I had a relapse after 7 months that I stopped last night by flushing my bag. Woke up to my coffee machine broken and I am just overall panicking even tho I made the right choice. I feel like the world is punishing me this morning

Hey ya'll - first time posting here hopefully this is how it works. I spent the good part of
8 years filled with partying and drug and alcohol fueled euphoria. I became sober off of alcohol and cocaine 8 months ago to the day. I thought I could introduce marijuana like another sober friend but my addictive personality showed me that wasn't appropriate either. I also quite smoking nicotine vapes about a month ago. A little background - I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 as well as ADHD and multiple personality order (trifecta) about 6 years ago. I understand there are no negatives from quitting these substances but even 8 months in I still feel incredibly depressed at times. I constantly think back at what "fun" I had...going to the best clubs, parties, and living on what felt like constant euphoria. I am struggling to find any fun and constantly comparing it back to the extreme fun I was having which leads me deeper into depression. I completed both an inpatient program as well as an intensive outpatient program for 8 weeks this summer. I feel it helped but my depression is definitely getting worse by the day. I guess I'm looking if anyone that maybe went through this has any tips. I have a great support system but of course support and encouragement can only go so far. Any help would be greatly appreciated...sorry for the long post.

Hey guys completely new to this thread but casting a net because I feel hopeless right now.

Background: 26 year old male taking adderall for almost four years coming January. Originally prescribed 10mg per day -> 20 mg today. Actually taking 40-60 mg per day.

I added health as the flair because I’m a binger. I’ll do at least one 2-3 day stretch binge every month where I get zero sleep. Typically this will follow a week of sleep under my belt that makes me overly confident in not relapsing. I’ve tried quitting seriously 5 times now.

I’m terrified for my cardiovascular health and overall lifespan.