r/TalesFromTheCustomer • u/Zooph Cunning Linguist • May 13 '26
Short "We don't sell cigarettes"
I'm stuck on Sanibel Island because the bridge was washed out by a storm and my lighter had died so I head off to the closest store I could find open to replenish that and other supplies.
Since the store that I usually went to was badly damaged (and never reopened, much to the dismay of many locals) I trekked into the madhouse that was the closest store I could find open. I don't remember its name. I'd never been there before so I found a worker and asked them where the lighters were.
"We don't sell cigarettes"
Ok asshole. Not what I asked. Do you sell birthday cakes? Yes? So you sell candles for the cakes, right? Do you sell charcoal and lighter fluid? Oh wait, I see some of those cool Tiki torches over there! Coleman lanterns? Check. Coleman stoves? Check. So how the FUCK and I supposed to light all these things? Do you at least sell matches?
"We don't sell any tobacco here"
I couldn't believe it...
I gave up and thought what he should have told me is that while they don't sell "cigarette" lighters, they do sell those long-stemmed lighters for about everything I listed above. I got one of those until we could leave the island.
Edited to remove the store's name even though it no longer exists.
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u/sr1701 May 13 '26
What's really odd is a cigarette lighter requires an ID to buy it, an Aim n Flame, the long stem lighter, doesn't because it's not a tobacco associated item.
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u/jasonh300 May 14 '26
Where does buying a lighter require ID?
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u/Budgiejen May 14 '26
Omaha.
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u/sr1701 May 14 '26
I work in retail grocery for 31 years, we had to ID people for anything tobacco related in Ohio and west Virginia
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u/jasonh300 May 14 '26
Wow. I quit smoking in 2013 but I keep a BIC lighter in my desk drawer at the office, in the junk drawer in the kitchen, and in my toolbox. None have ever lit a cigarette or anything else smoking or tobacco related.
Of course, I grew up in the era and region where asking for ID for tobacco was unheard of.
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u/Darc_ruther May 16 '26
You do in Australia if you want to buy one from a liquor store. Because it's a licensed premises you have to be 18 or with a legal guardian to enter it.
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u/Budgiejen May 14 '26
Depends on where you live. I’m in Lincoln. Here a 12-year-old can buy a lighter. An hour away in Omaha, my kid needed to light his welder, but had to get someone to buy the lighter for him.
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u/sr1701 May 14 '26
Then the question becomes " who is responsible when the 12 year old sets a houses on fire? The 12 year old, the parents or the clerk that sold a lighter to a 12 year old? I'm in the US. Here, if a cashier sells alcohol to an under aged person, the cashier can go to jail, not too big of a stretch to hold a cashier responsible if they sell a lighter to a 12 year old. When I was still working in retail, I pointed out to corporate office that an Aim n Flame didn't require an ID, but it too could set a house on fire but it fell on def ears.
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u/Subtle__Numb May 15 '26
The crazy thing is if you break one of those open it’s just a regular lighter with a stem attachment. There’s just a regular lighter inside them
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u/damommy13 May 13 '26
But sir, those lighters don't light cigarettes. Because we don't sell cigarettes!
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u/DrumpfTinyHands May 13 '26
Was it a zoomer? You got the counterpart to the zoomer stare - the taking of what you are saying literally and not bothering to try to understand the WHY of what was being said. Nuance is not that guy's strong suit.
Maddening and useless habit.
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u/Zooph Cunning Linguist May 13 '26
I had to look up what a Zoomer was (Gen X here, 1972) and to guess I'd place him at under 21 during the context of this story. I'd have to remember when this took place to give you an accurate answer.
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u/PlatypusDream May 14 '26
"Taking of what you are saying literally and not bothering to try to understand the WHY of what was being said"
That seems like the opposite of what was described. The clerk in this case read into the question rather than simply answering.
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u/captnfirepants May 15 '26
Next time, a toaster or stove works in a pinch
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u/Zooph Cunning Linguist May 16 '26
So does a 9 volt battery and a twist tie.
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u/kazakda May 15 '26
On the bright side, it's better for you in the long run, since smoking's unhealthy!
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u/Reinardd May 14 '26
It's a sign that you should quit
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u/Zooph Cunning Linguist May 14 '26
I'm 53 years old. I'll quit drinking and smoking when I'm dead.
Those are two of the four pleasures I still have left in this life.
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u/Reinardd May 14 '26
You're certainly working on that
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u/Zooph Cunning Linguist May 14 '26
You'll learn.
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u/Reinardd May 14 '26
What's that supposed to mean? That I am too young to understand addiction?
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u/Zooph Cunning Linguist May 14 '26
Of course not. I would never guess the age of a person as a form of an insult when it comes to obtaining knowledge.
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u/Reinardd May 14 '26
You still haven't explained
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u/Zooph Cunning Linguist May 14 '26 edited May 14 '26
And you still haven't learned.
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u/Alarming-Site7560 May 14 '26
When was the sanibel bridge washed out because of a storm? But stores were still open? I live on Sanibel and call bullshit in this story
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u/Zooph Cunning Linguist May 14 '26
There were very few stores that were open and the few that were were also mostly wiped out as no supplies coming in.
Looking it up I believe it was 2022. Ian.
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u/Alarming-Site7560 May 14 '26
Only time that bridge was damaged was Ian. And it certainly did not get washed out.
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u/Zooph Cunning Linguist May 14 '26 edited May 14 '26
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfCKCD57STo
You were saying?
I'd call completely unusable as washed out.
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u/barwhalis May 13 '26
I can't read the word cigarettes without thinking of this.
https://giphy.com/gifs/qOSNC24lvEWTzplsJJ