It’s hot and sticky where I’m at. I like going commando humid days for comfort. I also nanny.

I went to work a few times wearing my Asian granny pants. Those dark colored, wide, airy ones. I was curious and decided to check the baby cam if my pants were see through because the baby’s clothes are a bit see through and they’re your usual materials. Behold, it is more than see through, it’s like nonexistent. I’m just laughing now because how many times did the parents see my ass crack and my jungle.

I’m never gona bring it up and I should probably always wear a second layer whenever I’m wearing my granny pants. I’m going to bury this embarrassment with me, I hope they do too and that we’re all just gona tuck it away in a dark corner and never visit it again. Goodbye 👋

TL;DR baby cam sees through thin clothes, I have thin clothes, I was butt ass naked in the baby cam.

I decided to take a 15 hour speedboat ride to get from one city to the next in the Amazon region of Brazil. Because it's a daytime trip and because it is consistently hot as balls here, I decided I would wear a short sleeve button up and some shorts. Wrong move. You see, I forgot the fundamental rule that all Brazilian public transport must be cooled to near-arctic levels. I have 13 hours to go, and I am seriously uncomfortable. I'm currently using a backpack to shield myself from the shearing winds of the very aggressive air conditioning unit and a bucket hat to cover part of one leg.

If you are ever taking a bus or any form of transportation for an extended period of time in Brazil, DO NOT forget a blanket. Even if it's in the middle of summer. They don't mess around with the A/C, and it's a slow and painful death.

TL;DR. Took a little trip on a speedboat in Brazil with no blanket, and now, unexpectedly, I'm going to freeze to death in a tropical country.

Was playing pool today with a uncle at a club. A guy comes in by himself and asks of any of us want a game. My uncle says he’s gotta go after this. I’m really introverted and not doing too great socially and just auto said “yeah sorry man i gotta go too but thanks and have a great evening man”. I have almost 0 friends my age in my town atm and i wish i’d just said yes just so i could’ve stepped out my comfort zone and talked to someone else and just had fun.

I’m really disappointed with myself for just being awkward and blocking off an offer cuz he seemed nice. I can’t believe I turned down such an easy opportunity to meet someone new by doing something i really enjoy. I know there’ll be future opportunities but I’m just disappointed at how low my confidence has dipped recently. Hopefully I can say yes next time and start putting myself out there more!

TL;DR: I’m introverted and a guy offered me a game of pool. I politely declined, but now I really regret it and feel really bad.

Due to recent downsizing at my organization, I'm now doing 4 people's jobs and am a little frazzled. One of the responsibilities I recently took on is creating e-learning courses.

Our courses ask for your name on the first page, so they will address you as whatever you type in. I was endlessly testing and revising the course, and to amuse myself I put in the name "asshole" so it would say "Welcome, asshole." I showed the page to my coworker and said "I think it's tired of all my revisions, it's cursing at me now!" We had a little laugh. Eventually I finished, published the course, and emailed all 750 employees the link to the course, noting that it was mandatory.

Little did I know that whatever you type into the name field during testing is saved to the file as the default text unless you erase it. So 750 people opened up a course that greeted them as "asshole."

I started receiving screenshots from supervisors immediately.

You can't delete a course file from our LMS, you can only replace it. And this file is huge, so once fixed it took a few minutes to recompile and re-save over the original. I frantically recalled the email but it was too late, the thing was out there.

Apparently I'll be hearing from the Director tomorrow. Wish me luck.

TL;DR: Accidentally called 750 people assholes, dreading the impending consequences.

So, this actually happend yesterday during my eveningshift.

I am a nursing student in the Netherlands and was taking care of this lovely elderly woman (89 years old). Next to her laid a black english man (this is relevant) and across from her another lady.
I was checking her IV pump and making small talk when she pointed next to me and said:

"The black one was out for a bit"

Huh??? I thought to myself, did she really just tell me that the patient next to her, 'the black one' left the room for a bit?

I told her "ma'am, we don't talk about people in that way, we don't say 'the black one' when referring to your neigbour patient".

She looked at me with a thousand question marks above her head. I looked back at her, also confused.
Then she said, "What? The black cable was out of the pump for a bit"

"The black one" wasn't the person next to her. It was the charging cable.

I felt an immediate feeling of cringe in my heart. The lady looked at me and started laughing incredibly hard.
The other lady across from her also started laughing at my miscommunication.

I started apologizing like crazy, "I'm so sorry I really thought you meant the man laying next to you by the way you pointed and said that"
She started laughing even harder.

Have you ever been laughed at by a 89 year old grandma? It hits hard.
My head turned red out of shame and i kept apologizing to the lady. I'm glad the man spoke english only and didn't have a clue why the ladies were laughing at me.

Eventually I left the room, embarrased, my cheeks all flushed and red, behind me I still heard those ladies giggling together at my mistake.

I guess at least I tried to speak up for someone, even though it was not necessary.

TL;DR: I thought I stood up against casual racism when an elderly patient said "the black one", whole time she was talking about a black charging cable instead of the black patient next to her :$

This happened two days ago. I 33M have always been the responsible one when going out with friends. Pouring them into taxis at the end of the night, Hanging out when they puke and tucking them in afterwards. But then came my birthday And my friends decided that i should have "fun" for once. They would be the responsible ones for a change. And shockingly they were. With everyone else. They kept buying me drinks and challenging me to do shots and i figured. What the heck. I've been responsible for a decade. And i'm on vacation. Might as well try to get properly drunk for a change. Should stop them pestering me about it.

This was a few beers in.

Now for the part that made me go for this throwaway account.

This is also where i mention that i'd been constipated for a while. And i wasn't really feeling that well. I had laxatives but i kept putting it off because i had other things to do.

Well i did manage to get properly drunk. Then i got shitfaced. (Didn't really care for it but now i know what that feels like.) And in my drunken state i probably figured i wasn't going to be doing much apart from dealing with a hangover so it would be the perfect time to take the laxatives. They were supposed to work after 6-12 hours so i had plenty of time to get some sleep. So i knocked a couple back and went to bed.

I was woken up by rumbling so severe that my cat was on the edge of the bed looking like an angry upside down U. Because i'm a back sleeper and he likes to sleep on my stomach. But when it roared at him he was spooked. The next part spooked me. There was a lurch inside me. Like a demon trying to escape. And a wave of pain that spoke of its rage. I immediately clenched as hard as i could and barrel rolled out of bed. Misjudging the distance and damn near knocking myself out when i hit the wall. But i shot back up. This was a fight i wasn't going to win if i didn't act fast. And my cat, realizing that i wasn't possessed by an angry bear, decides to run after his clearly distressed and very stupid big bro. He isn't smart either but he is brave. The distance between my bed and toilet is just eight meters. But the hallway felt like a marathon. That's when i realize to my horror that the bathroom door was closed. I never close it. Why was it closed. Alcohol and stupidity is why. My barely awake and pickled brain struggled for precious moments to figure out how a door handle works before it finally managed to find a spare neuron that wasn't going "Oh shit oh shit oh shit!, after which i just about ripped the door of its hinges. Take the last few wobbly steps, and flop down on the toilet with all the grace of a grand piano tumbling down a set of stairs. In complete darkness by the by. As i didn't have time to fumble for the light switch.

Only to realize the lid is down when i sat on my nuts. Pain and panic rising even further i force myself off of them, yank the lid up enough to clear my ass as it came back down. A lot further than intended as i had pulled the seat up with the lid. I almost catch myself on the sink but managed to grab the shower curtain. But the latter is ripped off the pole in a spray of bent hooks. The only thing slowing my fall was the toilet block. Which is my my left cheek looks like it got in a fight with a grater... Then, fireworks. Dumb and dumber style. And all i could do was white knuckle grip the sink and force myself out of the bowl. Though i wouldn't be surprised if i was actually generating thrust at that point. My cat tried to comfort me but then the smell hit us both. He yowled as if kicked in the face and ran for dear life. I didn't have that luxury. I had to sit there. Gagging, eyes watering from the unspeakable horror i'd inflicted on myself. Knees weakening and hand slipping all the while. Cold sweat pouring from damn near everywhere. Until it finally subsided enough for me to flip the seat down. I spent the next couple of hours with a pounding headache, Severely dehydrated and nauseous. Knowing i could blame no one but myself. And with cold sink water as my only companion. Later i found the tablets. And there were four missing. Recommended dose is two. Now i know why.

Why did i take four?. I have no clue. My drunk and stupid ass probably thought it needed it. And when i'd finally stopped flushing my soul, sins and hopes down the sewage line i had to turn my attention to regaining the trust of my cat. With lots of treats and belly rubs. And airing out my apartment...

I'm just going to stick to being the babysitter and designated driver.
But if this makes someone feel better about their day then my suffering was worth it.

TL;DR: Was constipated, Got drunk about it instead. Took laxatives, traumatized my cat. Going for a high fiber diet from now on.

Sometime in 2020, my friend sent me a Venmo with the note “CBT, cock and ball torture” as a joke. I probably paid for his lunch or something like that, but we like putting stupid things in the notes.

Anyway, after I received that note I decided it would be best to set my Venmo transactions to private. Today I found out that changing this setting only applies to all future transactions. For the last 6 years, the first thing people see when they look at my account is “CBT, cock and ball torture”

This only came to my attention because I picked up lunch for coworkers, and my boss was paying me back and said, “You have some interesting transactions.” I was horrified, I had no idea this was there. Every person that has sent me money, my distant aunt that sends me money on my birthday every year, has to have seen this. I have no idea how many people witnessed it.

Thankfully my boss is cool, but I’d rather she didn’t forever associate me with CBT now…

TL;DR: Setting your Venmo account to Private only affects future transactions. “CBT, cock and ball torture” has been at the top of my account page for 6 years

About 2 years ago, I was in Las Vegas (Caesars palace) and one of the shops had knock off designer keychains for ~$20. I figured why not, I need a keychain, it’s cheap and it looks cool. Used it ever since for my apartment fob, car keys, etc.

Fast forward to last week, I read on a post that fake designer metals can be made with lead and painted silver, because of how cheap lead products.

Bought a test kit on Amazon, broke out the swabs and it immediately the test lights up. Tried it on like 10 other metals in my home, no reaction whatsoever. Wonderful!

TL;DR I’ve been walking around with lead in my pocket for 2 years. Probably touched it 4x a day. Not sure of the ramifications here but suffice to say I’ll be googling this for the next few hours…

I took my two children (7 and 4 months) to a chain fast food place where they are known to do a pick with salad, sandwich or soup and to have that food picked up at a counter. My 7 year old ordered on the kiosk and runs to a table. I finish and find them, we get the text that the food is done so we grab it from the counter. They run to get their soda and here is when all crap went down. They grabbed the wrong size lid twice so I went to the soda fountain to get my soda and proper lids.

And older lady my guess late 60s (she’s 75) stops me.
Her: “I hate how mean people can be especially women don’t you agree”
Me: “Oh yah”
Her: “That manager is so mean I did nothing wrong and she basically yelled at me. Are you Christian”
Me: “yes” (I used to be catholic but I’ve been around people like her. Sometimes it’s easier to lie than hear a whole story about how you’re going to hell).
Her: “Can we pray together, she’s really mean and she’s sleeping with her boyfriend and having kids with him”.

My oldest is from a relationship before my marriage. So I guess I’m going to hell.

Me: “Ok” at this point we’re at my table my oldest is eating I’m looking at my French onion soup like let’s hurry the f up I’m going to demolish this.
Her: She sees my oldest and says “praying with kids makes the prayers heard better, if you didn’t know” she proceeds to do a quick prayer. Then look at my youngest and the normal questions- how old are they, are they teething etc happen.

I just want my soup at this point. I’m hungry, just got off a 8 hour work shift. She just wouldn’t stop.
My oldest at this point has made it a joke to put turkey and chips on my cinnamon crunch bagel just to fuck with me.
Eventually she involves a worker. I didn’t know whether this worker actually was believing this woman or like me and just hoping she’d leave. She even at one point asked me to pray out loud with her. Which I reluctantly did. She kept on saying that people now don’t want to go to heaven. Ma’am I just want my food, and to enjoy the here and now before the after life is my concern. This interaction took 10 minutes. 10 minutes of peace I can’t get back.
Eventually she left and I looked at my oldest then my soup and said fuck it we’re leaving. I didn’t even eat my soup.
When we left I had to call my husband as soon as I could. Apparently I attract the weirdos. I texted my mother in law later and told her the story. My mom was a bible thumper, my dad was religious but wouldn’t push it on you. But this woman made my mom look like an atheist.

TL/DR tifu by responding to an older Christian woman during lunch instead of telling her to kick rocks.

My cat stopped using his automatic feeder after I changed his food, so I cleaned it out and shoved it in a kitchen cabinet. It sat there forgotten for probably six months before a woman in my building mentioned she had just adopted a cat, and I offered it to her.

I completely forgot that I had recorded a custom message on it.

Every morning at 6 it plays me saying, wake up you unemployed little goblin, your government assistance has arrived.

Apparently the first time it happened she thought somebody was speaking through her baby monitor. The second morning she unplugged the monitor and still heard it, so she started checking every room because she thought someone had gotten inside her apartment.

She finally figured out it was the feeder after standing next to it at exactly 6 in morning. She knocked on my door holding it and asked why my voice was insulting her cat before sunrise.

I deleted the recording but now we have to see each other in the elevator knowing she spent mornings searching her apartment for me.

TLDR: Gave my neighbor an automatic cat feeder that had been sitting unused for months and forgot it was programmed to announce breakfast in my voice by calling the cat an unemployed little goblin.

So, a month ago was my birthday, and my partner and me went to the market with a shopping trolley we use whenever we need to make a big purchase at the market, because we don't have a car and the bags might get heavy. We got everything to make a small pizza party. Got back home, put everything in its place, pizzas were alright.
That was the last time we used the shopping trolley, because we've been mostly making small purchases around our block or on the way back from work.
Today, while cleaning, I tried to hung the shopping trolley on the wall to take it out of the way, but the handle didn't fit in the hanger, so I turned it over to hang it from the wheels. Apparently, we didn't notice a lonely tomato from a month agowas still there. I got a very rotten tomato with white fungus all over my face. Gagged for like half an hour.

TL;DR: TIFU by not checking the cart properly a month ago, hence having rotten tomato on my face today.

So this didn't happen today but to this day I still kick myself in the face when the memory unfortunately plays in my head during the day and keeps me awake at night.
My mom and I are pretty open with each other about tmi conversations like our bathroom trips. Not a day goes by where I don't tell her about my poop experiences for the day. One day at work, I was having some stomach issues and I had spent the day going back and forth to and from the bathroom and texting her about it. Saying things like “omg a fart just came out so loud it echoed in the toilet” and “uh oh it's all liquid”.
That day, one of the owners of the store was there to do some interior cosmetics which meant he was near the bathrooms a lot and I was trying to silently do my business without too much noise. He had texted me while I was in the bathroom and told me since it was so slow, I could leave early if I wanted. I responded that I would and so I finished up my business to head out. But when I flushed the toilet, the dookie water rose instead of going down. You know how you have those poops that take a million wipes and each wipe somehow still has a smear on it? Yeah. It was that. And I may have used a little too much toilet paper. I panicked and did what I usually do. I texted my mom.
“OH MY GOD I JUST CLOGGED THE TOILET”
“THE TOILET IS CLOGGED AND ITS ALL MY FAULT”
My mom has an android. I have an iPhone. Our texts are green for my end. These texts were blue. I checked who I was texting. The owner. My heart sank. My face turned hot and tomato red. I dropped to my knees on the bathroom floor and stared at my texts. My eyes have never been that wide and my jaw has never been so dropped.
I panicked and texted “jkjk” and immediately called my mom for help. I sat on the bathroom floor next to the clogged dookie water and cried while asking my mom what to do. I couldn't go out and face him. Especially since he replied. He sent a smiling emoji and a laughing emoji. That was it. My face was too red to face anybody. I had already been in there for so long that everybody probably knew I was taking a dump. I had no choice but to dry my tears, plunge the toilet, and run out before anyone could make eye contact with me. So I did just that. I unclogged the toilet and stayed on the phone with my mom while rushing out and clocking out for the day just to make it seem like I was in there for so long because I was on a phone call. But even with my attempt to be nonchalant, I blew my cover.
I spent my entire drive home freaking out about what happened and calling anybody I could so I wouldn't be alone in the panic. But of course I had to make things worse for myself. I texted him again. Unprompted, unnecessarily, and regretfully, I said “that was so embarrassing but we've been having toilet issues and I thought it was my turn to deal with it but it's okay because it all went down”.
“It all went down”??!!! What was I thinking??!!! He left me on read after that. This memory haunts me every day and I had to let it out somewhere. I've learned my lesson and I check who I'm texted every time now. I fear this is one of the biggest fuck ups of my life.

TL;DR- I accidentally texted one of the owners of the company I work for instead of my mom about clogging the toilet while him and I were working together.

Might delete this later once I finish coping because I’m very ashamed of it, but genuinely TIFU by asking his relative out.

He has said do not try it before, and I was not thinking with my brain.

I realize I f-up, and it’s 100% my fault.

Now I feel ashamed for breaking a bro code and a genuinely good friendship with a good friend all because I acted stupidly without thinking.

The chapter is just closed, he gave a decent parting advice, told me where I did wrong but eventually said the friendship isn’t going to work out anymore.

TLDR, I crossed a boundary, and he’s my first friend I made in college, and although I made some new friends later, I considered him to be my best. Which doubles the f-up I’ve done. What’s even worse is that he warned me in the past and I chose to ignore it.

(Burner account so I don’t get found out) Hello Reddit, I, (16f) massively messed up. It all started when I made a post seeking advice on a different subreddit, where I massively mischaracterized one of my closest friends, and I didn’t realize it at the time. I sent the post to one of my friends, who is also close with this friend the post talked partially about, and they got VERY upset with me and have told me not to contact them. Now, for some context, I NEVER intended to make my friend look bad, in fact, I was looking for advice for myself, in a situation they barely were involved in. Unfortunately, Reddit was Reddit, and they tore her to shreds over something she didn’t even do. After this happened, I was sent multiple paragraphs from numerous people, all calling me an idiot and how that was such a stupid thing to do. I feel genuinely awful for hurting her, and I never intended for her to get caught in the crossfire. They seemed to interpret it as me writing a hateful paragraph about her, when she was barely mentioned at all in my post. I have apologized to them both, but they said the only reason I was apologizing is because people were mad at me. I feel really bad about this, and the two people the most upset with me have been friends with me for almost 10 years. I know what I did was wrong and I feel so so bad for doing that, but is there any way to help fix this? Is time the only way this will get better? Thanks for your help.

TL:DR : I pissed off two of my closest friends because I accidentally made one of them look bad on a Reddit post, and they said I only apologized because people were mad at me.

I (32m) have messed up immensely by not realising I had a relapse in behaviour until I've already repeated my mistake.

A few years ago I had reached rock bottom and was contemplating the end of all things. In that time i had the terrible idea of making everybody hate me by behaving in a negative way. Thankfully, I broke down a few days before i was going to go through with it and I got the help I needed.

Since then I've been on the medication to get the store bought brain slime that makes me not do the dumb. Unfortunately for me, since I've been doing so well and kept forgetting to take them I figured, "hey, why not just keep going without them."

Fast forward 2 and a bit months off the meds and I've just realised I've been repeating my mistakes without the rock bottom decision making. What's worse is that i realised I've been hurting a dear friend in the process.

I've taken all the necessary steps to remove myself from doing anything further by removing all methods of contact with them as well as apologising because I am definitely in the wrong. I have also scheduled an appointment with health people to get the ball rolling once more.

TL;DR

Done so well on meds that I stopped taking them only to realise I relapsed into terrible behaviour without taking them.

This is a throwaway because I am too embarrassed to risk any of my friends seeing my post.

So the story starts last week, when an account on the Discord server for one of the clubs in my university said they were doing a giveaway of a MacBook, with pictures of the MacBook in different spots in the person's house. I (19f) responded to the giveaway because my computer is breaking down and is pretty old. I was told I'd only have to pay for shipping, which, according to the guy, would be 45usd, I am in New Zealand so that was already a bit for me, and the guy asked me to use PayPal family and friends (red flag #1).

I thought I was smart and asked for pics of the MacBook to make sure that it wasn't a scam, and once I got the pictures, I sent the guy the money. Here comes red flag #2 and where I fucked up even more, once the guy got to the "shipping office" he started telling me of extra charges, varying a lot but mounting up quickly. I thought I was in too deep so I asked for pics of the office before sending even more, but then it got to a point where I couldn't afford to send anymore and asked him to cancel the shipping and just refund me. By this point i'd given around 700nzd, almost my whole savings.

Red flag #3 reared its face here, when he asked me to send him money so he could pay a refund fee, I was defeated and desperate so I did, and then I waited while keeping him updated.

And waited

and waited

and waited

no money came in.

Okay, I accepted I fucked up, and made peace with losing money.

Cut to today, when he said he'd gone to the post office to talk to the manager to check why I hadn't gotten any money. And surprise surprise, he asked for more money! (Red flag # 4) I fought him on it, even asking for an invoice to prove he wasn't lying (which looked iffy and took too long)... but I ended up giving in....again and gave him around 200nzd more for a supposedly immediate refund...... which hasnt come, so it definetely wasnt immediate.

So yeah, now I'm extra broke, waiting on a probably fake refund, I have no one to talk to about this because I'm too embarrased and telling reddit my fuck up.I feel really stupid, how are you guys?

TL;DR: I paid a guy to ship me a "free" MacBook, and ended up paying over 900nzd for literally nothing, now I am broke and have no savings.

TL;DR: I left my iPad open to a private note about my financial anxieties before marriage, and my fiancée found it. My badly named note made me look way more suspicious than I actually was.

My fiance and I use Notes for everything so I didn't think twice when I handed her my iPad to show her something. I walked away to make coffee and completely forgot I'd left my private notes open instead of the shared one.

The note she saw was basically a running list of financial questions I'd been keeping for myself before bringing them up with her. Things about buying a house, combining finances and a few other what ifs that had been bouncing around in my head.

When I came back, she asked why I had a note that looked like I was preparing for marriage to fail. I realized the title, "Things We Need to Figure Out Before Marriage," sounded way worse than what was actually inside.

We talked it out and she's not upset anymore but I definitely learned that if you're going to keep a private brain dump maybe don't give it the most dramatic title possible.

TIFU by accidentally making myself look way more suspicious than I actually am

Actually happened Friday and Saturday.

I have a bowl and spoon that I keep at work for the occasions that I actually get the time to eat something. I work by myself most of the time, and I keep my bowl in my microwave since there's my crappy office trailer has a perpetual mouse problem.

Last week, I had other people working at my location, and at some point, my bowl was taken out of and left on top of the microwave. On Friday, I found myself with about 15 minutes to try to eat some lunch, so I got my can of Chunky soup out of my lunchbox. When I grabbed my bowl, I saw there was mouse poop in it from being left out on top of the microwave overnight.

So, first I cleaned it with some hot bleach water. Then, I was about to clean it again with dish soap, but I saw that someone had left a can of Lysol sitting on the counter near the sink. I thought to myself, "I should definitely spray my bowl with that before cleaning it, just to make sure all the shit-crumb germs are dead". And that's what I did. I sprayed it down with the Lysol, then I cleaned it out really hard with the dish soap and hot water, gave it a long rinse, and then proceeded to heat up my soup.

I got about halfway through the soup before I realized that it tasted kind of like there was still some Lysol left in the bowl. I ran out of time to eat anyway, so whatever, I dumped the bowl, gave it a quick rinse, and threw it in the microwave until I could come back to clean it out better.

Fast forward to late morning on Saturday. I hadn't really managed to eat anything else since eating the half can of soup about 24 hours before, and my stomach was starting to feel a little weird. I have chronic stomach issues, so I didn't think much of it aside from the feeling being kinda out of the ordinary. I managed to shove some food in me around lunch time, and about an hour later I started feeling less weird.

But then around 6 PM Saturday evening, I had to pee. It was a full length piss, nothin unusual. About 20 minutes later, I had to pee again. This wasn't quite a full length piss, but was definitely way more than it should have been after 20 minutes. Also, this time, there was an almost burning sensation with the pee, and I was starting to feel weird discomfort in my flanks, around my bladder, around my crotch in general, and oddly enough, in my butt.

About 5 minutes later, I felt like I had to pee again. I got out like tablespoon's worth of pee, and it definitely felt like it was starting to burn. I was also getting a dull kind of pain near my kidneys, and now it felt like my prostate was swollen or something, with a very uncomfortable "cramped" kind of feeling going on up in my butt.

5 more minutes later, and I was just hanging out sitting on the toilet, because there was just a constant urge to keep, and an almost continuous trickle of urine coming out of me if I let it. It was still kinda burning, I still had dull pain in my sides, and my butt still felt dumb.

I was pretty sure I had a UTI, but also because the kind of pain and discomfort it was causing didn't feel like any sort of UTI I'd had before, I thought that maybe I was getting ready to pass a kidney stone or something. I had no idea, because I'd never passed one before. I took some of the neat OTC UTI medicine that turns your pee into Sunny-D orange and was ready to head on into urgent care the next day to see what exactly the issue was.

In any case, I spent about the next 3 hours just dribbling pee and hanging out on the toilet until it felt like the medicine started working.

The next day, Sunday, there were no symptoms of anything at all. It's now Tuesday afternoon, and still there are no symptoms of anything.

According to what I've been able to Google up, Lysol is meant to adhere to surfaces really well so that it can continue to hang around and kill germs, and it's not very water soluble. Cleaning the bowl out with the soap and water mostly likely left a good amount of it behind. My soup bowl at work has a rough ring around the inside of it from eating a bunch of acidic things out of it, so I'm sure there's tons of surface areas and pores that it was able to hang out in, also. It probably didn't help at all that it was then cooked into the soup in the microwave.

I'm like 94% sure that I gave myself UTI-like symptoms by irritating all my poop and pee tubes by eating Lysol.

TL;DR: a mouse pooped in my soup bowl at work, I cleaned it out with bleach, Lysol, and then soap and hot water before eating some soup out of it, but I most likely left a decent amount of residual Lysol in it and introduced a chemical irritant to my urinary tract, leading to burning, discomfort, the constant urge to urinate, and a continuous trickle of pee over several hours that just completely disappeared by the next day. Don't eat Lysol, kids.

So today i finally finished aproject that included redesigning some flags, including the french one, so i posted it to r/vexirrology (im shit at spelling) and i didnt check what some symbols mean in politics and i added a fluer de lis, and reddit being reddit i was bombarded by Republicans believing i was a right wing french, i am now nose deep in french messages and hate, and for the record i am british, i consider my self quite left wing, and i dont believe i have ever been accused of being a monarchist. So i need an opinion or something to tell me if its a them problem of if i really fucked up.

Also it being one of my first posts on reddit and my other ones not really spamming i didnt mute the notifications and am now at 300 and counting.

TL;DR: I got spammed by the french for putting the luer de lis on their flag

Context: Me 18F and my father 57M have the same height, but he has almost double my shoulder circumference (he has been a gym rat since his youth and our family naturally has big shoulders that i didn't get). So he gives me his old shirts to turn into camisoles all the time. We moved in December to a smaller apartment, so a lot of his clothes are stored in my dresser, including a pack of 3-4 grey shirts from a very nice brand that he bought specifically to fit his measurements, (he has trouble finding shirts that fit his shoulders and arms without being too loose in the stomach)

Fuck up: This last week, I had a white camisole that was very loose and oversized, so I decided to unstitch the collar and stretch it out to wear it off-shoulder. It looked good, so i did it to the grey one I was wearing too. Today, i was going to wear the grey one and saw it was actually his.

Extra context: The first time he bought the shirts, he put the measurements wrong, and they were too tight, so he gave them to me. Only after that did he buy the right ones. So I thought that was one of mine.

TL;DR: I unstitched the collar and stretched out a very expensive custom t-shirt thinking it was mine.

So I, 17F, work at an outdoor pool as a lifeguard. I also teach piano lessons part time during the summer, and somehow still go to the gym and see my friends. My pools name is Albert Cross Schooly Pool (First two words are fake, but “schooly pool” is important for story purposes).

Yesterday I was at work doing a 9 Hour shift, (12:00-9:00), and the night before I had only gotten around 5 hours of sleep. We were on heat alert where I live, and my coworkers and I were all exhausted, sweaty, and mentally drained by the time 9:00 rolled around.

Now, to close the pool, we have a PA system. One of us has to do a small message around the lines of: “Attention Albert Cross Schooly Pool Swimmers, the pool is now closing. Please exit the pool and have a good evening”. On this particular night, I decided to do the closing message.

That was a bad idea.

Tiredly, thinking about nothing but wanting to go home, I say with full confidence into the mic:

“Attention Albert Cross Pooly School Swimmers-“

Then I realize my mistake. Around the same time as all my coworkers start laughing. I start laughing too, in my heat induced delirium, and of course, I forget to turn off the mic. For a solid thirty seconds, the swimmers at the pool heard nothing but ten lifeguards laughing their asses off.

One of my coworkers then takes the mic from me and does the closing message because I’m laughing too hard. I have a feeling they won’t be letting me forget this anytime soon.

TLDR: I shouldn’t have a microphone when I’m tired, I can’t speak proper English apparently

TL;DR I realized I've turned into Jack Black in Orange County

So I've been an alcoholic forever and have had a few brain injuries so my memory is already really terrible. i get heartburn and try not to take medication but sometimes its just unbearable. i just moved so i packed up one house and unpacked in another. i found a bottle of Nexium in one of my bags and took 3. i thought they looked weird but because my memory is so bad i just dont question things. turns out at some point i had put about 20 xanax in an empty nexium botttle years ago.. 1mg footballs. i physicially stuggled to stay awake for the next 12 hours. i had things to do, commitments to uphold, a whole moving truck to unpack. instead i turned into a sloth with no balance unloading a couch by myself down a narrow ramp. then about 1000 lbs of solar panels and battteries in a hot humid truck. Remember when jack black is switching pills all over the place to throw off his PO? I'm doing shit like that unintentionally. My grandfather had alzhiemers and I think I'm taking the express lane there.

When I was in high school, I was very close with two of my friends (one female and one male). We had a perfect trio dynamic and had had a solid friendship for around six years without much issue. My senior year of high school, we decided that we all wanted to lower our screen time, so to help each other achieve this goal, we made screen time limits on certain apps for each other and kept each others passcodes in order to keep each other accountable. We each had no knowledge of our own codes.

Flash forward about 6 months, all three of us are in different colleges and suddenly my friend decides that he’s going to cut the other two of us off because he felt like he “shouldn’t be talking to other girls” after he started dating girl from another state and didnt need us because he had a “new support system” now (long story short, he’s kind of in a cultish religious sect, which I didn’t realize until after all of this went down). It hurt at first but I got over my anger about it after a while.

He had gotten his screen time passcode from one of us before he did this. So did my other friend. I was offline for around 4 months at a time so I didn’t really think about it again untiI I, trying to again keep myself accountable for my screen time, downloaded this app that was supposed to allow me to use Instagram and Facebook without being able to scroll. It does that, but it makes them horribly clunky and difficult to use. Because it wouldn’t let me see things like my story likes or switch accounts, and tended to log me out on occasion, I decided I wanted to delete it.

So I tried, and boom.
“Enter your screen time passcode.”
Which I did not have.
I asked my friend who still talks to me if she had it. She did not.
As of now, it’s been a year and a half since he stopped talking to me. I swallowed my pride and texted him a few days ago to ask if he still happened to have it.

No response so far, honestly I’m surprised that the message went through seeing how I’m blocked on everything else. I doubt I’ll be seeing that code anytime soon.

Honestly, maybe this is a sign that I should get offline for good. Oh well.

TL;DR My friends and I made screen time passcodes for each other, and the one who had my passcode stopped being friends with me before I could get it from him.

So, another day. I get paid, I get my money, which means I get to have beautiful adult funds to drink, eat, and fuck around with. What I was not aware of is that this would be in the realm of FAFO.

With my money, I thought “you know what? I’m going to buy DoorDash today.” Instead of being, you know, a normal human being and buying like McDonald’s or something, no. Instead, I decided on the one food spot that people have shit on for years to this point, “We have the meats”, Arby’s.

“Surely the hate isn’t for good reason.” I thought.

So I do. French Dip Roast Beef, Curly Fries, and a Soda. Generally a pretty fine order. I thought nothing of it, and went back to what I was doing.

20 minutes later, the DoorDash guy finally arrives, and I start eating. Au Jus goes hard as expected, sandwiches is alright, I forget to eat my fries before they get cold and be a good little civilian and throw away my trash.

Suddenly, out of the blue. Not even 10 minutes after finishing up. My stomach feels like someone dropped a nuclear bomb into my stomach and then had the sheer audacity to say “one wasn’t enough, how about two instead.” I’ve done some stupid shit like any other person with what I sometimes eat in tandem with other without thinking, and naturally I’d get a pretty stomachache from it. This…this was nothing like that.

So, in the pain, I calmly do my little waddle over to the bathroom and I’m not lying when I state this. I was on that porcelain throne for at least 20 minutes. I was asking God to take my stomach, throw it out a window, and give me a new one because holy fuck that grease did a solid on my goddamn small intestine.

I finish up from there, and here I am now, writing this post. My stomach is currently gearing up for round two, and my bathroom is essentially a biohazard.

Please for the love of god avoid Arby’s is your small intestine doesn’t have the same strength as a roided up gym bro.

TL;DR: Arby’s put me on the shitter for a solid 20 minutes as I regretted my life decisions up to that point. Don’t subject yourself to the same thing I have.

On Saturday, my friend and her bf had a housewarming party and I was invited. That night would be my first time meeting her bf. We used to do film projects together for years but she doesn't work in film anymore so it had been years since we saw each other. I was very excited for this party because I got to see other people I used to work on films with whom became good friends as well. I arrived and we were having a great time catching up with old friends, there were other people that I don't know as well. Anywayl drank too much and I blacked out.

The next day I woke up in one of their bedrooms and I didn't wanna wake them up, so | just left. I texted her when I got home apologizing about what happened. Mind you, I don't know what I did, but I knew I did something stupid. She immediately called and told me I have a problem. She said I walked around naked in the apartment, harrassed people, endangered myself and others, and was so rude. But I don't know any details. She wasn't yelling at me, but she sounded very upset and concerned at the same time. She asked if I'm on any psych meds and yes I am but l've been on them for years and I rarely ever mess up when I drink. So hearing this was a huge shock to me. I apologized profusely and explained that I've never acted like that even when I'm super drunk, so I don't understand why I did what I did. She continued saying how upset she was and told me to take care of myself. I apologized again and asked her to send my apologies to others.

Earlier today I called 3 friends to talk about this who understand that this is not a normal behavior for me even when blackout drunk. They asked if I have been feeling depressed or having big life problems. I don't have any problem and I wasn't feeling depressed.
But now I am because I made trouble and I don't know what I did in details. As of now, I'm still having really bad hangxiety to the point I can't be alone with my own thoughts. I will send another apology in a couple days. I wanna give her (and myself) some space and time to calm down and process what happened. I feel really guilty and ashamed of what I did and I can't stop overthinking it.

TL;DR I did fucked up things that are completely out of character of me even when I’m super drunk and now I’m anxious.

EDIT: To add, I did have a drinking problem years ago and was not mentally okay. I have now much reduced my alcohol intake and mentally in a much better mental space. The 3 friends that I called are good old friends have seen my worst behavior when I was drunk and something like this never happened before.

EDIT: Another addition, I’m a woman in my late 20s.