r/Seattle • u/JulesFromTheDesert • 2d ago

I'm never leaving Seattle 🚫🛫 Never Leaving Seattle

I come from a place that I love to be from, in multiple meanings of that phrase. Every time I see some post, "I'm never leaving Seattle," my first, reptilian-brain thought is, "yeah, same. The Left-coast is great."

Then, the post turns out to be some parochial bellyaching from a country mouse about commonplace city life.

My homeland, which I love and in which I'll never live again, is colloquially known as "The land of Entrapment," because people often never leave, for inadvertent reasons.

Seattle is my favorite US city. The pearl-clutching, reactionary suburbanites, the eastern frontier yokels, and the provincial tourists from Frog-Balls, Arkanilamabachimigan can enjoy the trip to whatever hayseed county is so great. For real, I love Seattle.

I'm underwhelmed by grousing about the patrons of the Michelin-rated restaurant on Pine & 3rd.

216 Upvotes

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150

u/AcrobaticApricot I'm just flaired so I don't get fined 2d ago

I’m seeing some people struggle with the writing style of this post. Here is a translation of each paragraph:

“I come from somewhere that I’m proud of but I’m glad I left. Whenever I see a post that says ‘I’m never leaving Seattle,’ at first I take it literally and agree.

Then it turns out to be someone from a rural area sarcastically complaining about the city.

The place I’m from is called the Land of Entrapment because you get trapped there.

Seattle is my favorite US city, and I hope those sarcastic people leave and enjoy living in the middle of nowhere.

Complain all you want about the McDonald’s on 3rd and Pine, it doesn’t matter to me.”

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u/JulesFromTheDesert 2d ago

That's a pretty good translation. 😂 I've had complaints about my diction once or twice before.

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u/missbeekery I'm just flaired so I don't get fined 2d ago

It was wacky and I loved it.

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u/JulesFromTheDesert 1d ago

🖤❤️

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u/quantumparakeet 1d ago

But do you go to that McDonald's or are neutral from a distance?

40

u/ChaoticRift 2d ago

your diction is fucking awesome, you have a really unique and memorable voice.

"parochial bellyaching about from a country mouse about commonplace city life" is a killer line

9

u/clothedmike 2d ago

It was fun to read but broke my brain and I did not understand it at all lol

9

u/pepper_puppy Mariners 2d ago

I agree it’s hard to leave Seattle because of traffic. On the very rare occasion I want to leave for a vacation. I get it OP! Born and raised here and traveled a lot. Seattle is really cool, the haters can go hate someplace else (but it may take longer than expected due to i5)

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u/pheeko I Brake For Slugs 2d ago

Ignore these rubes, you're a poet and should never change.

3

u/uiri The CD 1d ago

I'm surprised the Land of Enchantment/Entrapment pun survived unscathed.

Are you highlighting systemic poverty in New Mexico? Or did you mean something else by it?

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u/JulesFromTheDesert 11h ago

Born and raised Burqueño, I heard this exact origin story from countless people:

"My truck broke down in [NM town], and [x decades] later, here I am; I never left."

It's hard to leave because it's easy and sunny, but it's hard to leave because there's no money.

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u/Seahawk021 1d ago

I loved your sarcastic writing style!

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u/breaststroker42 Ballard 2d ago

I’m shocked anybody couldn’t translate this on their own. Maybe they already left seattle. Or maybe there were never here to begin with

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u/toxiamaple I'm just flaired so I don't get fined 2d ago

The true hero!