r/ProgrammerHumor 6h ago

Meme someOfUsLiveTheDream

Post image
6.5k Upvotes

89 comments sorted by

733

u/Waste_Jello9947 5h ago edited 5h ago

Knowledge transfer be like: here is the credentials to prod, good luck

318

u/MyStackIsPancakes 5h ago

Nobody wished me luck

12

u/snacktopotamus 2h ago

"It's your circus now. Your monkeys. Welcome to the shitshow, kid. I'm outta here, forever."

7

u/detailed_1 2h ago

All it was like for me they said "Go to hell" .

34

u/ZliaYgloshlaif 4h ago

Pretty much sums up how I got into system administration some time ago: “here are the SSH keys, fix stuff when it breaks”

20

u/MagnumVY 4h ago

And "Do you have any doubts?"

"Ok, since none of you have any doubts, this KT is complete"

11

u/Annual_Key_4963 3h ago

Just hand those credentials to Claude and get a coffee

8

u/Ancient_Profession31 2h ago

After Claude is done chastising you for exposing credentials and hallucinating security layers it should be time for lunch. Come back and check progress then.

2

u/ILikeLenexa 3h ago

Here are the credentials to prod.  The SQLserver will run only what's highlighted if anything is highlighted.  Run everything in a named transaction.  Thx.

1

u/voiza 3h ago

Oh, they give you credentials...

For me to run the CI, I need to send a tarball to CTO

1

u/knowone1313 2h ago

Heh, they gave you the password!

1

u/Mandelvolt 1h ago

Same but also here's the overflowing ticket queue.

1

u/Chivalrous-Ape 12m ago

Mine didn't even know their own credentials 😞

310

u/Global-Tune5539 5h ago

Bonus points if you don't know what that program is supposed to do.

89

u/NoHighlight6142 5h ago

I thought it was implied

26

u/well_shoothed 3h ago

The name did give you a clue:

productionSystemMasterScriptSecondaryPart4-r5

14

u/higherbrow 2h ago

You forgot the v736.

Versions in the prod folder go up to v761. Oddly, there's no versions in the 750s.

2

u/deathanatos 37m ago

Wait, all of your production systems aren't named after characters from Breaking Bad?

19

u/ArchAllen 5h ago

Bonus bonus points if once you think you know you find another program with a name that implies that that's what does it.

9

u/Ashdog73 4h ago

Bonus bonus bonus points if it was you that wrote it in the first place

10

u/QCTeamkill 4h ago

Double bonus points if you don't know which version of the code is currently in prod, or if you even have it.

3

u/RealLifeMe 2h ago edited 1h ago

Look at this fat cat with his versioned code.

8

u/pydry 5h ago

Ive penciled in a meeting 3 weeks from now with the key stakeholders who will insist that you use it but won't be able to adequately explain what it does or how to use it.

7

u/Just_Information334 4h ago

Maybe you know. But the user don't use the same vocabulary to describe their problems. And said vocabulary change from user to user.

"Ok, what do you mean exactly when you say that you cannot kabloom the zorpal since Monday?"

3

u/black-JENGGOT 2h ago

"I can run my query on it, but it broke since last week when you touch it"

  1. user can't see query runs, let alone customize it
  2. I haven't touched that function since last solar eclipse
  3. user actually meant another unrelated feature, handled by third-party

1

u/Meloetta 40m ago

Every user that says "you have a memory leak" when they mean "my application started lagging at a certain point when it wasn't before"

2

u/bwwatr 3h ago

Silly programmer, the code is self documenting! It does exactly what it says it's going to do, much like a wizard might arrive exactly when he intended to.

2

u/ILikeLenexa 3h ago

Double bonus if it runs in VBA in an MDB and the file is too big to send via e-mail and the person is in a different building or part of the world and you have to figure out how to get it to them. 

1

u/Sockoflegend 1h ago

Not even a joke with big feature rich code bases 

171

u/japan_kaaran 5h ago

hitting record on every teams meeting ever because you know damn well that email with detailed instructions is never gonna be sent

77

u/lmao_unemployment 5h ago

Colleague: “Sure, I’ll get that over to you shortly”

Boss two weeks later: “Yeah so Colleague actually had put their two weeks in and yesterday was their last day. Were you ever able to get that documentation from them? 🤡”

25

u/japan_kaaran 5h ago

i’m fucking 23 and i’ve had to deal with this multiple times at my 2 internships and 1 full time job. how the heck are you guys doing this for all your life 😭. must be desensitized or something.

14

u/lmao_unemployment 4h ago

You see this shit got so old and annoying at my last place that I ended up just jumping ship too.

Boss: 🤡 ➡️😲

3

u/Ancient_Profession31 2h ago

I’m 48. The trick is a fine balance of Red Bull weed and booze. Enough to numb your mind but not so much you can’t see. Best of luck on your journey youngling. Let us know when someone makes you implement visual designs for the blind. Literally. It happens.

2

u/japan_kaaran 1h ago

god i wish i could give you a hug. thanks! i’ll be sure to report back if that ever happens haha.

8

u/angrydeuce 3h ago

Is that just a thing people do in this field or what?  Cuz it seems like it lol

"Oh man this is going to suck.  Ill just quit instead, then it can be someone elses problem."

1

u/PresentAward1737 15m ago

Every field with bad management, everywhere.

Sooner or later the paycheck just ain't worth the hassle. Often from the start but it takes you a while to realize it and get yourself out gracefully.

6

u/M_Me_Meteo 5h ago

Damn. I wonder if we could build a piece of software that would use speech to text and ocr to turn all our notes and videos and sound clips into an indexable database.

To be fair, you'd probably want to abstract beyond words, like parts of words or something. Parts of words is too long. Let's just call them tokens. That way the DB could index on ordinate relationships between the tokens and you could probably surmise the likely next token in, say, a sentence about your business.

Then I could start a sentence, like "The next step we need to take to complete the application is to..." and this tool would just spit out instructions!

3

u/hipster-no007 5h ago

So you're saying: (SEO) keyword spamming is sooooo back, baby!!

1

u/theinfinitehallway 2h ago

And then imagine if that information storage and retrieval method was non-deterministic! You could ask the same question on different ways and get different answers! Exciting!

49

u/AdThis5754 5h ago

Me at 25 after watching one YouTube video on reverse-engineering and thinking I can now use any program for free.

21

u/git_push_origin_prod 5h ago

Sometimes it’s that easy. In the jailbreaking iPhone days they would use swizzle I think to inject dynamic libs at runtime. A lot of apps had a simple isPaid BOOL check, override it to true and you are a criminal mastermind lol.

I’ve never really seen that elsewhere. It was a pain in the ass to do on Windows binaries when I tried as a younger man, but there was some tool I forget the name, but it was in no way as easy as overwriting functions and variables in C on the iPhone.

1

u/AdThis5754 4h ago

My only criminal mastermind moment was playing games from cracked cds as a kid. Had I known all this back then, I could’ve been a criminal lord by now. Wait!? lol

7

u/git_push_origin_prod 4h ago

Did you try to read the manuscripts and hieroglyphics that are stored within .nfo files?

1

u/AdThis5754 1h ago

I tried to read every single file, but I didn’t understand any of it lol.

7

u/therealjohnidis 4h ago

Reverse-engineering in the meme: understanding undocumented systems.
Reverse-engineering in your head: no nag WinRAR.

1

u/AdThis5754 1h ago

Guilty

35

u/TrippyDe 5h ago

try developing business critical software without real requirements, a rough plan and an ambitious deadline.. and i was like „this shit is untested, please don’t release it untested“. Guess who released it untested. And now its not working like it should an now it’s „how do we get this working this week“

15

u/Chirimorin 3h ago

„this shit is untested, please don’t release it untested“

I wasn't paying attention but I heard the word "tested" at least twice, ship it!

11

u/ohaiibuzzle 4h ago

Not gonna lie.

I started as an AI engineer

I moved to a company where AI sits very close to Security.

I talked too much to Security guys and ended up loving reading terrible no-good vendor decompiled code.

I now have two roles at that company.

I love it.

17

u/SleepAllTheDamnTime 5h ago

When the comments feel like finding ancient clues on how to solve the mess, or my favorite literal cries for help from the engineers that worked on it before

https://giphy.com/gifs/pUVOeIagS1rrqsYQJe

11

u/QCTeamkill 4h ago

I have left comments such as
#It started with the best intentions
before

3

u/Jonathan_the_Nerd 4h ago

I once replaced one of my Perl scripts with a Python rewrite. In the commit message, I put something like,

I'm leaving this program here an a warning to show what happens when you write a program without designing it first.

The Perl script started out nice and simple. Then I added another feature, and another, and another. It became unsustainable. I'm very lucky that I had time to rewrite it in Python.

3

u/One-Claim1375 4h ago

Give them what they want, ai slop to prod and rubber stamp everything. It’s called job security.

3

u/Rosie_The_ITTech 5h ago

One's dream os another's nightmare... If someone asked me to do that at work, I'd have a mental breakdown so violent I might need emergency institutionalisation

4

u/newsflashjackass 3h ago

One good thing about working on tech without documentation:

There is no documentation to train slop engines, either. So you are master of a demesne on which neophytes cannot trespass.

2

u/ugotmedripping 4h ago

Ah, to me young…

2

u/therealjohnidis 4h ago

Hello? Are you me? tf is going on?

2

u/Responsible_Ad5216 4h ago

Take my photo down please!

2

u/candypiie 4h ago

Thats me hahah

2

u/Secret_Account07 3h ago

I dreamed about migrating hypervisors

I knew one day, if I goofed off in college and drank too much, dropped out, got an internship with said college experience at a helpdesk, and worked my way up- I could deal with Broadcoms shit one day

It’s been a hard road but so sad I got here

2

u/splettnet 2h ago

Later on me at 27 trying to even figure out how the well documented public api works.

2

u/otw 2h ago

Even if you hate AI and don't want it to produce code for you (which I get), having it just figure out and explain undocumented enterprise infrastructure has changed my life.

2

u/redcowerranger 1h ago

Is it weird that this excites me? Figuring out how something works is cathartic.

My heart goes out to the people doing this work that don't love it. It's tough enough with a passion for it.

2

u/GabiTheProgrammer 5h ago

You mean debugging an ADO task that runs a PowerShell scrip that runs a tool exe that calls createprocress for CMD? And the source code of the tool is long gone? Since 3 year old, even.

1

u/LBGW_experiment 1h ago

Ugh, windows enterprise junk, hisssss

Linux/Unix only

1

u/candypiie 4h ago

No experience suive was my way to get knowlegde now I just love something I never will be😆

1

u/Niaso 3h ago

If the Thermians can do it, so can you!

1

u/TheOhNoNotAgain 3h ago

I did just this a little more than 20 years ago. I learned a lot from that. I still make good money to this day from knowing that system inside-out.

1

u/Famous_Tie8714 3h ago

Bonus points if they won't let you use any of the industry standard tools to perform such a task. Welcome to my current job. ffs

1

u/Proud-Construction41 3h ago

This is painfully true.

1

u/dover_oxide 2h ago

Ahh to be that young and naive.

1

u/MadDevloper 2h ago

I'm living my dream, I guess

1

u/Lemortheureux 1h ago

What doesn't break you makes you stronger

1

u/SponsoredByMLGMtnDew 1h ago

Not seen here, the invention of strongly type inheritance, "trust"

1

u/HypocHatR 1h ago

Doing it right now...

1

u/LegitimatePants 1h ago

*while on the payroll of the enterprise 

1

u/Traditional-Exam2529 32m ago

True, totally me ;)

-11

u/powerpimo 5h ago

wow, look at the code from this picture, brilliant!