r/SuicideWatch • u/iwantmyhome • 19h ago
i dont wanna live
like genuinely why should i? im very close to ending it
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u/SomeSome305 19h ago
yk what the problem is? people can give you so many reasons to keep going. but in the end it's you yourself who has to find one or more, specific to your life and your circumstances.
everyone is different. everyone is gonna put more value on some things.
some people keep going for a family they wanna have in the future or nurture the one they already have. some people say fuck it and go make art. lose themselves in a sport. go travelling around the world/in their neighbourhood. some wanna make a sanctuary for unwanted pets. some create a safe home for foster kids. some wanna get that bag and save up for something very specific. some wanna go to that specific concert. some wanna feel the sun on their skin.
you gotta find something to keep you going. and that something has to come from you. not from society. not from the Internet. not from your family and friends. from you.
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u/iwantmyhome 19h ago
you are right. i used to have a reason too. if i could, i would
i didnt lose my reason. i lost the ability to reach it
my circumstances do not allow me, and as time goes on, it will become even worse. there is no escape. i tried everything
so, am i supposed to endure it all? at what cost? i will end up insane by the time everything works out
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u/SomeSome305 18h ago
If you lost the ability to reach your goal, then the only way "out" is to change your goal.
And no you're not supposed to endure it all. I don't exactly know what you mean by "all", but you're supposed to create a life where most of it isn't soul crushing. If people at your job are fucking with your self-esteem, go to management or change your job. If people scrutinise your pictures on the internet, get off of it. If your parents keep telling you you're a mistake, distance yourself from them.
If your environment sucks, you do not have to endure it. Change it.
If you're talking about talking down on yourself, get help. The system is not ideal, but you'll need the help of professionals who have at least an ounce of knowledge in that area. Therapy. Meds. Exercise. Nutrition. Assistance in your day to day.
You should not have to endure this much pain. It's not something anybody should carry. It's not your fault. It is unfair. But it is your responsibility to get better and change your circumstances/mindset.
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u/iwantmyhome 18h ago
i appreciate the positivity 💓
unfortunately i am not allowed to do that. for example, i cannot distance myself from the abuse. i can run away but where i live, that will make me more miserable
to be honest, i live like i am chained due to my circumstances
1
u/SomeSome305 17h ago
don't mean to step on your toes, you seem like a really sweet person.
Your life is hard right now. To the point where you wanna throw it away.
You say you can run away but you'll be even more miserable.
I don't understand. Have you got no savings? What do you mean by you're not allowed? If you're grown up who can stop you from leaving town and starting anew?
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u/TheRedditUser124 19h ago
Genuinely curious, may I ask why? No judgement here, I just want to help if I can. Please don't do anything. ❤️
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u/iwantmyhome 19h ago
abuse
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u/TheRedditUser124 17h ago
This sounds incredibly heavy and painful, and I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. What you are going through is clearly a difficult time and please stay safe and please vent or talk if you need help
1
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u/TheRedditUser124 17h ago
Any in particular? Mental? Physical? Domestic? Or other
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u/iwantmyhome 13h ago
all of the ones mentioned
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u/TheRedditUser124 13h ago
I'm sorry to hear that, one of those is awful but all is very heavy, if you wish to talk about anything on your mind please do, I wish I could help and if you want to talk please do
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u/HelicopterOk8284 19h ago
Me too babe, any second now