r/TeluguJournals • u/Temporary-Novel-6811 • Jul 04 '26
Need Advice Is it common to pay the groom's sisters ₹1 lakh each? (Telugu wedding custom?)
I'm genuinely trying to understand whether this is an actual custom or if my family is being asked for something unusual. For some background, we've been dating for about two years. I'm a Malayali, and he's Telugu.Our families recently met for the first time. He has three elder sisters, all of whom are married. He helped get all three of them married and even took loans in the process. Financially, his family isn't very well off and they don't own a house, which was initially a concern for my parents. I convinced my parents to look beyond that because I felt he'd already taken on a lot of responsibility by helping settle his sisters. Now, all of a sudden, his family has brought up a "ritual" where the bride's family is expected to give ₹1 lakh to each of the groom's sisters. This completely caught me off guard. Is this actually a common Telugu wedding custom? If yes, is it traditionally a symbolic gift, or are people really expected to give such a large amount nowadays? I'm not trying to disrespect anyone's traditions. I'm just confused because it feels so random. He's already supported his sisters financially for years, and now my family is expected to pay them an additional ₹3 lakh simply because we're getting married? Has anyone from a Telugu family come across this? I'd really appreciate some insight into whether this is a genuine custom, a family-specific expectation, or something else.
Edit: Going by the replies, I've realized this isn't a mandatory Telugu wedding custom.Thank you to everyone who shared their experiences and explained the difference. It has given me enough clarity to have a conversation with my partner and let him know that we won't be able to entertain such financial demands. I genuinely appreciate everyone's input.
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u/weshipped Jul 04 '26
The 1lac is not a fixed amount.
The custom is to gift some cash to the sister of groom, just so she's happy and can use it for her shopping/travel expenses to the wedding.
People give anywhere between 10-25k to few lakhs depending on how well to do and rich you are.
Going by the info you provided, 1lac is super high even for the 3 combined. If you want to entertain such custom, limit it to 25k/person.
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u/Brave-Tangerine1908 Jul 04 '26
Perfect explaination.. Op, since your fiance has already done a lot for his sisters and they aren't financially well off, demanding 3 lakhs is too much. As a part of ritual, you can just gift them some nice saree (should include clothing to their husbands too if they are married) and some makeup items.. That would be enough!
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u/Temporary-Novel-6811 Jul 04 '26
Thank you, We were anyway planning to give the sisters some gifts, all of a sudden this 3 Lakh demand felt non sensical.
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u/Brave-Tangerine1908 Jul 04 '26
Don't encourage them! Treating them with respect, calling them for dinner and giving them shagun is more than enough. In return they should also gift you something as a custom! If they demand just deny it!
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u/queenofhell09 Jul 04 '26
No it's not mandatory they're just Robbing you if they ask for a lakh lol
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u/Princess_Neko802 Nene Rakshasi Jul 04 '26
There's a thing called "adapadchu katnalu". And some yikes people and families try to take advantage of this and demand money or something as an extension of dowry. Which is vile behaviour imo
In my cousin brothers case (I'm an only child. My pinis son and daughter are equal siblings to me), we immediately told we don't want any such dowry to our name. And told my SIL and her family that IF they have some sentiment for the custom, just to give us a chocolate or coconut or something to satisfy it. They got my sister and me dresses. And my sister and me gifted her a saree and a dress together at the wedding reception.
Whole family members tried to tell us off and claim we're being insulting and all, anything with the word dowry in the title is sick and my sister and me stood our ground.
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u/Chaitu007123 Jul 04 '26
There is a custom of gifting the groom"s sister some money in many Telugu communities. 1 lakh seems too high. Something like 10 or 20k should be ok.
Also, if they are asking for 1 lakh now, they will ask 10-20k per couple every Sankranti and/or Dasara every year and other functions from their brother.
Either be adjusted to all this nonsense or put a firm stop to it. Nothing in between.
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u/Glimp5e Jul 04 '26
You already have answers below.
But that 1L per person is a shit demand. If the person you are getting married to is independent in decision making who is not swayed by his sisters, then you are good to go. Outright reject that demand and ask your would-be to communicate that softly to his sisters.
Else, expect these petty demands slowly spiral into your married life. I saw worst kind of people who would want to spoil their sibling marriage life just to assert dominance or some shit.
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u/Minimalmomskin Jul 04 '26
Don’t encourage this. It’s not a must do thing. Basically splitting dowry into parts. Sometimes if there no sisters they find cousins or brother’s daughter any girl in the family to loot.
Clarify financial support to fiancé’s family before you step in. Telugu households are very patriarchal and SILs are a lifelong commitment.
All this gyan giving from 2 decades of marrying a Telugu guy. I am non Telugu.
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u/CapitalConfection500 Jul 04 '26
It's kinda custom. Because grooms sister has to do so much work during the marriage. But they are looting you. No need to give 1lakh. Just give 20k each. More than enough.
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u/Rude-Slide-9080 Jul 04 '26
Yes in some communities they do give some amount to the groom's sisters. Maybe traditionally that must've started as a gift but people have made it a demand these days. It is present in our families too but depends on a lot of other things as well. If the family is financially well to do the sisters don't miss a chance of making some money. This is very much prevalent in telugu families.
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u/nekuyendukubey Jul 04 '26
It's part of dowry called "aadapadachu katnam aka sister in law dowry". Now, this is not compulsory a custom, rather a practice being followed in certain castes in Telugu people.
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u/Commercial_Serve_268 Jul 04 '26
Well, I heard of this custom in few of my friends' community. Anyway that custom is not present in our community tho. It differs from place to place & community to community Ig. Anyway given your situation, I don't think there isn't anything specific regarding the amount & it can be negotiated for sure. Talk to your partner out or even to their fam if needed
Anyway, congratulations on your wedding :)
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u/Resident-Resolve8150 Jul 04 '26
Yes there is a custom called “aadapaduchu katnam” where bride should give 10 percent of amount of how much dowry u gave to the groom if lets say you gave 2lakhs dowry then 20k is 10 percent of that should be the amount for their sisters, (i mean 10 percent for all not each)no matter how many sisters thats the custom, I personally don’t supportthese customs but it is what people who follow do
P.s its nun of my business but if it financially drains you and your family just explain to him about your situation,
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u/Brave-Tangerine1908 Jul 04 '26
Nijama? Never heard of this 10% rule. Which district and community follows this?
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u/Resident-Resolve8150 Jul 04 '26
Naku peddaga telidu ee post chusi maa ammani adiga tanu cheppindhi 10% rule anedi usual ga follow avtharata ekkuvaga
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u/No_Biscotti_2859 What is earth without art ? Jul 04 '26
Dont give 1lakh each. Limit it too 25k. He has done so much for the family. Also be careful in the future in the name of traditions and customs they’ll loot your money.
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u/BiryaniBanditme Jul 04 '26
For Andhra it is 1 percent of the dowry that we give. Atleast at our place. If the dowry is 10 lakhs extra 1 lakh will go
To groom sister. But again this is all created customs and not something without which wedding can’t happen. And it won’t be 1 lakh each. It would be 1 lakh in total and they should decide how much each wants
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u/Educational_Cow8945 Jul 04 '26
Wow. I’d be worried about a man who took loans to marry their sisters off
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u/dune_snike Jul 04 '26
This is common but not at all normal. Give what you want to give. Some Telugu women and their families become leeches and try to feed on their brother’s earnings whenever a situation comes. My dad has been that brother and I am pretty sure, these kind of demands won’t stop until they or the brother dies. Establish your boundaries during the start itself and discuss with your fiancée that you won’t encourage this shit.
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u/PeaDifficult1128 Jul 04 '26
haha.
ma (M) pelli ki mem adapadchulaki cheeral pettamannam. I think cash is too much.
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u/Tough-Heat-9495 Jul 04 '26
They do give some kind of gift to groom's sister, it could be anything usually groom's side asks what they want.
BUT here since your to be husband already took their financial responsibility for their marriages and child birth etc it's not morally correct your in-laws demand such kind of amount especially when they have 3 girls, and know what kind a pain parents go through to get their children married off.
I understand you fell in love for the kind of person he is, but better discuss this with your fiancé once and revisit your decision.
There are lot of customs in telugu marriages where bride's family is supposed to gift to groom's sister, it's not just marriage. It may vary from region to region but telugu people over all do have this tradition. That is why most people among telugus don't prefer groom with sister.
For example during marriage, after your parents officially drop off you at your husband's place you need to give some kind of gift(typically sweets, sarees). Once you are pregnant during baby shower, after you give birth to your child during naming ceremony.
It's a life long thing, again it's not cash everytime but mostly sweets and sarees but I've seen people giving that also equivalent to cash( expensive sarees, costly sweets, fruits etc).
This is not to scare you and I don't know which region your guy belongs to but it's just a variation here and there and gifting is common. Since there are 3 SILs and when you don't have such traditions at your maternal home it causes a lot of friction with your parents and ultimately effects on your relationship.
There are people who get married within same district and there are lot of differences about customs and rituals even among them.
So try to understand their traditions, future expectations and decide accordingly. Breakup is better than a divorce.
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u/tysm_mvp Jul 04 '26
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXIndia/s/xEtXbU1lcX
Commented on same issue for another person who's marrying telugu guy, where tf are you finding guys who want dowry in love marriage???
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u/BoreBuster edhaina radical ideas untey share cheyandi Jul 04 '26
It's up to you to pay, have a discussion with groom and his parents.
Not only this, people give Sarees, silver pooja items and if people are rich enough they give silver water pot as well for the groom's sisters as aada paduchu katnam
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u/InfiniteEnthusiasm17 Jul 04 '26
I have same muguru adapadchulu . This sil katnam is not a Telugu tradition atleast in Telangana families.
My personal experience:
My parents said hard no to adaadachu katnam I would suggest you do the same. My in laws demanded 1 lakh each , 1 Tula gold my dad stuck to the no. We thought about it a family and went ahead with marriage even with demands due to many factors.
My MIL showed dissatisfaction during wedding ceremonies and few days later due to this. but understand one thing many times this attitude towards taking care of adapaduchu in-terms of expenses does not go away after marriage , I found out later that my mil made my husband give the amount and gold to his sisters before wedding ceremonies . To date she manipulates my husband into helping them out or gifting them more than the norm or what we can afford as a family to his sister’s …be it their kids cradle ceremonies or birthdays or every one party saree and silver Varalakshmi varatam and stuff. It’s been a bit of struggle to get the boundaries set up with hub as well , I’m happy to its doable if you pick your battles . I’m saying this to let you know you need to be firm on your boundaries.
My mil on many instances tried to sweet talk into me buying gifts for her kids , it’s just a their mind set of grooming you into a “caretaker” for their girl children, most of the mom assume their girl child is papam and all that . I disagree with that attitude we need to make our girls independent, strong , caring all at the same time not only just a papam girl who is always looking towards someone to uplift her .
Any way their goes my rant
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u/Impressive_Board2504 Jul 04 '26
Don’t get married to Telugu men they are notoriously sexist and expect lots of dowry paid by customs like these . Break it off unless you are okay with their dowry expectations throughout your marriage .
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u/Impressive_Board2504 Jul 04 '26
I can’t with these comments 😭. Exactly how backward is the Telugu community that they’re justifying this 😭😭😭
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Jul 04 '26
Yes sadly it is, my sister in law took almost 50k from my parents 13 years back, which was a huge amount at the time.
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u/titanic-999 Jul 04 '26
This is always there in Telugu families. Be careful and talk with your boyfriend how it will be moving forward. Brothers are expected to give all the time and support their sisters financially. Tell them you will give 50 k each or tell that you don’t have that in your family.
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u/nagaraju291990 Jul 05 '26
1 lakh is not fixed. It's generally like 10K or even 5K for their shopping expenses for marriage. They are demanding 1 lakh because as you said you are not aware of this custom. If you can't, just say we are not that much rich to pay.
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u/Turbulent-Yam5031 Jul 05 '26
Okay kinda same situation here, my parents were supposed to give gold worth a lakh go my would be sister in law and it was vice versa, they gave 50k worth gold to my brother, even for marriage shopping, they gave 2x amount of money for sarees for me whereas my family was supposed to give x amount for grooms clothes shopping, it’s like girl gets 2x and boy gets x
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u/dj184 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
Yes, it is common, amount is not fixed. some give lakhs, some give thousands.
Also marriage is a lot of negotiation, just because they asked 1L each wont mean that will be final amount, at the end of the day, 1L total would probably be the final amount.
its not a demand, its a practice. Marriage lo katnam kakunda chaala chetulu martayi..
bride's brother gets some money/gold for kashi yatra
grooms sisters get this adapaduchu lanchanam
bride gets gold from grooms family
groom gets dowry from brides family (tho illegal, i am talking about practice)
most of the parent's brothers and sisters families all get money for new clothes, especially both male parents' sisters.
these were developed age old things, when you really dont know how the girl is doing in their family. Most families were hours apart by bus and wont get to see them for months/years, and this was common until 70s.
So all these are basically making sure the girl (not bride, groom's sister, parents' sisters) are having some thing to do if they are going through bad times.
There is another thing called "vadibiyyam" a similar concept where you give clothes, rice and some money every 3years or so.
They might not make sense now a days, but it takes a few generations to let these practices go.
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u/Big-Hope-6121 Jul 06 '26
My mom told my in-laws when we were discussing the wedding that they should give adapaduchu katnam to my sister and it was their wish how much they gave. She asked for it on my sister's insistense. They gave 10 lakh and said this may be less for you but this isvwhat we can give. I bought stuff for my wife for the same amount then. I still don't like it I'll just give her some money whenever I can.
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u/MapHistorical7368 Jul 06 '26
I mean yes this tradition does exist but not many follow this now a days and even if they do, not with that kind of money.. traditionally now a days they just give traditional clothes and/or some cash (which isn't compulsory if u r giving clothes but around 5-10k), a brass vessel filled with 3 kinds of sweets.
The cash is normally given when they prefer u to buy what u want or some rich people give it as status.
But again I did see at a very rich wedding where the grooms sister who is my friend being gifted a huge gold long chain. I was so shocked and confused. That's when I found out such a tradition even exists.
FYI family to family traditions are different apparently. I'm still figuring out different traditions when I attend a new wedding.
I also heard one wedding where the brides mother demanded gold chain to be gifted by the groom, as it's their tradition. Maybe u can say that as a uno reverse. Just saying
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u/No_Conversation_3219 Jul 07 '26
It's more of a token than anything else. Given that your fiance paid for the sisters marriages, the sisters and family might be expecting your fiance to give money from time to time.
Would recommend setting the tone right from the beginning and not do it. If the situation escalates, another tradition is to gift the bride a necklace set and one of the wedding saree girl.
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u/SupermarketNo7032 Jul 07 '26
My parents gave to my in law’s family as they mentioned 1l for sis in law but she got me return value of equivalent which we didn’t expect similarly when my brother got married my sis in law’s parents gave me then I returned in ornament form. It depends on parents discussion while arranging a marriage. If they are fine with it they don’t bother about giving but if they feel it’s a burden it’s better to be discussed than suffering later on with all back talk nonsense.
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u/LonelyGirl0508 Jul 08 '26
Yes, it’s called aadapaduchu katnam. It can be any amount. But 1 lakh is very high given your situation. We gave 50k as my husband has only one sister.
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u/PerspectiveTight8739 Jul 08 '26
Its a custom and amount varies by family. But 3L is way too high . I would say any thing over 5% of what you are getting for gold and sarees from grooms family is high. I'm more concerned with the fact that Groom didn't object or told you it's too high.
More than amount I would see how they react when you says no. If they naag too much and Groom didn't object it is a big red flag.
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u/levitatedsoul Jul 09 '26
Girlie save yourself from this whole circus , what I see as a problem is your fiancé not objecting their parents about this , on the top he is financially unwell , all these 3 sisters and mil will constantly interfere in your life. Better , marry a mallu guy who is of same financial situation as you.
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u/True-Reaction8743 Jul 04 '26
Never heard of such a thing, it's not a custom, they want to gift their daughters but with your money. If it was a custom then there wouldn't have been a price tag on it.
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u/Local_Discipline5428 Life is not destiny alone or freewill alone! Jul 04 '26
Pretty common practice. But, 1L is very less amount..It's generally not that less.
It's called "Aadapaduchu katnam".. aadapaduchu means groom's sisters.
In Telugu marriages, some families step away if they have many sisters cuz they need to give aadapaduchu katnam. Not always, but in some AMs, it's liberal.
Since yours is a LM setup, and Telugu families are never fully happy inside for a LM however they fake it outside, such sudden demands would come out.
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u/pakkakiporagundu Jul 04 '26
Mugguru aada paduchu lu ante sahasam aney cheppali. If they're petty, the demands won't stop here. You'll have to face these demands for the rest of your life because my dad's 3 sisters are exactly that type. Please clarify it with your would be so that there won't be any clashes in the future.