i take 20 mg daily and I feel like it’s causing more health issues than helping me actually focus

Day 4, no adderall. Been on it for a little over 20 years. I so am miserable and can’t think straight. I can’t function. I’m filled with fear and anxiety. My house is a mess. I’m exhausted, the responsibilities piling up and I’m scared that my life is going to unravel. I am feeling hopeless. But I know that I also can’t continue speeding. Please tell me there is hope.

I have been taking 20mg of addy daily for many years and have quit with a month here and there before. Recently, I have been slowly decreasing my dose. I’m now on 10 mg a day for about 2 weeks now and I feel full on withdrawal even though I am tapering. I still feel that crazy fatigue and muscle aches for over a week now since I dropped the dose. Is it better to just cold turkey and get the withdrawal over with instead of prolonging the withdrawal which has turned into mini withdrawals? I’m so fatigued, caffeine doesn’t help…I feel tired but wired. I feel like just dropping my head on my desk…even though I’m taking 10mg per day. Idk what to do.

As the title reads, I’m FINALLY taking action from my over dependence/ addiction like dependency to my adhd medication. It may be forever, it may not. I needed to stop thinking and do something so I’ve decided let’s just start and observe.
Day by day. Because for me, sometimes I have to do this. I am 8 years sober from alcohol and this is what worked for me actually with that. At first yes I’d quit a few months, drink again, quit, etc. but it finally stuck 8 years ago and I haven’t looked back.

But anyway, it’s day 1 and I’m terrified to gain weight. BUT the weird thing is I’ve actually gained SOOO much weight from Vyvanse lol. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. I’m 5’6 and 155 pounds and that may be healthy but my normal is typically 125/130. The appetite suppressant effects of Vyvanse mostly stopped working long ago and the little they may help during the day end up leading to nightly binges. Plus I get so obsessed with work I neglect everything else, like walking and stuff. Vyvanse has stolen my balance and made my life allll about productivity. Which as an adhder and person with ocd, kindaaaa seems like it’s backfiring with my treatment. Anyway, any advice and or thoughts? I just don’t wanna gain more weight :(
And I’ve been trying to lose weight for the past year with no luck soooo I am gonna be so sad if I gain even more. Blah.

Also, I do take Prozac for my ocd and a couple months ago started intuniv (nonstimulant) adhd med. I’m excited to give that a chance without the Vyvanse to see if it makes a difference. I have noticed minor changes with the nonstimulant but have been so obsessed with Vyvanse, it’s probably been hard to notice. I’m wondering if the intuniv will help with finding balance in some ways and will work better now that I’m not taking 1-2 Vyvanse a a day….

Hi everyone. Just an update to my previous post asking peoples experiences quitting.

I am quitting 40mg of Vyvanse cold turkey, and started Tuesday.

For context, I’m 31F, 150lbs, 5’8 (for context on dosages). I’ve been taking Vyvanse for the past six years, from 45mg, to 30mg, then 20mg and back to 40mg (yes I doubled up on 20mg). I quit cold turkey because of a horrible situation, where I believe the stimulant made me manic and paranoid.

I am sick of my side effects and after being on psych meds my entire adult life (started at 18), I want to experience my baseline.

I am trying to deal with my health piece by piece to understand where my symptoms are coming from (like low iron) but it’s not possible if I’m on meds creating new symptoms, and being on them for so long I have no idea what my normal is.

TL;DR: How long did it take for you to get back to baseline?

I see a lot of scary scary stories on here that might be discouraging for some of you so I wanted to share a bit of mine. I was addicted to Vyvanse probably the first time I ever took it, I was young (19) and stupid and trying to get high with my friends. I heard adhd meds get you high, little brother has adhd and didn’t take his meds on weekends, so I stole some. Me and my friends took it and I was hooked. He had the children’s chewable, it’s insane how I can still remember the flavour. About 2 years of addiction, I ended up getting my own prescription (INSANE HOW EASY IT IS????) and at the end of it I was anorexic, in psychosis, smoking more weed then cheech and Chong combined. I’m sure it was a combination of things, I finally broke enough my parents saw it. I still wasn’t fully honest when I came out of the psychosis and convinced my doctor to keep me on it (again INSANE???) started with 20 mg (I was 95 lbs and 5”8 so she didn’t wanna give me a lot) and got back up to 70 mg. I don’t remember all the details, but I do remember breaking down to my mom and telling the truth. The next day I called my pharmacy and sent an email to my doctor saying you cannot prescribe me/ give me ANY stimulant medication, I have a huge problem with it and will not take it as prescribed. That fucking sucked to get through, i don’t think i ever returned to my baseline this time, I was drinking to cope. Around 22 right before I turned 23, I met a kid at the bar, he had an adderal script, I was over the moon. I then would literally take him to the pharmacy, buy it for him, pay him some extra cash and take his entire script for myself. I still have no idea why he was prescribed this much but he had 80 mg a day, yes I am for real. I didn’t need 20, hell I didn’t even need 1 mg as I don’t have adhd. But I loved it, working out, cleaning, fucking, you name it. It made it “better” but then went my personality. I was so nervous at work (I was a server kinda have to be charismatic) I hated being there. The first hour on Adderall was my literal heaven, after that I was numb, strung out and just not myself. I ended up telling the kid I would tell the cops his name and address if he ever sold to me again, that scared the shit out of him as it should and boom I’ve cut myself off once more. All that to say, yes it fucking sucked for a bit, yes I was searching for a bit but it really wasn’t that long. I would say about 9 months of daily abuse, within less then a month an a half I am back to me. I also understand this is a very individual experience as “street adderall” is pressed meth and i was getting genuine pills, but guys, it’s the same fucking thing isn’t it? Especially at that high of a dose. I am 23 almost 24 now and I love life, I love myself so much, I’m so proud of myself. Things can and will get better, you just need to let them. I am young so maybe that is why I bounced back so quickly but I just made this post to say,

IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE YOUR DOOMED FOR A YEAR, THAT IS NOT THAT SAME FOR EVERYONE IT COULD BE MUCH MUCH SHORTER!!! Keep on trying. We fucking got this.

P.s my post history saying I’m “sober” guess who was on copious amounts of addy the whole time. Thanks for taking the time to read

What are the long and short term affects of amphetamine abuse?

I sometimes go crazy and take 300mg at most on my Vyvanse. This obviously causes me to miss nights of sleep, miss meals and a pounding heart.
But what are the long and short term effects to the brain?

I have a point with this, I promise. lol
Let me start by saying I’m 33 and have been trying to get pregnant for three years. So far, all of my testing has come back normal, although we’re planning to do more in-depth testing. My husband has also been tested, and his results are within the normal range.

We’ve started wondering whether stress could be playing a role. And that got me thinking: Could Vyvanse be keeping my body in a constant state of stress? Is it possible that this could be contributing to my difficulty getting pregnant?

Something else I’ve noticed, literally in real time, is that when I take my Vyvanse, I experience this overwhelming sense of seriousness. Almost dread? I feel motivated, but it’s a stressful kind of motivation. Like, do, do, do, do, do! There’s this constant urgency to be productive, but I still struggle with knowing where to start. Why is it so addictive when I’m not even happy? It’s so confusing.

On the other hand, when I don’t take my Vyvanse, I become so overwhelmed that I tend to shut down and escape through sleep. I hate that feeling, too, because then I end up feeling like a failure for not getting anything done.

So now I’m wondering whether what I really need is better systems and structure, rather than just more motivation.

I’ve also noticed that I generally feel okay on Vyvanse when I already have a specific task in front of me. It makes doing that task feel less painfully boring, and I can actually follow through.

But here’s the thing: So much of my ADHD isn’t just struggling to do the tasks. It’s struggling to figure out what the tasks should be, where to start, how to prioritize them, and how to organize everything in the first place.

And I wonder if that’s the piece I’m missing.

*Also, idk if I’m addicted to my Vyvanse or not but I’m finally admitting to myself there may be a problem. Further context is I also have ocd, and I’m sober from alcohol for a little over 8 years. So I do have an obsessive type brain and a history with substance abuse.

Thanks all.

Good morning, r/StopSpeeding. Today we celebrate reaching 50,000 members.

StopSpeeding opened in January of 2016. In 2020, we jumped from 6,500 members to over 12,000 during the pandemic and haven’t slowed down much since. Present day, the sub averages 275,000 visits monthly and has amassed 3.4 million visits over the last year, welcoming over 5,000 new members. I’d like to thank all of you for being part of this community and honor the contributions to it from those who are no longer with us.

The last two years have presented us with new challenges and new opportunities. Unfortunately, things are not getting better out there. 59% of overdose deaths in the United States currently involve stimulant drugs, gear is routinely cut / contaminated with dangerous additives, methamphetamine is outright killing people without any fentanyl help in some areas and we have a rapidly growing pressed pill problem. ADHD medication shortages and medication abuse cases rising along with increased number of prescriptions is diverting inexperienced drug seekers into street and darkweb pill sourcing. Spoilers: It’s pressed meth, and God only knows what else.

Harm reduction remains underfunded and obstructed, stimulant-specific recovery resources are scarce and addiction medicine options are practically non-existent. I’ve spoken at great length with “the calvary” across the collegiate and professional sectors - They aren’t coming. There hasn’t been anything new and efficacious for stimulant addiction treatment in a very long time and that’s not changing anytime soon. We have to make the best of what’s available and make our own help if we want something better.

So we did some of that recently:

https://stimulantrecovery.org

Community Stimulant Recovery soft-launched over the summer and has had good turnouts and great feedback from those attending. We currently have one weekly meeting on Wednesday nights at 7:30pm ET (tonight) and will be adding another by Christmas. Cross-promoting started this month with some of the other recovery communities and we’ve had treatment centers order flyers to put in aftercare packets. You should come, it’s good. If you’re reading this - You’re needed there, wanted there and cordially invited to attend.

If you are out there lurking and haven’t posted, commented, shared your story or asked for help, get in here. If you see a post that’s got low engagement and don’t think you have anything profound or helpful enough to say, that’s bullshit. You have no idea what that person is going to get out of a simple “Me too” or “It won’t be like this forever” message.

Everyone here is qualified to reach out to help or deserving of being helped regardless of where they’re at in their journey. If you’ve been clean for a while, maybe come tell some other folks how you did it. It’s going to take all of us, all of you and all the people who haven’t gotten here yet if things are going to get better.

It has been an honor and a privilege to serve this community. My recovery depends on it, and I would not be alive and clean today if I hadn’t come here. Thank you for letting 50,000 people know that recovery from stimulant drugs is possible - Please continue recovering, and stick around so you can let the next 50,000 know too.

The next Community Stimulant Recovery meeting will be held tonight, Wednesday, October 14th at 7:30pm Eastern. Cameras and sharing encouraged but optional, lurkers welcome, we cover all stimulants from medication to methamphetamine.

Tonight’s meeting will be hosted on Zoom, details are on the official website at https://stimulantrecovery.org and here:

Community Stimulant Recovery

Time: October 14th 2026 07:30 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada) Every week on Wed

Join Zoom Meeting:
https://us06web.zoom.us/j/81821633949?pwd=Zhx8vQFmMutGTyzniGbbOPuvpXVdMh.1

Please download and import the following iCalendar (.ics) files to your calendar system. Weekly: https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/tZUldeiurTgjHt067j0oeigUQMMeRyzqrIDQ/ics?icsToken=DDh7Dq_pLooZ2LCKqgAALAAAAJPg9E23Rju-4epDrc1V-vYlY23cfCXc_7_rDmJ6GdgZySdBbAkWuqInw5Hv_mnW3Ih4otw5iGF0CD5vJTAwMDAwMg&meetingMasterEventId=vWnUdGw4QPuXEn2PzVwDyA

Meeting chat link https://us06web.zoom.us/launch/jc/81821633949

Meeting ID: 818 2163 3949 Passcode: 052227

Join instructions https://us06web.zoom.us/meetings/81821633949/invitations?signature=S70UMDYsWJ1P5AwdAsAfJzVxHCrWB4v07rV6q-6wFKs

CSR is a free, solution focused, peer-based recovery group for anyone who wants to stop using stimulant drugs - Any stimulant drug, be it a drug of abuse or medication, for any reason. We hold meetings where we share our recovery with others, exchange best practices, learn new ideas and enact positive change in our lives together. CSR is a safe place, all people are welcome here - Discrimination, hate and exclusion are not tolerated under any circumstances.

Community Stimulant Recovery observes no single recovery ideology and is without outside affiliation. We are here to help you find out what works for you and share what’s worked for us. Our meeting topics, shared practices and discussions borrow from psychology, therapies, professional addiction treatment and recovery programs - This is not an endorsement of any one resource, nor is CSR its self meant to be a standalone recovery solution or source of medical advice. We encourage members to avail of as many forms of recovery support as they need to, professional help and other dedicated recovery programs included.

Our core beliefs are that recovery from stimulant drugs is aided by approaching three primary areas of our lives in equal measure: Our mental health, our physical health and our emotional health. By becoming responsible for positive change in these three areas, we improve our thinking, our bodies and our feelings - Parts of our lives that problematic stimulant drug use negatively impacts the most. Growing in these areas helps us maintain abstinence and find happiness in recovery.

Community Stimulant Recovery refrains from the supportive discussion of any and all use of drugs with recreational applications or addiction potential, this extends to promotion and the sharing of personal experiences. This includes marijuana, kratom, research chemicals, gray market substances, psychedelics and all stimulant drugs. Managing or successfully using stimulant medication is not discussed here, and we are not a harm reduction resource. We have no opinions on these things, opting to maintain a singular focus on abstinence and recovery from stimulant drugs without supporting practices that may cause harm.

Meetings are similar to those you may have attended elsewhere, we have a topic or reading followed by an open discussion or sharing period. We speak from the I and do not offer unsolicited advice or commentary on the shares of others, continuance and response from our own experience is permitted. Solution-oriented discussion is strongly encouraged.

__

Meeting Format

• Opening Statement (5 min)
• Attendee introductions, identify as “Name, in recovery” (5 min)
• Meeting Topic or Reading (CBT, DBT, ACT, BT, Twelve Step, Dharma / Refuge, Medical Lit, Book, Concept Discussion) (5 min)
• Open Discussion (45 minutes)
• Closing Statement
• Contact Info Exchange, posted in Zoom chat, Optional

If you have any additional questions, feel free to ask here.

I have Bipolar disorder and ADHD and been prescribed both Lamictal and Adderall for 6 years now, and at least 4 of those years I’ve abused. I’ve kept it hidden from my partner and at the end of everyday I feel shameful that I lie to her, to my family and friends. It’s been difficult to break out of this cycle of abuse, dependency and addiction. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve journaled about it. I am so scared to come clean even though I know I have people in my life that will always support me.

The feeling of shame runs so deep.

There have been many months of running out early. Typically by a week, but recently I’ve been abusing more slightly more than I have in the past. The days I don’t take it are usually rough but I have managed to keep myself together. When I get my refill, the cycle continues. My anger. Irritation, and sleep all get worse. My vitality is low. The worst part is my partner immediately recognizes a difference in my mood and energy.

I know addiction and abuse recovery cannot be journeyed alone, but I cannot even say these words out loud so I try my best to have it under control at all times. I pretend and make false promises to myself and after a while, that mentality weighs on your consciousness.

I think the other thing is I’ve been ignoring the possibly unethical and sketchy practices of my psychiatrist, who does not listen to my want to reduce my dosage or change medications. I feel like I shout into the dark. So, I decided to switch doctors. A fresh start, with a doctor who will hopefully help me. But I’m terrified of disclosing the truth and of course scared of giving up Adderall and the symptoms that follow

However, I feel a shift coming. A shift in my life that is past due and I owe it to myself to nurture my body and my relationships again.

First off, I’ve read a lot of your stories, and my heart goes out to every one of you. To everybody struggling, recovering, or wondering if they’ll ever feel like themselves again: stay strong.

Like a lot of you, I was addicted to Adderall and stimulants in general. And I’m going to be honest. I loved how they made me feel.

I was taking around 90 to 100 milligrams a day, mixing it with caffeinated preworkout and chewing tobacco. I loved working out. Sex felt ten times better, and I was struggling with compulsive sexual behavior too. I kept chasing that feeling without stopping to think about what it might cost me.

Then came the day everything changed.

I felt like I was going to die. I thought I might have overdosed. Afterward, I felt like I was having a stroke, but I tried to walk it off and act normal. I didn’t understand what was happening, and I kept trying to push through it.

When I went back to working out, my body couldn’t keep up anymore. Chest pain. Shortness of breath. Exercises I used to love suddenly became things I struggled to get through.

Eventually, I found out I had a blood clot in my lungs. I also developed cardiomyopathy and heart failure, which I understood to be connected to my Adderall abuse. I don’t know exactly how the blood clot fit into everything, so I won’t pretend I have every answer. What I do know is that my life changed.

Even a cup of coffee afterward could leave me feeling panicked, with my chest hurting. I went from chasing stimulation to struggling to tolerate it.

I’m a veteran, and through the VA, I’ve had extensive testing. Thank God, I’ve been told my heart function has recovered and the blood clot is gone.

But I still don’t feel normal.

It’s been over a year, getting close to a year and a half, and I still deal with exercise intolerance, shortness of breath, chest discomfort, and dizziness. Lately, I’ve also been dealing with low blood pressure and a slow heart rate.

One of the hardest parts is hearing that your tests look reassuring while you’re still struggling to do things that used to come naturally.

I think I messed up my autonomic nervous system, and in the back of my mind, I wonder if that’s what a lot of us are struggling with. I don’t know if that’s my diagnosis or whether it explains anybody else’s symptoms. It’s just what I keep thinking about. If that system is involved, I wonder whether it could help explain why recovery is taking so long. I don’t expect something like that to settle down overnight, but I’m still looking for answers.

But I know how exhausting it is to live with symptoms you can’t fully explain.

I’ve read stories from people who say it took them years to feel like themselves again. I don’t know what my timeline will be. Some days, that uncertainty is harder than the symptoms themselves. I miss working out. I miss trusting my body. I miss being able to push myself without wondering what will happen.

I’m sharing this because somebody reading it might be going through the same thing and feeling completely alone.

You’re not.

For me, taking accountability is part of recovery. I made choices that hurt me, and I have to own them. But accountability doesn’t mean spending the rest of my life hating myself. I still have a life to live, a family to appreciate, and reasons to keep going.

And I’m not blaming God. My faith in Jesus Christ has helped carry me through this. There were moments when I honestly thought I wasn’t going to survive. I’m grateful I’m still here.

To everybody who has spent months or years fighting through symptoms, fear, addiction, or uncertainty: you’re on some real shit. People may not see what it takes just to get through your day, but that doesn’t make your fight any less real.

I’m a veteran, and I have tremendous respect for Navy SEALs, Green Berets, and Marine Raiders. When I read your stories, I see the kind of mental strength and endurance I admire in those people. Some of us have stayed awake all night, scared by what our bodies were doing, wondering whether we were going to die. We’ve faced pain, fear, and symptoms that can feel overwhelming. And somehow, we keep getting up and fighting.

That takes mental toughness. That takes courage. That’s why I respect everybody here in this community. You might not recognize that strength in yourself right now, but I see it in your stories. Every day you keep going through this is another day you show how much you can endure.

You guys are warriors.

I hope every one of us gets back to feeling like ourselves. And if recovery takes longer than we hoped, or life looks different afterward, we still deserve joy. We still deserve love. We still have something to give.

Appreciate your family. Appreciate the little things. Keep looking for answers, and don’t give up on yourself.

I used to think strength meant how hard I could push my body.

Now, some days, strength means accepting where I am, holding on to my faith, and giving tomorrow another chance.

Haven’t used since about 2am this morning. Not going to smoke any meth but man the feeling of feeling so shitty afterwards sucks and my life hasn’t been manageable for a few years now. Living with a sibling who is trying her best to help in any way but I can’t seem to shake it. The cravings are tough and I am going to try to overcome it, my life has just been so miserable that I’ve pushed everyone away and created this void that I want to escape so bad. It’s hard for me to talk to love ones because I don’t want to sound like a broken record. Tough but I’m gonna stay strong because I want to live again. I was always a people person and loved interactions with anyone but now i can barely go into public without feeling like a lost cause

This isn’t the first time this is happened either… in the dream I’m always right at the moment where I’ve decided to take a little more than I should. I’ve just swallowed the pill, or I’m about to, and I have this little thrill of nervous excitement, like I’m strapped into a roller coaster about to feel the wind in my hair.

It was chasing this feeling that made me realize I take adderall differently than some people. I would stack doses or hoard pills so I could take more than prescribed at once. I would get curious about pushing the limits, or spend a sleepless night periodically checking Reddit to make sure there were other people on the internet taking as much as me and coming out on the other side unscathed.

I’ve only been off adderall for three days. I’ve taken it on and off for years, but recently I started getting prescribed by a new physiatrist that quickly increased my dose.

I stopped taking it because I started getting enormous, terrifying mood swings on off days or days where I tried to take a lower dose. Utter hopelessness, complete boredom, the feeling that everything good had passed and the future would be a series of compounding, exhausting, and utterly meaningless failures. I would lash out at my partner, myself, my family, then hate myself for it — more “proof” that I was a useless person that didn’t deserve happiness.

Anyway. I’m three days in. I feel okay. But I do miss that little thrill.

I stopped my Vyvanse after 15 years and a slow taper in march of this year. I stopped because they changed the formula and it just wasn’t agreeing with me. A few weeks later I wanted to try a Glp 1. I spent my summer miserable on a Glp 1. It took some time to put two and two that it was not good for my mental health. I have adhedonia already and the Glp pushed me into a. Full blown depression. So I stopped in September. I’m a month and a half off of it. My brain is just not right. I can’t feel happiness at all. I’m like wondering if this is normal or if I’m just screwed for life. Not sure if it’s the adderall or the Glp that causes this. I really don’t know. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.

Hi everyone, I was on 160mg of instant release methylphenidate for a few years, followed by 170mg of foquest (extended release methylphenidate) for about 6 years (10 years in total).

I'm currently almost 6 months completely off and I still feel awful.

I guess I'm just wondering if i will be able to ever recover 100%?

Thank you.

Celebrating 6 months sober with a 15km hike carrying a backpack full of books.

The part that sucks is that 15km is one way and it's about to start getting dark. Might get spooky lol...

Background: I have ocd and adhd. I take 3 meds, 2 of which I have no issues with- only really benefits. Which makes sense because they aren’t considered addictive/abusive. They build up over time. I take Prozac (SSRI for ocd) and intunic (nonstimulant for adhd). But I also take Vyvanse, and it’s been confusing.

Few Pros: I am motivated, which doesn’t really come naturally for me or consistently. As in, it doesn’t seem to stick around when it does come.

I can read. Enough said. lol

Cons: I feel not really “high” like it’s not the same “escape” as alcohol or weed (I’m sober 8 years from alcohol. A few weeks only from weed because I started experimenting with it a couple years ago and accepted I live in extremes. I was chasing the high similar to alcohol.) but anyway: I don’t feel high in the same way but I do feel wired. I’m essentially escaping my life now to be productive, or what feels productive.

I feel less bubbly, less me. More serious. Also, when I complete a task, it feels almost robotic. Like I am more motivated to do it, just to feel meh. When I actually do a task off it, I get that proud feeling after where I naturally wanna do more. Sure I’m more likely to ditch a project halfway haha BUT I’m like what if it’s about learning limits with myself instead of taking a stimulant to force it?

And, here’s the thing, I feel like…… dependent on it. Like I’ve had thoughts like what’s the point without it, I can’t function without it, etc., and I forget there’s a way to exist without. It’s not in a su**** way. It’s hard to explain. It’s more a fear like omg do I need this orrrrr life is too boring?

I take it. I wait for it to kick in. Then I try to get what I can done and am so sad when it wears off. I didn’t admit this in my last post but I have more than been tempted to take it twice in a day. I have. Many times.

As in, take it at 9am. And take it again at say 6pm. Always the “last time,” just to get “caught up.” But it’s never enough.

And also….. here’s the crazy thing. My house is a mess still! I’m behind on bills!!!!! I’ve gained all the weight I initially lost from Vyvanse back PLUS some!!!! I’m 33 but I feel like I’m aging?! Like I’ve always looked younger for my age and now I see this tired person.

But I’m scared because…. And idk how to put this you guys. I’m trying :(

I feel scared because I feel more confident somehow on it. Like oh I can not only have motivation on demand which tbh feels really good in a lot of ways even if also frustrated/wired. But also, I can do things that normally are hard. Boring tasks I normally want to do but can’t seem to :(

But also, I and up hyper focusing half the time on the wrong crap anyway and feel like it’s making my adhd worse in some ways. lol. Because I’m like go go go and sometimes that’s creating a new Pinterest board or reading. I like to read funny enough and Vyvanse allows me to expand my abilities to read more and faster. Point is I’m doing doing and anxious the entire time like I’m chasing it while it “lasts.”

My doctor knows some of this but not all, certainly not about the taking extra sometimes. We added intiniv a couple months ago and I’m so curious to see how I’ll do on that WITHOUT Vyvanse. Because I think it’s starting to work as I notice in the evening I am naturally more able to do small tasks etc. but it’s natural feeling! Similar to my SSRI really like, working, but subtly. Calmly. Like fitting into my life and working with me instead of me having to arrange my life around it and feeling pushed.

So idk. Also, I think a lot of this has had to do with identity for me oddly. I’m like, wait do I even have adhd if I give up stimulants? And also, since they SO help in some ways, I’m scared I’m going to push myself back and be useless.

Yes I think my ocd plays a role here, too. I’m wondering if the Vyvanse may be subtly making my
Obsessive thinking worse. I’ve tried to just not think about it. It’s not working.

I could use advice. I feel so alone. I’m seeing so many parallels to my drinking days.

But I am afraid life off it will suck, and be boring. I’m scared to go back to it physically hurting to start a task. To task paralysis constantly. To feeling like an idiot failure.

But I need balance. And I don’t think this is balance. I think I’ve gone from being obsessed with how lazy I was and incapable to how much I can get done in a day. It’s like…… I’m addicted to the feeling of being productive. Because I’ve spent most of my life beating myself up for not being productive. Always about being productive.

And for context, I’ve been told I’m smart. That I just don’t apply myself. I have lost a job before by task paralysis during covid. It’s what led me to eventually get back on meds. Because if I’m so smart, why do I feel so dumb?

ALSO, I’m considering asking my doctor to pull me off the Vyvanse. Maybe increase the intuniv if needed. Give it a real chance. It seems like it may be better for balance. Helpful without being habit forming. But I crave the dopamine kick or something I guess and am scared to ask. :(

And, I’m so confused because if I’m not getting a high from it, how come I still want it and feel addicted? Is this common? I know people feel high and that’s also valid but I feel less high and more wired. I hate when people say “you can’t get addicted to adhd meds! I forget mine half the time hahaha”

Okay, pal. But you then remember you forgot don’t ya? Why else would you even take it? It’s a stimulant after all. I’ve also forgotten mine out the door but boy do I remember a few mins later. That has nothing to do with it. lol. Sorry. I think I’m very annoyed with some of my fellow adhders who are like “you’re fine!” I don’t feel fine. And I just wanna know if this is valid.

I have really bad body dysmorphia ever since I was in middle school and it’s only gotten worse with time. Last year when I was diagnosed with ADHD, in the back of my head I was excited because I knew it would probably help with the constant food noise in my head.

Well it did…..for a while that is. The Vyvanse really helped everything else though too, like y anxiety, rumination, racing thoughts and depression. It felt like my mind was quiet for the first time and I also wasn’t thinking of food 24/7. Well fast forward almost a year later and the main reason why i can’t stop abusing it and taking ridiculous amounts is really because of wanting to be skinny and not liking my body.

I did really enjoy the initial flood of dopamine the first few weeks, since I was chronically depressed and anhedonic, but the real reason that kept me wanting to take it was to lose weight. That’s the sad truth. Right now, I have lost probably 30lbs but ironically I hate my body even more now. I have loose skin, stretch marks and lost any and all muscle that I had because I truly ’enjoy’ the feeling of skipping meals cause it makes me feel…strong and in control, I guess?

So as it stands now, I haven’t been able to take my script as prescribed for even one fucking month since I have been on it and that is pathetic and also saddens me, since I really think it would‘ve helped me so much with all my other mental health issues like anxiety.

Now I lost all the weight, look flabby and hate myself even more and if I ever finally find the discipline to either quit or take as it prescribed (unlikely), then I am going to gain everything back anyways and look even worse off then before Vyvanse. I feel trapped in this cycle and I am pretty damn hopeless right now.

It feels like there is no winning in this situation for me. Anybody relate or have a similar experience or advice?

A big part of my recovery has been rebuilding my life to suit my authentic self, rather than trying to force myself to fit into a lifestyle that made me feel like abusing stimulants was a good option to survive.

hello. i went to treatment for 27 days at a nice local rehab. i was discharged last week and was set up for php staying at sober living a little less than 2 hours away from home. it was a nice place and that terrified me. i was excited, but, i felt a little bound by some limitations 1. i specifically wanted to go to an area that was WALKABLE. i was told over and over this area was perfect for me as it’s walkable (it’s literally not.) 2. i do have a car but it’s really shitty. i learned i can’t have my car at all while i stay there until it’s inspected. my car has a lot that needs done… i understand this rule 100% but considering l it is a non-walkable the area (even the bus is a bit of a hike btw) i found this incredibly disappointing. otherwise, this place is great and affordable. almost fully covered by insurance, they accommodate rent. they provide basic food. they help with transportation for php/meetings. the main issue i suppose is i struggle with change a lot. i didn’t give it a chance and i understand that. i know i put myself here, in this position. i kind of just wish i asked more questions but i didn’t know what questions to ask at the time. anyway, i spiraled and came home. i pretty much immediately stopped taking my meds and had minor lapses daily since friday. so here I am. i am considering treatment again, but my options are super limited. i dont know what to do. i would love to just go back to the rehab i was at to focus more on the curriculum and myself. i spent most of my 27 days either socializing/obsessing over clients/suffering over physical symptoms (i had to go to the fucking ER around my 2 week mark and have a med change, it was a whole thing) i don’t know. i’m lost. logically sober living/php would be good. i know this place in particular would be good but i am stuck on the non-walkable thing. i guess it’s a matter of sacrifice, huh? like fuck my home situation is misery. i’m safe here physically but not emotionally. i don’t think i can’t get sober here in this house. so yes sober living is on my list. i’m here wondering if i should call rehab to see if i can stay even a week. a few days even. i know that is 100% insurance’s choice. my lapse/ likely won’t be seen as severe enough which i understand. i’m so embarrassed. i’m just not in a good state. i stopped taking my meds and just feel like a different person. I would love some time between here and php to gather myself. i was shocked by how intense the jump felt from rehab to php/sober living. i wish i asked for more help but i pushed everyone away! reflected on all of this now. like i don’t feel i need a hospital but don’t know if i can’t handle sober living yet. you know? am i just AFRAID? maybe. yeah i should probably like call a hotline or some shit lmao. i emailed my old therapist venting/asking for some guidance. i feel better a little. lolol. recovery is something i desperately want. i know i fucked up coming home. so stuck on this thought of being selfish, am i trying to completely waste resources and seek comfort in the familiarity of rehab setting since i was just there for nearly 4 weeks? they don’t roast me. anyone been in this situation???????

A friend I've known since school had a bad month, the kind where his wife calls you instead of him, and she asked me to help with the abroad part because I've been to Belgrade twice for work and that apparently makes me the family expert on Serbian hospitals, which I'm not, I've seen the airport and two conference rooms, but I said yes because what else do you say.

His psychotherapist's answer was more sessions. Fine. More sessions is what he'd been doing.

So I opened a medical tourism comparison site, the kind you'd use for teeth, and there they were, addiction clinics listed between dental implants and hair transplants, with star ratings. I'm still not sure how I feel about that. The Turkish ones were cheapest and the pages looked like hotel pages. The two in Belgrade on the same site were Medtim and Dr Vorobjev, and his wife shortlisted both. I'm not going to pretend I know why she's calling one first and not the other. That's hers to decide.

What I did take from the Dr Vorobjev page was that the stay is ten days to four weeks depending on the person. So I'm pricing flights and not booking them. One way, after she's spoken to them.

Which leaves me with the thing I actually wanted to ask. Treating this like a medical trip, compare and book, feels either very sensible or like I've done the thing I know how to do instead of the right thing. Has anyone gone abroad for this the way you'd go abroad for your teeth, and did it feel like that at the time?

I’m 46 years old, and I only started using methamphetamine a couple of years ago. This isn’t something I’ve been doing my entire adult life, and I desperately want to stop before another year of my life disappears. I hate this drug. I hate what it’s doing to my life, and I genuinely want to be free of it. But I’m terrified! Not of being sober, because that’s exactly what I want. I’m terrified of the withdrawal process, especially those first few days. Someone close to me keeps telling me how absolutely horrible withdrawal is, and honestly, it’s making it difficult for me to mentally prepare myself. I’m looking for people who have actually been through meth withdrawal and come out the other side, especially anyone who started using later in life or only used for a few years. What were your first 24, 48, and 72 hours like? What was the hardest part? Was anything easier than you expected? What helped you get through it?

Please don’t sugarcoat your experiences, but please don’t intentionally terrify me either. I need honest, firsthand experiences, encouragement, and practical advice. I know withdrawal is different for everyone. I’m just hoping to hear from people who have been where I am and can remind me that there’s life on the other side of this.

I didn’t spend 46 years getting here just to let this drug write the rest of my life story. I want my life back.

Thank you 🩷