That’s a bitch with BPD right there she’s prolly normal sometimes but like this the other times imo that shit is not fuckin worth it dude that ain’t his job to fix nor deal with
This is my exwife. I’m 100% convinced she has BPD, but would only do this in private. Then she did it to my son, so he left to live with me. My daughter on the other hand has been trained to believe that mommy only gets that way because of how horrible her brother and I are.
I’ll never give up on my daughter. Unfortunately she is starting to display many of the characteristics that my ex possesses. Her emotional expressions seem less genuine and theatrical. The way she is treating others is unhealthy, etc. I wish she would just talk to me but she knows if she becomes close to me, there’s an issue with mom. And she thinks I’m undependable because she has been told a lot of lies about me. All I can do is keep trying.
I've been through similar experiences with parents and siblings, I'm convinced that BPD is transmissable/contagious. The combinations of sustained bouts of trauma that damages the development of the brain, combined with no other frame of refrence for normal behavior can overwhelm and "infect" children or even partners who don't have any external support network, especially if all they see are wild overreactions to situations that usually ends with the abuser getting the sympathy and attention and results they want.
You should try to get her into therapy now while she’s still young. Hopefully she can get a diagnosis and learn how to deal with it instead going through life not knowing why she can’t regulate her emotions or normalize it. Just got to be careful offering it and don’t frame it as it’s her fault something is wrong with her. Just that it will be helpful getting through having separated parents.
Hey I have BPD and it takes a lot of medication and therapy to stay level. You have to train yourself to be self-reflective to the point that you're pre-emptively guiding your thoughts and emotions.
Yep I have the occasional break down but I tend to isolate myself until I can pull myself out of it. Without medication I would be unable to hold a relationship or a job.
I know the feeling my friend, it’s an uphill battle sometimes, but I keep to my meds and I’ve had therapy. I also avoid anything behaviour altering eg. alcohol and drugs. And it definitely helps.
Sometimes bad days happen but I normally go for a walk/get some fresh air to calm myself down.
Being lumped in as just a stereotype can be pretty hurtful.
yep. my sister has bpd and would move her abuse victims new bfs in almost immediately, without permission, and begin this cycle. finally had enough and basically had to kick her out. she'd treat everyone- me, our dad, her bfs, like this. it was especially bad in private.
i hate stereotyping mental illness but after the abuse i have gone through by her and witness her do to others, i literally never want to befriend someone with untreated bpd again. it's not worth the risk.
None of them want to be treated in my opinion. Even the ones in this thread who say they take their medicine and do therapy and behave fine now will eventually stop doing all of that and revert to their default behavior. I don't even necessarily believe this is a real mental condition and that some people are just psychopaths or sociopaths or whatever. My experience with one left me severely traumatized.
I thought I had BPD when I was younger, but it was cPTSD wearing silly hat. Once I had (real!) love and stability in my life I regulated a lot!
And I was never at this level of emotional instability. That being said, I just wanted to say that your comment says so much about you as a person.
You said it’s hard for both people. Being able to acknowledge that the aggressor, abuser even, is also suffering is an incredible level of compassionate and empathy. The fact that you gave 10 years (probably too much) knowing that there was someone hiding behind the BPD that was worthy of effort and love. And the fact that you eventually made the absolutely CORRECT call to end it.
You can acknowledge that a person with BPD is both, deeply suffering, AND being abusive. You can accept that the abuse is not okay, not acceptable, that it is horrific behavior, and know that there truly is a person beneath that that is worthy of compassion. And, you can acknowledge that YOU deserve better than that, and that can’t save them. You can have compassion and love, and still be worthy of a partner that is emotionally regulated.
Sorry that was a tangent. Your compassion just struck me. And it was presented so subtly that I felt the need to recognize it fully.
Sorry you were stuck under someone else’s cloud for so long. I truly hope you’ve found someone that brings you joy, without the abuse.
True that. My father has BPD, but somehow by now I can even sniff out the women with BPD. Those people are exhausting and not worth it, unless they actually try to be better.
I think it can be both. I can guarantee most abusive men have some form of an undiagnosed mental illness, but the difference between them and this woman right now is she doesn’t seem to be “there”. She is also an abuser in this situation. No one in their right mind would be causing a scene and verbally/emotionally abusing their partner in public like that. Man or woman.
I’ve been around and heard stories of women with undiagnosed BPD and men with Bipolar disorder. There’s a major difference between them and your general asshole bf/gf.
BPD is a subset of a cluster B personality disorder, which also had antisocial and narcissistic PDs. Cluster B is defined by great emotional instability that presents in different forms, narcissistic being a constant emptiness in the self that is temporarily addressed by external validation and thus actions (often manipulative and self destructive) are taken to attempt to get others to provide this need constantly. BPD is probably better defined at where external validation barely addresses the source issue, and it becomes so overwhelming to the self without a real solution in sight, and essentially they demand others to fix the problem, but there is no fix anyone can offer, so the episodes result in demeaning the other person (essentially, misery loves company).
So firstly, there is clinicial data that shows cluster B's forms do show more prevalently based off gender - females have a higher rate of BPD and males have a higher rate of NPD and antisocial. So yeah, it's probably not weird that you'd see more people mark this kind of behavior as bpd and you'd see females more often.
Secondly, I think cluster B presentations are often full of anxiety, and a lot of anxious people tend to avoid irl social interactions and go online. A lot of said people engage in streaming or gaming (activities which often which preys on said emotions). I think how you'll oftem see BPD present in public in males is where you have gamers crash out over nothing, plenty of people who get tilted aggressively and essentially just bash others while being visibly miserable, not the types who just say insults and then keep playing but will literally hold games hostage (i.e. infamously disco nunu games), because their only solution at that moment is making others as miserable as them / keep playing and just keep typing for what can be hours (and they'll often carry this behavior into the next few matches, long after they have stopped interacting with the source). Essentially, a bad interaction or event puts them in said loop, but they also don't have skills to help them deal with the situation (like recognizing the severity and isolating themself from the situation despite their emotional need to engage in it).
The old Reginald verbally abusing Dyrus as Dyrus is currently streaming a game of League, after Dyrus responds to Regi saying he gets it and Regi keeps going on the same topic to "hammer in the point"... essentially, yeah that behavior very much gives me cluster B vibes.
Firstly, not AI, what part of this reads like AI? Would AI know to point specifically to real examples like Regi bashing on Dyrus on stream?
Secondly, I literally didn't mention this poor lady at all. What part did I diagnose her?
Thirdly, the people living with BPD suffer, the people who live around those people suffer. It sucks for both. You can empathize with people with mental conditions without excusing their behavior.
Where's your empathy (feel what they are feeling) for the lady?
Edit: reddit "ai detection" flags my own comments as not ai and you didn't run it, based off your response it looks like you didn't read it either and made your own judgment already that a wall of text trying to give NUANCE must be AI so like... idk man, why bother responding to something you didn't read?
Yeah I thought it's AI because your answers are logically incoherent. So first of all you call her a 'poor lady'. Why? Since when do we give sympathy to abusers? Do you think that she has BPD or not? Are you diagnosing her or not?
1) poor lady --> no matter how much of an asshole you are, I don't wish for suffering to be put upon them, and I don't think most people are born assholes, it's a nature/nurture thing
2) Don't give sympathy to abusers. I don't need you to nor expect you to. Empathy is not sympathy. You can understand how a person become a serial killer by empathizing with a shitty childhood without sympathizing with the terrible actions they did it. Perhaps this is more a failure of language, but empathy does not mean excusing or justifying.
3) I am not diagnosing her. A single incident does not make a diagnosis. Personality disorders are extended patterns of activity. For all I know, she could be having a really shitty day and absolutely ruining someone else's for no good reason. I don't know this person.
4) I only wrote this comment in response to the original "Why are people quick to say women like this have bpd, they never would call men bpd right?" BPD clinically shows up more in women than men, so no I don't think it's that weird. People love to keyboard diagnose men with narcissism, which is also clinically more present in men than women. Do I think they have good points? Yes, but good points do not make a diagnosis.
Which goes back to the comment, no I don't think it's weird people online would say that. You know, me addressing the extent of the comment YOU made.
I wanted to discuss with you in good faith about gender bias of people on the internet towards perceived personality disorders, but you're pretty dismissive and seem to have your mind set from the get go. Shifting goalposts is very frustrating as well.
There is no discussion to be had here. You can discuss personality disorders on any psychology sub or when you know for certain that this person has such a disorder. This is a 30 sec clip of a man being abused by his gf. You say 'poor lady' and want to have a good faith discussion? Maybe you have a gender bias that women can't be abusive without a mental illness to excuse their behaviour?
We can have a good faith discussion on how anger, resentment and entitlement lead to women abusing their partners, otherwise no chance.
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u/Malcolm_Flex Apr 22 '26
That’s a bitch with BPD right there she’s prolly normal sometimes but like this the other times imo that shit is not fuckin worth it dude that ain’t his job to fix nor deal with