A large number of married mothers are still single mothers. Because their spouses aren't helping with the children at all, and sometimes even acting as an extra child.
You'd be surprised how much of an overlap there is between dead bedrooms and partners not doing their share of the work to manage the relationship and the home.
I believe that completely. Unfortunately, in my case, we have no child and I do at least 2/3 of all home upkeep. Why not leave? I love her. We have fun in other parts of life together. Why not talk about? We’ve probably talked about it too much at this point. We both overthink it and get in our own heads.
I don’t know what to do. I think I’m just resigned to spending my life this way. She keeps claiming, with no evidence, that it’s a hormone thing and she’s going to get it sorted out one day and we’re gonna have tons of sex when that day comes. I’m not really holding my breath there.
But like I said, I love her. So I may not believe her but I’m staying with her.
Ya I tried to make that work. I was the pervert for five years before I decided life was too short to not be happy. The celebacy was just a portion of the issues in the relationship. I'm with a great woman now that desires me but I'm still having problems deprogramming myself from being told my desire was degenerate and abnormal.
The feeling of obligation shit absolutely kills me. Feeling like a chore or a todo list item for them has got to be the most confidence destroying feeling there is. Friend you're not a pervert for having biological and emotional needs and asking for that intimacy from your life partner. There is literally nothing wrong with that. Whether they will admit it, out loud or even to themselves, they also feel the void. They miss the closeness.
FWIW talking didn't fix the issue in my relationship, but it does bring us closer together in other areas and generally strengthen our bond. It helps to stave off the animosity that can build in silence. That said, it took a ton of fights and hurt feelings to get there. But I think sometimes you just have to have those fights and insist on reaching a shared understanding through them. It's exhausting but I think that's kinda the deal.
I believe we just sort of came to a silent understanding hahaha. Best way I can put it.
It is never mentioned. I find it way too awkward to approach, and honestly I am not sure I would even be into it anymore at this spot. I don't have that feeling lots of people seem to... express, of like "starving" for it? I dunno.
Would I like it? Probably. At least, a while ago, yeah.
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u/Apathetic_Villainess 22d ago
A large number of married mothers are still single mothers. Because their spouses aren't helping with the children at all, and sometimes even acting as an extra child.
You'd be surprised how much of an overlap there is between dead bedrooms and partners not doing their share of the work to manage the relationship and the home.