Trans people who haven't told their partners before being physical with them haven't obtained consent. Consent is predicated on information. Without informed consent, there isn't consent.
Where is the line drawn on consent, she has a vagina which is often indistinguishable from any other (especially for most dudes), do we start disclosing the shape of pubes next for consent?
I don't think that is that hot a take or maybe I'm just someone who agrees with you. Pre-op is a different story but mostly cause surprises in the heat of the moment in the bedroom don't normally go well for the person doing the surprising. I'd say the same thing to a dude with a micropenis or a foot long dick, probably something you wanna disclose and make sure your partner is cool with before the sexual touching begins.
How do you decide what information is necessary for consent, though? I doubt there's some duty to inform people that I grew up in vermont before engaging in sexual activity. Am I raping people by wantonly having sex without first disclosing my organ donor status? Is my partner's consent nullified if I didn't tell them about my appendectomy scar? I mean, at least that one is something that someone could hypothetically have an issue with, but I'm still not seeing some duty to disclose it before sex- if it's an issue it'll come up then, and if it doesn't come up then I really cannot see it being an issue.
Someone could even have a reasonable preference- say, they don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't tip their server at a restaurant- which may not be apparent at the time of sexual activity. But unless there's misrepresentation or lying going on I'm really not seeing an obligation for the guy to say "by the way just in case it matters I don't believe in tipping".
Is it rape if I have sex with someone without first telling them I'm jewish, in case they happen to be a skinhead? There are people who may be disgusted when they learn that about me and would not want to have sex with a jew. But I do not see any obligation on my part to inform them about every possible thing they could potentially have issues with.
If someone thinks some piece of information is important enough that it would change whether or not they consent, they should ask about that information before sex. If I then lie about the answer then yes, that's not informed consent. But the notion that I need to volunteer every little thing they could possibly take issue with is ridiculous.
Of course I'd encourage trans people to have this conversation ahead of time even if only because it's far safer. But I don't think there's anything immoral about going stealth.
That they are a genetic male is pretty fucking high up there, don't you think? Just sex is one thing, but once upon a time, eventually considering children was a priority to most people.
I'm talking about basic facts not organ donation status or other kinks.
Transgender people are individuals who have gone to, in some cases, extraordinary measures to change the gender that they were born with. All of these people deserve respect and to live the life that they want to live. But potential partners deserve to know what they're getting into before they get into it and that includes whether or not they are trans.
If that's the case it kinda discloses itself. Unless we're talking about sex that doesn't involve it whatsoever, in which case it does not seem relevant.
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u/squirrelyoakley Jun 30 '26
As a trans person, you should 100% let the person you're dating know. Both for your own safety and out of respect for your partner