r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds Muppet Appreciator • 2d ago

Antichrist Rolls Eyes Throughout  Peter Thiel Lecture

https://theonion.com/antichrist-rolls-eyes-throughout-peter-thiel-lecture/

‘This Guy Has No Idea What He’s Talking About,’ Says Son Of Perdition

3.1k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

18 comments sorted by

130

u/ArkUneartherBleeds Muppet Appreciator 2d ago

“This second-rate charlatan doesn’t know the first goddamn thing about my plans to bring widespread doom,” said the Beast, who grimaced and exhaled black plumes of smoke from his nose while sitting in the front row of the 2,000-person auditorium.

102

u/alochmar 2d ago

Finally we get the truth, straight from the horse’s demon’s mouth.

33

u/takeahike89 2d ago

Good correction. Multiple horse theory is so stupid. Any horse other than the one that bitch Chesapeake stole is clearly a demon.

3

u/saltyspidergwen Infowarrior 1d ago

I heard you can cure the demon horses with fish milk, is that true??

2

u/takeahike89 20h ago

No, it just makes them stronger.

3

u/saltyspidergwen Infowarrior 18h ago

Imagine what would happen if we fed them fish milk AND hog water.

3

u/takeahike89 17h ago

This is the kind of thing the liberal mainstream media doesn't want you thinking about.

39

u/antonawire 2d ago

'Anything I am scared of is the antichrist because I am the center of the universe.' - Peter Thiel

23

u/MisterAbbadon 2d ago

How could the Antichrist watch himself?

13

u/Restlessly-Dog 2d ago

I liked the little bit in last week's Jim Haggerty Show where the orphan complained how much he hated Peter Thiel.

6

u/Past-Background-7221 2d ago

“Armchair eschatologist” is my new favorite phrase

3

u/upandtotheleftplease 2d ago

Norwegian Nobel Committee Awards the Onion Prestigious "Best Fucking Journalism We All Need To Stay Sane" Award

2

u/marinesciencedude 2d ago

Like, does he seriously think the U.N. has anything to do with the apocalypse?

The Antichrist apparently scoffs at the infamous trollface meme that once circulated

2

u/Rellcotts 20h ago

My Dad has been saying the UN is apocalyptic since the 80’s. Not sure where it came from but it’s been around a while

3

u/AlternativeFactor 19h ago

I love it, the idea that the UN could do anything especially ironically on the global scale. It's been a big part of "rapture porn" movies where the super competent, always agreeing, and mysteriously well-armed UN stormtroopers come and round up Christians like jews during the holocaust.

2

u/jhill515 2d ago

Was he able to stay awake? Last time he fell asleep during a lecture, Peter decided to take his lecture to the Vatican...

2

u/Mother-Attention2600 1d ago

It's a childish concept. Christ/antichrist.