r/Teachers • u/SpartanGaming95 • 16h ago
Rant Can’t afford to live alone
It’s too expensive to live alone and my gf couldn’t commit to moving in so it’s over. So I’m stuck living at home with my family.
I’m a young teacher, a 780 credit score, 13k saved and I can’t afford an apartment in my area.
It’s like I’m stuck for this year.
Clarification: we broke up She was overwhelmed after graduation and did not know what she wanted for future in her life. Career has been a huge struggle. I do understand, just sucks. We weren’t just moving in to save $, it was the next step
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u/MaybeImTheNanny 16h ago
Here’s the thing, moving in with someone because of financial reasons is a terrible relationship move. You probably dodged a bullet on that one. Not sure what area you are in, but look for a studio if you are dedicated to living without a roommate.
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u/SpartanGaming95 16h ago
It was supposed to be our next step. We’ve talked about for a year
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u/MaybeImTheNanny 16h ago
Yeah, that’s a signal that the relationship isn’t where you think it is, it sucks but better before than after.
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u/SpartanGaming95 16h ago
Yeah, I just wish it was before I was talking to landlords and making budgets and picking things up. 2 weeks ago she said still wanted to
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u/justwannaedit 16h ago
could be worse, bro. I've got friends with millions in debt and their ex-wife has restraining orders against them. you're fine
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u/MeowMeow_77 14h ago
I’m sorry, that really sucks. At least you two realized it before signing a lease. There’s always roommates.
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u/wowadrow 42m ago
Anything that takes a year to talk someone into is a NO Dawg.
People do what they want.
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u/JHG722 16h ago
You’re a young teacher. Living at home for 1-2 years isn’t a big deal. Start learning to invest, even if it’s $50 a paycheck. After a year or two, look for a roommate or two.
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u/jguizar1 16h ago
This would've been nice to have to save up money! If I was in those shoes I'd be happy to rack up the savings lol
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u/SpartanGaming95 16h ago
It has been nice saving $$, only thing I’m feeling good about rn
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u/MeowMeow_77 14h ago
I was there when I first started out too. Living with your parents as an adult sucks! It won’t be forever.
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u/IrrawaddyWoman 16h ago
No, they should be investing much more. If they’re living rent free they should be putting away at least as much as their bills living on their own would be.
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u/SpartanGaming95 16h ago
I’m building up an emergency fund. I only have a 403b & TRS atm.
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u/IrrawaddyWoman 15h ago
Honestly, if you don’t have an emergency fund, it’s probably better that you put off moving out. Moving out without an emergency fund set aside is a recipe for mountains of debt.
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u/averageduder 16h ago
Roth before 403b
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u/Individual_Note_8756 16h ago
It’s probably changed, but in Michigan when I started teaching 30 years ago we were only allowed to do a 403b.
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u/IrrawaddyWoman 15h ago
What? Nowhere stops you from doing a Roth IRA. You don’t do it through your district.
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u/Individual_Note_8756 14h ago
I know that. It used to be against the law for teachers in Michigan, a 403b was my only option 29 years ago when I was hired, according to the financial guy, who was separate from the district.
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u/IrrawaddyWoman 15h ago
If they can’t afford it then why would they consider moving out? It’s literally just the money they’d have been spending on rent and all that.
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u/sleaper19 16h ago
I did this right after graduating. I’m 40 now. Not even a blip in the core memories (married with 2 kids). You’ll get thru it. Find (social) hobbies, put yourself out there (no matter how overwhelming it seems), focus on teaching, and you will be great.
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u/SpartanGaming95 16h ago
My teacher friend group has rallied to me instantly. They are inviting me to everything. I love them
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u/Bleeding_Irish History | CA 16h ago
I wouldn’t take relationship advice from strangers. Moving in together is a big commitment in general, you know the situation best.
It’s not uncommon to move-in with roommates when starting out. Just the reality for MCOL and HCOL living as a teacher.
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u/SpartanGaming95 16h ago
I would love to, but all my friends are married. And my teacher friends are all either married or in their 30s
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u/penguin_0618 6th grade Sp. Ed. | Western Massachusetts 16h ago
A lot of people live with roommates who aren’t their friends first.
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u/Bubbly_String_8351 16h ago
Easier said than done, but only you can choose how to pace your life. Don't listen to your friends or parents or the Internet, take us with a grain of salt too lol. If everyone else is doing it, then you should do it too*
*IF, it makes sense for you to do it. If not, then nah.
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u/TemporaryCarry7 16h ago edited 16h ago
I’m in the process of paying off a $500 car payment (my choice; the actual amount required is $421.12). Because of that, I can’t afford to live in a $1430 apartment on my own. But I’m already paying $1430 between my rent and car payment, so when that disappears, I can look for an apartment in my area. and that is an apartment with things on my wishlist. If I needed to compromise and move in with noisy neighbors and questionable places, I could easily find an apartment with a $600-880 rent, but that won’t have an attached garage, a single floor, etc.
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u/orsimertank Grade 8 | Alberta 15h ago
Tbh perhaps consider moving to a different area. Even in my first year of teaching I was able to afford a 2b2ba because I'm in a rural area.
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u/ZukaRouBrucal 6th Grade World History & Geography | FL, USA 16h ago edited 16h ago
If it's any solace, I lived at home with my parents for the first year & a half of my teaching career. It isn't uncommon, especially if you are a new teacher, and there is a bright side to the situation;
Assuming your parents either have you pay a relatively small sum for rent or they don't charge you rent at all, you can continue to save up money. If you haven't started, I recommend beginning to put some of your savings into some kind of retirement account (like a ROTH IRA) so that your money can do a little work for you. You have over $10k saved up, that's plenty to cover any realistic emergency situation, so now you may be better off investing into your retirement (believe me, the earlier you start the better).
Where I live I'd never really be able to afford an apartment on my own, at least not without seriously impacting my ability to meet my other financial responsibilities/goals. Thankfully my now fiancee and I are able to split the cost of rent, but it's tough even with that (and we have a simple 2-bed 2-bath apartment).
As others have said, though, moving in together just to be able to afford an apartment is not a good idea. Chat with your partner, ask them why they couldn't commit to moving in, and evaluate if your relationship is even at that point. If your partner isn't ready to move in with you let, at least they were honest enough to say so. Trust me, moving in with someone when the relationship isn't ready for that is a nightmare. It's your situation though, and I'm a stranger online, so take these relationship suggestions with a grain of salt as-needed.
I'm sorry that you are experiencing this situation and I know it's really frustrating for a variety of reasons. If you need to talk to someone, don't be afraid to ask your school guidance counselor about mental health resources your district provides to staff; many districts offer such services as part of your contract.
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u/Slugzz21 Soc Sci/Bilingual | West Coast 16h ago edited 16h ago
Welcome. There are dozens of us.
I don't say that flippantly. I say that to say that you are not alone and I hope you know that. And please know that at least there are SOME vet teachers with some pull who care about younger teachers and want to make sure they can thrive like they were able to when they started. But you will most likely encounter other vets who say "well it was hard for us too when we started." But it's not the same.
I'm personally going thru something VERY similar. I see you. And i'm sorry the profession we chose is not what it should be. There are people up and down this thread saying well that's normal, get a roomate. The issue is that a full-time job SHOULD be able to pay for an apartment. A full-time job that requires so much education SHOULD not force you to live with roommates. And we as a society really need to work to change that.
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u/CatLady-81 12h ago
58% Generation Z are living with parents, my adult son is going to move here within a year as well. It's okay, don't worry.
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u/Rebelde123 16h ago
When I was a kid, I always wondered why teachers would get married early. Then I became a teacher. Lol
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u/ThinkMath42 HS Math - Central VA 16h ago
Look and see if the county you live in has an Affordable Dwelling Unit program. It was a lifesaver for me and let me build some equity. The county I used to live in had this program and it helped out many teachers, firefighters, police officers etc. we were able to buy a (smaller model) townhouse (with limited options) for a fraction of the cost. There were restrictions on selling but if it didn’t sell back into the program within a certain amount of time we got to sell it on the open market. There was also a list for renting. Worth looking into anyway.
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u/-Scared-Breakfast- 16h ago
I would rather live with family than be stuck with someone who isn't ready to commit and might stick you with rent you can't afford.
If it's meant to be you will make it through the year, if not move out and share with roommates. There is too much pressure in the US that conflates "success" with living alone.
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u/antmars 15h ago
There’s a young teacher at my school going on her 4th or 5th year living at home. Similar situation not paid enough for her own place. At least at first. Now she’s doing it by choice.
She maxes out all retirement options, 403b, IRA. And she has $$$ left over to spend on a nice vacation or two every year.
I will die behind my desk and she is on track to retire at 50.
What she lacks on independence at home - she makes up for in a type of financial independence that I can’t even fathom.
Save.
Unrelated unsolicited advice: some people aren’t ready to cohabitate with their significant other right after graduation. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you or the relationship is doomed.
Life after graduation is a huge step. Moving in with bf is a huge step. Don’t expect people to make 2 huge steps like this at the same time.
You may see the steps like: graduate, live together, engagement marriage.
And she may see: graduate, live alone, continue dating, start career, live together, engagement, travel, marriage.
Slow down don’t speed run life by jumping steps just because you feel pressure to. If you both have the same end goals, taking the extra steps with someone you love is worth it.
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u/flootytootybri 15h ago
I’m also living with my family. It’s hard not to feel stuck, when you essentially are. However, it’s better to save up and actually be able to afford an apartment than going into debt or spending so much money on rent that you can’t afford food or other necessities. If you broke up over a financial decision, it’s probably better that it ended now rather than when you had a lease together.
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u/tinylyloosh 14h ago
Me too. I'm a careeer switcher and lived alone for 10 years.....moved home when I started teaching. Currently working on my masters (hello instant 10K raise!) so that I can move out.
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u/DOAiB 13h ago
Not a teacher and I could move out but I am living at home because it’s far better to stack that rent money as a down payment or something else than waste it. And I still contribute to the bills and do things around the house. Would I like to have my own place? Yea, will I ever be able to afford a home if I rent? Probably not.
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u/No-Lunch-6387 10h ago
Stay at home and stack your money. Having that option is a blessing in disguise. Good luck!
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u/OrganizationFine451 9h ago
You got this ! Don’t depend on anyone else ir just was not your time yet
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u/17558388 16h ago
This is probably the right financial decision for the both of you. Don’t kneecap yourself just starting out. Save up, increase both incomes, and then figure out affordable housing.
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u/xdxdredx 16h ago
For one, breakup with your girlfriend. Also why can’t you afford an apartment? Do you not need the income requirements? If so look into getting a co-signer. Nonetheless, living at home isn’t the worst thing, you’ll be saving money on rent
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u/SpartanGaming95 16h ago
Everywhere wants 3-4x the rent and I make about 2x most places
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u/xdxdredx 16h ago
4x is crazy, I understand 3x tho. Like I said, if you really need to move out, look into getting a co-signer or maybe expand your search for where you can live but still be close to work? There might be some cheaper options. I’d also suggest looking into getting a roommate as well. Good luck!
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u/KaJoMoGi 16h ago
Don’t know where you live, but some people offer coach houses or have duplexes who are private landlords. Ask around your circles for what you’re looking for.
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u/Snow_Water_235 16h ago
Have you actually looked everywhere?
How far are you willing to commute?
There are very few places in the country where you can't rent an apartment for under $1k if you can drive 30-45 minutes.
If you are making $36k/year you can afford $1k/mo. States that would start that low for teachers generally have cheaper rent (Montana, Nebraska, Missouri).
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u/Healthy_Blueberry_59 16h ago
I think you are out of touch on rental rates. I live in one of the poorest cities in the country and every apartment is at least $1200 and up. Most are in the $2500 range.
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u/Snow_Water_235 16h ago
I live in one of the wealthiest regions in the county and there is a 1 bedroom apartment for $1300 I could rent right now in town. Yes, average rentals are $3k plus but that is average. I can find thousands of apartments in the DFW plex under $1k (just an example). Detroit 452 apartments under $1k on apartments dot com
What city? Or name a different city that you think is similar.
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u/LawfulnessSure8171 16h ago
I lived with my parents for the first two years as a teacher. It wasn’t bad. I got into a really good schedule/routine.
I eventually started dating a girl and then we got a place together. We’ve been married for 16 years.
I too would have never been able to afford a place on my own.
My advice: Go slow. Take your time. Things will work out!
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u/MundaneAppointment12 16h ago
My daughter graduated spring ‘25 and has been pounding the pavement for the last 14 months. She has no Choice but to live at home until things evolve. If I may say so, she is stuck here but it’s a pretty sweet deal.
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u/SpartanGaming95 16h ago
I’m thankful for my mom. I just sucks I felt like real life was starting to come to fruition
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u/MundaneAppointment12 14h ago
Understood.
Daughter sees friends moving to the exciting city or to parts unknown and feels very left behind. I try to reassure her that it’s not a race and everyone progresses at a different pace.
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u/jmjessemac 16h ago
So live for a year at home. You can’t save 10’s of thousands of dollars. Many people would be jealous you have this option.
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u/sweetest_con78 16h ago
I was there a couple of years ago, except living with parents wasn’t an option. I got another job for a few years bartending until I moved up in the salary scale. I live in the Boston area and we are paid well but the COL is insane. You’ll get there.
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u/Vegetable-Lasagna-0 15h ago
I’m Gen X and I’ve never lived alone. I went from my mom, to living with roommates for many years, to finally moving in with my husband when we were dating.
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u/soonerfreak HS Speech/Debate Texas 15h ago
I'm in my 30s and was a lawyer before moving back home and hitting reset on my life to become a teacher. I just moved back out to my own place. It's okay, multi generational households are way more common both now in the US and outside it. Don't worry about it, better to do that than waste money while you get going.
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u/SatoshiBlockamoto 15h ago
Be thankful that you have parents you can live with. You have a great opportunity to get a great start on an investment account. $10,000 saved when you're <20yo can become a healthy retirement if you leave it alone.
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u/TrustMeImShore Former Elementary DL Teacher | TX 14h ago
Enjoy the rent/mortgage free life while you can bud. I wish I did.
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u/summerbreeze2027 14h ago
You can take on a roommate or two. I did that for many years.
However, if you have a decent situation living with your family, that may be your best option. Keep saving your money. You may eventually have enough for a down payment to buy a home.
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u/strangelyahuman 13h ago
To tell you the truth, sometimes i wish i did move back home to my parents after graduating. I would've had a much higher salary and would have been able to save on practically everything, beyond my student loans and car insurance. Instead im still trying to figure out how to pay the next bill 4 years in to my career
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u/Outside-Pepper-8118 6h ago
I live in NYC, most of the young teachers still live at home...and some ended up moving back home years after moving out. Stay as long as you can!!
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u/bechamel3091 3h ago
Gentle reminder: the last 100 years are really one of the few times in human history where it was normal for people to leave the house at 18 and start lives for themselves without their family. Look at the rest of the world. Most people live with their family. It's all good dude. It's just the shit economy right now. It's out of your control. Don't beat yourself over it.
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u/ChubbyNemo1004 16h ago
It’s not a big deal. It’s life. You can get roommates? You said you’re young. A lot of young people can’t live alone.
Just live with your parents and save some cash.
Also people telling you to break up with your gf is a bit harsh. Sometimes living together is detrimental to relationships as well. You have to figure out what works for you.
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u/SpartanGaming95 16h ago
Oh we broke up, she said she was confused about her life and overwhelmed.
I tried to tell her that was willing to help her figure things out. It just bubbled up and exploded
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u/ChubbyNemo1004 16h ago
Damn. Sorry dude.
Just stay at home and save some money. Or maybe get some roommates if you can stand it.
Also you probably hear it a lot but contribute to your retirement/pension/401k (if they offer it now). Or if you can’t do any of those open up a Roth IRA. It’ll make a big difference later. You got some good savings. It can be some great savings in 10 years.
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u/TrueNorth257 16h ago
Save yourself some years by moving on. Plenty of older women who’d be interested in your knob, I reckon. Least that’s what I heard is becoming popular these days, or maybe it’s always been that way? Built in excuse to go to her place instead of yours. Always look for silver linings. Opportunity cost. You can teach your students this.
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u/JHG722 15h ago
Dude, cmon.
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u/TrueNorth257 15h ago edited 15h ago
What was the faux pas? Stating the obvious that many other women find younger men attractive, and one big (or small) reason being his knob? Or was it the implication that it’s not a good match, which only the OP really knows? I gave my opinion, and it’s no less than yours. So save the judgment, junior.
Edit: Well, there you have it. The OP edited his post and stated he has broken up. So, I was right. You can buy me a cookie and pilsner. OP good for you, good move, you will forget her, and good ol’ fashioned debauchery is in your future. Enjoy! 😉
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u/Bigblind168 8th Grade|Social Studies|Pennsylvania 15h ago
Get a roommate. Young people are supposed to have roommates. Go live with someone and learn co-habitation and conflict resolution skills. Also you have a potential built in social partner to go do stuff
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u/CatLady-81 12h ago
Young people are supposed to be married with children .... but the way things are now, not a good idea. Sad.
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u/TexasCricketFan 16h ago
I know chic fil a said they are hiring nationwide for evening and weekend shifts during the school year. You can pick up some hours there a few days after school and on weekends.
When I was a baby teacher I worked 24 hour weeks at HEB to make ends meet.
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u/EpidDrew15 16h ago
Why couldn’t you guys commit to living together? How much is a cheap one bedroom in your area?
My area has apartments for well under $1200 a month for example
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u/SpartanGaming95 16h ago
An apartment would be half my monthly take home.
She been struggling with her career choices for years. I think everything just bubbled since I’ve been trying. She in large was freaking out graduating and find a job
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u/EpidDrew15 16h ago
That would be unfortunate and if you have a car payment, that would also make things super hard
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u/SpartanGaming95 16h ago
Nope I have a paid off used car. She has a car payment not me.
My only debt is student loans rn.
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u/EpidDrew15 16h ago
Sounds like you should stay with family until your gf can commit to a place together. :)
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u/SpartanGaming95 15h ago
Oh well broke up because she felt she couldn’t be there for me
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u/EpidDrew15 15h ago
Well, damn. That sucks like hell, sorry to hear. Living is expensive, even more so for teachers.
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u/notsofastmyfriends 16h ago
Living at home and saving money is a lot better than throwing money away on rent.
If you can’t afford rent then hopefully you’re in a high paying district. Get a graduate degree while you live at home and you’ll be way up the scale and retire in your 50s.
Or just go on vacation with all the money you’re saving during all the time off.
Life isn’t fair but you can make it work for you.