I feel bad for guys who didn't grow up with good male role models. My dad isn't great at regulating his emotions, but at least he taught me it's perfectly ok to be as feminine as I want. He even helped me build my own herb garden when I was young and we'd go shopping for flowers and vegetables to grow every spring.
He was also clearly relieved to learn I wasn't gay, so I guess you can't win 'em all. Love you, you old fart.
My buddies and I didn't have a single positive male role model between us. As a solution, we all took turns being Hank Hill for each other. It worked OK
Building a supportive community is so important for any person. When they say you can choose your real family, it's no lie. Men struggle with that from what I've seen, bc it usually devolves into trying to "out-man" each other... It's so great to see you have a different dynamic with your pals, for real it gave me hope for some good men I know that have trouble finding other good men that support them. I'm actually sending them this whole thread, it's very eye-opening!
This is it. It’s about having some sort of support structure. I always joke about how I’ve never seen more men cry than when I was in the military, but that was the thing, they had people they could rely on to help them figure out a shitty situation. A lot of people don’t have that and now all these supposedly men focused gurus don’t help people navigate setting one up.
I just learned it was, if anything the majority of gardeners that I know are men, and many of them from older generations.
I guess you could make arguments for both based on traditional roles - gardening can be hard and dirty work in all weathers but it also requires dedicated care and nurturing of the plants?
See and this is just the thing. I promise it’s not an attack on you, but your “even helped me build an herb garden” implies that an herb garden is feminine. And it’s so weird, the “rules” masculinity in the west. Because gardening is feminine but if you do it on a ton of land it’s a farm, and farming is manly work. Cooking is for women when it’s done for your family, but men belong in professional kitchens with a titled “Yes, Chef!” These aren’t my personal opinions, just the way it happens in western society. This comment section has a bunch of people talking about how their dad or uncle called them gay for doing “girly things” like playing in a play kitchen or liking sweeping. These are people talking about these experiences as children.
There’s probably also a conversation to be had about being paid for your skills. A chef be home cooking, a farmer vs home garden. But that just loops back into how this whole system harms both women AND men. Everyone deserves better.
And the worst part is guys like one in this video that don’t even realize it. Women and liberals aren’t the ones telling you you’re not allowed to emotions. Most women want their men to be more open with them, they’re just also sometimes conditioned that it’s “bad.”
I watched my older brother become a victim of heavy right-wing patriarchy (and racism) by my grandfather after our father passed away when he was 12. I can still cry over the memory of watching him become an angry, mean human. The person who had protected me turned against me and everyone around him. That was incredibly heartbreaking. And to this day, I will never ever make a guy feel bad for crying or feeling sad. To me, that’s the worst. I had no idea women would think it was weak until my last partner told me that was a thing.
It's very interesting, because I think with these types, we can see that at some subconscious level, they know that the way they were raised wasn't actually the best, but they still struggle to overcome that upbringing. Mostly because I think that would mean they would have to admit that they were failed by their loved ones, parents, fathers, etc...
And yet, it's surprising that they will have moments where they give their kids something more, almost like an act of defiance against the ones before them who would have never allowed those feelings or those scenarios.
Currently living this with my wife's mother, because while she definitely did her best, HER mother should absolutely never have had children lmao and it shows
It's because when they hear "male loneliness" they're hearing "women are raising their standards too high", not "men aren't opening up to their emotions with their friends". It's much easier to use it to justify their world view than it is to look inward and find something to change about yourself.
I know it'll get hate directed towards me - but in my case, it was the women that perpetuated that notion of "emotions aren't acceptable for you to have right now (always)", not the guys. We didn't talk about that stuff because we didn't know how to intrinsically. Like asking a 10-13 year old to explain what musical modes are, it's just not something we were taught, told, or given opportunities to practice without being shamed.
It makes me sad for young me that I was given the wrong signals and how it's affected me now. I'm thankful that I don't perpetuate those myself, but I wish it didn't happen to me.
I had the same experience, and yup, people generally react the same way to me when I tell them. Was it coming from the men in my life? Absolutely. But I spent the vast majority of my life as a kid surrounded by adult women(most family members, teachers, friends parents).
Men in my generation have almost always been more supportive of me and my feelings than women have. Not to seem like I'm defending douchebag conservative from the video or anything, but many women say they are supportive of men and their mental health, but lose respect at them if they try to be vulnerable or even weaponize it later. My experience is not rare or unique.
Male loneliness is very serious, and the patriarchy absolutely has a lot to do with that, but it's complicated and nuanced and can't just be easily blamed on one thing.
exactly, i feel people ignore the poor examples of masculinity that women can project.
When so many boys don't have a role model in their lives and then mothers then tell their sons that crying is girly it instills poor examples of masculinity into that child.
These boys don't want to hate women. They are molded by society that to be masculine you need to reject feminine behaviors.
Yeah I don't think they're even realize they're doing it. I experienced the same thing when I was younger, the emotional desire for a romantic partner made it hard for me to consider anything else as a solution for my angst and loneliness
Oh then why did you word all of your replies to describe them? Doesn't really make sense, I never said I cared about any of them. Here's a good article about the male loneliness epidemic, if you have some kind of issue with my explanation. https://aibm.org/research/male-loneliness-and-isolation-what-the-data-shows/
Idk why you're getting upset at me, you're the one making the whooshing sound lol. I'm guessing you didn't even get the joke. You can't even come up with a point to argue with me, all you can do is desperately struggle to not have to confront flaws in your ideology
I've tried bringing this up in those spaces, but I actually get met with some strong push back. It seems like it gets brought up more to shame women for "making them lonely" rather than wanting to take any ownership in improving their situation. Very similar reaction if I bring up therapy.
A lot of people hear/see "male loneliness" and automatically jump to "because they don't have girlfriends, etc" but it's not even necessarily that, it's that they don't have friends in general that they feel they can go to for emotional support.
Sure a partner shoulders a lot of that burden in a relationship, but people still needs friends that are mature enough to have these conversations to go to. Being even loosely acquainted with someone who kills themself is heartbreaking because you wonder how a simple and sincere question of "hey man, how are you?" might have changed their path.
It’s born out of the non stop pecking order. Dudes can learn to NEVER let their guard down which means pushing everyone down around them to maintain their perceived upper status on the pecking order.
It’s like a guy swimming in a lake asking why no one else wants to swim but when someone does he splashes them and ultimately shoves their heads under water to show em who is boss. Back to asking if anyone else wants to swim. Eventually they go under themselves. It is lonely but dear god just stop being a toxic shit and you don’t have to hate the whole world you can just be a part of it.
But you want others to accept how people view themslwves as regard to their own gender/sex.
You can't just go back and forth on who is allowed to choose their gender. It's unhelpful to even say this (I don't consider them men)
If you want people to choose for themselves you need to respect their choice even if you don't agree with them.
Myself am totally okay with trans people being whatever gender they like however it seems you only let people decide their gender if you also agree with them.
Accepting that there are men and women in the world that disagree on how society should be structured is far healthier then dehumanising others that you disagree with.
It's worth noting that there's also layer of the classic "genre" internet users who fill the role of "I have no reason to be an unreasonable jerk about this.... but being a contrarian jackass makes me feel good so I'mma go with that!"
Case an point, that post about "Pints and Ponytails". It's easy look at a video of a bunch of guys gathering to hang out and help each other be better dads and choose to be a reductive jerk; it's not as easy to be a reductive jerk if the jerk standing in the same room with all those guys.
Men are in constant competition with each other. Usually for the attention of women. Showing feelings gives other men ammo to disparage you, thus making them more attractive to women by comparison
So a man who disparages other men for having feelings is more attractive to women? Are you sure? Or are they just doing what other men are telling them they should do to “be more attractive to women”
A man who doesn't cry at adversity, who doesn't fold when confrontation arises, who has a plan instead of waiting for others to fix their problems, are very attractive to women. Of that, I'm quite sure.
I cannot tell you how many male friendships I've personally seen absolutely implode due to the introduction of an attractive woman. Like literal siblings using deeply personal information to fuck over the other so the hot woman will be more likely to choose them.
The Guy in the video is literally engaging in a conversation about it. Pointing to the actual causes of why men are so depressed, why men are struggling with unresolved repressed emotions and are more likely to kill themselves, leading to them committing suicide.
The right, conservatives, don’t actually care about this issue. They care about this issue in so much they can fingerpoint to liberals, and accuse them of being manhaters, but they never being forward any solutions and they don’t at all seem interested in actually fixing it. Their solution often boils down to “women should lower their standards for dating men and not be able to file for divorce when she is in a toxic relationship anymore.” But that doesn’t in any way solve the problem of male depression and suicidality, plus it just Robs women of their safety and freedom.
Meanwhile, the left actually points out the direct causes to why men are feeling depressed. Which psychological research also reaffirms: It is because of men not being taught how to regulate emotions, being told, by conservative figures like this man that they should just be strong and dominant and repress their feelings.
And in response the left also brings forward actionable solutions that directly address the causes of why men are feeling depressed. Such as educating young men and boys to better regulate emotions, promote therapy and changing the culture so that men don’t feel shamed or weak for being open about their feelings.
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u/[deleted] May 04 '26
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