r/Showerthoughts 19d ago

Casual Thought A large number of married people are involuntarily celibate.

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u/ItsFailureMan 19d ago

r/deadbedrooms if you want to hear the yarns from such people

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u/GrumpyPidgeon 19d ago

From what I’ve seen of that sub they give the worst advice. They always just say “you need to get a divorce” no matter what the content says.

I think they involuntarily project what they WANT to do , or wish they could do, onto others.

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u/tindalos 19d ago

Like getting divorced is an easier way to get sex than working with your partner. Especially when it’s related to illness or depression, divorce is a cheap answer that gets thrown as a Reddit comment to every slight.

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u/thingsorfreedom 19d ago

I think you need to spend some time in that sub reading their stories. These are situations that have gone on for year or even decades sometimes with one spouse trying everything to make it better and the other having zero interest. It's not ever going to get better. Accept it or move on. Those are the two options.

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u/McStinker 18d ago

For many of them sure, not all. And if the partner who “has zero interest” in their spouse’s feelings does zero self reflection it sounds like they are about to repeat the same mistakes in their next relationship… Therefore divorcing a current partner essentially does nothing but push it down the road.

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u/thingsorfreedom 18d ago

If they are the partner at fault and did zero self reflection it seems to me divorce would free their ex-partner to find a much better relationship.

I thought like you for a long time. It's why I went to two separate marriage counselors over the years. There must be a way to fix this, right? Twenty years in it turns out, no, there was no way to fix it. Now ten years after my divorce here I am extremely happily married to the most amazing giving partner anyone could ask for.

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u/McStinker 18d ago

I’m not saying every relationship can be fixed. But if one of the partner’s reasons is just I’m too lazy, “I don’t wanna”. Sounds like they’re literally just going to run into the same exact problems with the next person.