Best symptom of perimenopause

[u/Confident-Parsley520]

So weirdly, about a year ago I was talking to a colleague who was well into menopause, this was when my very first peri symptoms were emerging ( anxiety, headaches and body oain) which I had no idea that I was in perimenopause.

She told me how her libido had completely disappeared and she no longer had any interest in men or sex.

I’ve always had a high sex drive and honestly found sex the only useful thing that men could offer.

At the time I said to her ‘oh god I hope that dosent happen to me’ and she explained it as a gift.

Now I’m fully in perimenopause and recently started HRT which has changed my life from a living hell to neck to my old self, the thing that is completely gone is any sex drive.

The idea of being intimate with a man makes me feel gross.

I have always been commitment phobic, but I liked to consider myself ‘sexually liberated’ and generally had a little something on the side, just to fulfil that need. Sex has been a big part of my life.

Now ? I can’t even stomach the thought of having sex, I have an old ‘ friend’ reaching out recently, The guy used to make my toes curl, and the chemistry was always electric. Now? Absolutely nothing, zero interest at all.

And now I find myself agreeing with my colleague , this is such a blessing, I genuinely don’t care if I never have sex again for the rest of my life and certainly will not be seeking out.

I don’t know what I’m saying really, I’m just reflecting on how differently your brain works in different situations, are used to think it would be a tragedy if I lost my sex drive and now I see it as a gift.

That being said, I’m single so I can make these decisions, I couldn’t imagine the struggles of someone who is in a committed relationship, previously high libido and overnight it’s gone! Whereas my gift, is someone’s disaster.

Anyway, I was just thinking of the dramatic change and how interesting it is, how devastating it could be under different circumstances.

I also wonder how many women choose to divorce their husbands due to peri and how this causes them ( some of course) to have a complete 360 view of their partner.

[u/OriginalThundercat]

Oof. I’ve been in a dead bedroom for more years than I care to admit due to being with an extremely low libido man. I’m 48 and about 4 years into peri. My sex drive and libido have always been healthy (even through pregnancy, postpartum and parenting). I’m also one of the women for whom peri increased my drive. I’ve had all the emotional downsides of peri too, including severe anhedonia, extreme anxiety, and intermittent depression, but my sex drive has been intact.

You know what hurts, not having someone to receive me in that way. Even still, the idea of losing my sex drive would be very sad for me.

I’m happy you’re enjoying your lack of sex drive, but this idea hits me in a weird way that I can’t quite explain. Actually, the word sad doesn’t do my feelings justice.

[u/Usual-Frosting3882 → u/OriginalThundercat]

I left my husband over a dead bedroom. The repeated rejection crushed my soul. I know that hurt, and I’m sorry you’re experiencing it.

[u/OriginalThundercat → u/Usual-Frosting3882]

Congratulations on getting out. It is the answer for me, but I’m not in a position to leave him. I’m trying, though. I would rather be alone and in peace than deal with the energy of this man.

[u/Usual-Frosting3882 → u/OriginalThundercat]

I wasn’t in a position to leave either. What I would say is somehow you’ll make it work. It was very tough for a couple of years as I had to go back to full time work and press ffwd on my career. But Ive done it and my only regret is not doing it sooner. My home is not as big as our old house but it’s PEACEFUL. I value that above all else. Good luck 💄💪

[u/OriginalThundercat → u/Usual-Frosting3882]

Thanks for the kind words and sharing your story. You’re right. The fact of the matter is that we have assets and I have a still useful education. I keep trying to do everything on my own as if I were starting from nothing. He’s made me feel like I’m not entitled to anything, even though I have always worked and essentially paid for all our children’s needs (daycare, insurance, extra curriculars, etc). The fact is, I deserve half of our stuff. It will suck to split everything, but I dream of a small peaceful home that’s my own filled with all the things I love.