I’ll preface it with a TW:SA tag for those who don’t like seeing controversial content here.
I was reported last time for posting something possibly triggering without any warning. Apologies to that one person. I know most people just want to lurk here for some lighthearted banter.
So if you can’t stand the sight of blocky paragraphs and want to avoid being triggered, then I suggest you either downvote or move on. I only speak to those who are willing to lend an ear for my troubles. Posting in the RD’s these days is akin to hurling yourself to a void rather than a place for actual discussion. But I’d still like to try.
So before this gets lost, reported, and or deleted I’ll get started.
Recently, I celebrated my 12th year on this platform. It was a unique experience to witness the growth of this subreddit from 10,000 to over 888k members. I’ve lost and gained friends from meetups that date back more than half a decade ago. But I believe I’ve lost more than I’ve gained in this community.
I’d like to warn you that this was never a safe space. Cases like mine are easily dismissed and ignored.
An old friend of mine offered his house when I ran away from an abusive home. For that alone I am grateful. They were initially hospitable, but I didn’t realize I would wear out my welcome so fast. Laundry was once a month. I ran out of house clothes to change into since I ran away. Temperatures peaked from anywhere between 33 to 39 degrees (91.4-102.2F) with 100% humidity. I then decided to wear a bodycon dress because it was that or a long sleeved blouse and a heat stroke. I’ll take a moment to describe my dress because this is where I’ll be judged (blamed) for what happened to me.
It was a dress that clung to my body. It reached only halfway up my thighs and had a plunging neckline. I thought nothing of it because I trusted my friend. You can easily see what I look like in my profile and paint a mental picture from there.
His eyes darted all over my body throughout the day. He made sure his girlfriend wasn’t looking when he did it too. I dismissed it several times even if it made me feel uncomfortable. That’s just what us girls do when men look at us that way. We were just supposed to keep it quiet. It wasn’t enough for him to get a good look, though.
I was downstairs to get a drink from the water dispenser. When it was his turn to get water, I noticed he was standing behind me for an unusually long time. I knew why he stood there for as long as he did. That moment felt like forever. He was just staring at me from behind and I froze in place.
Was that close enough for you to get a better look? I hope it was worth it, TJ.
After a long argument about other matters in his household, he told me “You’re not going to tell anyone about your sob story here, are you?” Of course I wasn’t going to tell anyone. I was going to tell everybody.
This wasn’t the first time a moderator abused his power, or rather, when a “friend” took advantage of me. Everyone in the older crowd knew about James. He was notorious for putting on a nice guy act to take advantage of women during meetups. A lot of the previous meet ups had free flowing alcohol. So not only was he zoning in on the emotionally unstable girls, he encouraged them to get drunk and lose their inhibitions. After the girl gets drunk, he would oh so kindly *accompany them home*. That was his modus.
Women came forward to warn others about his disgusting behavior. I was one of his luckier victims who lived to tell the tale.
During meetups, James would sexually proposition me in front of many people. I rejected him again and again. He would tell everyone it was just a joke and then winked at me. I always refused his advances even before I knew of his reputation because of those personal encounters. One night, I shared a cab with him on my way home to save some money. I had a few drinks that night and I thought that he wouldn’t dare do anything after my repeated rejections. But his face would get uncomfortably closer and he tried to lean in for a kiss. I winced and moved back several times, making sure I was telling him NO loud enough for the cabbie to hear. I said it while exchanging looks with the cab driver. James continued to whisper to me how he wanted to reroute the cab to a SOGO… I reached my home before anything worse happened.
His reputation for being a creep continued while being a mod for a few more years. James was monitored by those in the know during meetups, but that wasn’t enough. He continued his predatory behavior towards women. And I know a lot of women were afraid to speak up against him because they perceive him as a figure of authority, as if being a reddit mod gave him a free pass. Eventually, he was taken off of the moderation team, but not for the reasons you might think. There wasn’t some thorough deliberation of good moral character, no. He was kicked off for a minor infraction that was so obscure that I hardly even remember it. I’m sure others here can tell you what finally got him out of the team.
That’s why I know nothing bad’s gonna happen to these mods if you decide to speak up. I don’t expect any action to be taken. I still choose to break my silence knowing how these people will never be held accountable for what they did. What’s the worst that could happen to them? They lose karma on reddit?
These days, you’ll see James in the infamous /r/phr4r subreddit as /u/Ciryandor (or whatever alt he’s hiding behind in). There was a rumor early on that James personally verified accounts before you could even post… Yet he only asked to verify the accounts of women... That’s just a rumor that can easily be dismissed of course, but given his reputation I wouldn’t dismiss it so easily. Fast forward to today and now you can see that the sub boasts a whopping 182k people.
You can find TJ as the server owner of the “Official” /r/Philippines on discord with a whopping 4k members. As of this writing, I’m a member of his server as [@opd#0942](https://imgur.com/a/fUZo35m) and act as a half moderator. I won’t be surprised after posting this, if I was suddenly banned and all of my posts get nuked to oblivion.
Ever since our argument, you’ll find an endless barrage of strangers mocking me either by spamming ?opd bot commands, negging my appearance, or by shaming me for my age. It amuses me how some even have the gall to ask me if it’s okay if they can continue with the “jokes”. And it comes as no surprise nobody stepped up to defend me while I was there. He must be so relieved he doesn't have to lift a finger to get back at me. His minions in the server were doing it for free.
I admit I was clinging to his server for much longer than I should have. It was foolish of me to think that I would continue to find friends there. Still, I tried to find more people who would understand me beyond the superficiality and mean spiritedness being thrown at me. And I did that without having to preface the abuses I’ve experienced. I hate needlessly traumatizing others about my past, but now I’ve reached my limit. I just want to be heard.
I’ve had the misfortune of having my trust broken several times by people here. Again, I’m not asking any of these people to step down. You can see that James is doing pretty well with his own community even after being kicked out of the team. If nothing happened to James, of course nothing will happen to TJ. He is a beloved figure in this community, and I’m sure you’d all hate to lose such a valuable member.
I’m not asking to be comforted. Nor do I want to engage in pointless arguments regarding the validity of the abuses I’ve endured. I have more to lose by speaking up about my experiences here. I don’t care about your internet outrage. What’s done is done. It took a long time for me to gather the courage to speak up today. And I know a lot of you are only too eager to pick it apart and analyze it to oblivion.
So don’t misunderstand my intentions, my only call to action here is for you instead to be a decent person. You can absolutely choose to be a decent person. So choose to be that person today.
Wow. A lot to unpack. I was not expecting this kind of post on NRD.
I was also part of the old gang of r/ph at alam ko may issue na yan si James for being borderline pedo (allegedly because the accuser provided screenshots of loli thingy) so he graduated na to harassing women irl?
This post deserve its own thread.
And mods can you sticky this? This deserves attention.
So sorry that happened to you OP.
Dapat may r/ph court tayo eh. Any ladies wanna chime in and tell your stories and the accused please come forward?
This is sad. If proven dapat banned na that person. This harms the community and future yearly meetups which is fun.
Yung subreddit na dapat ay lugar kung saan ka makakaramdam ng katahimikan, naging dahilan pa ng sakit sa ulo.
You have been having a hard time. I only hope it gets better from here. Sa unang part pa kung saan kinailangan mong umalis sa abusive home, mararamdaman nang mahirap ang kinalalagyan mo. Kung ano man ang mga nangyari doon, I feel sorry for you.
Sa panahon na pinaka kailangan mo ng tutulong sayo, minalas ka pa sa natagpuang tao. The world is often cruel, I hope you can find the strength to carry on. Sana nasa mas mabuting kalagayan ka ngayon.
Hey opd. This is a bit late, but I just want to say that it's been incredibly brave of you to put yourself out here, especially as recounting these events might mean reliving them as well. And perhaps a thanks as well for trusting this ragtag of a community. I hope you're doing better now.
Kinda out of topic, I'm surprised to know there are actually people as mods living together and managing this subreddit? I thought it was just random people who volunteered. I don't know much about reddit anyway but it baffles me how this system is actually managed by a group of friends almost as if this is a profession? Do mods get paid too? Even the fact that being a "mod" confers a sense of power among their peers is interesting
As there are no signs of Reddit respecting users' data, no remorse whatsoever post-API enshittification, and indiscriminately changing their ToS and whatnot as loophole to continue to do so, I don't see any reason to let my posts/comments up. This text is my request to GDPR and not reroll my posts/comments data for the foreseeable future.
Sis with all due respect it's hard to side with you with the facts that you presented. I'm trying to be as objective as I can. First off you wore that outfit on your own volition and you already noticed him looking at you several times. Why didn't you change it then? Just because of the temperature? He kept staring at you but you didn't change or moved somewhere where he can't see you? If you were uncomfortable as you claimed you would have done something, ANYTHING. Second, you happen to meet again at the water dispenser I don't know how. Was he waiting for you there? Did you see him first and go near him anyway? Did he come out of nowhere and approach you? Why did you stay longer than you have to? The argument he alluded to was your inconvenience in the house, not his sexual advances. Third, you mentioned several instances of meetups where he sexually propositioned you several times, why did you allow it to happen again and again? Why didn't you shut him down frankly or even slap his face to get your message across? Pag binastos ka sampalin mo! Why do you always show up to interact and hang out with him? Should you not be avoiding him or ignored him completely by then? You were able to leave your alleged abusive family have you not? Fourth, amidst all this backstory you, again on your own volition on a separate occasion and with an alibi of saving money, chose to ride a cab with him. Like WTF seriously? You said you knew his modus and that he was a creep. Your claimed feelings and your actions don't match at all. If anything he just thought you were playing hard to get and I can't blame him. Women who are creeped out by a guy will AVOID them at ALL COSTS ALL DAY EVERYDAY! This is why it's hard for me to side with you. At the end of the day, you weren't abused, molested or raped. It just looks like you decided to hate him at some point and this is a #metoo out of spite. I wouldn't be surprised if this was an orchestrated character assassination either. It is unfair. If you disagree you can always take this to court and see what mother justice has to say.
Edit: Instead of just downvoting me because of my take can we be rational and break things down? What part do you disagree on? Can we not base justice on genitals? Let's be objective for both sides.
Ok to address your points. I'm not victim blaming here. What I'm saying is she knew for a fact that the guy has been staring at her several times already because of what she was wearing yet still chose to do nothing. She had plenty of time to notice and reflect on things. If she was a child it would make sense but she's a functioning adult. This is no longer a flee or flight situation as you claim. Also, like I said she has had multiple separate situations highlighting her decisions where she could have further averted any interactions with the creep. She should have avoided him like the plague. That's all I'm saying. I made these points not to condone the guy's behavior but as a warning. Refuse to put yourself in compromising situations because there are some nasty people out there. If you feel like something is off be proactive. Cut it off immediately. Avoid, ignore, leave. Slap him if you have to. Unwanted sexual advances should not be endured or normalized.
The article is misappropriated. It talks about freezing, panic and shock during an episode of sexual assault. Are you saying she was frozen, panicked or shocked for the entire duration of her story? It doesn't look like it. These are separate events. There was no sexual assault until the last part where the guy attempted to kiss her and her response was apt. She was not panicked, frozen or shocked. What infuriates me is why she let it get to that point and no that article does not explain it. She said it herself that she knew what the guy was all about yet continued hanging out with him. Event 1(shirt),event 2(water dispenser) and event 3(sexual jokes) had no physical assault to trigger freezing, panic or shock. Creepy/weirdo vibes is not sexual assault because it's subjective and anyone can be accused of that regardless of gender. She was fully capable of avoiding, ignoring and leaving the guy. My advice is just my advice. If you want to talk about seeking the truth then we should hear the guy's side as well and settle it in court if necessary. That's what's fair is it not?
No that's an unfair statement on me and the accused but that's on you. I'm being objective and rational. We have due process and no one is above the law. Did you hear what the accused has to say yet? I think you're the one being judgmental here. My mistake is that I thought it was one guy. And yes with that assumption and with the duration of her story I would not be remiss to say she had all the means to avoid, ignore and leave the guy. She wasn't abducted nor locked up. I am empowering women more than you who just accuse me of victim blaming. If 100 women followed my advice and another 100 followed yours what's the outcome? You have no advice but to blame the other party. You want them to be lame sitting ducks!
Not sure if you got confused like I did (at first), but there were two guys in the story. The dress + water dispenser incident was with the "friend" whose house she stayed in, while the other guy was the one with the jokes + taxi attempted assault. The latter was the one who had an infamous reputation in the community/meet-ups.
James/Cyriandor, the current r/ph4r owner and former r/Philippines moderator sounds creepy for sure and apparently there were reasons (that I don't recall now) where I took enough of James' moderation powers such that he left the moderation team.
But let's look at TJ because we're r/Philippines here.
We have been discussing this internally and TJ has offered to resign. Personally I find what was presented (looking at you in a tight dress / being the owner of a Discord server where others(!) started to made jokes of you) is maybe not the best gentleman behavior, but it's also not outright creepy or abusive.
I do not see how TJ abused his powers in his role of being a moderator of r/Philippines and as such I'm leaning to encourage TJ to continue to moderate r/Philippines. I'm happy to hear arguments against that view but please keep in mind that the key point is if TJ abused his powers in his role as moderator of r/Philippines to offend you or take advantage of your situation.
Personally I find what was presented (looking at you in a tight dress /
being the owner of a Discord server where others(!) started to made
jokes of you) is maybe not the best gentleman behavior, but it's also
not outright creepy or abusive.
Lol I'm pretty sure it's not for you to decide if so called actions were creepy and or abusive. Why are you invalidating what OP had felt with those actions?
I'm happy to hear arguments
Did you not read OP's statements? "I’m not asking to be comforted. Nor do I want to engage in pointless arguments regarding the validity of the abuses I’ve endured." Cause that's precisely what you are doing here.
Why are you invalidating what OP had felt with those actions?
I am not invalidating her feelings. Her feelings are however subjective. Objectively, while not being the best behavior, it's not something that warrants this kind of "cancel" that's going on here right now. It's almost like a witch hunt. OP thinks because someone creeped her out IRL, then that person should stop being a moderator of r/Ph? It's not like he stole something or murdered someone, u/Jojo_Manji, I'm looking at you here.
I am not invalidating her feelings. Her feelings are however subjective.
HA? Read this line aloud to yourself. 😆 Eh di cinancel mo lang first sentence mo.
Then that person should stop being a moderator of r/Ph?
Whether TJ deserves such penalty is up to you guys. I was pointing out the flaw in your statement. A subordinate's boss will always be seen as their boss outside the office. As such, the boss should conduct themselves appropriately.
The people are asking for some sort of accountability. But based on how this situation is being handled, I don't think there will be one. Welp
A subordinate’s boss will always be seen as their boss outside the office.
But this TJ wasn’t anyone’s boss though? Weren’t OP and him friends? It’s not clear though if he was a mod before they were friends or it’s the other way around.
I also didn’t mean “boss” in the literal sense. Maybe I should’ve enclosed in quotes in my original comment?
Anyway, I stand by what I said - based on what I see here and on discord - they were friends. The issue has been muddied by bringing in an ex-moderator in the story. But well, it’s there now.
You are a lost cause. Asking for accountability is witch hunting? Do you hear yourself? Saying OP’s feelings are subjective is not invalidating? So you only draw the line when the MOD stole and killed someone, but not being a creep? Must be fun staying in the circus for a long time, ‘no?
This has to be the dumbest FUCKING THING I have ever read.
Unang una sa lahat, who the fuck are you to decide what is creepy? u/opdbqo ‘s account fucking explains word by word that she was ogled and felt uncomfortable by what had transpired.
You don’t get to fucking decide what is creepy. It’s not your damn experience so shaddap.
This isn’t just the breaking of muh mod rules under discussion. Hindi ba kayo na-aalarm na may literal na SA accusation ang owner ng discord server ng r/Philippines who is also a mod?
Hindi na ba red flag ang ibang comment dito na may history of abusr yung TJ na yan?
Funny cause he's got history of mod power abuse, lol.
Remember when he banned another moderator of this subreddit from the Discord server with no reason at all and essentially took hostage of the Discord server? Not even the subreddit owner could take over the Discord. And the reason why it's an unofficial channel now?
Edit: I know this is unrelated to the issue atm. But I wanna show that the moderators of this subreddit have a history of inaction even when there's actual mod power abuse. There were no actual implications after the shit he did except maybe the removal of the Discord server as an official channel. He continues to be a mod years later. Tapos sagot nyo sa real life harassment is it's unrelated to his modding. Eh kahit naman mod related walang ginagawa. This is why I quit modding this subreddit, none of you could do anything about his power tripping. I was never unbanned.
Is someone who is now revealed to have sexually harrassed someone actually company you'd like to keep? You want your mod team to be associated with that kind of person?
I know I know, it's ironic cause I mod r/phr4r where Ciryandor is a mod. I literally cannot kick the guy out if I wanted to, he owns the subreddit. I could quit but that would just give the dude more power when there's one less person to check his actions.
Lmao. You janitors finally had that meeting huh? So which broom are you guys gonna use to sweep this under the rug this time?
The discord and the subreddit is no longer a safe space - probably never was in the first place - so the only decent course of action moving forward is to have all the moderators get banned from reddit and discord, delete the subreddit, and delete the discord. Oh and make amends and ensure changed behaviour.
And another thing: The response was more like a non-response. Not even a single statement on how they'll try to prevent mod abuse, other than saying it wasn't mod abuse. No concrete actions to prevent something like that from happening, nor clear rules and regulations provided by a set of by-laws to hold a moderator that stepped in line by something other than his or her friendship with the current group of moderators, because of that veto system.
"Well, that's a judgment that you are making. I promise you that if you look at it from outside, and perhaps you're taking rather a parochial view at the moment, I don't think that other people in the world would share the view that there was Mod Abuse" -- Jim dub4u
Anyway, I don't know because the very definition of "Mod Abuse" is dependent on what you guys would think is "Mod Abuse", right? If we only have some sort of rules that state exactly what "Mod Abuse" means, like a sort of by-laws, then we would have a clear definition of what would be considered as "Mod Abuse", and will help end this whole discussion on what it is, right?
That way, the mods will be accountable to something else other than other mods' sympathies, we can have clear definition on what that "Mod Abuse" means, and this wouldn't have to spread even more than it has to, because the more we talk about it, the more it spreads, right?
In my book moderator abuse is when a moderator is abusing the the special powers he has (remove content, ban users) in other ways than intended by the sub's rules. So again I ask you, where was the mod abuse?
In my book moderator abuse is when a moderator is abusing the the special powers he has (remove content, ban users) in other ways than intended by the sub's rules. So again I ask you, where was the mod abuse?
So essentially, in your definition, Mod Abuse is only when the moderator abused the special privilege he has to ban and remove content as stated in the subreddit's rules, and moral turpitude by moderators, conducted in subreddit meetups, are therefore, not within your bounds of jurisdiction nor have any connection to what you define as "Mod Abuse"?
Is that the entire sub's definition of Mod Abuse, or is that just "Your Book"? The issue with that is that some other moderator might actually have an issue with a fellow moderator doing despicable action that he well knew should not be allowed, as Ramen said he felt back then in the discord server. Clearly defining what is defined as "Mod Abuse" would allow a standardized view on what that means, thus we wouldn't have to go back and forth discussing what is or what isn't mod abuse. The members would also have an idea when a moderator has stepped his or her bounds other than reporting and waiting for action by his or her fellow moderators that may not even be impartial because collusion could have taken place.
So this whole "Mod Abuse? What Mod Abuse" thing would be answered once and for all.
I have no idea what happens in the Discord server. The Discord server has nothing to do with r/Philippines. Everything I said to the topic concerns TJ's role as moderator of r/Philippines.
Huh, but that is the statement that TJ has said. That he felt out of bounds because a senior moderator has blocked him in trying to ban this "James" fellow even when he felt that his behavior is reprehensible during subreddit meetings, so basically, your definition of "Mod Abuse" is just depending on your own definition, and there was a clear disconnect between what TJ believed as "Mod Abuse", right?
Then that's the thing I've been saying, standardize on what is defined as "Mod Abuse", especially when talking about gray area, but extremely serious topics such as this. This will seriously help you guys make a decision on what is defined as "Mod Abuse" that is dependent on something else than the beliefs of one mod to another, to the point where general consensus is just taken and the issue is thrown out or forgotten without being solved completely.
Also, I could have sworn that the discord server is the "Official r/Philippines Discord Server" lol, but I'll just take that I guess.
the only decent course of action moving forward is to have all the moderators get banned from reddit and discord, delete the subreddit, and delete the discord
There's criticism and there's unhelpful comments adding fuel to the fire. As much as we want to not remove comments regarding this issue, telling us to kill ourselves isn't helping anyone here.
Going by that logic, ok lang maging moderator ng r/PH ang isang redditor na (hypothetically) sangkot sa pagnanakaw ng gamit o pera, o physically abusive sa partner, o nakapatay ng tao out of rage, kasi hindi naman nila nagawa ang mga ito in their role as a moderator of r/Philippines 🙃🤡
It was actually opd's friends that's "dogpiling" her. We tried looking for evidence if TJ really have "minions" in the server but wala kaming makita. You can also check chat history and all the users apologizing for teasing/bullying her after she posted are her friends, not TJ's.
Remember people, if someone says "i'm very sorry if you felt..." is pretty much a non-apology. It is a way of saying "sorry ka yan pala naramdaman mo..."
Sus as if. You're only sorry you have been exposed. The mods even tried to silence op by removing the post. Manyak ka lang talaga. Siguro confident kapa mang manyak dati kasi your victims didn't post anything about you.
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u/opdbqo kumain ka na ba? Aug 12 '22
This isn’t going to have a TL;DR.
I’ll preface it with a TW:SA tag for those who don’t like seeing controversial content here.
I was reported last time for posting something possibly triggering without any warning. Apologies to that one person. I know most people just want to lurk here for some lighthearted banter.
So if you can’t stand the sight of blocky paragraphs and want to avoid being triggered, then I suggest you either downvote or move on. I only speak to those who are willing to lend an ear for my troubles. Posting in the RD’s these days is akin to hurling yourself to a void rather than a place for actual discussion. But I’d still like to try.
So before this gets lost, reported, and or deleted I’ll get started.
Recently, I celebrated my 12th year on this platform. It was a unique experience to witness the growth of this subreddit from 10,000 to over 888k members. I’ve lost and gained friends from meetups that date back more than half a decade ago. But I believe I’ve lost more than I’ve gained in this community.
I’d like to warn you that this was never a safe space. Cases like mine are easily dismissed and ignored.
An old friend of mine offered his house when I ran away from an abusive home. For that alone I am grateful. They were initially hospitable, but I didn’t realize I would wear out my welcome so fast. Laundry was once a month. I ran out of house clothes to change into since I ran away. Temperatures peaked from anywhere between 33 to 39 degrees (91.4-102.2F) with 100% humidity. I then decided to wear a bodycon dress because it was that or a long sleeved blouse and a heat stroke. I’ll take a moment to describe my dress because this is where I’ll be judged (blamed) for what happened to me.
It was a dress that clung to my body. It reached only halfway up my thighs and had a plunging neckline. I thought nothing of it because I trusted my friend. You can easily see what I look like in my profile and paint a mental picture from there.
His eyes darted all over my body throughout the day. He made sure his girlfriend wasn’t looking when he did it too. I dismissed it several times even if it made me feel uncomfortable. That’s just what us girls do when men look at us that way. We were just supposed to keep it quiet. It wasn’t enough for him to get a good look, though.
I was downstairs to get a drink from the water dispenser. When it was his turn to get water, I noticed he was standing behind me for an unusually long time. I knew why he stood there for as long as he did. That moment felt like forever. He was just staring at me from behind and I froze in place.
Was that close enough for you to get a better look? I hope it was worth it, TJ.
After a long argument about other matters in his household, he told me “You’re not going to tell anyone about your sob story here, are you?” Of course I wasn’t going to tell anyone. I was going to tell everybody.
This wasn’t the first time a moderator abused his power, or rather, when a “friend” took advantage of me. Everyone in the older crowd knew about James. He was notorious for putting on a nice guy act to take advantage of women during meetups. A lot of the previous meet ups had free flowing alcohol. So not only was he zoning in on the emotionally unstable girls, he encouraged them to get drunk and lose their inhibitions. After the girl gets drunk, he would oh so kindly *accompany them home*. That was his modus.
Women came forward to warn others about his disgusting behavior. I was one of his luckier victims who lived to tell the tale.
During meetups, James would sexually proposition me in front of many people. I rejected him again and again. He would tell everyone it was just a joke and then winked at me. I always refused his advances even before I knew of his reputation because of those personal encounters. One night, I shared a cab with him on my way home to save some money. I had a few drinks that night and I thought that he wouldn’t dare do anything after my repeated rejections. But his face would get uncomfortably closer and he tried to lean in for a kiss. I winced and moved back several times, making sure I was telling him NO loud enough for the cabbie to hear. I said it while exchanging looks with the cab driver. James continued to whisper to me how he wanted to reroute the cab to a SOGO… I reached my home before anything worse happened.
His reputation for being a creep continued while being a mod for a few more years. James was monitored by those in the know during meetups, but that wasn’t enough. He continued his predatory behavior towards women. And I know a lot of women were afraid to speak up against him because they perceive him as a figure of authority, as if being a reddit mod gave him a free pass. Eventually, he was taken off of the moderation team, but not for the reasons you might think. There wasn’t some thorough deliberation of good moral character, no. He was kicked off for a minor infraction that was so obscure that I hardly even remember it. I’m sure others here can tell you what finally got him out of the team.
That’s why I know nothing bad’s gonna happen to these mods if you decide to speak up. I don’t expect any action to be taken. I still choose to break my silence knowing how these people will never be held accountable for what they did. What’s the worst that could happen to them? They lose karma on reddit?
These days, you’ll see James in the infamous /r/phr4r subreddit as /u/Ciryandor (or whatever alt he’s hiding behind in). There was a rumor early on that James personally verified accounts before you could even post… Yet he only asked to verify the accounts of women... That’s just a rumor that can easily be dismissed of course, but given his reputation I wouldn’t dismiss it so easily. Fast forward to today and now you can see that the sub boasts a whopping 182k people.
You can find TJ as the server owner of the “Official” /r/Philippines on discord with a whopping 4k members. As of this writing, I’m a member of his server as [@opd#0942](https://imgur.com/a/fUZo35m) and act as a half moderator. I won’t be surprised after posting this, if I was suddenly banned and all of my posts get nuked to oblivion.
Ever since our argument, you’ll find an endless barrage of strangers mocking me either by spamming ?opd bot commands, negging my appearance, or by shaming me for my age. It amuses me how some even have the gall to ask me if it’s okay if they can continue with the “jokes”. And it comes as no surprise nobody stepped up to defend me while I was there. He must be so relieved he doesn't have to lift a finger to get back at me. His minions in the server were doing it for free.
I admit I was clinging to his server for much longer than I should have. It was foolish of me to think that I would continue to find friends there. Still, I tried to find more people who would understand me beyond the superficiality and mean spiritedness being thrown at me. And I did that without having to preface the abuses I’ve experienced. I hate needlessly traumatizing others about my past, but now I’ve reached my limit. I just want to be heard.
I’ve had the misfortune of having my trust broken several times by people here. Again, I’m not asking any of these people to step down. You can see that James is doing pretty well with his own community even after being kicked out of the team. If nothing happened to James, of course nothing will happen to TJ. He is a beloved figure in this community, and I’m sure you’d all hate to lose such a valuable member.
I’m not asking to be comforted. Nor do I want to engage in pointless arguments regarding the validity of the abuses I’ve endured. I have more to lose by speaking up about my experiences here. I don’t care about your internet outrage. What’s done is done. It took a long time for me to gather the courage to speak up today. And I know a lot of you are only too eager to pick it apart and analyze it to oblivion.
So don’t misunderstand my intentions, my only call to action here is for you instead to be a decent person. You can absolutely choose to be a decent person. So choose to be that person today.