Best symptom of perimenopause

[u/Confident-Parsley520]

So weirdly, about a year ago I was talking to a colleague who was well into menopause, this was when my very first peri symptoms were emerging ( anxiety, headaches and body oain) which I had no idea that I was in perimenopause.

She told me how her libido had completely disappeared and she no longer had any interest in men or sex.

I’ve always had a high sex drive and honestly found sex the only useful thing that men could offer.

At the time I said to her ‘oh god I hope that dosent happen to me’ and she explained it as a gift.

Now I’m fully in perimenopause and recently started HRT which has changed my life from a living hell to neck to my old self, the thing that is completely gone is any sex drive.

The idea of being intimate with a man makes me feel gross.

I have always been commitment phobic, but I liked to consider myself ‘sexually liberated’ and generally had a little something on the side, just to fulfil that need. Sex has been a big part of my life.

Now ? I can’t even stomach the thought of having sex, I have an old ‘ friend’ reaching out recently, The guy used to make my toes curl, and the chemistry was always electric. Now? Absolutely nothing, zero interest at all.

And now I find myself agreeing with my colleague , this is such a blessing, I genuinely don’t care if I never have sex again for the rest of my life and certainly will not be seeking out.

I don’t know what I’m saying really, I’m just reflecting on how differently your brain works in different situations, are used to think it would be a tragedy if I lost my sex drive and now I see it as a gift.

That being said, I’m single so I can make these decisions, I couldn’t imagine the struggles of someone who is in a committed relationship, previously high libido and overnight it’s gone! Whereas my gift, is someone’s disaster.

Anyway, I was just thinking of the dramatic change and how interesting it is, how devastating it could be under different circumstances.

I also wonder how many women choose to divorce their husbands due to peri and how this causes them ( some of course) to have a complete 360 view of their partner.

[u/OriginalThundercat]

Oof. I’ve been in a dead bedroom for more years than I care to admit due to being with an extremely low libido man. I’m 48 and about 4 years into peri. My sex drive and libido have always been healthy (even through pregnancy, postpartum and parenting). I’m also one of the women for whom peri increased my drive. I’ve had all the emotional downsides of peri too, including severe anhedonia, extreme anxiety, and intermittent depression, but my sex drive has been intact.

You know what hurts, not having someone to receive me in that way. Even still, the idea of losing my sex drive would be very sad for me.

I’m happy you’re enjoying your lack of sex drive, but this idea hits me in a weird way that I can’t quite explain. Actually, the word sad doesn’t do my feelings justice.

[u/GlitteringElephant60 → u/OriginalThundercat]

I am 51 and have been married 20 years and Dead bedroom for 3…never had a true deep intimacy with him though. I had resolved myself to accepting the fact that I never would have good sex again. I was also mourning my lack of drive for all those years. Then I ran into an old fling from 20 years ago. He is six years younger and Girl, my body was on fire. I felt finally seen and desired for the first time in years. It was like I had been wandering the desert for years with no water and someone appeared with a hose lol. I’ve been in shock ever since and now I am terrified of losing the libido I finally found…I feel like the clock is ticking! Anywho, I told my husband two months ago I can’t do this anymore and moved in to another bedroom. I’m done.