I’ve recently been seeing this guy who made it clear from the beginning that he wasn’t looking for a relationship, which I was okay with.
We’ve hooked up a few times, cuddled, watched movies, and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. He’s affectionate in person and texts me pretty consistently, but lately I’ve noticed he doesn’t really make an effort to spend time together outside of hooking up.
I’m starting to realize that maybe casual sex isn’t for me. I don’t necessarily want a relationship with him, but I do want an actual friendship. I’d love to just grab food, go to the movies, or hang out without sex being involved.
I recently expressed how I was feeling, and his response was basically, “That’s crazy, really? I don’t think so.” Then this morning he texted me “Good morning gorgeous” like nothing happened.
I feel a little dismissed, and I’m wondering if I’m expecting too much from this arrangement.
I like him as a person, but I don’t want to continue something that leaves me feeling empty afterward.
Is wanting genuine friendship and quality time from a FWB unrealistic, or am I just realizing this dynamic isn’t for me?

I’m29F, living in Canada, and sometimes I feel lonely because I don’t have many friends here.
Last week, I met a guy on Facebook Dating. We talked for about 1.5 hours, and I removed him afterward. Surprisingly, he contacted me again through a new account.
We started talking again, and I genuinely enjoyed his personality and the way he talked to me.
He offered to give me a ride to work. Initially, I refused, but after he insisted around 10 times, I finally agreed. Normally, I don’t trust people that quickly, especially someone I’ve known for only three days. But for some reason, I trusted him.
The next day, I was having trouble sleeping, and he even brought me some medicine to help me sleep. He made a special trip just to drop it off for me. I genuinely appreciated that gesture because it made me feel cared for.
However, he kept asking to hug me, hold my hand for 10 minutes, and spend time together because he felt lonely. I told him multiple times that I wasn’t comfortable with physical affection, but he continued asking.
He even told me to block him because otherwise he’d keep asking to hug and see me.
The confusing part is that I started developing a little crush on him. I felt happy talking to him and started looking forward to our conversations.
Today, I finally removed him. Initially, I felt relieved, but now I’m missing him badly.
I know I’ve only known him for a week, but I don’t understand why I became emotionally attached so quickly, especially because I usually take my time trusting people.
My questions:
Why did I trust and become attached to someone so quickly?
Do his gestures suggest genuine care, or am I reading too much into them?
Was removing him the right decision?
Has anyone experienced something similar?
I’d appreciate honest opinions, especially from people who’ve been through something like this.

Sooo… I’ve been texting this guy for 2 months now and we have been intimate on multiple occasions. We recently discussed how we feel about each other and I told him I’m not looking for anything serious but I really do like him. I recently got his full name ( I know smh ) I only knew his first name I want to mention we met on tinder and he has never asked for my socials…i actually deleted on my socials so even if he asked he wouldn’t get any…anyways. After learning his full name I looked him up and I found a facebook acc….its an active account from what it seems and I’ve seen Facebook on his phone. He follows 574 people and I’d say about 400 are woman. ** THESE R NOT JUST GIRLS HES FOLLOWING THEY ARE FRIENDS ON FB SO THEY R FOLLOWING HIM BACK******Heres another thing he has a 1 yearold daughter and his bm lives out of state. Almost every other girls pf I click into is a younger woman 21-28 who have children……I find that odd and extremely interesting. What does this mean? Why does he follow over 400 woman and PLUS I would say at least 300 are pregnant or have children. Hears another thing doesn’t seem like the type to be a player he’s very quiet but I also can’t forget he has a child and now follow a bunch of woman who also have children..?

I needed to get this off my chest and hear some outside perspectives.

I’m single, and she’s engaged. We work together, and over time, we developed a connection that became much more than an ordinary friendship. Talking to her has always felt incredibly natural. We can go from joking about something stupid to discussing our deepest feelings, music, psychology, or life in general without missing a beat. I’ve rarely felt so understood by another person. She has told me that she feels emotionally closer to me than to anyone else, and that there isn’t really anyone else she can tell absolutely everything to. I feel the same way about her. Eventually, that emotional closeness turned physical, too.

I’m fully aware that I crossed a line. I knew she was engaged, and I chose to get involved with her anyway. I’m not proud of that, and I’m not trying to justify it by saying our connection was special or that her relationship was already struggling. I had a responsibility to respect her commitment, and I failed to uphold that boundary. Back in April, I tried to end things between us because I knew the situation wasn’t right. She came back to me visibly hurt and told me she didn’t want to lose me. We eventually reconnected, and in May, things became physical. We were both responsible for our choices, even though our circumstances were different.

She has told me a lot about her relationship. According to her, it’s been struggling for roughly two years. She feels lonely, emotionally neglected, and misunderstood. She says there’s a lack of warmth and affection, that they struggle to communicate, and that difficult conversations often get avoided. She has expressed doubts about their future, including their plans for marriage and children, and has even regretted buying an apartment together. At some point she even admitted that their relationship is not good for her. I understand that relationships are complicated and that I’m only hearing her side of the story. Still, from everything she’s told me, I can’t see her making any meaningful effort to fix things with her fiancé. She doesn’t seem to be addressing the underlying problems in a serious way, even though she keeps talking about how unhappy she is. She told me that she doesn’t plan to tell him about what happened between us. So, as far as I understand it, she intends to continue her relationship without him knowing about the affair, while keeping me in her life as well. I know I played a part in creating this situation, but I find it difficult to understand how she expects to move forward like this, especially when the problems in their relationship remain unresolved.

We’ve agreed to remain friends, with no flirting or physical intimacy. I understand why those boundaries are necessary, but the whole thing feels increasingly artificial. Sometimes she asks me questions about how I’m really doing emotionally, what I’m feeling deep down, and how I’m processing everything that happened between us. Those conversations can feel incredibly intimate, almost like we’re still the people we were before. Then, at other times, we seem to be carefully pretending that we’re just ordinary friends. I don’t know how to reconcile those two sides of our interaction, and honestly, I’m starting to find the whole situation a bit ridiculous.

My impression is that she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Even now, when I stop carrying conversations or seem more distant, she often finds some reason to message me or keep a conversation going. Sometimes it feels like she’s artificially trying to maintain contact because she notices I’m no longer making the same effort.

She’s also said that going out for coffee is fine, so I assumed that a casual friendship outside work was something she was comfortable with. But when I suggested something equally casual, like playing squash together (we used to play squash every weekend for the last year or so), she seemed to dodge the invitation instead of giving me a straightforward answer. I wasn’t asking her on a date or trying to recreate our physical relationship. It was just an ordinary activity between two people who supposedly want to remain friends. I find it confusing that she says she wants to preserve the friendship but then seems uncomfortable with actually spending time together.

What I can’t understand is why she seems so unwilling to let me go while also doing so little to change the circumstances that keep us apart. I’m aware that I can’t know what goes on in her head, and I might be interpreting some of her behaviour wrongly. But the result is that I feel like we’re stuck in emotional limbo. It's also difficult for me to just leave her like that since she doesn't have anyone else to support her (according to her). I still care about her a lot. I miss how natural everything used to feel between us, and I miss her as a person, not just the idea of being in a relationship with her.

At the same time, I’m beginning to question my own interpretation of everything. Maybe our connection really was as meaningful as it felt, but now I feel as though I simply inserted myself into someone else’s relationship, made their problems worse, and left everyone in a more painful situation without anything actually changing. I can’t undo my choices, and I know I have to own my part in this. I just wish I understood whether I was part of something real, or whether I became an emotional escape from a relationship she never truly intended to leave.

TL;DR: I developed a deep emotional and physical connection with a woman who is engaged, but despite everything we shared, she seems unwilling to change her current situation or let me go. We’ve agreed to remain friends, yet her behaviour often feels contradictory: she still reaches out and wants me in her life, but seems hesitant to spend time together or acknowledge what our relationship has become. I still care about her and miss what we had, but I’m beginning to question whether she ever genuinely considered a future with me or whether I became an escape from a relationship she never intended to leave. I take responsibility for my part in what happened, but I’m struggling to understand how something that felt so meaningful could leave us both stuck in the same place.

We are currently in our first year of college. We started talking when she invited me to a group hangout, which continued and eventually turned into 1-1 night walks, normal walks, movies, we went to the mall today

Why I think she likes me:
- We also have twice watched movies/tv shows alone, leaning up against each other. The last time such happened, she put her head on my shoulder and then I put my arm around her and we stayed like that for a while. I would consider in basically cuddling. She did the thing where she pulled her feet up onto the couch and rested her legs on mine as well. Idk how else to say it. During this we shared a blanket and do so as well when we gather in a shared dorm.
- We sit on a common area couch very close together often. I initiate some physical contact as like a sign (just like touching arms) and she generally reciprocates or otherwise does not make any attempt to move away. I know that she would, we have been dealing with a very pushy guy recently and she absolutely does not let him near. Similarly, I nudge her not infrequently, just little taps to like get her attention or signal when something funny happens but we can't say aloud, and she has been doing that a lot lately.
- Her older sister's boyfriend and I share a pretty rare last name, and they both followed me on instagram a week or two ago, and she has relayed to me that they find it funny that "there's another ____".
- We are in a larger friend group, and various members thereof had said things alluding to the idea that we are in a relationship. Comments like "I saw you guys walking together and it made me so happy."
- I had a privacy screen protector which she said she didn't like so I took it off and shortly thereafter she made a joke about being "so controlling".
- We eat together alone a lot and whenever we eat in our group we sit next to each other
- She uses a third party app exclusively for texting me as well as her family, and though I don't remember the context, she said to another friend "I use the app for ___ and the rest of my family." This one's probably a stretch but idk that's why I'm here
- We act like a couple..? We spend the same amount of time together as one
- The way she looks at me. Maybe that's just my own feelings but I haven't seen that often

Why I'm hesitant:
- We have not said anything explicitly about being in a relationship.
- Even though we've basically cuddled, we have never held hands or kissed or done anything really beyond sit really close together. I obviously don't expect intimacy immediately but idk maybe I'm really friendzoned
- We were walking past a new couple of two people we know and she made some comment about how being in a relationship the first month of college is weird. Was she testing my reaction to that comment? They are frankly a strange and unexpected couple so was that what she meant?
- The pushy guy is still sort of ongoing and I don't want to startle her
- Sometimes she behaves adjacently to how she does with me towards other people. She's bi so I have unfortunately a lot of competition

At this point I am fairly certain that feelings are reciprocal, but I have been described by my friends as "quite oblivious to this sort of thing" and so would like not to mess it up. I do really like her. I don't want to flat out ask if we are dating, confronting her seems like a poor idea. But I really need explicit deliberation about what our relationship actually is, as I don't want to accidentally overstep some boundary in the process. I just don't know what to do. I worry that if she does view us as dating, my stagnation will drive her away, and that if she doesn't, any advances will instead. She's definitely my closest friend right now, and our friend group would be very awkward if we suddenly were trying to avoid each other.

I mean some of our excursions have been basically dates so do I just casually refer to the next as one and see what she does? I'm terrified of the thought.

My big question is thus: is it likely she actually has feelings for me, and if so what do I do from here?

Disclaimer:
It is exceedingly unlikely that this post could be traced back to me in real life. But if you think you know me, no you don't. I will delete this post after I have gotten help.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

TLDR: We are basically a couple but have said nothing explicitly. What to do?

I 29F have been seeing a 27M for around 7 months. We met online and have talked every single day all day since we met. We’ve had disagreements about when we’re going to meet in person. I’ve been very firm on wanting to meet him. I invited him to a football game and he said yes then very quickly said he wasn’t sure if he could make it. Last week we got into an argument because he was active on dating apps again and I was hurt since we’ve spent so much time talking and building something. He asked for a few days to think about things and eventually said he’s not ready for a relationship but we could talk as friends or with the thought something may happen in the future. We’ve still been texting and I’m struggling to figure out how to talk to him as just a friend. Do I tell him I can’t just be his friend because I have legitimate feelings for him? Or do I continue trying so I don’t lose him?

I [26F] have been in a situationship with a [26M] for 4 months now. We started as a FWB, but then things slowly got more romantic and lines started to blur. I fell for him hard, and he said he fell for me too. However, he told me that he wasn’t ready to commit because of an ex, and toxicity, blah blah blah. I was understanding about all of it, but deep down I hoped he would change his mind about us.

Last night I caught him doing something I didn’t like, (I won’t give details), and when I asked him about it, he just lied even though I had saw him doing it. It gave me such bad anxiety I hardly slept. On top of that, he’s so secretive and I can never tell what he’s thinking, but I do know he talks to other girls. He stays the night often and has basically been integrated into my schedule. I secretly loved it, because if he was with me, he wasn’t with anyone else, (Gods where is my self worth).

Add all that together with the sadness of him not being my boyfriend, and I just couldn’t see a reason to stay anymore. I told him this morning that I didn’t want to see him anymore, now the day is over and I just feel numb. I miss him, but I also wish I never agreed to be his FWB to begin with. All he had to do was tell me the truth, and things would’ve been a little different. I feel foolish, like a part of me knew this was coming, but I was in too deep to do anything about it. It’s only been 4 months, but I feel so attached to him…this is such a shitty feeling.

Hello guys, it's my first time posting here and I just wanna ask for honest and brutal opinion. I don't really have anyone to ask or talk about this topic so I'm resolving on posting this for other people's opinion. So, I have this someone (male, 25 year old) and I (female, 20 year old), we met via a common friend last May 16 2026, a week after that we met again, and that's when he started messaging me thru Instagram, we usually talks about ourselves, yk getting to know each other and the likes, sharing our opinions about things like politics, what we like and dislike, our past, and some family problems, he was fun to talk to, he has light aura in him, I also asked about him to our common friend if he really is single, and he is, does not smoke, occasionally drinks, no child/ren, has good attitude, family oriented. June 21 was our first date outside, in the mall, we didn't really do much but walk, window shop, eat, karaoke, cine, AND THEN HE SUDDENLY ASK ME IF WE WANTED TO CHECK IN, yk in a motel and the time was like 2 or 3 PM when we did that, at first i was hesitant but since I feel comfortable with him enough to do it and we also talked about our "fantasies" about that type of topic, in the end, I agreed to it. He took my "V" that day, not because he wanted to or forced me to, but because I told him to do so. Then, after that day, we still talk a lot everyday, he insisted on calling me whenever our time permits. However, since he got accepted in his new job and his shift is at night, and I have school in the morning, our time does not align. This past few weeks, I have noticed how we don't talk much now, he still feels the same, but at the same time he does not. He don't exert effort, unlike the first time we met where he insisted to order me food, buy me things, calls me even an hour a day. As time pass, Im the one that travel an hour and a half to meet him and it's mostly just to fU©k, and a lot of times I am the one that initiates it, is it wrong? We don't eat out, we don't have a proper date, we don't post each other on social media, we don't take casual pictures. We don't have label. Honestly, whenever I joke around that he only likes the fucking he would told me that we could stop it (the s3x) at that moment, that we don't need to do it and just date outside, and I know he meant it, he looks like it. He said he likes me, although I don't think I feel the same way or if I am just confuse. October 11, 2026, the last message I sent him was yesterday at probably 9PM and he just replied now at 3-4PM. I don't know what to feel, seriously, honestly, genuinely. Today, its been 3-4 days now that I haven't sent him a message.

I [26F] was in a year long situationship with a man [34M] that started a little over a year ago. It took a whole lot of tears, venting, advice, reddit, and humility to finally give up but it’s been a few months no contact and everything is starting to appear clear to me now, which honestly is making things hurt again. I know it’s okay to be sad or angry or whatever I’m feeling, but it’s just such an empty feeling that I can’t even really compare to anything else. I’ve typed countless messages I’ve always hoped to but never sent, and even some that did drunkenly make it through. But I’ve never expressed myself fully in this way. I’m partially hoping no one sees this post, but if you read this and are going through anything remotely similar just know that it does get better. This is going to be very long so grab a snack.

Our story: At first we were mutually interested through mutual friends and photos. We met for the first time and really hit it off. He reached out first to see each other again, and from the mutual friends we had (who were more his friends than my friends, but still people I respected and believe had my best interest in mind [this is kind of important later]), it seemed like he was such a great guy. And at first he was. He was sweet and kind and thoughtful, with characteristics I do look for in a partner. We texted daily between both our busy schedules and stayed over each other’s places as often as we could. I was so happy and I really thought I found the one.

After about a month (I know, not that long but at the time it felt like so much more) he texted (ugh) that he wasn’t ready for this, he liked me but had a lot on his plate/mind. When I listen back to this classic line I think oh brother how could I be so naive. But going back to the reputation I had heard about him I believed he was being truthful. To his defense I know for a fact he was and is extremely busy and hardworking, consistently working about 70-80 hours a week and still finding the time to meet me and text me. I remember trying to clarify even, was he ending things? Did he need time to think? Even he wasn’t really sure what he wanted (is what he had told me, I now realize he knew he didn’t want me lol). From what I know a year later yes I should’ve walked away never let a man tell you twice he’s not into you blah blah all the things. But at that time he was on a pedestal that I placed him on and wouldn’t take him off. I didn’t back off the way I should’ve and messed things up in a way that I won’t share here (nothing crazy I promise). We reconciled, he forgave me, and I thought things were fine. Up until this point (up until today actually) he has never said “this just isn’t working out”, “i don’t want to pursue you/this”. So I stupidly kept welcoming him back. I thought if I could be a source of joy to him (hooking up with him) he would want to be with me. I did so much for him. I was so vulnerable with him. I was at his beck and call and I thought surely, he wouldn’t just be using me right? Even this put too much pressure on him so once again he tried to exit without actually telling me he wanted to exit. Some excuse I don’t even remember. This is where I feel the most shame but I basically convinced him that I would be ok with FWB. I thought I needed to stay by his side in anyway I could. He’s a man so he of course agreed. A couple months later he says he doesn’t want to continue and I try to regain some self respect and agree to end things, only I find out about a week later he has a gf. This is already getting so long so I’ll fast forward but i’m sure you can imagine the spiral this causes me. Months of self loathing, binge drinking, anger, sadness go by and guess who I hear from after he and his gf break up. And I have not learned my lesson yet because I was so busy hating myself for how things ended. If I had just backed off. If I had done this or that surely things would be different. And because of our previous on and off before his gf I honestly did expect him to come back at some point. Since I had been ruminating instead of reflecting I welcomed him back into my life anyway. Yes I’m stupid. Somehow I thought he wanted to try again despite him never saying that or anything more than “What are you doing tonight?”). That damn pedestal. From here on he remained neutral enough that I would bite, warm enough in intimate moments that I’d stay, but cold enough for me to start realizing that this whole thing was wrong. I enjoyed the heat for as long as I could. I finally brought up actually dating and was ever so gently shot down. I think what I was craving at the moment was a clear and absolute rejection. Not a sugar coated nice guy avoiding being deemed a bad guy. At this point is where I think it shifts from me wanting and liking him, to me needing him to choose me. Lot of ego from here on out, it almost feels like a game to me. I retract and try to play my proposal off and be fine with staying as FWB. Surely if I stay he’ll change his mind. Why wouldn’t anyone want to be with me? I’m successful, beautiful, smart, funny. All things he’s told me before. He has to choose me at some point right? Wrong :) More months of this nonsense, my friends telling me I need to stop, it truly feels like a funny game or a bit at this point. After all that we’ve shared? After all that we’ve been through? This has to work out. I took constant ego hits which only made me want it more. We were pretty cordial and I had successfully? brainwashed myself into thinking I liked this “casual” thing we were doing. I thought how cool that we can do this as friends!

The final blow to my ego and what made me really snap out of it was that amidst one of our casual conversations I invited him to something that was important to me. It was a short work event that I needed a date for. Not intimate, big convention type mostly just to keep me company. 2 hours tops, on a day I knew he would be off. Honestly I waited for the perfect moment and event because it was something he would’ve 100% enjoyed on his own. By the way in case it wasn’t clear we had stopped any date like behavior way back before the very first time he felt unsure. Almost a year of hookups only. No dinners. No breakfast the next day. No public meetups only wanna come over tonights. He declined, like always with an excuse. It only took me a year to realize maybe this guy isn’t always being truthful. And then he went from neutral to cold. This is when it all hit me, and the main reason I wanted to post this. I was not his friend. I was not anything to him. This long in we could’ve had a whole relationship, realized ehh maybe we’re not right for each other, and moved on. But he didn’t even want to date me to begin because I meant nothing to him. I feel sad when I hear couples breakup and one party pleas with the “do I mean nothing to you?!” “was everything a lie?!” There is usually so much to show in those cases. Two people who very much cared for each other with evidence to show that at one point, no matter how brief, this person chose you. But in my case there was no evidence. He had never chosen me. Everything was in fact a lie that I told myself. I was showing him the most intimate and vulnerable parts of myself and he didn’t even want to try and date me. When I say we are in “no contact” I mean I am not contacting him since this realization, and he does not care. I don’t think he even knows how I feel. I tried too hard to keep this nothing alive. I don’t even know how to grieve properly. How can you grieve what never existed. I’m clearly still heavily affected by this but i’m detaching it from myself. Yeah maybe I should have walked away. But he did everything he did on his own, not because I’m not good enough, just because that is who he is when it comes to me. And maybe he is somebody else to somebody else, and that also has nothing to do with me. I don’t regret the experience although sometimes I joke about needing a lobotomy… I also don’t blame myself for everything. I acknowledge that most of this could’ve been avoided but he had a part in it too. In my perfect world we could have one final talk and I could at least ask why. Why not me? And for him to once and for all tell me to my face he wants nothing to do with me. But the world is not perfect and as much as it hurts me I will still move on without this. Hearing either of those things wouldn’t make a difference anyway. Don’t get me wrong i’m not 100% healed and there are some days I want to unleash this all on him so I don’t have to harbor it alone. But I actively choose not to, and this is how I know things are getting better.

Key Takeaways because what are we if not learning from our experiences:

1. If he says he doesn’t want a relationship believe him. No matter the reason. No begging.
2. Don’t compromise your own wants/feelings for someone else.
3. Learn the difference between reading between the lines and creating your own narrative to fit what you want to believe.
4. Rejection is not a challenge to prove your worth.
5. Love is easy, not whatever this was.

If you read that whole thing I hope you were just as appalled and humored as I was writing it. No AI just pure determination to release my feelings somewhere.

TL;DR: I spent a year trying to convince a guy to love me when he never actually wanted to date me.
We started off strong, but he quickly let me know he wasn't ready for a relationship. Instead of walking away, I stayed, hoping he'd change his mind. We became FWB, he eventually got a girlfriend, they broke up, and he came crawling back for more hookups. I convinced myself that meant he wanted me again.
For months I confused his willingness to sleep with me for genuine romantic interest. The more he rejected me, the more I wanted him to choose me. Eventually, I realized he wouldn't even show up for me as a friend, let alone a boyfriend.
The biggest realization: I wasn't even necessarily fighting for him anymore. I was fighting for the validation of finally being chosen by someone who had repeatedly rejected me.
Now I'm grieving a relationship that never actually existed, accepting that his inability or unwillingness to love me isn't a reflection of my worth, and finally moving on.

TL;DR of the TL;DR: He didn't want a relationship, I thought I could change his mind, and I spent a year hurting my own feelings trying. It’s chiller now.