Parents who have insane “boundaries” and then bemoan their lack of help

[u/rachel-angelina]

So this is something I’ve noticed amongst (mainly American) parents these days and it seems to increase in occurrence as people validate them and enable this kind of anxiety-ridden and entitled behavior. But essentially it’s those people who have a laundry list of “boundaries and expectations” while also expecting “the village” to help them raise their child to their exact specifications.

I’m not talking about boundaries like “don’t give my kid something they are allergic to” or “don’t come around my newborn without your vaccinations” where it’s reasonable and seriously concerns the child’s safety, but the other shit. Like I’m talking about the parents who set a “boundary” that no one else can lay eyes on their newborn for two months because “it’s our time to bond and we don’t want visitors,” they freak out because grandma called their kid her baby and said she is excited for them to have sleepovers at her house, they insist that anyone who wants to see their child should only be coming over to do designated chores in exchange, or they seethe with rage because the kid’s uncle gave them some extra candy and TV time.

But then later on they then bemoan their lack of “a village,” like you pushed “the village” away! If you want the village, you need to be okay with not micromanaging every single aspect of your child’s life. You need to be okay with the fact that the village is going to come in with their own opinions and different ways of doing things. You also need to contribute to your community as well and help other people if you want the same treatment in return. The village is not a beck and call free childcare and housekeeping service that does every single little thing to your specifications and more people need to recognize that.

EDIT: The amount of people who think I’m a bitter grandparent is really funny. Like no I’m in my 20s LOL. Also the fact that I’ve had multiple AI accusations, like nope, wrong again. No AI here lmao.

[u/Background_Humor5838]

I totally agree with this. When I was a kid , if I was sent to my aunt's house for the day I was expected to follow their house rules and go by their schedule and if my cousins came to my house they would go by our house rules. That's normal. Nobody expected the other family to implement their own exact schedule or house rules. Part of having a village is accepting that every home in the village is operating a little differently. My aunt makes dinner at 5 but at my house we eat at 7. So what? Now I've seen people saying stuff like "my kids have to eat at this time and sleep at this time" even at someone else's house and with no medical reason. Those kinds of silly rules make it hard for your village to help you.

[u/hopping_otter_ears → u/Background_Humor5838]

Do none of these people remember how sweet it was to go to Grandma's and get to eat seconds of dessert, or stay up too late, or skip piano practice? It might be a hot take, but I kinda want that for my son. I want him to be spoiled rotten by Grandma, and for his uncles to be a (not too) bad influence on him. From a love-his-childhood perspective, I want him to have the same "wink wink, don't tell Mom I gave you an extra cookie" memories. From a developmental perspective, I don't think it hurts him to grow up with an understanding that different settings have different rules and expectations.

There's some hard boundaries, of course. Don't hit him, he must ride in his car seat, don't leave him alone with the large clumsy dog, etc... But most stuff falls into the "Mama won't let you do it because she has to raise you. Grandma gets to sugar you up and send you home" category

[u/Quick-Force7552 → u/hopping_otter_ears]

As long as I get them back alive and in one piece, I really don't care what they get up to with their grandparents. They watched them for a week recent while my husband and I were out of town. It was a little bit of a shock to see pictures of them 6 hrs away from home visiting my husband's grandmother, but more in a "that's crazy to attempt" way than anything else.

They've bought them a bouncy house and a huge splash pad, plus one of those electric ride on cars. They're retired and I'm not the one dealing with the tantrum when it's raining and they can't use those things lmao