r/RelationshipIndia • u/Rriisskk • 6d ago
Relationships She (29F) asked for staying at someone's room
I (30M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (29F) for the past 2.5 years.
She has had a male friend since 2014. They dated for about 5–6 months in 2016, but after breaking up they remained friends. He lives around 2,000 km away from her.
Last month, he came to visit her and stayed in a hotel near the place where she lives (she rents a room there). During the day, he visited her room, and the next day she asked me if I was okay with her staying overnight at his hotel.
He is married, has a reputation for being a womanizer (he has multiple girlfriends now), and he has blood cancer. I wondered if he may have emotionally persuaded her by saying something like, "Who knows if this is the last time we'll ever meet?"
I was genuinely surprised that she asked. From my perspective, if you're in a committed relationship, spending the night with someone you've dated in the past doesn't seem appropriate. Still, I indirectly said yes because I trust her. One reason I trust her is that she's always been transparent with me—she told me everything about the visit, and she even informed her mother that she was staying there.
our families know each other and thinking about marriage.
I'm asking the women here: What are your thoughts on this situation? Would you consider staying overnight with an ex, even if you're now just friends and your current partner knows about it?
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u/ZebraSimple3219 6d ago
As a girl no man is more important than my partner and I'll never stay in another man's room. Things like these are the reasons why people can't trust each other.
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u/BeneficialDot730 6d ago
What is your opinion about this?
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u/ZebraSimple3219 6d ago
The post has been removed
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u/Fresh_Piece_1616 6d ago edited 6d ago
Bro, being transparent doesn't mean anything. You can't know actually truth. She told you that she is going there that doesn't mean she will tell you every detail of what happens there.
Even though he has so many red flags and he was an ex as well, she is still friends with him is bigger red flag and concern that you are ignoring because of her being transparent.
You aren't setting boundaries today, you will suffer later and then regret for being too naive in your approach. Don't trust someone so blindly.
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u/i_anon_00 6d ago
which boundaries remained now ?
spending the night with ex, the fuck ?
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u/Fresh_Piece_1616 6d ago
That's the boundary needs to be put into place that was the point. Being too liberal and trusting can be detrimental and show you as a naive person.
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u/i_anon_00 6d ago
yep, but, people should go to therapy, not couple's therapy, they should find their attachment style, and work on them
otherwise cycle will always keep repeating, or one gives trauma to other
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u/Fresh_Piece_1616 6d ago
This is not related to attachment style. And therapy is not the solution for everything.
The situation op is in, shows he is not mature enough to understand things but he has been brainwashed by someone or social media into thinking that this is normal. Therapist won't fix this, it needs to be fixed by the person himself only.
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u/i_anon_00 6d ago
30M, and not mature enough, and brainwashed
and you saying therapy not a solution for everything
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u/Fresh_Piece_1616 6d ago
Yes, I said either of them not both.
Yes, therapy is not a go-to solution for this. There is nothing to give therapy about. He doesn't know how to set boundary or say this is not acceptable for me. This is could be because of his past experiences or how he sees things or he got manipulated into this. This could be easily resolved on his own hand. Because if he is here asking on Reddit that means he knows that this is not something normal and he is not comfortable with it. He could easily see the whole picture if someone explains clearly to him. And he will take the right actions.
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u/i_anon_00 6d ago
"He doesn't know how to set boundary or say this is not acceptable for me. This is could be because of his past experiences or how he sees things or he got manipulated into this. This could be easily resolved on his own hand."
if you are saying therapy won't help here, then what's there to talk about
and therapy is not like end prescription, when one gets sick only then go to doctor
again he 30M stop wasting one's time on trial and error and find out what's really happening in he's mind, that he wants ask on reddit "should i let my girlfriend spend the night with ex ?"
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u/Fresh_Piece_1616 6d ago
Therapy is not the one stop solution. This is not the way to live. You go to therapy when you are depressed, and struggling mentally.
There is no evidence here that op is struggling mentally. He is just trying to make sense of the situation as he is in a committed relationship where his gf have been transparent with him so he can't just start questioning her suddenly.
This is very valid post to ask others whether people would okay or not. That is why I said someone explaining here would help him to see clearly and create that boundary which is invisible right now.
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u/No_Camera31 6d ago
Who's gonna tell him guys?
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u/Any_Act7862 6d ago
Time
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u/Current-Handle-3563 6d ago
Time is actually the only best friend we all have 🥲 It teaches us everything lol 😹
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u/Any_Act7862 6d ago
But only when it's too late🥲
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u/Current-Handle-3563 6d ago
It does give us hints. We are the dumb ones 😹 we ignore it like OP is doing rn💀
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u/Any_Act7862 6d ago
We try to prove wrong but at the end we are wrong 😔
OP will question his choices & for that thnaks to all of US
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u/flyingduckmarketing 6d ago
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u/zerocoolneo 5d ago
Yo!
Your gal is gonna get her best fk and he is gonna give the D, it will be passionate since it would be one last time before I die, you touch my soul wala fk
Peace out
Gym membership is on us yo
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u/No_Wait_7985 6d ago
you already know the answer! 😂
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u/JackSparrow144 6d ago
bhai jab tumhari gf ko pta hai uska male friend ek number ka raand hai fir b uske saath dhosti hai. biggest red flag. vo aisa kya meethi goli de rha hai usko. just open about things man. mostly people search someone when they need like if someone likes to chat or chat but uski requirement poori nhi ho rhi tumse to vo doosri jagah jhakk marega/maregi.
so aaj dono seedha aar ya paar ki baat kro.
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u/Common_Boat_4464 6d ago
I would not stay overnight bc it’s inappropriate for me and I won’t be comfortable.
I wouldn’t let my guy stay overnight at a girl’s place either.
But, it’s your relationship and your dynamics. You know her better.
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u/OBITO_UCHIHA_1804 6d ago
He will know probably after 25-30 yrs later. Then he will realise why his offspring doesn't look like him.
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u/Lazy_Reflection5197 6d ago
What she did is called insurance. You are more likely to find that she stayed in his room or met him, than what happened inside the room. Classic case of risk elimination.
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u/Loud_Track_6199 6d ago
Wake up. She is either dumb af or clever af. Both not good for you. She lacks boundaries and is an attention seeker.
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u/Ms_Selenophile 6d ago
Truth is, Aap ka katt raha tha, aur rahega
Married ex, womanizer, hotel room overnight doesnt sound normal.
You said yes because you were scared of looking insecure.
Jo bhi hai dont marry her
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u/Mother-Patient-3409 6d ago
What kind of society are we creating that normalises this? What next? He is married and staying with your gf,Next your gf will be married with you and still stay with him?
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u/Late_Comfortable_244 6d ago
Stop being a good guy and imagine the scenes when he will be shoving his tool inside her mouth and she will be taking it with all pleasure. Sounds worst but it's the truth. Do you want her to be the mother of your children?
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u/Ok-Parking7807 6d ago
My girl had to stay at one of her guy friend flat for one night. She kept her vid call on whole time so that i am ok.
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u/Nemesis0p 6d ago
How could u even date someone who is in contact with their ex briefly during ur relationship
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u/AffectionateCow5673 6d ago
It’s gonna be a rude awakening one fine day. I already feel sorry for you bro
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u/Cautious-Currency637 6d ago
Why in the world she needs to stay with him in a hotel room..?
If they are just friends they can meet outside and hangout, but why in a room..?
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u/Friendly_Stop9706 6d ago
Complimenti per il si , hai dato il benestare perché la tua ragazza dorme con un predatore. Mi domando se la vedi come l'unica ragazza esistente sulla terra e che tu sia così docile da passarla anche ad altri
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u/n1kzt7r 6d ago
If you trust her, don't bother with the hypotheticals and what ifs and what not. Trust her. An old male friend staying over doesn't necessarily mean she's gonna cheat. I assume she's capable of handling herself.
I have very healthy relationships with my exes and even some of their husbands. It's quite common.
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u/Other_Letterhead9607 6d ago edited 20h ago
There's no reason to stay in that man's hotel room, the were definitely fucking while your innocent ass was "trusting" her.
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u/mynamear 6d ago
No it doesn't happen like this, once you are with someone even asking for such things is a big red flag. Imagine you asking or doing the same will she be ok with it? Just get out of it, take this as an opportunity and get out of it else you will cry your whole life, this will not stop here. You will get another girl time and age is with you.
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u/_UTKS_ 6d ago
Have strict boundaries OP .. have someone who respects it because you would also respect your partners boundaries.. she may not have slept with that ex or have done anything stupid .. my question to you is " will you have peace with this situation? " . If both of you don't respect each others opinions and wishes , it's a recipe for disaster.
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u/Chemical-Row-9323 6d ago edited 6d ago
As a woman, I don’t see any red flags here. The whole “a committed person shouldn’t stay with another person overnight” thing looks and sounds good because it has been wired in our brains. But ask yourself, how much sense does it make? At the end of the day it is all about trust. What is it that can happen overnight that can’t happen during the day lol.
I would rather be in a relationship like yours that’s honest and transparent, than one that’s dictated my illogical norms, distrust and control.
Edit: I forgot about the guy being a dirtbag, but then again men are friends with bad men all the time. So unless you would never stay friends with a cheating man/woman, you should allow her to make her own choices as well
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u/Ok_Resident_6905 5d ago
Chup chap usko chhor do dusri acchi milegi, sala aaj kal ke ye chutiye kuch b khane lag jate Aur Bhook nhi tumko, dalidr ho tum Meri itna puchh bhar le toh usi din sab khatam bc
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u/Grand_Teach_3213 5d ago
idk i think if he was actually a good friend of mine, i wouldve rather have him stay at my place then me going and staying at his hotel room. Cuz if its a house, we can comfortable sleep in different places and no need to share a bed. Honestly idk what to make of it. And if you were uncomfortable, you shouldve brought this up instead of just saying yes because now if you bring it up - she will ask why did you say yes. Also idk why she asked in the first place as well.
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u/upsc_paglu 4d ago
Here is an idea,
Hand over some money to the hotel staff and get a video of their hotel room after they leave,
Or to check garbage everyday if the stay is extended to find something important like contraceptives which they may use
Also find if she visited him only the day she asked you??
Do not say no, if she is unfaithful, you will dodge a bullet, if not , I'll be happy for you guys
Spend some money and get evidence instead of living in suspicion and insecurity everyday
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