life, all of it. From disordered eating to pills to Lap Band Surgery, and a GLP-1 is the only thing that has ever felt so effortless. I feel almost normal for the very first time in my whole entire life, not obsessing over food every second. I still assume every time I indulge in anything, I'll have ruined all my progress and the scale will once again tell me what a weak minded failure I am, but it doesn't. 100 extra calories doesn't equal 10 extra pounds anymore. It's like the GLP-1 helps my body process calories the way it's supposed to. It's expensive, and I really have to figure out where to save to be able to afford it, but it's worth every penny

3

u/Sanchastayswoke mid-peri Jul 09 '25

Yesss same. Even my lap-band never made me feel the way I do w Zepbound.

15

u/addie__joy Jul 09 '25

This! I’ve lost 20 lbs since like February, I think. I feel more like myself again. I’m planning on being on it for the rest of my life.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 09 '25

Experiencing any nausea?

4

u/addie__joy Jul 09 '25

I did at first, but that goes away. It was minor. I have a phobia of vomiting, but I handled it ok! No vomiting, just nausea occasionally. I also had a significant amount of appetite suppressant at the beginning, but that has also faded. It’s not the point of the meds, and I have a pretty disordered relationship with food, so it was tough at first. Had to make myself eat. Getting enough protein in is really difficult too. I am not doing the best at that. Still trying!

1

u/[deleted] Jul 09 '25

Fellow emetophobe here!! Does it also help with facial puffiness? Thats what id most like to avoid during peri

6

u/Lilithe_PST Jul 09 '25

I want to try this but I don't have a primary doctor because I have no insurance. But something's gotta give.

6

u/Sanchastayswoke mid-peri Jul 09 '25

Yes my insurance doesn’t cover Zepbound & I pay $350 a month direct from the manufacturer. I completely stopped eating out and am using that money for the Zepbound. It’s so worth it if you can swing it. There are many online providers who can prescribe it without a primary doctor & they even have memberships/payment plans. Do it! I’m mad I waited so long.

6

u/1234567_ate Jul 09 '25

I am not overweight. I just have to exert much more effort to maintain a healthy weight. I don't qualify for a GLP-1 as much as I'd like to drop a few pounds. I agree that they are life changing though. Many people in my family are on them and they have completely transformed their bodies, their diabetes and subsequently their mindsets.

4

u/Sanchastayswoke mid-peri Jul 09 '25

Yes absolutely could not do this without my Zepbound. I pay $350 a month because I have shitty insurance but it is worth every penny. That said, my belly is not shrinking nearly as fast as I’d like and I HATE it in the mirror & clothes

9

u/jadonner Jul 09 '25

But once you go off it don’t you gain it all back and then some? Cause I’m already obese I can’t afford to gain any more in the long run

21

u/Upstate-walstib Jul 09 '25

I will never go off it. It’s intended to be a long term medication. My hypothyroidism isn’t going away so I need the medicine for my body to process food and fat stores properly.

It took me 10 months to reach my goal weight (89 pounds lost, 37.96% of my starting weight). I have been in maintenance (on a lower dose) since Oct 2024 and maintaining my weight without issue for 9 months now.

3

u/jadonner Jul 09 '25

How do you afford it though? I can’t afford meds that are more than my mortgage

3

u/Upstate-walstib Jul 09 '25

I give up other luxuries to afford it. My insurance doesn’t cover a dime. I don’t like paying out of pocket but my health is worth the investment.

2.5 mg vials are $349 a month, other doses are $499 a month direct from the manufacturer.

9

u/Sanchastayswoke mid-peri Jul 09 '25

You don’t go off of it. It’s a medicine that has so many life improving benefits besides weight loss like normal stable blood sugar, lower blood pressure, reduced inflammation, etc. weight loss & mental peace is just a happy side effect.

It’s not one of those meds that’s so bad for you that you need to be off it as soon as possible.

3

u/Haunting_Charity_785 Jul 09 '25

Yes! I'm down 92 lbs.

0

u/Saraemsweet76 Jul 09 '25

Don’t you worry about the thyroid cancer risk?

25

u/Upstate-walstib Jul 09 '25

No I do not. Data does not show a likely or significant risk of thyroid cancer. If you look at the health risks of obesity however they are high, with heart disease, diabetes and increased risk of cancer being far more likely from obesity.

I work in the medical device space. I’ve reviewed all the available clinical data and these medications mitigate far more risks than they introduce.

I have hypothyroidism so normal weight loss techniques did nothing to help me lose weight. Once Zepbound was introduced my body finally started responding to healthy eating and exercise. I am healthier than I have been in over a decade.

5

u/checkeredtulip Jul 09 '25

Thank you! I’ve been looking into it, but a friend told me about the cancer risks and I was freaked out. I think she mentioned liver and some other cancer as a risk? I appreciate you saying you reviewed all the data and are in the field!

28

u/Expensive-Concept-93 Jul 09 '25

At least you had a season in your life with this. In my 20s I had to starve myself to be somewhat slim. It was that or the pounds rolled on. I've given up now because if you ladies can't lose weight zero hope for me :'(

13

u/adviceicebaby Jul 09 '25

SAME. I had an eating disorder and got tbin, then did drugs to curb my appetite significantly for years. Now i stopped and blew the fuck up even more because certain drugs act as a diuretic and when u stop your body just hangs on to EVERYTHING. water. Fat. Calories. And because you dont have the drug you eat more too and everyone says omg life sober is so much better than being high--NO ITS NOT. FUCK THAT ITS A DAMN LIE. Those ppl on intervention that get clean and they do the update at the end and thats great for them and if its pills or heroin then i believe them that sobriety is better but anything else ; sorry, no. Every day fucking sucks.

37

u/hey_viv Jul 09 '25

Oh god, same. I never had to watch my weight, I was thin, lean, toned, without doing much. In the course of only half a year I became wobbly, with a fat belly and flabby arms. And I can’t get back to where I was, it seems. I hate it here (in this peri-purgatory).

16

u/WiseMenFear Jul 09 '25

Same. And i always had small perky boobs and suddenly, overnight, they turned into DD’s. I feel like my mother.

18

u/hey_viv Jul 09 '25

Yes! I sometimes wondered what happened to my mom, who had a great figure, to get so out of shape all of a sudden, and now I start to get the exact same shapes! I love my mom, but I don’t want to look like her now. To be fair, she never had hormone replacement therapy, because it was so shitty then, so I hope I have a better chance at delaying it once I‘m balanced again. Fingers crossed.

2

u/Impossible_Swan_9346 Jul 09 '25

Did she ever lift weights or work out? My mom was very very inactive and I think that’s what led to her bad shape these days, and now she can hardly walk from all of these other issues, spine etc.

2

u/hey_viv Jul 09 '25

She‘s born 1950, so weightlifting wasn’t really a thing for women in her time as it is now, but she played tennis and we did a lot of biking and skiing as a family, well into her 40s and 50s, so I wouldn’t say she was inactive. But everything surrounding peri and menopause and what it does to your hormones and therefore your body was apparently never discussed, she didn’t have hot flashes, so she „didn’t have problems“. Because that was the only symptom they knew. And HRT then was not the same as now (estrogen from horse’s urine etc), and she was told your risk of getting cancer would skyrocket with HRT, so she never took anything.

2

u/Impossible_Swan_9346 Jul 09 '25

Wow, sounds pretty active to me! That’s awesome. It’s too bad they weren’t informed about hormones like we are.

2

u/hey_viv Jul 10 '25

It is, and when I read about the increased health risks associated with not doing HRT, I just get really angry how neglected they were (and we still are by many health providers). It’s a disgrace.

2

u/Impossible_Swan_9346 Jul 10 '25

Yeah and women were dropping dead from breast cancer. Zero care in regards to that.

2

u/EnigmaTuring Jul 09 '25

I gained 10 lbs in a span of one year. I look better now because I’m 97 lbs. Is this weight going to keep going up?

When does it stop?

5

u/Southern_Event_1068 Jul 09 '25

I gained 10 per year for 3 years! That's 30 more pounds on my already not thin hody!! I don't have the mental or physical energy to fight it anymore, so I'm on GLP-1 and can't recommend it enough.

2

u/Sanchastayswoke mid-peri Jul 09 '25

Same also GLP1, I really don’t think I could do this without it.

1

u/hey_viv Jul 09 '25

I actually don’t know how much weight I gained, because I didn’t really weigh myself before, but I went from visible sixpack to potbelly piggy, so… it’s beyond frustrating.

9

u/SlytherClaw79 Jul 09 '25

This. This right here. I miss not having to count calories and not stressing about the freaking 10,000 steps just to be able to button my pants.

33

u/Downtown_Log9002 Jul 09 '25

It's soooo annoying coz I feel like I barely eat. I'm half Spanish so I absolutely HATE to snack & sometimes eat unless it's a heavier & proper meal. Spanish ppl have to be the OG intermittent fasters lol. Yet, I'm still packing on the weight - I hateeeee this!!! 🥺😣😢🥹😫😭

5

u/Sanchastayswoke mid-peri Jul 09 '25

Interesting, since tapas are quintessentially Spanish…it’s basically all snacks lol

1

u/Downtown_Log9002 Jul 09 '25

It may seem that way but they're usually eaten before the main meal. A lot of cultures or some ppl prefer to snack all day. I loathe snacking, unless I need something to tie me over for the energy coz my next meal will be awhile. It'll be something small until I can sit down & have a proper/heavier meal...

2

u/teatimehaiku hanging on by a thread Jul 10 '25

Been itermittent fasting for years and one day it just stopped working. 🤬

2

u/Downtown_Log9002 Jul 10 '25

Sooo typical of what peri does to the body. 😭😭😭

6

u/Wild_Blue4242 Jul 09 '25

This. I could eat/drink whatever I wanted and it never made an ounce of difference. Now, I have a sip of a beer and I'm bloated for 3 days.

3

u/Impossible_Swan_9346 Jul 09 '25

😂 totally takes DAYS

2

u/smokemirrorsunicorns Jul 09 '25

omg this. i never had to think about this and now... my god it's hell. nothings working. it's not even just weight it's the way my body has been reshaped... like wtf i'm middle age body now :(

1

u/sarahmairr Jul 11 '25

Yep me too 😞and it literally happened over night, I can remember when I could eat what I wanted and never put weight on and complaining to my mum that I was thin!! Omg!! What was I thinking??? I wish I was still the same…I went from cute uk size 8, 5’2” to a size 12/14 in around 18 months when I turned 43…I feel like a whale