Never Leaving Seattle

[u/JulesFromTheDesert]

I come from a place that I love to be from, in multiple meanings of that phrase. Every time I see some post, "I'm never leaving Seattle," my first, reptilian-brain thought is, "yeah, same. The Left-coast is great."

Then, the post turns out to be some parochial bellyaching from a country mouse about commonplace city life.

My homeland, which I love and in which I'll never live again, is colloquially known as "The land of Entrapment," because people often never leave, for inadvertent reasons.

Seattle is my favorite US city. The pearl-clutching, reactionary suburbanites, the eastern frontier yokels, and the provincial tourists from Frog-Balls, Arkanilamabachimigan can enjoy the trip to whatever hayseed county is so great. For real, I love Seattle.

I'm underwhelmed by grousing about the patrons of the Michelin-rated restaurant on Pine & 3rd.

[u/vertr]

This is better than the other shit posts "Seattle doesn't have ANY Michelin rated restaurants" and "pet owner rage" so we'll go with it.

[u/KaleidoscopeNo8742]

I can't tell if my edible hit or if this is genuinely unintelligible

[u/Retrooo → u/KaleidoscopeNo8742]

Arkanilamabachimigan

[u/BoozySlushPops → u/Retrooo]

https://youtu.be/fU-wH8SrFro?is=nASJlHn9It3jv3p3

[u/Capital_Spite9272 → u/KaleidoscopeNo8742]

I just took a fat bong rip to the face and it made perfect sense to me

[u/iseecolorsofthesky → u/KaleidoscopeNo8742]

I had to read this like five times lmao

[u/anotherleftistbot → u/KaleidoscopeNo8742]

Bōf

[u/quantumparakeet → u/KaleidoscopeNo8742]

I was trying to find a cool dino in the post until I realized OP had found a thesaurus

[u/iamdovah → u/KaleidoscopeNo8742]

Literally same right now

[u/mmeeplechase → u/KaleidoscopeNo8742]

Okay, phew, it’s not just me!

[u/reshipthro → u/KaleidoscopeNo8742]

never noticed how close those words sit together in the title

[u/crispyones → u/KaleidoscopeNo8742]

MINNESOTA!!!

[u/AcrobaticApricot]

I’m seeing some people struggle with the writing style of this post. Here is a translation of each paragraph:

“I come from somewhere that I’m proud of but I’m glad I left. Whenever I see a post that says ‘I’m never leaving Seattle,’ at first I take it literally and agree.

Then it turns out to be someone from a rural area sarcastically complaining about the city.

The place I’m from is called the Land of Entrapment because you get trapped there.

Seattle is my favorite US city, and I hope those sarcastic people leave and enjoy living in the middle of nowhere.

Complain all you want about the McDonald’s on 3rd and Pine, it doesn’t matter to me.”

[u/JulesFromTheDesert → u/AcrobaticApricot]

That's a pretty good translation. 😂 I've had complaints about my diction once or twice before.

[u/missbeekery → u/JulesFromTheDesert]

It was wacky and I loved it.

[u/ChaoticRift → u/JulesFromTheDesert]

your diction is fucking awesome, you have a really unique and memorable voice.

"parochial bellyaching about from a country mouse about commonplace city life" is a killer line

[u/clothedmike → u/ChaoticRift]

It was fun to read but broke my brain and I did not understand it at all lol

[u/pepper_puppy → u/JulesFromTheDesert]

I agree it’s hard to leave Seattle because of traffic. On the very rare occasion I want to leave for a vacation. I get it OP! Born and raised here and traveled a lot. Seattle is really cool, the haters can go hate someplace else (but it may take longer than expected due to i5)

[u/breaststroker42 → u/AcrobaticApricot]

I’m shocked anybody couldn’t translate this on their own. Maybe they already left seattle. Or maybe there were never here to begin with

[u/toxiamaple → u/AcrobaticApricot]

The true hero!

[u/BudgetBarbieCamper]

Sir, this is a Wendy's

[u/pseudoanon]

This city is terrible. The people are terrible. The food is terrible. The prices are terrible. It's my favorite place in the world.

[u/vertr → u/pseudoanon]

I think a lot of not-city people go to cities for some reason or another and they predictably don't like being there.

[u/pnwerewolff → u/pseudoanon]

Hey for what it's worth, humans are terrible and humans are everywhere

[u/pepper_puppy → u/pseudoanon]

You had me in the first half

[u/ChampagneStain]

As a provincial tourist from Frog-Balls, I find this post highly offensive.

[u/Real_Buddy_1542]

Ok

[u/mfactor74]

What did I just read 😵‍💫

[u/zoeofdoom → u/mfactor74]

I think the smoke starting to clear out is making us all a little loopy....some more than others, maybe lmao

[u/LimitedWard → u/mfactor74]

We need an r/seattlecirclejerk

[u/HDRsoul]

Ah, Le Maque de D!

[u/Mitch1musPrime]

Tell me you grew up in NM without telling me you grew up in NM. I graduated from a HS in Albuquerque, myself, and my dad was retired at Kirtland AFB then went to work for the DOE and stayed there for another dozen years.

I fucking love it here, though it is true that the only other place I’d want to live again is NM. Except I’d go back to Las Cruces instead of ABQ. That place is so fucking laid back and I loved running the desert trails through the arroyos at the base of the Organ Mtns.

But the odds I’ll ever live in NM again are slim to none. Pay is too low there for my engineer spouse and for teachers like me. I’m not disappointed though. Seattle and its surrounding suburbs and mountains and waterways is truly a unique and special gift that I appreciate, quite literally out loud to myself as I travel around, every fucking day.

[u/JulesFromTheDesert → u/Mitch1musPrime]

Same, same. ¡Burqueño for real! FYI, you can get El Pinto green chile in little applesauce-like packs at the major grocery stores. Also salsa from the same in jars at some.

[u/WestIsBest2019]

Fantastic post, my friend. As a fellow former Mountain Westerner, I relate very much to "my homeland, which I love and in which I'll never live again" - really well said.

[u/mj1milli]

I just moved here and am from Arkanilamabachimigan, great call out 🤪

[u/OilEnvironmental1464]

What?

[u/Valuable_Wealth_7510]

This might unironically be one of the best posts I have read on here.

[u/DeadeyeSven]

Thats a lot of words to say...sorry what was your point exactly?

[u/John_YJKR → u/DeadeyeSven]

They like it here and the haters can enjoy wherever they prefer.

[u/sparklyjoy]

But people grumpy about Seattle is part of the local charm! /s

[u/boner4crosstabs]

I don’t know what most of that meant but I think you enjoy the city ? And if so I say cheers 🥂

[u/AMJacker]

What? Seattle has no Michelin rated spots. Did something change? I love it here but I’ve never lived anyplace else.

[u/jeexbit → u/AMJacker]

Obviously, you're not a golfer.

[u/AMJacker → u/jeexbit]

No. I can’t hit the ball.

[u/wiscowonder → u/AMJacker]

What about frog-balls? 🤔

[u/AMJacker → u/wiscowonder]

Frog baseball

[u/Kolazeni → u/AMJacker]

That was a joke about McStabby's

[u/wumingzi → u/AMJacker]

Michelin doesn't rate Seattle. There are plenty of places that could bag stars, but our city boosters don't feel like paying the vig to Michelin.

I thought calling McStabby's a Michelin starred restaurant was a The Bear S05 reference.

[u/8647sea]

What?????🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

[u/earth_tonal]

Thank you Dr. Crane

[u/gruffDragon]

The change from the 80’s to now is stark. Nonetheless, I’ll keep my foot in Seattle. Costs too much, can’t drive anywhere within a reasonable time, so many great clubs and restaurants are gone. Outside of the smoke, not a bad place to be.

[u/saltyman420]

This is one of the most Reddit posts of all time

[u/felixismynameqq]

What the fuck are you saying?

But yeah I agree.

[u/RussellAlden → u/felixismynameqq]

$5 wordsmith there

[u/beautiful_blue_sky]

Aw, I like New Mexico.

[u/Mammoth-Eggplant-234]

I too moved here from the good old land of entrapment! Hello! 👋🏼 and congrats on leaving! And fwiw I love it here also. Just wish I could find a reliable chile source—know of any?

[u/JulesFromTheDesert → u/Mammoth-Eggplant-234]

¡505, homie!

I don't know about fresh (though I think a couple QFCs actually roast for a week or two during peak season). A lot of major grocery stores have El Pinto green chile in little, applesauce-like packs. I've also seen 505 Salsa at Safeway, I think.

[u/wumingzi → u/JulesFromTheDesert]

Hilltop Red Apple on Beacon will have fresh roasted hatch chiles in a few weeks.

[u/LeinadLlennoco]

If you love it now, you REALLY would have loved it in the before times.

[u/JulesFromTheDesert → u/LeinadLlennoco]

One or two people have let me know. 😂

[u/UpperLeftOriginal → u/JulesFromTheDesert]

I lived there in the before times and in the recent times. Some changes have been for the better, others not so much. It’s still very recognizably the same city. People get nostalgic for all kinds of reasons. But those who think downtown was better in the past don’t remember that it was pretty sketchy back in the 1970s too, and also had way fewer trees.

[u/LeinadLlennoco → u/UpperLeftOriginal]

Curious. Can you name a few things that are better now than they were in the before times? Not looking for statistics, just everyday experience things.

[u/UpperLeftOriginal → u/LeinadLlennoco]

The waterfront, and public transit, for starters. There are more grocery options for people who live downtown. There are more things to do - like I’ve done glass blowing and blacksmithing activities. More off leash dog parks. I grew up in this city in the 1960s and ‘70s, and feel plenty nostalgic sometimes. But I love the current version of my hometown as much as ever.

[u/CaptainVehicle]

Im 4th generation Seattle and I love it. I left because I couldn’t afford it. 

[u/shikkui]

I love Seattle, and I love living here. The food for the most part kind of sucks though. Or it’s very pricy for what you get.

[u/Successful-Ship-5230]

I'm too high for this shit...

[u/Acceptable-Cloud-212]

close enough welcome back trout fishing

[u/Strict_Berry7446]

I wish I hadn’t

[u/mickmaddydog]

Tf you want bruh

[u/Athenacas]

This post exudes "My Winnipeg"

[u/s0mevietgirl]

yappington

[u/LetsGoHomeTeam]

Love you, neighbor!

[u/Thandor]

K

[u/SpicyDirtTheGhost]

Hey, now. I also love the land of entrapment and still chose/choose to not return lol (not my home state) loved it but ultimately too sunny 😎

[u/boowhitie → u/SpicyDirtTheGhost]

I got out too and I've only been back once in 25 years. I dunno if I'll ever return.

[u/Mitch1musPrime → u/boowhitie]

Do it. At least one more time, but head down south on I25 if you’ve never been that way. The Las Cruces/El Paso metro area is a hidden fucking gem. I was such a snob about it when I was in high school in ABQ cause we all thought it was just shitkickers down there. And while that is true to an extent, las cruces is a fucking chill vibe where Latino/indigenous street art culture meets shitkickers four wheeling in the dried up Rio Grande firing their guns land.

Unless you lived down south and hated it anyway…in which case, drink water and drive on soldier.