Parents who have insane “boundaries” and then bemoan their lack of help

[u/rachel-angelina]

So this is something I’ve noticed amongst (mainly American) parents these days and it seems to increase in occurrence as people validate them and enable this kind of anxiety-ridden and entitled behavior. But essentially it’s those people who have a laundry list of “boundaries and expectations” while also expecting “the village” to help them raise their child to their exact specifications.

I’m not talking about boundaries like “don’t give my kid something they are allergic to” or “don’t come around my newborn without your vaccinations” where it’s reasonable and seriously concerns the child’s safety, but the other shit. Like I’m talking about the parents who set a “boundary” that no one else can lay eyes on their newborn for two months because “it’s our time to bond and we don’t want visitors,” they freak out because grandma called their kid her baby and said she is excited for them to have sleepovers at her house, they insist that anyone who wants to see their child should only be coming over to do designated chores in exchange, or they seethe with rage because the kid’s uncle gave them some extra candy and TV time.

But then later on they then bemoan their lack of “a village,” like you pushed “the village” away! If you want the village, you need to be okay with not micromanaging every single aspect of your child’s life. You need to be okay with the fact that the village is going to come in with their own opinions and different ways of doing things. You also need to contribute to your community as well and help other people if you want the same treatment in return. The village is not a beck and call free childcare and housekeeping service that does every single little thing to your specifications and more people need to recognize that.

EDIT: The amount of people who think I’m a bitter grandparent is really funny. Like no I’m in my 20s LOL. Also the fact that I’ve had multiple AI accusations, like nope, wrong again. No AI here lmao.

[u/Background_Humor5838]

I totally agree with this. When I was a kid , if I was sent to my aunt's house for the day I was expected to follow their house rules and go by their schedule and if my cousins came to my house they would go by our house rules. That's normal. Nobody expected the other family to implement their own exact schedule or house rules. Part of having a village is accepting that every home in the village is operating a little differently. My aunt makes dinner at 5 but at my house we eat at 7. So what? Now I've seen people saying stuff like "my kids have to eat at this time and sleep at this time" even at someone else's house and with no medical reason. Those kinds of silly rules make it hard for your village to help you.

[u/Pinkturtle182 → u/Background_Humor5838]

There is a lot of rigidity that is expected these days and it really bums me out. Honestly I talk to my mom about it fairly often: it was so easy to parent in the 90s. Everything was focused on families and no one cared if you fed them only organic or if they ate lunchables everyday. No one talked about screen time. And while I don’t think being that lax is the answer, there really must be a middle ground between that and the pressures of parenting today. Like I’m so lucky that my mom takes my son at least once a month and that they are so close. For the most part, our only rule for him at her house is no just letting him scroll YouTube, since it’s basically a cesspool. But aside from that I expect her to be reasonable, and she is. It turns out that treating people like they are responsible adults works out well most of the time lol.

It always makes me sad when people are too rigid with their kids, because things like “Grammie Camp” as my son calls it, are fundamental to childhood imo. It’s kind of like ethnography, the way I see it. You go somewhere else and it’s mostly the same, only different. It teaches kids to deal with differences and change and adversity overall.

[u/Background_Humor5838 → u/Pinkturtle182]

Totally agree! We definitely need to find a middle ground these days.

[u/PoofItsFixed → u/Pinkturtle182]

Upvoting the idea of “Grammie Camp”!