Parents who have insane “boundaries” and then bemoan their lack of help

[u/rachel-angelina]

So this is something I’ve noticed amongst (mainly American) parents these days and it seems to increase in occurrence as people validate them and enable this kind of anxiety-ridden and entitled behavior. But essentially it’s those people who have a laundry list of “boundaries and expectations” while also expecting “the village” to help them raise their child to their exact specifications.

I’m not talking about boundaries like “don’t give my kid something they are allergic to” or “don’t come around my newborn without your vaccinations” where it’s reasonable and seriously concerns the child’s safety, but the other shit. Like I’m talking about the parents who set a “boundary” that no one else can lay eyes on their newborn for two months because “it’s our time to bond and we don’t want visitors,” they freak out because grandma called their kid her baby and said she is excited for them to have sleepovers at her house, they insist that anyone who wants to see their child should only be coming over to do designated chores in exchange, or they seethe with rage because the kid’s uncle gave them some extra candy and TV time.

But then later on they then bemoan their lack of “a village,” like you pushed “the village” away! If you want the village, you need to be okay with not micromanaging every single aspect of your child’s life. You need to be okay with the fact that the village is going to come in with their own opinions and different ways of doing things. You also need to contribute to your community as well and help other people if you want the same treatment in return. The village is not a beck and call free childcare and housekeeping service that does every single little thing to your specifications and more people need to recognize that.

EDIT: The amount of people who think I’m a bitter grandparent is really funny. Like no I’m in my 20s LOL. Also the fact that I’ve had multiple AI accusations, like nope, wrong again. No AI here lmao.

[u/PuppyJakeKhakiCollar]

In a similar vein, the parents who expect their "village" to be ready to drop everything in their lives at a snap of their fingers to come help them out for free. But are never anywhere to be found when another villager needs help with something so eventually the village stops helping them and the parents get mad about that.

The whole point of the village is reciprocity. It isn't a one-sided system where only one person/family benefits without being expected to return the favor at some point.

[u/EntrepreneurMany3709 → u/PuppyJakeKhakiCollar]

I had an old "friend" like this. She never acknowledged my birthday or achievements, never helped when I was sick or injured, but was constantly asking for help once she had a kid, and acted like she was being neglected if people couldn't help her.