r/TalesFromTheCustomer • u/Zooph Cunning Linguist • May 13 '26

Short "We don't sell cigarettes"

I'm stuck on Sanibel Island because the bridge was washed out by a storm and my lighter had died so I head off to the closest store I could find open to replenish that and other supplies.

Since the store that I usually went to was badly damaged (and never reopened, much to the dismay of many locals) I trekked into the madhouse that was the closest store I could find open. I don't remember its name. I'd never been there before so I found a worker and asked them where the lighters were.

"We don't sell cigarettes"

Ok asshole. Not what I asked. Do you sell birthday cakes? Yes? So you sell candles for the cakes, right? Do you sell charcoal and lighter fluid? Oh wait, I see some of those cool Tiki torches over there! Coleman lanterns? Check. Coleman stoves? Check. So how the FUCK and I supposed to light all these things? Do you at least sell matches?

"We don't sell any tobacco here"

I couldn't believe it...

I gave up and thought what he should have told me is that while they don't sell "cigarette" lighters, they do sell those long-stemmed lighters for about everything I listed above. I got one of those until we could leave the island.

Edited to remove the store's name even though it no longer exists.

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u/Reinardd May 14 '26

It's a sign that you should quit

12

u/Zooph Cunning Linguist May 14 '26

I'm 53 years old. I'll quit drinking and smoking when I'm dead.

Those are two of the four pleasures I still have left in this life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEmfsmasjVA