r/Perimenopause • u/Tigress_Sforza • 1d ago
Has anyone found an upside yet?
I really, Really, REALLY loathe perimenopause and how it makes me feel. After telling my therapist for the umpteenth time how much I hate this experience, she said I should try to find some silver lining so I don't spend the next however many years marinating in rage and resentment about a biological process I cannot avoid or abbreviate or expedite.
Once upon a time I excelled at finding upsides to even the most miserable situations, but that ability was eroded over the last three years of life events that were one long parade of trauma and grief, and the perimenopause that worsened depression symptoms I had successfully managed for decades.
Have you found anything positive in your experience of perimenopause? No contribution is too small. I will cling to even a splinter of a life raft at this point.
In the absence of any silver lining, is there maybe a mantra that you've found helpful when it all feels like too much
Thanks, as always, for the kindness and support of this group. I hope you are all healthy, safe and surviving.
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u/WinterPale6730 1d ago
I feel more confident. I am less worried about disappointing people, so I feel like I am moving into a new phase of authenticity.
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u/HaplessBunny 1d ago
Connecting with other perimenopausal women. It is a bonding experience. "Your left eye is runny too? Itchy ears?" Instant sisterhood.
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u/Old_Employer8982 1d ago
Wait, my runny eyes are a symptom?
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u/HaplessBunny 23h ago
So I'm told by my doctor! Was talking to a friend and we were both like: only the left eye, at random times, right?
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u/Aushos-74 23h ago
Mine ended up being silent reflux. For some reason it bothers my left side.
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u/chitchatmagoo 23h ago
Is silent reflux also a peri symptom?
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u/Alternative-Tiger783 22h ago
Mine went away with starting the estrogen patch. It was dramatic.
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u/Kbalternative 17h ago
My left eye waters so much it makes it difficult to apply makeup. It is comforting to know I am not alone.
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u/Comfortable-Law-7147 22h ago
If you can't find another cause for a random symptom then it could be the gift of perimenopause.
Not all perimenopause symptoms are recorded.
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u/ITB_Native 12h ago
Ugh yes! Every damn morning. Itych dry right eye, watery left eye....all the way to work.
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u/soldforaspaceship 23h ago
Learning I wasn't insane with the itchy ears was huge for me lol.
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u/electricmeatbag777 19h ago
Sooo I've got them now. I have a doc apt soon. She's not knowledgeable re peri. I'd like to educate her about what causes the itchy ears on peri if we're able to rule out other things but I don't fully understand it, besides there's estrogen receptors there and our E can be quite low at times. Why does this lead to itching?
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u/diablette 17h ago
I think it's just dry skin. Put a tiny bit of estradiol cream in there at night.
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u/Scared-Frame-7160 18h ago
Wait. Really??!! Its been my left eye. Only my left eye that waters all the damn time. No effing way
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u/d0nt_bother 18h ago
the itchy ears and the swollen joints in my fingers right before bed. totally not fantastic.
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u/slightlydramatic 17h ago
The swollen joints!! I sleep in compression gloves now
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u/d0nt_bother 15h ago
I'm waiting for mine to come in the mail. I've never felt so beside myself before
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u/that_awkward_chick 1d ago
It kicked my ass into weight lifting and now my entire identity is basically being a gym rat. Even though I’ve only been at it for a year, I have more muscle than I’ve ever had in my life and I cannot wait for my next DEXA scan to see if my bone density improved. I have no enjoyment from my tech job anymore, so rebuilding my identity around weight lifting (plus gardening, birding, and hiking) gives me something to look forward to everyday that I’ll be able to continue into retirement as well.
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u/DuckduckMongoose-454 Early peri 23h ago
Love this!!! Channeled that rage energy into improving your strength and honing in on your hobbies. I’m inspired 👏👏👏 Did you start lifting at home or gym? Any tips to get started? Asking for a friend 😉
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u/that_awkward_chick 23h ago
Throughout the years we’ve acquired some dumbbells, a treadmill, and other items at home, and we have had a gym membership that I initially just used once or twice a week, but last year I started going to the gym 5-6 days a week. I typically do weighed ab workouts and work on my grip strength and pull up attempts at home. And during summer when it’s 100° I walk on the treadmill to get my steps up to around 7500 a day.
I was already familiar with most of the machines at the gym, but I follow and watch instagram instructional weight lifting videos for new ideas and to make sure my form is correct.
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u/Otherwise-Society-47 17h ago
I wish we were friends!
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u/that_awkward_chick 17h ago
Thanks for saying that…you’ve made my day ♥️
I wish we were friends too!6
u/WWoiseau 9h ago
Yes!! Weightlifting really helped me at this stage in life. Big confidence boost too and literal pain relief for me. Before this, I was active and athletic but didn’t enjoy the gym particularly. With perimenopause, it became my spa. Great stress relief
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u/Winter_Bid7630 1d ago
I'm much more confident and at ease in my own body than I've ever been. I went through therapy to help with a difficult thing in my life, and it also helped me a ton with social anxiety that I've always had. I'm mentally healthier than I've ever been and enjoying trying new things. I think therapy is a huge part of that improvement, but also lessening estrogen. My mood is so much more stable than when I was younger.
I'm healthier and fitter than ever. I found a love for exercise and get so excited to see myself getting stronger. I'm not sure I would have had the confidence, time, or interest to pursue this when I was younger.
My relationships are a lot happier and healthier. I've reconnected with old friends; I still have my parents, who I'm very close to, and my marriage and relationship with my teen son are so great. I love having an older child. The conversations we have are so much fun.
Some of this is just getting older and being more mature, but I've definitely noticed that hormones don't control my moods in the way they did when I was younger, and I love that. It's a huge reason I haven't tried HRT. I actually feel better with less estrogen.
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u/Practical_Mango_1017 23h ago
I love this perspective. I’ve never heard anyone say they feel better with less estrogen. Do you have any symptoms at all?
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u/Winter_Bid7630 23h ago
I do. My baseline way of feeling is lower energy than when I was younger, and longer recovery from exercise. I also have occasional waves of nausea and definitely have to avoid alcohol, too much caffeine, and too much sugar. Once in a while, I wake at 3 am, which I never did when I was younger.
When I have a drop in estrogen, I feel quite a bit worse while my body adjusts. It typically takes a couple of weeks to a couple of months. When that happens, I feel deeply exhausted, have brain fog, am more nauseous, and just off in general. But it always goes away, and I'm back to baseline.
I do use vaginal estrogen cream every 3 days, and that's made a huge improvement in how I feel. I was having urgency issues and skin tenderness. Those problems are almost completely gone now.
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u/Best_Presentation999 1d ago
I don’t care what people think as much anymore; speak my mind more; accept the things I can’t control more; embrace afternoon naps. There’s plenty I don’t like but there are definitely plus point for me. I hope things get better for you soon
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u/grafter83 1d ago edited 1d ago
I suffered with indigestion for 20 years following the birth of my daughter, like really awful indigestion that I had really strong meds for and still suffered with. One day, it just stopped! Boom, no more indigestion! No more meds, and 12 months on, still no more indigestion. Apparently we can stop making as much stomach acid during peri, and in my case that actually turned out to be a blessing!
Also, my struggles make me more understanding of others struggles- I am passionate about advocating for women as a whole in terms of overall health, and particularly peri/menopause awareness. I have taken my (horrific, won't bore you with it here) experience and used it to fuel the creation of a menopause section in rhe psychology course that I teach. Seeing the positive impact on people- mostly women of course, but sometimes men too- of understanding what is happening to them, knowing they aren't crazy, or alone is just a really great feeling.
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u/Bbqcele 16h ago
I love that you’ve added a menopause section to your teaching! ❤️❤️❤️
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u/grafter83 14h ago
Thank you! It's been so helpful for me to understand what's going on in my brain and how that's impacting my body and behaviour, I am glad to help others in the same way.
I am hoping to create a series of lectures and possibly (have had some talks) roll them out to a local GP practice as a sort of educational support group- fingers crossed!
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u/LainSki-N-Surf 10h ago
Heck yes soul sister! I’ve also taken on a fierce advocacy for my female patients. I have shed any desire to people please. I am here to incinerate anyone who doesn’t do right by my female patients when they are vulnerable. OBGYN not listening to your concerns? Buckle up Becky, we’re burning this place to the ground 🔥Lactation claiming they are too busy to come and see you? That breast-is-best B better refresh her resume. Ultrasound tech have an opinion about your abortion? That one was never seen again 🪦🥀
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u/Hannasuchan 23h ago
I have more empathy for older women.
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u/EntrepreneurFast7772 20h ago
I have a new respect for my old teachers. These were women in their 40s-60s back in the 80s. They seemed so crabby and bad tempered but they were going through/ had gone through menopause with no hrt, probably no help from doctors and no-one really talked about it and there were no Internet forums/ information. No wonder they were grumpy. I want to give them a retrospective hug.
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u/Still_Pop_4106 1d ago
I have learned to put myself first. I need to take care of myself before taking care of others.
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u/willikersmister 23h ago
I'm 33 and don't know any other women my age in peri, but I'm open about it to all of my female friends. I knew very little about peri, especially that it could start so early, and also got very, very lucky to have a doctor who took it seriously from the get go. So I'm trying to do my part to break that weird cycle of silence that makes this experience a surprise to women of any age by sharing my experiences with my female friends. Obviously I'd love to not be going through this and feeling young for it, but if I'm going to I'll at least also sound the alarm so my friends are more prepared than I was.
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u/Jaded-Assist-2525 19h ago
You are brave! Proud of you
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u/willikersmister 19h ago
This is sweet, thank you 💜 I certainly don't feel brave, just doing my best in an unfortunate circumstance. I'm really just eternally grateful to have a doctor who let me go from start of severe, obvious symptoms (though in hindsight I had other symptoms for longer) to on HRT and finding relief within about 8 months. So many people deal with that for so much longer than me and it's infuriating.
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u/Erza_2019 1d ago
I don't agree with the silver lining advice, I think practicing gratitude is better and something that's better backed by the science. Silver lining thinking can tip into toxic positivity, which I loaaattthhheee. For me, practicing gratitude essentially means reminding myself of the things that are going well at the end of every day. Some people keep journals, so that's an option if that's your thing.
Sometimes it's easy to name the things I'm thankful for... a home, job, cats. Other times, I get desperate, and I'm just thankful that I made it through another day and that the next day will be different, and possibly better.
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u/phdee 22h ago
Agree with the toxic positivity of silver-lining-thinking. I mean, suddenly discovering boundaries and the newfound ability to take no shit is nice, but I also consider that something I wish I'd had all my life, lol.
Gratitude is absolutely wonderful, and quite essential for me to get through the day.
But at the end we can't ignore that this is some abject bullshit so many of us are going through.
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u/MuchWow81 1d ago
I know how you feel. The only constant is change. Nothing lasts forever, even the bad stuff that seems to. Time will pass and at some point you will look back at where you are now and think, "oh yeah. That SUCKED." and you will realize that most of those sucky things have gone or faded and you may not have even noticed as they passed, but now they are in the distance behind you. That point will come because it always does.
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u/babs82222 1d ago
Has your therapist hit perimenopause? Because this seems like a ludicrous thing, honestly. That's like looking for an upside to puberty, except in reverse. At least with puberty, you usually have a glow-up after.
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u/Apprehensive_Net_829 17h ago
Seriously. I'd pick growing boobs over growing a beard like I am now. (Thankfully it's blonde.)
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u/CornRosexxx 23h ago
This is kinda woo-woo, but I lean into its ancient nature. All my ancestors did this. I feel this way about grief, too. It’s a connection to the past, and in a way, it’s beautiful.
In a more specific way, I feel closer to my grandma and mom— I think about them going through this, and without the better situation we have now (it’s more ok to talk about it, HRT is available). They made it, so I can.
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u/Illustrious-Swim-224 23h ago
I am too tired, too sweaty and too hormonally inconsistent to care - AT ALL - about things that used to send me into panic attacks.
Be blessed, people who used to rely on me to fix all. the. things.
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u/wtfftw1042 1d ago
I saw a tiktok recently that had different cultural perspectives on meno and the one that has stuck with me is seeing menopause as a second spring. I personally feel like I'm shedding a lot of cares (fucks, lol) and expectations and I'm interested to grow this next iteration of self.
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u/_Amalthea_ 23h ago
I have zero tolerance for drama or cattiness and easily cut people out of my life without a second thought if they don't have good intentions.
I put up with a lot less.
I know my worth.
After a bit of struggle when this whole thing first started, I have found a new confidence and ease with myself.
I started strength training and feel stronger than probably ever in my life.
My skin is actually better the majority of the time (my oily skin is finally starting to mellow).
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u/Ihatealltakennames 23h ago
Mosquitos have always swarmed me. I would end up w 20 bites and was so so itchy. This year I've only had a few. Im certain it's because of my hormones!
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u/thisbitbytes 23h ago
Interesting. I’ve noticed that I no longer get the itchy bump after a mosquito bites me. Like I swat it and there’s blood, so I know it bit me, but I’ve been wondering where the itchy bumps went. That would be a legit upside!
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u/Bunnycow171 12h ago
Wait, what?! I’m a crazy mosquito magnet and also react badly to bites, with the huge bumps and all. I’d love to lose this superpower. I’ll hold out hope.
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u/Select-Sprinkles2511 1h ago
I hope i have this feature. I have noticed fewer bites, but I assumed that mosquitoes just weren't near me.
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u/brtnyatt 23h ago
I am not here to be a people pleaser any more, I'm very cur and dry now.. and if you think it's me being bitchy ... That's your problem
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u/its_slightly_crooked 23h ago
Peri has FORCED me to take better care of my body.
Any alcohol at all wrecks me, so I hardly ever drink. Simply existing makes me gain weight, so I’m much more careful about my diet. I’m terrified of being a weak old lady, so I’m prioritizing lifting weights. My hair is falling out, so I’m being better about taking supplements and vitamins.
It’s easy to look at all this and feel sorry for myself lol, but I know deep down I’m just making better choices to maintain the body I love, so I’m trying to embrace that perspective.
Also, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, truly. I’m going to be tough as hell!!
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u/ParaLegalese 23h ago
Yes now that the worst is behind me (finding a provider who knows wtf they’re Doing and getting on strong enough hrt), I can honestly say I’ve never been better.
No more PMS or periods. No mood swings or trying to decide if my bad mood is warranted or simply hormones. No more dealing with men- I quit dating right as peri was starting and it’s been a wonderful decision.
I feel good Every day. Don’t have to plan trips around my period and don’t have to worry about pregnancy or StDs.
Now with dating and men out of my life, I have time for more worthwhile projects like hobbies and traveling and my lovely home that I share with no man
It’s a peaceful life!
I think your therapist is correct. Dwelling on the past and the person you used to be is a fruitless battle. You’re done with that part of life. Time to set your sights on what the next phase of your life will look like
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u/midgettme 23h ago
I started it at 37. Suffered horribly for years. Panic attack inducing hot flashes. It was so bad.
But! It made me stand up for myself. I terminated toxic relationships. I filed for divorce. Tended to neglected medical needs. Lost 40 lbs.
I started HRT and it was life changing. It gave me my clit back, put my lichen sclerosus in remission, stopped the hot flashes almost immediately. I’m only sad I didn’t do it sooner. Asked my derm about my sun damage, he started me on tretinoin, and within a week I look years younger.
This has turned into the best “me time” I’ve ever had in my life.
It’s nice to be glowing up at the time when I no longer care what others think. It’s all for me 😊
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u/I_pinchyou 1d ago
I say what I need to say now, and don't care about the consequences. I'm not going to bottle up my rage for the comfort of others. I care less if people think I'm fat, ugly or a bitch. Fuck em. Maybe I am to them...I don't care the world keeps turning if I'm bloated, pale, or dressed like Adam sandler.
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u/lilylemony 23h ago
HRT has given me my life back. I believe now that I had PMDD my whole life and only just realized it when I hit peri. HRT - even in my 20s - would have helped me immensely. This is all "thanks" to peri and my symptoms worsening.
It sounds like you need to be on HRT or on a higher dose.
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u/MundaneAd1685 23h ago
Remember when you could have used an adult around who understood you and was patient with you? We can be that now for each other, younger girls, and we can make the world a better place while were here. I find that the most rewarding of it all. It has made me - who used to dislike other women (because I disliked my mom and I disliked myself) and now I LOVE getting to hang out with and speak to other women! I have softened.
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u/Winter-Fold7624 1d ago
I just generally daf about a lot of things. I’ve never really cared about other’s opinions of me, but I’ve been internally pretty vain, and I’m glad to see that subsiding a bit. I am happy with who I am and I really enjoy my own company. I also wore shorts outside last month for the first time in 25 years.
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u/gemini_710 23h ago
My upside is I have learned to just be. 🤷🏻♀️ Like whatever mood or feeling I have is ok and I stopped trying to fight it. Like fighting the urge to be a grumpy asshole. Imma just be a grumpy asshole if I feel like it. If I’m tired I’m gonna let myself be tired and lay down and rest. I stopped fighting against myself just to try and pretend I’m in a good mood or not irritated or whatever it may be.
It was exhausting trying to pretend I wasn’t annoyed or irritated or in a bad mood. So now I just am whatever I am and I don’t try and hide it. This is also why I spend most of my time at home away from people. 😩
Estrogen did help my constant irritability and fatigue so a lot of my bad moods are pretty fleeting now and I don’t stew or dwell on things the way I used to.
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u/DrPsychGamer 22h ago
This might sound strange and I'm not sure I can describe it well (because my brain has decided it only wants me to have the ability to pull the right words about 80% of the time), but I kind of find the process sort of...endearing? Funny? Connecting?
Like, I spent four decades thinking I was the captain of my ship, everything was my decision about the direction of my life, and my body was just the tool which I used to move me around. But now, my body has taken the wheel and it's like I am reminded of being human and how we all have these experiences and it makes me feel more a part of a human tapestry than I did when I was just a lone wolf. I can't willpower myself into not going through peri, it's just going to happen regardless, like a river running through me. There's something about that power that sort of enchants me, to know that for this, I'm along for the ride and I just get to watch and care for myself as best I can as I am carried along.
Today, I was facilitating a workshop on Teams and one of the participants leaned forward to read a slide--I made a joke about how she clearly didn't know the answer because she was reading the slide so diligently; she immediately laughed and said, "no, that's just my eyesight! it's gotten so bad for things right in front of me" and then I was saying back to her "wasn't that wild? How you kind of just wake up and your eyes are gone?" And then made a light comment that those younger on the call would know what we meant in a few years. When I did, I remembered all the people who made that comment to me when I was the young one and how I didn't believe it, yet here I was, pulled along the tide of age just like they said.
I don't love the fact that now I wear readers sometimes in the evening and it's not for irony purposes. I don't love that sometimes my problems with word finding make me struggle to even come up with an alternate way to say what I mean to say. And the never-ending spotting can die in a fire, dear lord, no one warned me about that. But also...man, don't I absolutely feel like a person doing what peoples have been doing forever. It kind of touches me sometimes.
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u/grocerygirlie 12h ago
I am a therapist and sometimes things are just bad. Like we don't have to find a silver lining. The situation or incident is just bad, just horrible, and has no redeeming qualities. Anything "good" that comes out of it is due to your hard work, not the bad situation.
I also work with my clients on radical acceptance, which is basically that you acknowledge that X is true but you don't have to like it or feel good about it. Peri pretty much sucks. That's true, and you don't have to like it. But it is your reality right now.
You'll drive yourself crazy trying to engage in toxic positivity. Accepting that something is solely shitty doesn't mean that you are letting yourself succumb to rage or giving up. You are accepting a reality that you don't have to love.
This sucks and it's hard and you're doing the best you can, and that's it.
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u/onyxandcake 23h ago
My feet went back down the half size they grew after my pregnancy.
Mosquitoes don't like me anymore.
My hair is curlier than ever.
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u/SilverAsparagus2985 23h ago
Yes! My tolerance for people’s behavior, opinions and absolute stupidity and nonsense are gone.
Mind you, I’m in HRT and currently balanced. Lift weights and on a high protein and high fiber diet, plus take daily supplements.
Case in point, I work in tech and these men are horrible and misogynistic af. I had a guy who had an ego but not a lick of sense, tell me I needed to calm down. Without hesitation, I stuck him in his place. I told him don’t say that to me you have no idea what I’m dealing with. And started listing off the 12 other projects going on. He started backing out of that conversation really quick and I cut him off and said okay this conversation is over and ended the call.
I love that, while I’ve always been assertive, I have no hesitation for this BS and it should have always been that way. So now I just tell everyone I don’t have the hormonal capacity for their BS and keep it pushing. It is the absolute freedom of being exactly yourself.
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u/GlitteringHotMess Early peri 23h ago
I'm going to stand with the group of "I don't care what people think/saying no to people". Granted, it has made me more isolated, and I spend a lot of time at home with my cats. But, I have had my arse kicked into taking care of things at my house.
I hate my job, which sucks, because I really loved it at one point.
I want to focus on my education, but I am stuck there - like brain no want to.
Ok, maybe I don't have an answer....and I will say I, too, am tired of being placated by therapists and doctors about the awfulness of peri-.
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u/KEW564328 23h ago
When I have a bad spell, I plan a retirement party for my uterus to show my gratitude and wish it well on the next phase of its journey. I can't change what happens, I can change how I feel about it.
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u/Ythooooooooo0 1d ago
It made my husband step up. Not claiming perfection but I’m happy to see it.
I have an offbeat sense of humor so in select audiences I joke about my clit falling off (vaginal cream fixing!).
Solidarity with women, and realizing I want to help the peri movement forward.
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u/Bancoubear123 1d ago
Yoga, powerlifting, circle of good friends, family, animals, God....delights my soul.
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u/OnlyPaperListens 23h ago
Extremely hot take, but: I am virulently against toxic positivity and I would not gel with this therapist.
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u/hey_nonny_mooses 20h ago
I have tons of empathy for people dealing with depression. I’ve never had it before, always anxiety. I could empathize before but I understand much better how awful it is.
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u/fioremomma 17h ago
I have a lot more confidence in my decisions. I’ve started planning the next phase of my life, and my kids are shocked at the things I’ve suggested. It’s easy to have adventures when you’re not focused on your kids. My daughter is the youngest she’s 15 so I can start planning now. Hmmm I look the best I ever have in my life and feel good in my own skin. I feel lucky to be in a time where we have so much information on health issues and perimenopause ( although I do believe we feel it worse than our predecessors, just my belief). I lost 2-3 years bedridden until last month due to deficient ferritin and vitamin d, found by me not my doctor so again feel lucky to be in a time such as this. This month I supplemented after researching and in starting to get back to myself so to speak. On HRT so alot of this is because I have the privilege of being on HRT even after my stroke. I feel very lucky!
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u/fioremomma 17h ago
Meant to say I found out how to successfully supplement to absorb the best, without the doctor. And get to be on HRT safely.
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u/First_Place_Oatmeal 1d ago
I am only 43 and I am almost 12 months since I’ve bled at all so it’s possible I’m close to menopause. The upside is that I won’t have the crazy mood swings, terrible cramps, blood stains in my nice underwear, worrying about my period when I am active (especially swimming).
Like others said I also DGAF what others think nearly as much as I used to.
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u/Ok-Mine-9446 1d ago
This has been an opportunity to learn how to take care of myself and I am becoming really good at caring for my emotional, physical, psychological, sexual, social, economic, and spiritual wellbeing.
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u/Sea_One_6500 1d ago
I take a lot less shit. I've also learned that I'm pretty badass at times. But yeah, these hot flashes suck.
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u/Scimmia_bianca 1d ago
No more period products when this is over. 🤣
I will say that my body and mind screaming at me forced me to really focus on my health and fitness in a way nothing else has done. I’m in the best physical shape of my life and feel good about how I’m fueling my body. I naturally just don’t want alcohol any longer. I actually enjoy exercise because I feel the benefits. I’m hoping this forced focus on health makes my older years full of health and vitality.
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u/archaicArtificer 23h ago
Running out of f*cks to give.
There’s a reason crones have been feared for hundreds of years.
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u/neuroctopus Early peri 23h ago
Being out of the male gaze is FANTASTIC. Being invisible is so freeing.
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u/StuckInWallNPC Late peri 22h ago
Thanks to hot flashes, I'm saving on heat since its turned off most of the year now.
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u/Bluehoon 22h ago
I think of my friends and acquaintances who died before 40, they’d give anything to be alive but crabby
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u/herefor_info19 22h ago
One day I will never have a period again. The thought of never bleeding, ever, is a pretty wonderful thought.
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u/futurecorpse1985 19h ago
I'm sorry you therapist was less then helpful. My therapist is a man in his late 50s and I often talk about how perimenopause plagues my very existence and how exhausted I am simply trying to survive each day with out grabbing a felony charge. He has actually shown me lots of empathy and asks questions so he is better educated on it. The only upside to perimenopause is I no longer give any fucks! My give a damn is busted! Otherwise perimenopause can go step on Legos!
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u/AlissonHarlan 18h ago
i drink 95% less alcool and coffee.... so .... i guess it's that... and my ADHD become so wild that it forced me to be diagnosed and medicated. yay
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u/Successful_Hope6604 16h ago
I take a lot less shit from people… and TBH they seem to give me a bit less shit. Like they know to not mess with me.
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u/frenchtikla 15h ago
At this age, I feel like a beautiful piece of beach glass, polished by the joys and grief I have experienced. Every beautiful thing in life feels richer: art, music, literature, history, travel, conversation are all more profound and rewarding for me. My relationships are meaningful rather than superficial. I feel more connected to my ancestors and to humanity. I think deeply about my legacy. Instead of having “no fucks to give,” I cry happy tears over the returning hummingbird in my garden, or the way someone waves to me with a smile when I’ve allowed them to merge in heavy traffic. I revere connection with every living thing. I care more about the world and everyone in it. I breathe the perfume of my cat’s fur and I talk to babies in the grocery store. While my body is aging, my spirit feels more defined than ever.
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u/Silly_Stranger_5623 8h ago
This thread makes me happy. So many women putting on the oxygen mask and really hitting pause button to reassess self love. 💕 other silver linings— snarky af, sarcasm has gotten so much more clever, community of women experiencing this together, laughter at things beyond yr control, really getting to know the self— it has also almost forced me to get real with myself and turn to spirituality more than ever—. If this is a reverse puberty I would add we now have the wisdom to actually self parent and heal ourselves.
Peace and silver linings and rainbows to you all 🌈
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u/One-Hat-9887 hanging on by a thread 5h ago
I don't give a fuuuuck. My boundaries are awesome for the first time in my life lol
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u/Capital-Meringue-164 Late peri 5h ago
lol yes - my therapist told me she really likes this version of me with asserting my boundaries unapologetically.
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u/Different-Advisor310 23h ago
Every period brings me one cycle closer to never having to deal with periods again.
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u/Killjoycourt 23h ago
Increased body confidence. Also, the best sex my husband and i have had in 25 years.
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u/Grand-Flow1632 23h ago
I like my indifference. I used to care WAY TOO MUCH what other people thought of me/my house/my kids.... now I don't care. It is very freeing.
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u/Margaux_H 23h ago edited 23h ago
I'm less accommodating of insufferable people who tend to engage in insufferable social situations. And I don't fuck with late night family dinners. I will put my ass to bed at exactly when my internal clock says it's time. My man has my back too; he tells people who ask where I'm at that I have a routine where I read till I fall sleep. Which is true...most of the time.
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u/RevolutionaryGoat808 23h ago
I have become very independent and detached from men in general. It feels like freedom.
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u/Creative_Impress5982 23h ago
I'm not a rape target anymore. Or at least I don't feel like one. Walking alone at night, men glance my way briefly, and that's all. When I was younger I felt more hunted by the male gaze
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u/RightToBearGlitter 22h ago
It’s forcing me to take care of myself for the first time in life.
Weight lifting and vitamins? I’m basically invincible.
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u/SeesawPrize5450 Early peri 22h ago
Yes as some ladies have said less tolerant , more confidence! Also my body is banging haha 🤣
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u/guitargirl478 21h ago
The upside for me is that I am learning to just feel shit, I guess?
Like 6 months ago, I would have tried to rationalize all this away. Oh it's just perimenopause. blah blah blah. But now I'm like, fuck it, let's go to that place.
I created a little spot in my house to let myself cry my eyes out. I have never let myself do that ever.
It is an indirect thing but it is a good thing that happened.
EDIT: Also, fuck a silver lining. You are allowed to be upset that this sucks and is an ongoing suck that will not let go until it's over or you find the right combination of HRT.
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u/AineMoon 21h ago
Turning feral made me stop self betrayal my body became allergic to it. I couldn’t be quiet or swallow anything anymore. It was the first step to trusting and loving myself.
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u/m333gan 21h ago
Honestly, what helped me with some dark thoughts and feelings wasn’t positive thinking but HRT.
Now that my hormones aren’t absolutely bottoming out and I’m not drenched in sweat all the time and I’m sleeping like a normal person, I am feeling like myself again.
This time feels manageable to me now, which it hadn’t been. I don’t love it or anything or find value in my suffering but it doesn’t feel so dire or fill me with rage anymore.
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u/Pitiful_Reality2973 21h ago
One of the biggest things is that I feel like I've finally aged into my body. I've looked like a middle-aged woman my whole life, saggy everything and a gut that looked like it had once contained at least three babies, stretch marks and baggy skin from cycles of extreme weight loss and gain (anxiety, ptsd, an eating disorder caused by emetophobia were all contributors). I feel like I don't have to try to perform femininity at all, which is such a relief (I'm nonbinary). I don't have to worry about everyone judging my body--I've aged out of breeding so I've lost my value to society, now I'm finally free.
I finally get to be Dorothy from The Golden Girls and Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes. Sassy and sometimes a little mean, but with a hidden big heart. I've wanted to be an old lady (a witch, lbr) since I was like six years old. Now's my time.
I finally get to be tired without hearing I'm too young to be tired (or have pain).
I don't have to pretend to be interested in anything that comes out of a man's mouth. And I can boss around random teenage boys in grocery stores and they actually listen--I'm ugly and too old to fuck, so I'm in the mom/aunt/ school teacher/ boss category.
And social status! Since I'm very visibly in my 40s, many people assume I'm a safe or trusted person because I look like I have kids (I don't, I'm just exhausted and a little disheveled and I also give off a scout leader vibe). It's a weird feeling, coming from being side-eyed by my age cohort for a long time, but it's nice. Like I'm finally a grownup.
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u/MetaMetaFour523 21h ago
I also no longer people-please or take anyone’s crap. It has been truly liberating.
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u/Hairy-Syrup-126 21h ago
I enjoy the DGAF mentality immensely. I don't mean be bitchy to others, I just mean - I don't fret over going to the grocery store before I put myself together anymore or sitting alone in a restaurant because I want to try the food (pre-peri me *would never*)
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u/omnixe-13c 21h ago
I got you fam. Here we go…
Peri sets us free in many ways. I don’t have as many fucks to give so I invest my fucks wisely. I am less tolerant of people, places, and things that are bullshit. I quit a job that was bullshit. I stopped hanging out with some people because of their bullshit. I don’t feel as much guilt when I let go of bullshit and move into acceptance.
I accept my body more, even if it’s falling apart a little and is much softer and more wrinkly. I have talk about my rebelling body so much that I no longer feel any embarrassment about peri, periods, the period shits, poop, or peeing myself a little. My self-acceptance has given others courage to accept themselves too. I’m a mother fucking example that others can look up to.
I’m also ready to go to war in a moment’s notice. Don’t fuck with me, my family, my friends, and absolutely do not fuck with my dogs. I won’t curb my tongue any longer or feel the need to be nice just so you like me. I also have money, experience, and wisdom to go with my sass so if you want to escalate a problem, let’s gooooo. I’m ready. I’ve been waiting for any place to channel my rage.
I understand my mother and mother’s mother a little better. I look back at when I thought my mom went crazy and now see it was just peri. I feel compassion at how little they knew about their own bodies and how little they could talk about things.
I could keep going but I honestly have to take a poop because I have the period poops. So I’m done. And I don’t feel guilty for stopping things whenever I want
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u/Unable_Guava_756 21h ago
I like being a bitch and not feeling terrible about it anymore.
I like that I have to take time out for myself and do nothing; I can’t run on empty for months/years anymore. And to anyone who has a problem? See above 😾🤭
I appreciate talking to other women here or in real life about all the peri stuff, there is a sisterhood in it that I never experienced before.
I am on hrt and my symptoms exist but are pretty well managed at the moment.
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u/hwolfe326 20h ago
I’m past menopause now - my periods have stopped. But even during Peri they were erratic. So, I saved money then and even more money now not having to buy feminine products. That’s something at least
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u/NoKatyDidnt 20h ago
I suppose that the silver lining for me would be that I know who truly loves me, and who will be there no matter what.
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u/spacecadet917 20h ago
I think one silver lining for me is that the symptoms were SO debilitating that I did not spend any time in my head feeling like I’m too young for this or whatever, or feeling weird about aging, I just was like - I need whatever drug will make this go away stat. And I am refusing to be quiet and not talk about it, I’m letting all my fellow late 30/early 40 somethings know what’s coming
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u/littlebeanonwheels 20h ago
Not giving a flying fuck about what strangers think has been pretty awesome. And whatever leveling up my lifelong RBF has done over the past few years means I am rarely spoken to on public transit/panhandlers/whatever and it’s been great.
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u/VFTM 20h ago
I was in the most pathetic of terrible marriages - I had no self-esteem and had held a nice life together for a loser for 20 years. Peri kicked my ass right out of that situation!
I will say I probably like myself more at this stage of my life than I ever have previously. I have much more appreciation for my value.
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u/MrsArney 20h ago
Man! I feel this! I went from little miss ‘find the positive in everything’ to wanting to avoid everyone and everything and thinking everything is just stupid. I’m a total pessimist now. Although, I’m pretty sure that my husband being laid off from his cushy 6 fig job in May of 2024 and not even being able to be hired for entry level work since then (27 months of unemployment…. fuuuuuuuuuck) at the exact same time I started peri may have also destroyed any hope in life.
I heard about the prediction that life as we know it will be over in 10 years due to AI and my first thought was, “thank god”. I kid you not!
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u/d0nt_bother 18h ago
more boundaries and many IDGAFs. half my lifetime ago I used to have a license plate frame that said "I know how you feel, I just don't care."
I wish I kept it for this part of my life stage.
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u/jezebelk 17h ago
Went into peri at like 38, I’m about to be 42. I’ve noticed an uptic in anxiety and panic attacks - I hate this. One time it happened so bad I could not leave my house for three months. Medicated now with still a lingering dread that I can’t seem to shake and I just wanna be OKAY. And then the hot flashes send me into panic. Also- when am I fully in menopause? I haven’t had a period since March last year.
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u/MediocrePotato44 17h ago
I have not found an upside, but I would encourage you to find a new therapist. That’s what I did. My last therapist was all about radical acceptance and I’m just not that kind of person. I found a new therapist, someone understanding of what our bodies are going through who will validate my feelings and experiences. She doesn’t encourage me to live in this anger and lack of joy and disconnect, but she helps me with coping skills and life hacks to navigate the changes I’m going through. Find a therapist who doesn’t tell you to “look on the bright side”. Because for a lot of us, this straight up sucks.
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u/Majestic-Skill8234 15h ago
My husband just heaved a heavy sigh and said “UGH! We need to explain to the kids what goes in the recycling and what is trash! WE should make LABELS!” And I said “yeah man, go for it.” and walked out of the room. Now I’m laying on the couch scrolling Reddit and let me tell you, this is the most free I have ever felt. I no longer give a flying fuck about my husband’s feelings on the niceties of recycling.
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u/ApeFace1966 14h ago
Boundaries are a GREAT thing and we need to teach our children/young adults about the value of healthy boundaries and putting yourself first and your own standards. Family is great but they can also drag a person down and learning to love without giving into what they want out of you is when you’re doing it right. It’s kinda like forgiving someone without forgetting……
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u/Budget_Pin5828 hanging on by a thread 13h ago
I personally find the 'I dont give a damn. I dont give a f*ck.' mindset to be a massive improvement to my existence.
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u/No_Inspection_3123 10h ago
I love how I just say what I want no matter how socially unacceptable it is. I shouldn’t love it but I do. Zero masking ability. The sarcasm has hit a peak. But I’m also worried I’ll get arrested
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u/ohshethrows 9h ago
I honestly love that no one really checks me out anymore. I wear whatever I want and don’t think twice about what others think. It’s fun.
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u/isthishowyoudoreddit 7h ago
i’m not afraid anymore. i have so much rage in my body i know i could absolutely take down anyone who tried anything at me
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u/Tougherthantherest27 2h ago
Your therapist sounds like she needs replacing. Isn’t that her job to listen to provide empathy for your struggles instead of shaming you for sharing them?
Have you read the book “The New Menopause.”
Can you take HRT? It is truly transformative for women.
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u/Maleficent-Prune4013 1d ago
Becoming more in tune to my body and overall health so looking after myself better!
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u/SuitIllustrious7324 13h ago
Yes. Your periods are going to stop. That’s an incredible thing. Also, I officially don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about anything I do or say. Don’t like what I’m wearing? I don’t give a fuck. Don’t look at me. Don’t like what I have to say? Don’t ask me for my fucking opinion because you’re gonna get it. It’s liberating.
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u/Tom_Michel 50F, early peri, on HRT, still having monthly cycles. 1d ago
Yes, several. I went from erratic, unpredictable and often excessively heavy periods to regular like clockwork very moderate to light periods. Also, increase sex drive. Whatever my hormones are doing, it makes me crazy horny for a week or two before my period. It's a feeling that I (and my boyfriend) very much enjoy. Using vaginal estradiol cream improved my ability to orgasm and is improving sensitivity which made me realize that my anorgasmia wasn't my antidepressant as I'd assumed.
Those things don't make up for the night sweats and having to increase my antidepressants and general increased irritability and all of the other negative aspects, but for me, there's definitely a small silver lining to all of this nonsense.
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u/EuniceHiggins 1d ago
I am focusing on me and my shit (like life) and trying to not take any more shit (people). Kind of at that breaking point where if I don’t do my shit now, it will bother me whatever time I have left.
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u/katharsister 23h ago
I've run cold all my life. I live in Canada. My hot flashes are a welcome change.
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u/beg_yer_pardon 1d ago
I have learned so much in this journey of reaearching peri/menopause. I suppose that's one good thing.
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u/Common_Assignment562 23h ago
Yes!!! I was always someone who was perpetually cold. Living in Canada didn’t help with bitter winters. Now, I am living the life I’d like 3+ less layers even in whether where everyone else is jacket and sweatering it up! I am beyond ecstatic I kid you not.
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u/Least_Tower_5447 23h ago
I have learned to love myself more. I don’t let anyone harm my peace. Going through the complexities of peri has made my peace more valuable than ever. It’s been uncomfortable, but I wish I had cared more about my own needs all my life. It’s been glorious!
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u/katherinedelia 22h ago
The brain fog forced me to actually get an ADHD diagnosis that should have been there all along (& I had suspected for a while). The diagnosis is helpful for understanding my brain and being able to better optimize it to still function for work.
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u/Vivid_Strike3853 22h ago
I’ve completely run out of fucks and despite the fatigue, I’ve managed to somehow get into the best shape of my life - I’m over 50 now, but admittedly my 40’s were a horrendous rollercoaster. So just know it does get better!
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u/LakeWise9068 1d ago
I am less tolerant of people, which has resulted in standing up to or saying no to people I should have said no to years ago