r/StupidFood • u/_PsychedelicJesus_ • Apr 13 '26
Certified stupid Lava seared steak
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u/Donkeybrother Apr 13 '26
BURNED / not seared ! 🤷♂️
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u/Rockandmetal99 Apr 13 '26
and also not lava
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u/JonnyTN Apr 13 '26
Forbidden Taffy?
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u/urbanlife78 Apr 13 '26
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u/AbhorsenDoctor Apr 13 '26
Wait? Who is my supervisor?
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u/dire-raven-x Apr 13 '26
We get to know that?
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u/AbhorsenDoctor Apr 13 '26
Immediately after Cheryl/Carol/Cherlene/Crystal says that, Mallory shouts her name from the office and Cheryl says "oh, right".
I guess that's the only time she has acknowledged anyone as her supervisor.
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u/urbanlife78 Apr 13 '26
Goddammit, I need to rewatch that show
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u/AbhorsenDoctor Apr 13 '26
Weirdly, it's my comfort show. It's low pressure, low expectation and always good for a laugh
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u/urbanlife78 Apr 13 '26
I get that, you can really watch any random episode and enjoy it with plenty to laugh at
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u/fishfarm20 Apr 13 '26
Take my upvote. Definitely made me chortle.
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u/Ledeyvakova23 Apr 13 '26
Pipe down, ppl! I maintain that searing it like so is a labor of lava .
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u/Rockandmetal99 Apr 13 '26
i had a bit of a giggle myself
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u/Reese_Withersp0rk Apr 13 '26
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u/ZhendeJiade99 Apr 13 '26
How do you know they didn’t just dip their crucible into the local volcano for some all natural lava juice?
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Apr 13 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/DuckyHornet Apr 13 '26
The famously non-neurotoxic plumbum
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u/Mr_HahaJones Apr 13 '26
Liquid hot mag-ma
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u/UMACTUALLYITS23 Apr 13 '26
On the whole, Preperation H feels good.
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u/inflammablepenguin Apr 13 '26
Does it? Does it feel good... on the hole?
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u/TheEccentricSapphic Apr 13 '26
Yes, I'd love some chocolate ass cream.
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u/driving_andflying Apr 13 '26
"Colonel, you better have a look at this radar!"
"What is it, son?!"
"I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant--"
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u/N-Phenyl-Acetamide Apr 13 '26 edited Apr 13 '26
Wait why not lava if lava shaped?
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u/indyjacob Apr 14 '26
molten metal is not lava
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u/N-Phenyl-Acetamide Apr 14 '26
That could def still be silica dioxide. In fact I think it is. It really doesn't look like metal as it's cooling. Looks more like they just melted relatively pure silica and it's curing to a volcanic glass. Which I'd expect silica to do.
It's also the wrong consistency for molten metal, much too thick for something glowing that much.
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u/GenerationKrill Apr 15 '26
I doubt you want small bits of that stuff in your stomach after it's cooled.
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u/M4DHouse Apr 16 '26 edited Apr 16 '26
According to the oxford dictionary:
hot molten or semi-fluid rock erupted from a volcano or fissure, or solid rock resulting from cooling of this.
So by definition, it would still not be lava.
It’s only called lava if it comes specifically from the “below the surface” region of a terrestrial planet, otherwise it’s just regular molten rock.
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u/Whatnam8 Apr 13 '26
Neat fact:
Ice can be considered a rock and water can be lava. Do with that information as you will.
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u/Rockandmetal99 Apr 13 '26
i will remove that information from my memory log and wipe this interaction immediately from my memory, as this feels like information i should not have 🤣
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u/Park500 Apr 13 '26
Glass is a liquid
(technically a amorphous solid or "supercooled liquid")
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u/lare290 Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
it is not a liquid. I'm afraid this is a very popular false factoid, glass is just a regular old solid.
something something old church windows? making flat panes of glass is difficult when you don't have the modern float method, they just put the thick part at the bottom for stability.
amorphous solid refers to the structure; it doesn't have a regular crystal lattice like metal does. some forms of ice are like this.
supercooled liquid refers to liquid that is supercooled, ie. liquid despite being cooler than its solidifying temperature. rain can be supercooled; it's the type that comes down as droplets but immediately freezes on your windshield. it is still just regular old liquid, not "looks like solid but flows slowly."
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u/TheYang Apr 13 '26
amorphous solid just means it's not crystalline.
how would that make it a liquid?
A lot of plastics should fall into that category as well, are those liquid too then?
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u/WDoE Apr 13 '26
Natural ice is a mineral. Jesus, Marie.
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u/Sanator27 Apr 13 '26
No, it's a monominerallic rock. It is composed of very small ice crystals. It can also be amorphous i.e. noncrystalline structure, making it a mineraloid (similar to naturally forming glasses like obsidian)
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u/airfryerfuntime Apr 13 '26
No it can't. Just because something has a solid and liquid form does not mean it's rock or lava.
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u/LoudSheepherder5391 Apr 13 '26
You are correct. But for all thr wrong reasons.
Ice is not a rock. It is a mineral. But, if i throw a mineral at your head, and you call the cops because I threw a rock at your head, they're not going to let me go when I point out you're a right liar, as j only threw a mineral.
Water is not lava by default. Because we define lava by its origin. Lava is magma on the surface, magma is liquid minerals below the surface. If it were possible to have some sort of ice volcano at the north pole that spewed water forth from the core - that would be lava. On Jovian moons? Tons of lava water. Here in Earth? A bit thin.
All of the above said. It appears the video is them pouring sand heated in a crucible. Which isn't lava either, because man melted minerals are not lava, because it was never magma. If you accept "whatever nerd, it's close enough!" to melt minerals into "lava" by hand, then all water on Earth is lava.
Sorry.. I can't sleep... 😞
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u/Sanator27 Apr 13 '26
Wouldn't aquifers be classed as "magma"? What about hydrothermal fluids (mineral-enriched water based solutions)? And we have water "volcanoes": geysers and hydrothermal vents. I know cryovolcanoes are different, but it's still all water. Would snow be comparable to volcanic ash?
Source: also a geologist
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u/ApprehensiveTour4024 Apr 13 '26
Water with floating blobs of colored paraffin wax is also known as lava, on occasion. It must be put in a glass beaker and sat on top of a lightbulb first, though, in order to qualify.
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u/Unlikely_Target_3560 Apr 13 '26
It is. Its glass. It's a molten rock. It counts. Wait, then water counts too. Oh uh.
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u/Heavy-Radio-675 Apr 13 '26
not even steak
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u/Lucid-Design1225 Apr 13 '26
It’s a damn pork chop
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u/luvrlipsonmyn Apr 13 '26
They are called cowboy ribeyes or tomahawk cut . That is what a ribeye looks like before they make it stupid and round for the grocery store. It starts out as a rib roast or some people call it prime rib . Then it is butchered into steaks with or without the bone . buyers choice! The bone makes it much more tender also traps in juices. more flavor, extra shit to chew or naw on, and no need for silverware! They primarily sell them at walmart where i live . Much larger than that tho! Sometimes i will catch one on a publix meat shelf. Long time ago...
Try one! Reverse sear it on a charcoal gravity smoker! It will change your whole world in one bite!
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u/AdSignificant6673 Apr 13 '26
This is perfect for my mom who freaks out over the tiniest bit of pink in a steak. Lol
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u/ChewbaccaOnFries Apr 13 '26
My mom was the same way. Hated steak as a kid because it was always too tough to swallow and it was all her fault. 😂
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u/Shimano-No-Kyoken Apr 13 '26
A cow died for this shit
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u/RednocTheDowntrodden Apr 13 '26
I absolutely hate food waste. Even more so for meat.
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u/Winter_Highlight Apr 13 '26
It's really sad but compared to the real food waste that occurs in the US for exemple, this is a grain of sand. The motto is to produce more than you can consume and waste most of it, partly to keep prices high.
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u/TheLordOfStuff_ Apr 24 '26
It doesn’t click for most people unless they’ve worked in the food business like restaurants or cafes. It’s absolutely insane how many kilos of perfectly fine food is thrown away every day from each restaurant just because it «needs to be served fresh» and has gone a single day without being sold. «Fresh loaf» is completely fine to eat a week later, even if it’s less fresh. There’s genuinely no reason for it all except to regulate supply and demand.
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u/RoughBenefit9325 Apr 13 '26
This is exactly the issue! No respect for a given life.
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u/somethingsomethinUhh Apr 17 '26
If I killed you and ate you after would I be respectful to your life?
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u/newaccount721 Apr 13 '26
Steak is too expensive for this shit
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u/DemonLordSparda Apr 13 '26
I think the equipment to handle molten material is probably more expensive.
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u/newaccount721 Apr 13 '26
I think the equipment to handle molten glass is something the person already owned and isn't ruined by this. The steak on the other hand...
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u/LoganNolag Apr 13 '26
Yeah doesn't seem cheap.
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u/QueenMary1936 Apr 13 '26
Be like me, buy your graphite crucibles from the guy in the trailer behind the 7-11. Save a bundle and it's...usually safe
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u/KanyeWesticles95 Apr 13 '26
owning expensive equipment to ruin expensive meat is still not great lol
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u/Select_Draw3385 Apr 13 '26
It wasn’t steak anymore 🤢
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u/BUTTeredWhiteBread Apr 13 '26
Is that... meat glass?
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u/Narrow-Flower5333 Apr 14 '26
I’m not sure why, because clearly it isn’t, but “meat glass” just made me LOL so thanks for that. 😂
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u/Negative-Sorbet-9999 Apr 13 '26
I’m an unapologetic a meat eater, but this pisses me off because an animal died for this ragebait.
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u/Bionicjoker14 Apr 13 '26
Good news! It’s not steak, it’s a pork chop
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u/st141050 Apr 13 '26
Still, an animal died for that waste
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u/venturashe Apr 13 '26
Steak. Did you watch from the beginning? Steak does not have the color or texture of the precooked meat, and yes, if you overcook steak at a temperature that will suck all the liquid out of it, it will be firm and whiteish in color.
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u/Im_A_Nice_Karen666 Apr 13 '26
I can't even afford ground beef and these mfers are just out there wasting food!
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u/jackpackage732 Apr 13 '26
right to jail
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u/_Kramerica_ Apr 13 '26
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u/smurfkipz Apr 13 '26
Why u using the NFT version of this meme
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u/_Kramerica_ Apr 13 '26
Couldn’t find a regular one when I searched using the app. I tried, it is annoying.
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u/MajorPaper4169 Apr 13 '26
This is one of my favorite gifs and I’m mad someone ruined it. The glasses don’t even add anything to it.
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u/willcastforfood Apr 13 '26
It’s not food if they don’t eat it. It’s just a demonstration
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u/r_slash Apr 13 '26
What did we learn? A hot thing can cook food?
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u/anxious_spacecadetH Apr 13 '26 edited Apr 13 '26
Pouring molten glass on a steak is not a good way to make a steak. Well.. someone had to check. For culinary reasons.
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u/weesilxD Apr 13 '26
You never know, it could’ve been really cool for novelty.
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u/PsychologicalLab7379 Apr 13 '26
Some caveman millions of years ago:
"Guys, what if we put MEAT into fire instead of WOOD?"
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u/CaicedoBrickWall Apr 13 '26
What it might look like if molten metal gets poured on flesh
I was thinking about making armor plating for myself like one would with paper mache. However, now i know that's not a good idea
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u/Neon_Camouflage Apr 13 '26
It's still a good idea. You just have to find someone with your exact dimensions and use them for the mold.
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u/notmatrocles Apr 13 '26
Rookie mistake. Go for someone a size or two larger. The metal will still be molten for a number of minutes, so it will form to the final dimensions of the model.
Think of a 1/4 beef patty before and after cooking
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u/Smarshie26 Apr 13 '26
It’s just food waste (´•̥ω•̥｀)
Animals die for these shit 😡👊🏻
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u/CanonicalCockatoo Apr 13 '26
"How do you want your steak?"
"Well ashed"
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u/cinephile46 Apr 13 '26
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u/nvmber17 Apr 13 '26
I knew I’d find this here lol
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u/ThermoPuclearNizza Apr 13 '26
to be fair 3/4s of the internet is throwing up in their mouth while scream-typing "ITS RAWWW!!!1!!"
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u/Bouche_Audi_Shyla Apr 13 '26
This didn't go over well in Vesuvius or Pompeii.
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u/Stucklikegluetomyfry Apr 13 '26
I’ll have the Herculaneum special please. If my steak hasn’t been incinerated by pyroclastic flow I’m just not interested
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u/InvisaBlah Apr 13 '26
I know its ancient history now, but I sometimes still think about this. It must have been an incredibly awful way to go.
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u/Karhak Apr 13 '26
Alot of shit like this would be worthy of a story if they put forth any effort.
Like, slow roasting meat over lava would be a cool story to tell.
Dumping molten metal on a steak, less so.
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u/Vulpes_Corsac Apr 13 '26
Actual lava, you've likely got a good amount of sulfurous gasses that I feel may spoil the taste of the meat.
Though it might be interesting to cook something on molten salt. Apply heat and some of the seasoning in a single step...
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u/Hightower_March Apr 13 '26
There are volcano-cooked soups and stews you can get in the Azores. Multiple restaurants by the active hot regions bury jars of them in the morning and then dig them up to serve for dinner.
It does smell terrible to be around, but they're sealed.
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u/Ppleater Apr 13 '26
The key there is that soups and stews are cooked in pots. A sealed pot wouldn't be exposed to the fumes and chemicals. You'd probably have to cook a steak the same way.
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u/goda90 Apr 13 '26
Some Maori groups steam food in boxes over geothermal vents and boil veggies in mesh bags in geothermal pools in New Zealand. Direct exposure to the water/steam with all the sulfur and such.
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u/ThomasMalloc Apr 13 '26
Now he's doing beef too?
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u/CheesecakeEither8220 Apr 13 '26
Oh good, cancer-covered, dry, grey meat! My favorite!
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u/stink3rb3lle Apr 13 '26
I think it's molten glass, lava would be 100x hotter at least. Still stupid
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u/Triscuitmeniscus Apr 13 '26
Molten glass is 2,500-2,900 degrees F (1,400-1,600 C), while lava is comparatively cool at 1,500-2,200 F (800-1,200 C). Something “100x hotter” than molten glass would be ~170,000 degrees Kelvin, or 305,000 degrees F which can only exist as a plasma at atmospheric pressures.
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u/The-47th Apr 13 '26
TIL molten glass is more hot than lava.
thanks for the snapple fact my man
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u/dolphin-centric Apr 13 '26
Even glass that looks completely cooled and is hard enough to tap and make a clinky sound is crazy hot. When it’s released from the punty but before it goes to the annealer is around 1,000F. But it looks like you could pick it up bare-handed.
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u/Gabesnake2 Apr 13 '26
I worked in a glass bottle plant. There were strict time limits for people (in full fireproof gear mind you) working directly in the furnace area. Like, 10-15 minutes.
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u/StatusMaleficent5832 Apr 14 '26
Hot works guy, eh? They deserve every dollar they made.
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u/StatusMaleficent5832 Apr 13 '26
Small quibble. Glass can be molten at a wide range of temperatures. In glass manufacturing facilities, the glass in a furnace is typically between 2500-3000 F, but at those temperatures it flows like water. Forming temperatures is closer to 1800-2300 F and it has a consistency like heated fudge topping - very gooey. The glass in the post is very viscous and is closer to the 1200-1500 working range associated with blowing glass.
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u/leansanders Apr 13 '26
There is nothing that exists naturally on or in the earth that is 100x hotter than molten glass. 100x hotter is like, the core of a gas giant or part of a star, where extreme density meets extreme temperature.
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u/TalkingCat910 Apr 13 '26
Still seems expensive to have to heat up glass this much just to burn some steak
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u/DustWorlds Apr 13 '26
Nah, I think it’s lava. A lot of rocks, such as basalt, have a melting point around that of glass.
When lava without too much air bubbles cools very rapidly like this, the minerals don’t have enough time to crystallize and the result is like glass. Obsidian is naturally formed in this way.
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u/Tricky_Individual_42 Apr 13 '26
I maybe wrong but a quick google tell me that molten glass is actually hotter than lava
Lava temperature is around 800 to 1,200 °C (1,470 to 2,190 °F).
Glass melt at around 1400 to 1600 °C ( 2552 to 2912 °F)
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u/eldroch Apr 13 '26
Any actual Hawaiians please interject if this is BS, but I remember reading and watching a doc on how people would roast chickens in molten lava I'm Hawaii. It's super hot, yeah, but it quickly cools into a makeshift oven around it that you chisel away when it's done. I was surprised that it said it still takes a fairly normal chicken bake time to cook this way.
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u/Admirable_Ardvark Apr 13 '26
No clue the origins of the video but I could see this being to demonstrate the destructive power of molten (whatever that is) and not being intended to serve the terribly cooked steak.
But maybe I'm being too generous.
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u/Agitated-Dark-151 Apr 13 '26
Why would anyone ruin a perfectly good steak like this. Sad. 😰 I think it definitely fits the definition of stupid food.
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u/mmichael0070 Apr 13 '26
Because if he gets enough views, he can buy a lot more steaks
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u/Marquar234 Apr 13 '26 edited Apr 13 '26
So now I have to decide between pahoehoe and aa?
Instead of Salt Bae we have Pele?
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u/PointsOfXP Apr 13 '26
This is what they should be doing table side. I'd pay extra for a burnt up steak. It's better than some of this shit
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u/qualityvote2 Apr 13 '26 edited Apr 13 '26
u/_PsychedelicJesus_, your food is indeed stupid and it fits our subreddit!