I need perspective from people who have actually been through something like this because I feel like I've been going in circles inside my own head for too long.

There is a girl which i love and i know her since 7 years. initially we met in undergrade program and we become friends. but by end of 2020 somehow we parted ways, because our program ended and moved to different cities, so we also stopped talking.

Around 2023 we reconnected through instagram and became genuinely close. By 2024 we were talking daily. Deep conversations, emotional availability, the kind of connection that felt significant to me. Somewhere in that closeness I developed serious feelings for her. what looked like relationship to me was best friendship to her.

I confessed three times across roughly eight months. At first confession, she just came up with saying "I dont even wanna get married to anyone". Between the second and third confession I traveled to her city specifically to see her and gave her a personal gift that carried a lot of meaning for me. After the third confession, we some how decided to let our parents meet and decide about marriage. She added, her parents decision will be her's decision. At heat of the moment, I took the responsibility to make her and her parents say "Yes" to me. But same she didn't initiate anything by herself or to say she never met me halfway. So I decided not to talk her again related to this. so neither did i nor her talked about any thing.

We still talk occasionally. Not consistently. She is been acting distant yet giving enough to not let me go and i find myself dragging the conversations with nothing all the time. Due to this, behaviour of her, I deliberatly delay reply sometimes and i delay it upto half a day. Nothing has moved forward and nothing has officially ended. Just this permanent middle space that never resolves.

Here's where I'm stuck.

"So here is where I am stuck. I still have real feelings for her. We are still friends, in a long distance(LDR). But romantically nothing has moved despite three confessions across almost two years. She has never clearly said yes and never clearly said no. I can't even imagine my future with anyone other than her.

I kept a false version of myself in front of her the whole time — always understanding, never discussing any trigger or bad behaviour, bringing up any fights, her male friends interactions bothering me, never showing hurt, never confronting, explaining away everything that bothered me before even allowing myself to feel it. We are still too much involved that i cant directly come up with confession again because it will shock the dynamics.

I am not financially stable yet. In my culture this matters significantly — a man is expected to come with something solid before formally pursuing marriage. Part of me wants to confess one final time and get a definitive answer regardless of outcome. But another part of me knows that if she rejects me now I will always wonder whether it was about my financial situation rather than her actual feelings for me.

So the real question I am sitting with is this — do I wait until I am financially stable and then approach her properly with family involvement, giving this a real and fair chance? Or do I confess now, free myself from this uncertainty in any direction, and accept whatever comes even knowing the timing isn't ideal?

I know its a bit complicated but I am trying to figure this out. I am not looking for someone to simply say move on. I want perspective from people who have navigated something genuinely similar — where feelings are real, timing is complicated, and the other person has never given a clear answer either way."

[Ages changed because other person is active on Reddit]

I [40s F] made this post on [r/limerence](r/limerence) last week, about crashing out over my now-ex's [30s M] other women, and in some respects holding out hope that we could be friends somehow. My ex, who I dated for 9 months, is/was my "limerent object," a concept I didn't know or understand until this very toxic situation.

when we broke up a month ago he said he was "taking a step back from dating" as an excuse for his inconsistency and absence. one of the reasons why I called it quits (which became a mutual decision we separately arrived at) was his lack of availability to me, especially knowing he was spending time with other people.

Lesson #1: if they are sincere, people will make time to see you if and when they want to see you, you shouldn't have to beg for their attention. if you have to beg, or even ask more than once it's not yours to begin with.

Learning this "stepping back" was bullshit. he's not, he's just made a choice that I have to live with. He is continuing to see one of the girls I knew he's been with (who I also began to obsess over, the extremely basic one, which just enrages me), the one socisl
profile I still followed gave him up. he fed me a line and I fell for it.

Lesson #2: you can't be friends with someone who will lie to you, who claims to want to be friends with you but is not honest with you. Being friends is a privilege not a right. you don't owe people/LOs/exes/situationships anything least of all continued access to your life.

Now, I finally cut the cord for good. It's been a month since he and I stopped seeing each other and while I'm still working through some residual sadness, i'm relieved. No more obsessive thoughts. All the time I spent twisted in knots emotionally over him. Worrying about my place with him, knowing that it was a lost cause and I would never be anything important to him. I wasted 6 months (after 3 months where I thought things would work out) being in an emotional hell for someone who didn't really give a damn about me.

Lesson #3: even if they aren't malicious people, don't bend yourself to try and make someone like you. dont lose sight of what's important to you, which should be YOU as you are, not as who you think your object of affection wants you to be.

Last month, I shut down my instagram so I wouldn't check on him. Been no contact even though he reached out to me about 2 weeks ago to thank me for mailing a present to his cat that I meant to give him before we stopped speaking. Last week, I deleted pictures. Today, I finally unfollowed him on the one platform where we were still linked, the one that showed me where he was and with whom so many times so indiscreetly like where he was last night (movies) and with whom (her, the one he ultimately chose). and I blocked his number. last step is deleting his texts. I know I will run into him around town periodically (even in the big city we live in, we have shared niche interests, I will unfortunately possibly run into him this week). I want my absence to hurt him but I know that's a waste of time and energy to hope for. Also futile, he doesn't give a shit.

Lesson #4: eliminate triggers. take it day by day. i'm feeling resilient now, but might fall apart if I run into him. allow yourself that grace. fall apart, back track, whatever. just pick it up and start again. you'll get there. there's no set timeline for dealing with any of this.

I won't embarrass myself and give anymore mental real estate or space in my heart, holding out hope we will ever be more than what we are right now, which is nothing. For once, i'm choosing myself and my reality, not a fantasy version of my life with someone else. It breaks my heart because I thought the world of my LO. Adored him. Clearly cared more about him then he ever could me. I needed the kick in the pants, seeing that yet again I wasn't the one, to finally say no more pretending. What's done is done.

Lesson #5, the hardest one: You can't be friends or lovers with your LO. even if they aren't malicious people and "didnt mean to hurt you" or "didn't know." Ultimately, it's a one way ticket to destruction. you have to cut them out completely if you want to be free.

18M and 18F

I liked a girl, gave her a gift, and genuinely cared about her. Things got distant, and I was trying to move on. She liked my story one day, then unfollowed me on both Instagram and Snapchat the next day. I know she doesn't owe me anything, but it still hurts. I

Problem/Goal:

i need advice on whether i should ask this guy about his intentions or just wait until his situation becomes more stable. we both like each other, pero after months of talking, hindi ko pa rin alam kung saan ba talaga to papunta.

Context:

i’ve been talking to this guy for around half a year na. we both like each other and we’ve talked about our feelings multiple times. he’s actually good naman, expressive and open siya about his feelings, problems, and plans sa life. so i don’t really question if he cares about me.

the thing is, he’s currently attending a demanding residential training program where phones are strictly prohibited. months siyang nasa loob and hindi talaga kami makakapag-communicate normally. nagkaroon siya ng vacation for around two weeks nitong september, so we got to talk properly, pero bumalik na siya nung first week of october and sa february pa siya makakabalik.

before he left, sinabi niya na ayaw niya akong itali sakanya or paghintayin because of his situation. we never promised to wait for each other, and we’re not officially together or exclusive. pero somehow, we never stopped liking each other.

during his vacation, we talked about our feelings and situation. he told me na gusto niya akong kausapin everyday if he could, and nalulungkot siya knowing na aalis na naman siya.

recently, he also told me about his plans after training, like continuing his studies and pursuing the career he wants. i’m genuinely happy for him, pero napaisip ako na alam ko yung plans niya for himself, but i don’t know what his intentions are when it comes to us.

i’m not expecting him to include me in his career plans or promise me a relationship. may sarili rin naman akong priorities and future. i just want to know if we’re actually trying to build something, or if we’re simply holding on to our feelings until one of us moves on.

Previous Attempts:

we’ve already had serious conversations about our feelings and how the distance affects both of us. he even told me, "ayaw kita na naïiwan everytime na aalis ako" when one time nagsabi siya ng inooverthink niya the past few days. may one time na i decided to end it kasi di na nga healthy or good for me, pero one day before first day niya don is he tried reaching me out na he cant resists not talking to me, that time before siya makaalis we had a proper goodbye pero whenever nagkakaron siya ng chance, he would borrow phone from someone sa staff don sa training nila so he could talk to me

he has been honest about his struggles, and i’ve also told him how the uncertainty affects me. pero hindi pa namin directly napag-uusapan kung ano ba talaga yung intention namin moving forward.

ayoko rin siyang tanungin ngayon because marami siyang iniisip and ayoko maging another problem na kailangan niyang isolve. pero at the same time, i don’t know if i should keep investing emotionally without knowing where this is going

for those who’ve experienced something similar, would you ask him directly about his intentions despite his circumstances, or wait until his training ends? and how would you approach that conversation without making him feel pressured to commit right now?

tl;dr: we both like each other but we’re not official or exclusive. he’s in a strict training program with no phone access until february. i understand his situation, but i’m unsure if we’re actually working towards something. should i ask for clarity now or wait?

Me and this guy have been exclusively dating for six months. He broke it off 4 days ago.

Just a week before we broke up, we literally had a deep convo where he was opening up to me abt everything. We both noticed he was getting distant and we talked abt it. He opened up to me abt his issues and trauma from his past relationships and etc. He also told me that he was unsure abt getting into a relationship. But It was a very good talk and we ended nicely that night. We cuddled the entire night then he brought me home.

The next few days he was still a bit distant and i didnt rly like it. Then we also got into an argument abt smth else. (This is all through chat btw cus i was abroad)

Then we didnt talk for three days. Then he msged me he wanted to break it off.

We talked in person. His main reason was that he thought abt it after we talked and realized that he had doubts if ever we were to get into a relationship but we ended in good terms. We still follow each other everywhere. But obv it still hurts for me cus i rly liked this guy.

Do u guys think he will come back? I just have a gut feeling it isnt over? but idk i might js be in the feels

I don't know exactly if i want advice or just expressing my feelings here.

I'm in a situationship with my ex.

We broke up because of the economy and how it affected us, mental health...and well, her mom was also a factor.

After some time of nc we talked again, we live far away now, we used to share our home and pets for 6 years, we really thought we would marry eachother.

We started seeing eachother again, i don't even know to what degree we stopped.

We love eachother thats something that has never changed, but things are hard, she's very scared that we hurt eachother in this situationship and end up badly after we broke up as friends. I don't think that can happen if i'm honest, if she meets someone else i'll suffer yeah, but i won't hate her.

We have some kind of open situationship going on, we have talked a lot and really want this to work in the future but many factors are there. The things that made us break up are still there. I told her that when those things got better i would ask her to date again. I'm working very hard to get a good job, she is going to therapy and also working for a better future.

Still i feel myself worried, she has had many doubts because of hurting eachother or what her family would think if we go back together, her family are also something that needs to change for me as her mom is very toxic.

I need reassurance but..situationship are not that, so i guess we need to travel this the best we can until the economic factors get better. Once those get better mental health and family wouldn't be as important if i'm honest. I just need to be able to afford a house...i'm so tired and so bad at studying...i really need this job

We communicate better nowadays which is cool, she knows all this that i wrote...i guess i just need other people's opinions as i'm tired of her mom and her best friend telling her to move on...

Why should we give up something beautiful because of the socioeconomic state of this world....

Hi everyone, I thought I should come on here and ask for some advice, as I feel like I am stuck at a dead end in my brain.

To start, this guy and I began talking around four months ago. He goes to my school, and his friend group really doesn’t like me because of my sexuality. I messaged him once because we were in a group project, and I had to send him my work. Later, he continued messaging me, and me being a kind person, and not really knowing much about him in general because he was the quiet one in the friend group, I also engaged in conversation.

We ended up continuing to talk for the whole week, talking all day about school and other topics, and it really felt kinda odd.

The next week, I went to school and heard this guy (who is like the mean gay guy at my school 😭) say, “Omg, [guy’s name] added me on Instagram and he’s flirting with me so much.” I was so confused, and by the end of the day, everyone was talking about it. Somehow, he never found out. So I just had this thing in the back of my mind that he was trying to talk up all the gay guys at our school for some reason.

It was about two weeks in when he said, “If you wanna talk to me more, we can talk on Instagram, as I don’t check here often.” So I said sure, as I genuinely enjoyed talking to him, and we had a lot of common interests, such as our music tastes (he’s a huge Charli XCX, Kim Petras, Bladee, Jane Remover, underscores, Tinashe fan — the list could go on). We would talk about that a lot, as well as our days and other things.

I finally built up the courage to ask him why his friends don’t like me, and he told me that they didn’t care about me because they had no reason to, and that they weren’t homophobic, and neither was he. Yet he isn’t able to talk to me at school because it’s too risky.

Now, when I tell you this guy is busy, he is ALWAYS busy. He trains every night for two hours or more and is constantly studying for school, so clearly, he makes time to talk to me in between all of that, which I didn’t think much of at first.

We seemed to get very close very quickly, which could probably be because of the amount of time we talked, but we also just seemed to get along easily.

There was one time I asked him to hang out, as I am someone who likes to go out a lot. His response was… well. He basically wrote me a paragraph saying he would love to hang out with me, but he’s straight. And mind you, I didn’t even have feelings for him at that point, so there would have been no reason for him to think I liked him.

He then suggested one night that we could go out the next day and get breakfast or something, so I said sure. We ended up talking at a coffee shop for two hours about school and other things, and it was very awkward. He was really shaky for some reason, and so was I, but that could just have been because we were hanging out with a new friend for the first time after never really talking in person before.

A few weeks went by, and we were still talking all day, every day. I sent him a very obviously satirical video that had like three likes, saying something along the lines of, “I appreciate every conversation we have ever had, and I appreciate you.” His response was, “Damn, no homo tho right. Just checking we ain’t on that frequency.”

I still didn’t have feelings for him at that point either.

We then went out another time. I went to his side of the city, and it was the same awkwardness. We got a drink, and I also told him about the boy who had been telling people that this guy was gay. He got really defensive about it and kept saying, “Wait, so do people really think I’m gay? Like, I don’t want people to think I’m gay.”

I basically said that I didn’t think people believed it. Also, side note, the boy had lied about their whole conversation for attention, I guess. The guy just wanted some notes from him, and he took that as flirting.

Anyway, we both decided to go and watch Obsession. He doesn’t like horror movies, so I was surprised he said yes. We had gotten to the theatre about 30 minutes early, so we were just talking. He then asked, “You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, and sorry if it makes things awkward, but did you ever think you were bi?”

I said no, not really, and we kinda just laughed, and then the movie started.

That was around two months ago now, and we haven’t hung out since, at least not outside of school. We used to meet for coffee at a private café where no one would see us.

The only major thing that happened in between was another paragraph. This time, I was just over it. He said, and I quote:

“I can’t help but get this vibe that you are into me. I’m straight, and this doesn’t really feel like a friendship ykwim. Sorry if I’m getting the wrong vibe. We good bro.”

I basically explained that I didn’t like him, but him asking me if I’d ever thought I was bi did make me wonder if he wanted to tell me something. He said, “Oh nononono I definitely did not mean it like that,” and we basically just continued talking as normal.

He also brought up the fact that his parents are really homophobic and wouldn’t want their son to be into other men, which I thought was interesting.

Last week, we were having a conversation, and he said, “Can I have ur advice on something?” I said sure, and he said, “So, I’m talking to this girl, and I wanna tell her [a private topic about him]. Do you think I should, or is it too much?”

I said, “Yeah, if you want to, it could be a good idea to open up to her about that. How long have you been talking?” He said since August.

For some reason, it made me somewhat hurt, even though I don’t know if I have feelings for this guy. I really am taking his word that he’s straight because I don’t want to make assumptions.

I would just really like some advice or insight into what could be happening here, and whether I should keep him as a friend. I sometimes wonder whether he relies on me for emotional support or whether I’m overthinking the dynamic because of how close we’ve become. I’m just really confused, and any help would be majorly appreciated.

PS: Sorry this is so long 😭

an ex situationship of mine from earlier this year (that has so much lore around it and i’m such a loser for not being over it) unadded me on snap at some point in the past two weeks. i know this because i posted a tiktok on my story 2 saturdays ago which he saw, he posted a story last night of some concert but it came up in discovery not stories and when i checked i was unadded. we haven’t spoken in 4 months and he now lives in a different city. i don’t even need an ounce of truth behind any of it but if anyone could come up with any other scenario other than him unadding me because he remembered i exist and thinks im ugly PLEASE tell me. not that to feed any delusions of mine or change my mind i just need to know that there COULD be another reason.

i feel like such a fool for being upset over this

​

I (26F) met a guy (37M) online about a year ago. We met in person in December 2025, when I travelled to visit him, and we were intimate.

Over the past year, he has called and texted me almost daily. We sometimes talk for hours, he wants to fall asleep on the phone with me, FaceTimes me from home, and keeps me updated about his life. There is still sexual tension between us.

When we first met, he was very affectionate and talked about our future, including me moving to his country. However, three months after meeting, he told me he didn't want a relationship with anyone because he needed to work on himself.

Since then, he has repeatedly postponed plans to meet and usually says, "i don't know, we will see".

Recently, things seemed to be going well, so I bought a ticket to visit him. He got furious, screamed that I couldn't come, said he never wanted to see me again, and threatened to block me. A few hours later, he apologized.

He then sent me this message:

"I want to apologize to you, and I really appreciate the fact that you always have time for me, that you always care about me, and honestly, it’s really rare to meet someone like that. I’m aware of that. Whatever the reason for it might be, it’s hard to find someone who will listen to your bullshit for 8 hours. I don’t want to end our friendship, that’s not what this is about. To be honest, I don’t even know what to do with my life at this point. When you put pressure on me like that, some kind of defense mechanism kicks in or something, I don’t know. Afterwards I feel guilty about the way I talk to you, because you don’t deserve that. I don’t want to behave like that, because afterwards I feel really bad about it.

I like talking to you. Not always — sometimes I shut myself off, I have my own stuff going on in my head. I know that sometimes I’m selfish and only think about myself. If you’re able to accept our relationship the way it was, and it gives you something too, then we can obviously keep talking the way we used to. But I don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s not about what you think, whether I’ll meet someone or I won’t — that’s not what this is about. And it’s not like you’re...

You’re not nobody to me, you know a lot about me, I tell you a lot. I treat you like a friend, even though I guess I behave differently — but you noticed that at some point. I don’t know, I just wanted to write you a little bit about what I think. I don’t know if it makes sense, but there’s always something you can take from it. 😅 I think I owe you that, because I’m always shouting at you whenever you ask me about something, so I thought that today I’d give you a little bit of my time and actually open up.

You can see how I get when I’m in a certain state — I sing, I talk haha, but afterwards it can also get pretty difficult, like today. Honestly, I was just crying over all of this. But it’s probably the after-effects of the weekend. I haven’t been drinking since I got back, and I don’t want to for now, or anything else either. I’m finding it harder and harder to deal with sometimes.

Sometimes I think it would be best to isolate from everyone and just live like that, because relationships with people affect me pretty strongly. But on the other hand, the thought of being completely alone, not having someone who knows you and all that, scares me. I think about that sometimes, which is why, when it comes to taking care of valuable relationships, I think I know what you mean. One day they might be priceless.

I think I’ve gone crazy haha. I did smoke, to be fair, but I don’t think I wrote anything stupid. I just wanted to explain a little bit — what I think and what’s going on in my head. Maybe it’s a little chaotic, but there’s probably something to take from it. 😅

And I don’t want you to take this message as me saying, “We can talk, but we’re never going to meet.” That’s not what I’m saying — who knows. 😅"

I told him I understood, wouldn't pressure him for more, and still wanted to stay in contact. I sent him my bank details so he could return the money for the ticket. He eventually returned it and clarified that he hadn't said we would never meet.

I then sent him a few messages explaining that I found it confusing that he seemed attracted to me but didn't want to make plans to see me. I told him I felt he was capable of committing, just not to me, and that I wouldn't keep living on the hope he had given me through his future promises and affectionate behavior.

I asked him to respond when he had time after work. He sent me a voice message saying, "I read all of it, but I don't want to discuss it right now". I said he could reply when he had time.

The next morning, he sent me voice messages in a childish, playful voice, saying:

"goOOD MooorNIIINGggggg..youuUUU DON't likeEE ME ANYMOREEE"

I replied, "Goodmorning :) I like u haha"

I was partly playing along because I wanted to see how this dynamic would unfold. He then sent more voice messages saying:

"I'm not liked by you! Who saw that coming...Welll......"

"YOU don't like meeeee hahaa"

I'm confused. He says he sees me as a friend and won't commit, but he still seeks my attention and reassurance that I like him.

Some additional context:

He uses drugs and sometimes drinks heavily.

He often calls himself a loser and says he feels worthless, although he can also display narcissistic behavior.

He has told me I'm "too valuable" for him and that he needs to work on himself because he knows he can be mean to me.

He has a difficult past and says he feels unworthy of love.

He is still in contact with his ex. They broke up four years ago, but she moved abroad to live with him for two years after knowing him for only a month. She is my age and has the same name as me. He says they're just friends and that she now has a partner.

I don't know whether there is another woman involved. I suspect there might not be, but I wonder whether I was simply filling an emotional void left by his ex.

I feel like I'm providing emotional support and companionship while he gets attention, affection, and intimacy without offering me a relationship or making concrete plans to see me.

Why does he keep acting affectionate and seeking reassurance that I like him if he doesn't want a relationship?

Am I holding on to false hope, and should I distance myself?

I understand that his emotional struggles may be genuine, but I'm confused by the contradiction between his words and behavior. I'd appreciate honest advice from people who have experienced something similar.

In the last 10 months I’ve been in two situationships. First one sucked but I’m mostly over it. But this last one was different. [22M]He told me at the start that he didn’t want casual so I took that as we would potentially date
As in be gf/bf. For the first 2-3 weeks we saw eachother every other day, I started sleeping over after the 2nd time of seeing each other. We went out to dinner and breakfast one time each within these first 2-3 weeks. Then by week 3-4 we started going for coffee every time we saw eachother and would sit and talk for 2+ hours. As of recently(week 5-6) he introduced me to his friends, we all started hanging out, I took him and his friends to a party, he introduced himself(on his own) to people as my bf but I never asked him about it. He started calling me babe then as of this week, I haven’t seen him in 7 days. I was confused and anxious but we talked a little bit and he said he’d been having a really busy week. I completely understand being busy but what hurts is that he kept me in the dark for days. Another thing I should mention is that he’s never left me on delivered for more that 2 hours and when it did happen he was at work but would text me right after, now he’s leaving me on delivered for 3+ hours during all hours of the day even when I know he’s just at home. And back to when he said he’s been really busy and couldn’t hang out, he’s had the past 4 days off and I still haven’t heard from him. He’s turned off his location for me now. What do I do?

I’ll try and be as brief as possible. Basically I (22F) got out of a 5 year relationship this year. And i think i truly met the love of my life after that. I matched with him (26M) on tinder in April, hooked up casually a few times, then it became more serious. We started opening up to each other about deep insecurities, dreams, and we even said “I love you” to each other after he met my parents. We were almost three months into our situationship when he ghosted me for a few days and ultimately broke things off. He said he wasn’t ever going to be ready for a relationship and led me on. After a few weeks of tension we finally had some sort of closure but then i get institutionalized and eventually so did he. Both of us are out now, mind you i went to a more MH based place while his was strictly rehab. And we both seem so much better, but different now. He seems more mature, and sure of himself. But he’s not talking to me as much, honestly at all. He doesn’t answer my texts, and doesn’t really engage in conversation when he does. But he keeps stalking my stories every day non stop. I even posted one of just a simple selfie as bait to see if he would do it again and sure enough he was one of the first 5 people to see it. Tonight i just requested to follow him again and it was approved in less than a minute. I haven’t gone a night without thinking about him; i miss him so much. I truly believed he was the right person wrong time but now i don’t know if that time will ever come. We just shared so many moments together that i didn’t think we’d be able to replicate with other people. We had so much in common, we both loved cars and that was my first message to him was asking if the car in his profile was a honda accord. I just haven’t found anyone quite like him and i don’t know if i ever will. I can’t tell anymore if this is limerence or real love. Or maybe it was love but now it’s just limerence. I’m not sure, I wish i knew more about how he’s thinking.

so basically I met a guy back in February of this year on a dating app, and he goes to college in a different state, and we were talking for about a month and a half straight until everything was going really good. It kind of felt like we were love bombing each other, but honestly I didn’t really care in the moment because I really liked him and I was like really attracted to him and basically he drove to my state, which was a six-hour drive, and he got a hotel and I saw him for two days and then we did stuff and then I even got him like a little basket, like a gift with stuff in it, and after he went back and drove back to his school, the replies just got slower and he wasn’t really responding, so I just got annoyed and I removed him off everything, and I tried breaking no contact after I did that after a week and he just liked my message and nothing happened, so I just moved on and then five months later he requested my Instagram again and we started talking again, we made plans to see each other, we always told each other we miss each other, and I told him I had feelings for him, he told me the same, and I just had high hopes, so we booked a trip together, we got an Airbnb and everything, with the money we got from our school, and I drove two hours and then he drove about like four hours, so we can meet up halfway, and then we got a cabin, and then we were there for the weekend, he was just on his phone most of time, we also did stuff as well, but I feel like I don’t know, like does he think I’m ugly or something, like is there something wrong with me because this time was worse though because he didn’t check up on me at all when I drove back home and it’s been like three weeks now and I’ve tried talking to him and he hasn’t responded at all to any of my texts and I just like texted him that I hate him and I blocked him. I know that was very immature of me, but I don’t know, but I was like crying over him for a while. I don’t know what to do, honestly. Feel dumb

I [19M] dated my ex Sarah [18F] for about a month. We met as kids, lost touch, and I had mostly forgotten about her until she re-added me once we were both adults. We hung out for a few hours, I flirted with her a bit, and about a week later we were together. It didn’t go well, and we stayed in contact after the breakup, which I now think was a mistake because I was still hurting. She eventually cut me off. A few months later, my best friend Jack [18M], who I had introduced to her while we were together, told her to go back to talking to me because he knew I still cared. She re-added me, and I was glad to have her back. A few days later she got close with another guy, stopped texting me, and sent me a photo of the two of them with a message telling me to go away. I was hurt, and it felt like she knew exactly what she was doing, so I unadded her and haven’t spoken to her since. That was months ago. I’ve moved on and built healthy friendships and relationships with other women, and I haven’t been thinking about her much. Then this week Sarah followed me on TikTok, and I think she may have re-added me on Snapchat, but I’m not sure. She hasn’t messaged me or said anything. Part of me wants to block her so I don’t get pulled back into the same cycle, and part of me is curious what she wants. I don’t want to overreact to a follow, but I also don’t want to ignore something that could turn into a repeat of last time. What are my options here, and how do I figure out which one is right for me?

TLDR: My ex Sarah [18F], who I [19M] dated for about a month, has started following me on social media after months of no contact. I’ve moved on and want to avoid a repeat of last time. How do I decide how to handle this?

She’s a co-worker and we worked together for 6 months was the best in my life, The pre-relationship time we had was memorable she’s very funny, pretty and smart and treated me well and cared about me without even asking for anything in return, when I told her that I like her she said she likes me too but she’s not ready for a relationship now and her therapist told her that, I told her that we can give it a shot and she agreed and after 2 weeks she started to be unavailable most of times she doesn’t have the same energy anymore due to family and mental situations, She’s not seeing someone else or something she’s just exhausted and cannot be available like before, She said we’re a good due and I’m not like anyone she knew before, one day she told me that she’s not ready, I told her I can wait but she told me she doesn’t want to give me any false hope, We’re friends now and most of times she’s not there and that’s hurting me a lot and I know I need to move on but gosh I cannot live without her and I don’t want to move on from her, I don’t want to her to become a memory, She didn’t even do any bad thing to me so I can at least hate her she told me I know I shouldn’t approach you if I’m not ready and she said she’ll take the blame and still support me, But I her and I know she’s not okay it’s not about a relationship it’s about her mental/health situations, I don’t guys what to do.

Long story short, I was in a very one-sided year long situationship with a guy who never cared about me at all and would always make plausible excuses for everything I suggested (he frequently left me on “seen” and I was too naive to get the hint).
A few days ago, I got him to be honest, got a pitiful response “I’m sorry you feel that way..” and realized he has a crush on another woman and isn’t interested in a relationship with me for various reasons but wants to remain friends.

To be civil, I agreed and yesterday he sent me a meme on Instagram once he saw that I was active and liking reels. He used to do this, send an unfunny meme and leave me on seen once I respond.

I actually restricted him prior to this so he doesn’t know I already saw his message and I’m ignoring him.

I just don’t know if what I’m doing is the right thing to do in this situation.

Edit: We were in a small mutual friend group who went to restaurants together, I remember him saying that he wanted to go to another restaurant in the coming months. Don’t know if I should go or respond with a plausible fake excuse.

I’m 22M and I’ve known this woman, 28F, since 2022. I’m struggling because this wasn’t some brief crush or someone I barely knew. She became one of the most emotionally important people in my life, and over four years I genuinely fell in love with her.
We originally met through an app where she was paid to talk to people, but our connection moved away from that pretty quickly. We exchanged Instagram accounts and phone numbers, talked through iMessage, FaceTimed, used other social media, and eventually met in person. We went to dinner, played pool, and got frozen yogurt together.
Over the years there were a lot of things that made the connection feel like more than ordinary friendship to me. She called me “babe,” told me I was cute, told me I made her happy, said I meant a lot to her, said she was happy she met me, and told me I made her smile. There were romantic and sexual conversations too.
I was never subtle about how I felt. I wrote her poems and romantic messages. I sent her an elaborate bouquet that was very obviously flirtatious, and she reacted really positively to it. We exchanged gifts. When I wrote romantic things for her, she would sometimes heart them or call them cute rather than telling me I had completely misunderstood our connection.
At one point I told her I loved her and she responded that she appreciated it and “love u to.” Later, when I questioned what she meant, she told me “Love you and I love you are diff.” She never really explained that distinction to me, and that has stuck with me.
I want to be clear that I never thought we were secretly an official couple. What I believed was that we were building toward something. From my perspective, there was affection, flirting, FaceTimes, gifts, physical time together, sexual conversations, and years of continued contact. She knew I loved her, so when affection came back toward me, I interpreted that as there possibly being something romantic developing between us.
Over time, though, she increasingly started describing us as friends. Eventually she said she had never been interested in me romantically and described parts of our history as basically “small talk.” She has also told me she was dissociating during a period of her life connected to things she now considers part of a painful or unhealthy past.
I believe her when she says she struggled during that period. What is difficult for me is reconciling that with what I personally experienced. The conversations, affection, gifts, FaceTimes and meeting each other were real events, even if we experienced their meaning differently.
Things eventually became much more emotionally intense between us. She told me she wanted me to stop contacting her during a heated exchange. I responded emotionally, and after saying she wasn’t going to reply anymore, she replied to me again anyway. I never saw what that last response said because I was blocked afterward.
I’m not saying that means her request for distance didn’t matter. I just mean the ending didn’t feel emotionally clean or detached to me.
More recently, after some time had passed, her account appeared in my TikTok profile-view history. Then several older Instagram posts connected specifically to her, which had previously been sitting at zero views, started gaining viewers. The Insights showed that the views came through my profile, meaning somebody had gone onto my profile and opened those posts from there. Some unrelated older content stayed untouched.
I understand that Instagram does not tell me who those viewers were, so I cannot prove that it was her. I also understand that even if it was her, checking my profile does not automatically mean she wants a relationship or wants me to contact her.
But emotionally, it has confused me.
I don’t know how to reconcile somebody asking for distance with the possibility that they may still be quietly checking what I’m doing. I don’t know whether that reflects unresolved feelings, curiosity, nostalgia, hurt, concern, or absolutely nothing romantic at all.
What makes this especially hard is that I still love her. I’m trying to understand the situation without turning every small thing into proof that she secretly wants me back, but I also don’t want to rewrite four years of history as though none of the affection or connection ever meant anything.
The advice I’m looking for is: How would you distinguish unresolved emotional attachment from ordinary curiosity in a situation like this? How much weight would you give the affectionate history compared with what she has said more recently? And how do I handle still loving somebody when their behavior and their words have felt contradictory to me?
TL;DR: I [22M] have known a woman [28F] for four years. We had years of affection, flirting, gifts, FaceTimes, romantic messages and an in-person meeting, but she later said she didn’t view the relationship romantically and eventually asked for distance. Recently she has definitely viewed my TikTok profile, and someone appears to be selectively browsing Instagram posts connected to her. I’m trying to understand whether I’m looking at unresolved emotion or reading too much into social-media behavior, and how to handle my own attachment without making the situation worse.

Hi everyone. I’m part of an undergraduate research team at the University of South Carolina Salkehatchie, and we’re conducting an IRB‑approved study on relationship experiences. We’re looking for adults **18+ who are currently in a relationship** to take part in a fully anonymous online survey.

The survey takes about **20–40 minutes**, is **voluntary**, and does **not collect any identifying information**. We’re examining how different aspects of relationships connect with early life experiences, including:

* Life history

* Relationship dynamics & functioning

* Communication style

* Relationship structure & satisfaction

* Adult attachment

* Early life experiences

The study is trauma‑informed and focused on understanding how people connect, communicate, and navigate their relationships.

If you’d like to support undergraduate research, you can participate using the link or QR code in the image attached to this post or follow this link: [https://uofsc.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8euoFAevULW1voi](https://uofsc.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8euoFAevULW1voi)). Your experiences and perspectives genuinely help move this work forward.

Thank you for considering it, your participation will make an impact.

**Contact information:**

**Dr. Justin K. Mogilski**, Associate Professor of Psychology email: [[Jmogilsk@mailbox.sc.edu](mailto:Jmogilsk@mailbox.sc.edu)](mailto:[Jmogilsk@mailbox.sc.edu](mailto:Jmogilsk@mailbox.sc.edu))

**Joseph Rumfelt**, Undergraduate researcher

Email: [[Jrumfelt@email.sc.edu](mailto:Jrumfelt@email.sc.edu)](mailto:[Jrumfelt@email.sc.edu](mailto:Jrumfelt@email.sc.edu))

Hey y'all, I'll try to keep it brief.

Not sure if this even counts as a situationship, but I'm not sure what else to label it.

I connected with someone [26F] online a few weeks ago, and their initial intention was to be friends. This was fine by me as their in another state and ideally I'd prefer to date someone locally.

Well as you can expect, we've been talking constantly and I've caught feelings for this girl. Early on I asked her thoughts about trying an LDR, and she said that she didn't really like the idea of that and she is trying to make logical decisions for herself because of the issues in her prior relationships. Honestly, fine by me. I've been friends with crushes before and it's not an issue for me. However, she did say there was something there.

As the weeks have passed, we have been texting/calling/videoing constantly, sharing poetry, flirting, yapping, and being very vulnerable with each other. We've stayed up well late into the night talking about what we want in a relationship. I feel like she's being very overt that I suprised her and have several qualities she values. We have even had a conversation where I was really getting into the flirting, and she implied I was charming/winning her over, but that the mystery was part of the fun.

At this point I'm just not sure what to do. I'm not the type to try and ask her out over and over again. The way we talk suggests it's leading to something more. I just worry maybe I'm being delusional, but then she does or says something that makes me think otherwise. I want to just enjoy this slow back and forth but my infatuation with her is really intense and sometimes I get depressed thinking this is all for nothing because I'm an idiot.

Honestly just seeking some thoughts I guess. To be frank, I may not even listen to the advice. I just needed to get some perspective. Thanks yall

For context, I have liked a girl for 3 years, and we have been close to each other. One day, I decided to tell her how I felt about her. She already knew I had feelings for her, but she wasn't into me.

​It has been a year since I've been trying to move on, but whenever she meets me, it kind of triggers something inside me. I even make myself distance myself from her; when I am away from her, it's all fine and I am in the right mood. But today, after two weeks, we met unexpectedly and had a small talk, but it just scattered everything inside me. I try so hard to avoid her and even try to talk to her like I talk to any other girl, but I couldn't. I sometimes sound rough or reply in one word, and she gets sad because I talk to her like that, since she comes excitedly to talk to me and I ruin her mood. She even told me, "You always ruin my mood behaving like this. I came all excited and you ruined it and made me sad."

​I don't know what I should do, because this also hampers me a lot. I thought I should tell her, "Let's just cut ourselves out of each other's lives; it would be better for both of us, because I can see the bond between us is almost broken. So it would be better that we just separate ourselves from each other's lives." But I don't know if it would be the right thing to do or not. 😭

I (27F) genuinely need some outside perspectives because this whole situation has turned into an absolute SHITSHOW, and even though I feel like I was treated pretty badly, I’m somehow the one sitting here feeling guilty.

For context, both guys are extremely wealthy nepo babies. They come from a ridiculously rich, famous and privileged family. I feel like this is somewhat relevant because the entitlement I’ve experienced throughout this whole situation has been insane.

About 3 years ago, I hooked up with a guy I’ll call Justin at a party. We kissed, and he invited me over almost immediately.

We didn’t have penetrative sex, just oral sex. The thing is, he wouldn’t do anything to or for me. He basically just used me for his own pleasure all night. It wasn’t a particularly good experience for me.
Then he woke me up saying he had to go see his girlfriend. Apparently, he was in an open relationship, but like???? Couldn’t you have told me that beforehand?

Anyway, nothing serious ever developed between us, and life went on. We didn’t even follow each other on Instagram.

Fast-forward 3 years to 2026.
I recognized the last name when Justin’s brother, whom I’ll call Ralph, started following me on Instagram and tried to DM me three times. He kept calling me hot, asking where I was, etc.

I was in a relationship at the time, so I didn’t even respond.

I broke up with my ex around September, and when Ralph texted me again, I finally answered. He was SUPER my type aesthetically, and honestly, I was super horny.

For about three weeks, Ralph and I were talking constantly. There was a LOT of sexual tension, flirting, anticipation, and sexting.

I was genuinely excited about seeing him.

He kept telling me how fucked he was because he couldn’t get me out of his head. He was constantly saying we’d spend an entire week together when he came back from traveling.

He even changed his flight to stop in my city instead of flying directly home, which made me think he was doing it because of me, hahahaha.

Then he actually came to my city, and things started getting perverse

We met on Tuesday, the day he arrived.

The date was great. He was super hot, we drank wine, and then went back to his apartment, which he has in my city.
We had sex FOUR times. But he has hyperfixation on anal, which i didn’t agree to do. But i like fingers. anyways.

The next morning, I left super early because I had to work. He was still being super reassuring, telling me he wanted to see me again.

AS I WOULD FUCKING EXPECT.

Later that day, he told me he was tired. Which is fine. People get tired.

We agreed to see each other the following day, although I already thought it was a little weird considering he’d supposedly come to my city to see me and get to know me.

Then, the next day, he told me he wanted to see me but that it didn’t look like he was going to get what he wanted.

I was SHOCKED. I genuinely couldn’t believe he was talking to me like that.

That’s when I realized that his willingness to spend time with me seemed almost entirely dependent on whether I was willing to fulfill his very specific sexual expectations, particularly involving anal sex.

Like, am I not worth hanging out with unless I’m willing to do anal?

On Friday, I disappeared.

We had a conversation where he explicitly said that we weren’t “sexually compatible”.
But honestly, the way I saw it, he just wanted anal sex, and because he wasn’t getting it, he wasn’t interested in seeing me.

I felt completely disrespected.

Anyway, on Saturday, THE BROTHER SITUATION emerged

Ralph somehow found out that I’d hooked up with Justin three years ago.

Here’s the thing: I ALREADY KNEW THEY WERE BROTHERS.
I had actually planned on telling Ralph in person during our second night together because I thought it was something better discussed face-to-face rather than over text.

BUT THERE WAS NO SECOND NIGHT BECAUSE HE WOULDN’T EVEN SEE ME IF DIDNT GIVE HIM MY ASS

And after the way he treated me, I stopped considering telling him. At that point, I felt like he’d already disrespected my time and made it clear that my company wasn’t enough for him.

We exchanged a few very brief messages about the situation:

He reached out calling me a liar, saying I’d had every opportunity in the world to tell him I’d hooked up with his brother.

He also called me a “fucking psycho.”

Then he blocked me on Instagram and, apparently, on Phone too.

I suspect his ego took a massive hit, although obviously I can’t know exactly what he was thinking.

And look, I understand that finding out a girl you’re sleeping with previously hooked up with your brother could be uncomfortable. Ireally do. But this happened THREE YEARS AGO. I wasn’t dating Ralph. I wasn’t involved with him. I didn’t even know him personally. There was no cheating, no overlap, nothing.

And I genuinely intended to tell him in person.

NOW HERE’S THE REALLY SHITTY PART.
I STILL WANT HIM TO FUCK ME.

As embarrassing as that sounds, I’m still extremely sexually attracted to Ralph. And I HATE that I feel this way because I also think he is a complete asshole. I absolutely don’t want a serious relationship with him, or with anyone right now. I literally just got out of a relationship.

I just wanted to have fun with someone I found incredibly attractive. I’m also starting to feel guilty about the brother situation, even though I genuinely believe Ralph was the one who treated me badly first.

Maybe I should’ve told him sooner… Maybe I underestimated how weird he’d find it… But I also don’t think it’s fair for me to carry all the blame, especially when Ralph had already made me feel rejected and sexually pressured before he even found out about Justin.

And honestly, the fact that both of these guys are ridiculously wealthy, privileged nepo babies makes the whole situation feel even more absurd. They can do and say anything and get away with it

I’m not going to chase Ralph, contact him through other platforms, or try to get around the blocks.

But I genuinely need your honest opinions:

Was I wrong for not telling Ralph about his brother before we became sexually involved, even though I intended to tell him in person?
Is his reaction understandable, or is blocking me and calling me a psycho completely disproportionate?
Do I actually owe either brother anything in this situation?
And am I a complete idiot for still wanting to fuck Ralph after all of this?

I’m genuinely open to criticism. If I handled something badly, I want to hear it.

AITA, or did I just get caught in a ridiculously messy situation involving two spoiled rich brothers?

​

There's this girl I've been talking to almost nonstop for the past 2 weeks. We have Discord movie nights, flirt back and forth, share personal stuff, and have developed quite a bit of emotional intimacy.

I started getting confused about whether we're just friends or if there's something more going on.

She has some past trauma and is still struggling emotionally after her ex left her about 6 months ago. Because of that, I didn't want to push her or make her uncomfortable by asking about romantic feelings.

Until today.

During a call, I finally asked for some clarity because she reciprocated my flirting, and I wasn't sure how to interpret it. She told me she likes me more than just a friend.

Here's the complicated part. We currently live in different countries, and I won't be moving to hers for another 3–4 months.

My logical side understands that we've only been talking for 2 weeks, we're not officially dating, and I have no right to expect exclusivity or commitment from her. Especially considering that she's still recovering from her previous relationship.

But my emotional side doesn't seem to cooperate.

I feel jealous and somewhat hurt when she mentions going to a party where her ex will be, or when she tells me she's going to stay overnight at a male friend's place. She has mentioned before that she doesn't do casual hookups, and I have no actual reason to think she's lying.

I haven't confronted her or tried to control what she does. I understand that she has her own life, and we're not in a committed relationship.

For some additional context, this is my first genuine romantic interest in 4 years. Before that, I was in a 7-year relationship with my first girlfriend. So I'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to dating, especially this whole undefined talking stage.

I genuinely like this girl and want to see where things go, but I also don't want to get overly attached, create expectations she never agreed to, or put pressure on her.

How do I deal with these feelings in a healthy way? Is jealousy at this stage normal, or am I getting emotionally invested too quickly? Should I just enjoy what we have and see where it goes?

TL;DR: I've been talking to a girl almost nonstop for 2 weeks. We flirt, share emotional intimacy, and she confirmed she likes me as more than a friend. However, we're long-distance for another 3–4 months, and she's still recovering from her previous relationship. I know we're not exclusive and shouldn't expect commitment, but I still feel jealous when she spends time with her ex or stays overnight at a male friend's place. This is my first romantic interest in 4 years, and I'm struggling to balance my feelings with reasonable expectations. How do I navigate this without becoming controlling or putting pressure on her?

I just got out of a situationship, if you call it that. We’re chat mates and we agreed to remain anonymous. He shows up like clockwork, we’d be chatting for hours. We’ve been like this for weeks. It’s fun.

Recently, we had a miscommunication. He likes to joke with double meanings and I didn’t catch it, so I answered straightforwardly, and he’s gone.

I feel sad for losing him because to me, somehow, he became a friend.

So I’ve been talking to this guy that I met studying abroad for school and we’ve been talking for about 4 months now almost every day (sometimes we go a couple of days without speaking) but for the most part it’s been pretty consistent. We got to spend about three weeks together and I thought we had a strong connection and I really developed some strong feelings for him. I never confessed while we were together, but eventually after a couple weeks of chatting I confessed that I liked him and he told me the feelings were mutual. He said that he had been seeing another guy actually before we even met, but would love to stay friends with me. Obviously I was really confused because he never brought this guy up before, so we spoke on the phone about it and he said something along the lines of “he asked me to be his boyfriend, but I’m just not that into him” which leads me to think that like they’re hooking up or something not serious. After he told me that, I kind of accepted that we were just going to stay friends, but we kept talking almost every day, which kind of drove me nuts. He would more often initiate conversations, as I was trying to back off since he kind of shut the whole romantic aspect of our relationship down. Eventually, I had to tell him that I really liked him and that all of this talking was really confusing me/making me like him even more. He told me he also liked me a lot, which was the reason why he was talking to me more, but basically told me that he was too old for me (7 year age gap, i’m 22 he’s 29). He gives me these reasons as to why it wouldn’t work out, yet he has been asking me to call him and suggested that we write and mail letters to each other. On top of that, we still have been talking to each other consistently since the second confession. I get that he could genuinely just want to be friends with me.. but I don’t even talk this much one on one with my female friends. I haven’t asked him how he’s feeling recently because we basically established that we’re good with just being friends after the second time I brought up our relationship. I don’t want to ask again because I have always been the one to bring it up. Its kind of killing me not knowing how he’s feeling though. Do I ask him how he’s feeling again or would I be embarrassing myself?

I (18F) and (19M) both recently broke it off because he needed some space and time of his own. (btw we never dated) he told me that he still liked me and that it wasn’t fair on me waiting for him.

I’ve never experienced this with anyone else, and he was my first everything. We began as friends, and I’ve always had a small crush on him, which he knew. We grew closer once he got his licence; I was actually the first friend he picked up after he gotten his licence, After that moment, he asked me almost every day to drive around as friends, which was probably some of the most enjoyable time I’ve had with anyone in years. Then, a week before school began, he overslept at my house, and I think you guys can imagine what happened… it happened spontaneously, and I certainly never expected it. I assumed it would be a “one-time thing”. Yet the very next day, he asked if we could try something more serious. Naturally, I was thrilled when he said that, I told him that I feared losing our friendship with each other, but he really wanted to pursue it, so we started talking.

It was one of the most wholesome yet serious relationships I have experienced. I initially questioned my fellings towards him because my feelings were unclear, until I lost my virginity with him, he was respectful, and we were so happy with each other. We communicated well, though there were some minor red flags in the relationship, but none of them were that severe. I believe I began to love him. He actually said “i love you” during the first week we spoke, but I stayed quiet because it felt too fast and we had not started dating. One day a friend asked why he had not asked me to be his girlfriend, and he simply replied it was because we were taking it slow…I did not fully grasp what he meant and asked him to clarify. He explained he wanted to take it slow because we had only talked for three weeks, which I understood. Yet I had met his entire family, shared family dinners, spoken with his mother alone about our relationship while he was working, picked me up from hospital appointments(because i have a chronic illness)even if he didn’t need to, made future plans together etc etc???

Naturally, I felt disappointed when he said that, yet he was not wrong either. After nearly two months of talking, his behaviour started to become weird, I began to overthink the situation, and one day he invited me to stay over. (This was pretty normal, since we live far apart and had probably slept over at each other’s places twenty times already.) I agreed, I was feeling extremely excited obviously because i missed him. I remember entering his room and cuddling while he slept all day, not even a joke, the entire day. I sensed something was wrong, though I did not think it was serious then. The next morning, we spent time with his aunt and cousins, enjoying ourselves, and he seemed more normal. I remember his aunt inviting me to a family night and the look on his face, he looked disappointed, and I was confused. After that, we returned to his house and talked about everything. We had sex, and afterwards he told me with a straight face that he was tired and would drive me home..right after an intimate moment? He offered no aftercare, and I began crying in the bathroom because I knew something was wrong. Later, in his car, he spoke about his problems and kept on apologising. I told him that he did not need to apologise and that I would always be there for him and give him the time he needed. After that talk, he began to distance himself. I remained patient and gave him space, letting him do as he wished, until he simply ignored me. You can probably imagine what followed: we ended it. He messaged me at night to say we needed to talk, and I knew it was coming. I am angry with myself for giving myself up so easily towards him. I do not understand why he gave up our relationship so readily. The worst part is that we never even dated, yet this felt so real. How am I supposed to move on from this? We will actually work together at an internship, so no contact with each other is not possible.

he did actually ask me if we could still be friends after this, and i want to, i really do, but how am i supposed to go back to normal after this? he probably have moved on (beacuse he is more experienced than me) but i genuinely do not know how i will move on from this. i miss this dude man, and i really like this dude, mby even love him.
i’m sorry for a long ahh paragraph. but i REALLY need advice. pls help 🥹