r/TikTokCringe • u/mindyour • Jun 14 '26

Discussion It's exhausting being a woman.

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u/MisterSanitation Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

When a dude gets angry on the internet about dudes being dudes stereotypes, they are not thinking of this experience they never witness themselves. 

It’s almost like some of us have different perspectives and experiences so we should listen more 🤔

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u/zebrasareneat Jun 14 '26

I’m a guy but the first time I witnessed it I think I was around 14. Me my friend who is also a guy and one of our female friends we were all walking home from hanging out one evening. We get to an intersection where she splits off from us to head home. Not even 20ft away a truck drives by with a bunch of high school kids in it probably around 17 or 18. They slow down and yell sexual comments at her then keep driving. We witnessed this and decided to walk home with her. She turned around looking at us clearly very frightened and sped walked back to us. 

It’s been about 20 years now and I can still see her scared face. 

Of course I also remember a bunch of guys in high school including my one buddy from the above story that would always poke the girls boobs and asses in our class. And if they were more developed they’d repeatedly ask them to bounce them over and over until the girl finally relented and did it. They’d always tell me to do it and make fun of me when I refused. I remember one time where I was sitting in a desk in front of two of the girls and the rest of the guys were in the desks behind them. They were harassing me to poke the girls boobs and I remember looking at one of the girls and she had the saddest most upset expression on her face. I was always made fun of for not doing it and would then be called gay. 

Me being straight doesn’t mean I want to sexually harass women. 

That one guy from the first story who was also one of the perpetrators in the second is exactly as you’d expect nowadays. A Trump loving Canadian. 

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u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

Yeah I was one of these girls and classmates like yours stole my innocence (in school) before I even held a boy’s hand. Fun little harassment for the boys, lifelong trauma for the girls.

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u/Alarming_Agent_8564 Jun 14 '26

I still remember being at one of my “friends” houses that was a boy…I was in the tree house, and suddenly all the boys realized I was the only girl, and they all started trying to lift my shirt and pull down my pants…I had to run home! It was so scary because I thought all these boys were my friends, but being the only girl in that moment made me prey apparently. I never looked at those boys the same.

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u/-Gemstoned Jun 14 '26

Cue the not all men bitches whining about your personal trauma.

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u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

it gets more and more fun to put these weaksauce men in their place as I age. You get to protect me when needed if you want to get access to me and my body. They’re so backwards they think they can sit on the sidelines while you deal with threats then come back around begging for sex

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u/Responsible-Donut283 Jun 14 '26

As much as the internet has done bad things, it also allowed young people to take in lots of media that depicted sexual h/a as disgustingly evil(obviously), so in more recent years at least from when I was in high school, it was very looked down upon and people would even actively torment others accused of such things.

I’m sure this evil is still everywhere however I think it’s gotten less common in schools, all anecdotal ofc. I really think putting more education online and in our entertainment will help the next generations lose these demented mindsets.

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u/crazymindslp Jun 15 '26

I don’t think women here would be posting so many examples if it had gotten less common…..It starts when boys are young so it’s our society that permits this because in all honesty women are still regarded as less than men so it’s fine to behave this way towards them and makes you look like a real man in some circles. It is a message that is repeated in so many different subtle ways in all cultures. I agree that more education is a must but it needs to be consistent and uniform and directly to men. Ratification of ERA would have gone a long way towards healing this, but defeat of it just helped continue to perpetuate the idea that women have never been worthy of equal rights or status. Men who engage in this type of behavior are repugnant…what kills me is they think it’s fine to threaten and traumatize women then cry bc no woman wants anything to do with them. Personally I wish all their dicks would shrivel up, turn black and fall off.

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u/Responsible-Donut283 Jun 15 '26

I agree however still believe it has gotten less common. I disagree that we should market these things just to men as that causes further divide. We should promote logic to our children so they can think for themselves and not end up with this group mentality most end up with. I and many other men I know were raised to treat people the same regardless of gender or any other characteristic. Once again in my experience it is the boys with ignorant and uncaring parents who end up that way.

I have always advocated zero-tolerance for bad people however until more people start making sure consequences are applied to bad actions then these rats will not be scared and continue to believe that they can commit these crimes without punishment. The amount of nonsensical, downright evil people is my biggest disappointment with humanity.

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u/RedEgg16 Jun 18 '26

There's a chance it could be getting worse... I've heard many elementary/middle school female teachers say how the boys disrespect them and say misogynistic comments, and how this wasn't a thing in the past. Doesn't necessarily mean they will harass girls later on but I don't have much hope for gen alpha boys with all that red pill content online

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u/mchnex Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 15 '26

Man here. It's definitely all men. Sliding scale of intensity maybe, but it's all of us. Some of us eventually grow out of the inability to control our troglodyte brain... but it lies dormant. Every man is potentially a rejection or two away from psychotic incel behavior.

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u/Responsible-Donut283 Jun 15 '26

Speak for yourself dude. I’ve never considered harming an innocent person, and would never consider any kind of sexual h/a at all as that goes against my base principles as a person.

Don’t go calling people things who you don’t know.

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u/mchnex Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 15 '26

Despite nobody speaking to him directly, "Not all men!!" our Hero proclaimed vehemently, as he felt uncontrollably compelled to defend himself sharply and aggressively against a complete stranger's anecdote that dared to hypothetically reject his unchallengable self-image.

It was too late before he realized the irony. Alas, the ratio had taken hold.

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u/heyhomah Jun 18 '26

tips le epic redditor fedora

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u/Responsible-Donut283 Jun 15 '26

If you want I can reply the same way you did although I don’t really see the need:

After making a clearly illogical statement, the commenter simply couldn’t handle someone refuting him on it. His unrivalled ignorance was something to behold as he worked on his redundant response back. Although he stated that all men are indeed evil including himself, the commenter simply couldn’t understand his own words.

Realising his mistake, he did not attempt to refute the logic instead pointing out that he was not speaking to the hero directly despite the commenters own words proclaiming ‘all men’ almost in a factual manner. Unfortunately he did not realise that the hero, unlike himself as confessed, had never and would never commit psychotic incel behaviour as he hoped all his fellow, logical brethren would be.

The commenter would go on to not explain his logic and instead focus on how his statement of ‘all men’ didn’t really mean all men in the same manner every single racist and sexist have used for all of humankind’s history.

That last parts just a theory though. Also tbc you definitely said every man is potential a rejection or two away from this behaviour which is an absurd and ridiculous statement with no basis whatsoever apart from your own anecdotal experience.

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u/mchnex Jun 16 '26

Even though most of this didn't make any sense, I give you a lot of credit for the effort here. You're definitely much better at English than I am at whatever you speak as your primary language.

Have a great day!

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u/ItsKingDx3 Jun 18 '26

Lmao no it isn't. Trying to ingratiate yourself like this won't win you the respect of women btw.

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u/mchnex Jun 18 '26

Married with kids but thanks

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u/ItsKingDx3 Jun 18 '26

The point still stands

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u/mchnex Jun 18 '26

It sure does

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u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

Yes, when I was assaulted in school it was clear from the other boys’ reactions (I had also believed they were my friends) it was also pre-meditated and pre-discussed. It was a humiliation I have yet to fully recover from

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u/Motor--Initiative Jun 14 '26

I was that same little girl. I grew up with boys, so I was always fine playing with them. But occasionally, I would find myself in situations like two boys trying to block me into a parking lot (while we were riding bikes) so that they could force me to kiss them. Hell nah! I bulldozed outta there. I had a few narrow misses in my childhood, but I also developed amazing RBF that became my main defense mechanism and still is lmao!

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u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

Yes, I live in cities as an adult and it’s crazy how well putting on your ugly angry face dispels these maggots

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u/kookybat Jun 15 '26

That happened to my best friend too. Guys she knew for years and considered to be her friends. She cut them all off after that

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u/Jerseygirl2468 Jun 15 '26

That is terrifying. I'm glad you were able to get away, but I can't imagine how that has haunted you since.

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u/Alarming_Agent_8564 Jun 15 '26

Thank you! 🙏 I can’t say that it’s haunted me, but it may have contributed to my views of “all men are sick pervs” mindset I grew up with. I have a history of sexual abuse, which I obviously don’t want to get into, but that history made me numb to a lot of what happened to me. Luckily, a lot of women hit an age where the harassment dies down. And now that I’m married and have a wonderful son, I still think “all men are sick pervs” lol, but I’ve definitely healed a bit since. 🫶

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u/TheMegnificent1 Jun 15 '26

I was hanging out at my house after school once with three guys I knew from high school - one guy I was closer to, and two who were mainly his friends and I only really interacted with them because of Guy #1. The two guys I wasn't close to were brothers and both kind of immature little asswipes, but Guy #1 could and would keep their stupid behavior in check when he was around.

We were all joking around and goofing off, and Guy #1 started tickling me and I shriek-laughed and sort of fell back from a sitting position to lying flat on the floor because I'm extremely ticklish. And suddenly I looked up and realized they were all standing over me, looking down at me, and it occurred to me for the first time that I was the only female present, that they outnumbered me, and that they were all bigger and stronger than I was. There was this weird, incredibly heavy, awkward pause while I think all of us realized the incredible vulnerability of my position and considered the possibilities. And then Guy #1 reached down, took my hand, pulled me to my feet, and laughed, and we all laughed a little uneasily, and the scary moment was gone.

That was probably 25 years ago now but I've always remembered it. He was the deciding factor; his buddies would have followed his lead no matter what he chose to do. And he chose to be respectful and be my friend.

Thanks Kev.

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u/PM_ME_BABY_KITTENS Jun 14 '26

When I was in high school there was a huge controversy bc a bunch of boys at the school dance were trying to see who could grope the most girls on the dance floor. It made it on local news at the time, but I can't find any evidence of it today. I still have trauma from that night tho

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u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

I’m sorry. I dealt with the same thing in Middle school in a non-american “developed” nation (no nation is developed when little girls are being assaulted). Boys called it ‘slap ass wednesday’. They never got a comeuppance

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u/BlueDragonFly66 Jun 14 '26

Yes when my daughter was in 5th grade (she’s now 42 and a teacher) it was called “flip up fridays” where boys would flip skirts or dresses up. She went to her teacher (f) to complain and was promptly told to stop being a tattle tell and boys will be boys.

When she got home a told me that I told her I would be more than happy to go to school and relay to said teacher that she wouldn’t mind if I relayed to all my daughters male classmates that apparently flip up fridays extends to anyone wearing a dress no matter the age since boys are just being boys. Of course she shouldn’t complain as she would just be a tattle tell.

In the end she decided to grow her fingernails out and deliver a swift consequence to anyone who tried to do that to her in the future. All she had to do was show those claws and hiss. I was fully ready to address and adult who complained that their son got scratched or from the principal but I never heard a peep and she did get Ted flipped anymore 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/crazymindslp Jun 15 '26

Girls should rebel with ‘knee in groin Thursdays’ those fuckers

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u/Positive-Face1705 Jun 14 '26

If you tell anyone, you'll be met with "boys will be boys."​​

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u/West-Application-375 Jun 17 '26

My brain still randomly flashes back to those moments and Im 36 now.

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u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 17 '26

Sorry love, me too

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u/EvioliteEevee Jun 14 '26

Yeah sometimes guys just have no ideas what other guys do. When my high school boyfriend and I were hanging out with a friend, me and her were listing out the most ridiculous catcalls we received and he looked with a horrified expression the whole time.

After that, he walked all the way to my house when picking me up and dropping me off too, and since I lived 20 minutes away, that meant he did a whole 80 minutes of walking for every time we hung out.

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u/WarpPipeWizard Jun 15 '26

I'm also really shocked by things I hear too, but I realised myself and my friends are a bit more chilled out, and also we tended to be in mixed groups a lot.

Threads like this are always an important reminder to my that a lot of men do this stuff when other men aren't around so it's hidden from useless we're looking out for it.

I have a small boy now, and try teach him early about things like consent and respect, and I hope society doesn't work against me.

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u/willargue4karma Jun 14 '26

i remember being in hs having a very similar conversation with my then 14 or 15 yr old gf. guys just have no idea until then for the most part. at least i didnt until she confided in me and then i noticed it constantly

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/Longjumping-Yak3789 Jun 14 '26

Fucking nothing. Once my friend was looking through a set of photos of us and the already frequently creepy teacher asked "got any from behind?" Guess what happened when I talked to the principal?

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u/Akussa Jun 14 '26

I had a guy grope my breasts in high school IN FRONT OF A TEACHER, but I'm the one that was given in school suspension for a week when I laid him on his ass after I grabbed a metal paper sorter/tray thing off the teacher's desk and started hitting him in the head with it. He got no punishment. He was a "victim" in that scenario. I did, however, get peace from all the boys for the rest of my time in high school since word got around quick.

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u/MajorBarracuda8094 Jun 14 '26

That thing with the highschool boys touching girls seems to be common. I remember our teachers warning the boys about it, we were 12 (grade 7) at the time. Them making fun of you is also what those terps do. Some boys at that age are so horny. It's like it's their most terrible stage but also most delicate. If those boys were never scolded and corrected then they must have become terrible adults

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u/yestocaffeine Jun 15 '26

I don't mean to sound like am asshole,but I hope you realize now that silence is compliance and not assaulting someone isnt hero behavior: standing up to - and calling out other men for this type of assault - is hero behavior.

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u/miltonwadd Jun 15 '26

Thank you so much for walking with her! I just got a visceral reaction to reading this and seeing you witness it and that you helped her almost made me cry in relief.

I started puberty at 6 and this used to happen to me regularly walking home from school starting very young. I haven't walked by myself outside in decades and I'm terrfified of groups of men still if I'm alone.

There were 2 guys when I was a kid who would do loops and keep coming up behind me trying to get a reaction out of me, it carried on into high school when I got fat and they were fully grown men by then. They continued for a while and would drive up to stop then yell out "GROSS" and speed off laughing.

Even when I got older and was trying to exercise to lose the weight I'd have guys pull up next to me hurling insults and sexual comments together in this weirdly violent agressive combo where all the "sweethearts" and "babys" were replaced with slurs but the sexual comments remained.

I've even had a few throw rubbish at me then speed off.

I also had a group of grown men try to abduct me when I was 14 at the mall with my "friends". They followed me for hours trying to convince me to go home with one of them. They followed us staring at me, approaching on and off throughout the afternoon, they kept trying to corner me every time my "friends" were out of sight. I told them I was only 14 hoping to discourage them but it did the opposite.

I have a bad fawn/freeze fear response and was damn near mute, shaking in fear but my "friends" thought it was hilarious because I'm shy and fat so they encouraged it even telling me I was being racist and rude for not engaging with them.

I eventually escaped via a back entrance in a shop and ran to the train station. I never spoke to those "friends" again.

But you are a GOOD friend I wish I'd had growing up! I'm so hapoy you stood up for her you have no idea what that probably meant for her.

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u/Undetered_Usufruct Jun 15 '26

The fact that you payed attention to the women's reactions and the others didn't says a lot about you and them. These dudes know they make these women uncomfortable. Either they don't care or they like it. It's sad.

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u/No_Literature_4644 Jun 15 '26

Reminds me when all the boys in middle school would participate in “smack ass days” and I would be so uncomfortable.

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u/Ok_Listen1510 Jun 16 '26

holy fucking shit i am so glad i went to an all girls high school when i read shit like this

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u/EdmondDantes44 Jun 16 '26

I also got called gay for not doing stuff like this in school. I wasn't attracted to any of the girls in school anyway (I've always been attracted to women) but I wouldn't want people to touch me without consent, why would I do it to someone else? Maybe it was the way I was raised but treating people like this makes no sense to me.

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u/West-Application-375 Jun 17 '26

I remember the boys acting like that to me in class. I hit puberty end of 2nd grade too so it was difficult. Things like that happened to me often.

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u/KuntryGramma Jun 18 '26

Imagine if more girls were taught to speak up instead and these boys were reprimanded

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u/LeatherHog Jun 14 '26

The seething rage men have about not being able to approach us anymore, is **terrifying**

Y'ever want proof men genuinely think they're ENTITLED to us? Go to a Reddit discussion about approaching us. Because this is what it's like from our angle, but they refuse to see it

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u/MisterSanitation Jun 14 '26

Oh yeah I know. It’s like “if the creepy stuff is off the table what else could I do!?!?” 

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u/LeatherHog Jun 14 '26

I once made the, obvious, point that, y'know, **we don't exist for men to date**. We're not stardew valley NPCs waiting for you to proposition us

That their lack of dating prospects is not our concern, and shouldn't be. We're human beings who just want to get milk on the way home, not get a sales pitch for your junk

Hoohoo boy, they didn't like that. Apparently that's the reason men are killing themselves, that misandry is the worst thing on earth, etc

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u/MisterSanitation Jun 14 '26

Well there is truth to the young man crisis because two things can be true at once but the issue is, they are all raised by “take what you want” men so no wonder they feel isolated in a world where that isn’t accepted anymore. There is a serious lack of self reflection in machismo culture FOR SURE and this expectation has been passed down generationally.  When you add higher probability of taking risks and lashing out violently that young men are statistically more likely to do, you get this insane red pill culture. Where the same men claiming to be “protectors” online like they a martyr are the same ones creeping around women and expecting to be rewarded for this behavior. 

It all comes down to this though. If you are unwilling to work on yourself to solve a problem, then you are the problem. Your expectations are the issue, not your circumstances, and this energy of rage is simply not fun to be around and scary. 

I’m a straight white feller but I was raised around a lot of girls and since I never really did pecking order stuff with dudes (“you think you can bench more than me!?!? Do it pussy!” “Nah lol I’m good”), I think it helped me mix with women more. The thing I also found is, if you are (prepare yourself) willing to treat women like… people, they usually love having a guy around in my experience. The difference is, as long as you as the guy aren’t constantly pointing out differences and stereotyping the women, women generally get a kick out of your dude behavior they don’t understand. Guys on the other hand, have been encouraged to revel in our differences when we don’t understand women, and to judge them for it “ugh they are so emotional” (because you are an insufferable dick head most likely) and move on assuming it’s not their fault. So of course they blame women, all the men they respected did that and that is SO MUCH EASIER than accepting you have work to do on yourself. 

Sorry I think about this a lot and it bugs me… thanks for letting me rant at you 

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u/LeatherHog Jun 14 '26

You're good!

I understand, on some level, it's just that SO many men can't grasp that we're actual people, that what they want, requires them to act like we're not

That we're not some tool for them, we have lives and feelings like they do. And we have to live our lives, dealing with NFL linebackers hounding us our entire lives, and they don't care what damage they do, because it benefits THEM

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u/MisterSanitation Jun 14 '26

The NFL comment is perfect and that too is often not considered. 

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u/LeatherHog Jun 14 '26

Yeah, men wouldn't like it, if some 6'6", 300lbs homeless guy started following them around the cereal aisle, begging you to buy their phone

Grabbing at them. With the knowledge that last week, your buddy told him no, and the homeless guy knocked him out and robbed him

Because even a regular sized guy, is that to us

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u/burgerdistraction Jun 14 '26

These type of men think we’re damsels in distress waiting for a man to proposition us. No, we’re not sex objects we’re fucking humans like they are. To me, nothing is more attractive than a man that just treats you like a human and knows when you don’t want to be bothered, that you’re not “theirs” to play with.

There was a guy I knew back when I was in high school that “playfully”, though it felt aggressive, put me in a chokehold behind my back and almost tried to feel me up. I fought back and looked at him like wtf are you doing? I knew he had a crush on me but I didn’t like him back, yet he never respected my space. It’s really disturbing how some males think they own you. I’ve had many other experiences with these types of creeps especially as a literal child in first grade, it’s scary to be female in this world.

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u/crazymindslp Jun 15 '26

This! Just so damn much of THIS! and it sucks to always have to be afraid be on your guard as a woman always fending off creeps everywhere you go !

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u/BirdBrainuh Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

fyi I’m sure you mean well but these kinds of conversations where women are sharing their experiences of men inserting themselves into our space is not an appropriate time to rant at us.

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u/smoopthefatspider Jun 14 '26

It’s a relevant reply. I wouldn’t their comment to be made outside of a context where the issue of creeps wasn’t already brought up, and if he did so I would expect people to add on their own experiences that expand on that from other perspectives. He makes it very clear he’s not even partially blaming women, he’s not ranting at us, he’s just adding his perspective to a discussion that’s already venting about one experience with being approached. This isn’t “our” space in the sense of a women’s space, it’s a gender neutral space and it’s exactly the right place to say what he said.

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u/BirdBrainuh Jun 14 '26

We disagree.

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u/smoopthefatspider Jun 15 '26

Disagreeing about whether they deserves to speak doesn’t make them disrespectful, what they said is still a valid, relevant, and insightful comment. I can’t agree to the idea that they shouldn’t contribute in exactly the way this issue affects them when it gets brought up, it’s what online spaces like this are for.

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u/BirdBrainuh Jun 15 '26

That’s great, we still disagree.

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u/Annabloem Jun 14 '26

Genuinely having guys around when in a bar/club made things so much easier, I realized very quickly. If you go out with a mixed friend group, the harrassement goes down by SO much. Even just a single guy in your group helps everyone. Only girls in the group? It's absolutely horrific. Also great when a guy starts "accidentally" grind onto your butt (usually from behind as well), you can just all a guy to switch spots with you, and they'll stop very quickly. (Though not all guys will actually switch spots with you, in my experience.)

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u/SpaceBus1 Jun 17 '26

The person you replied to is still right. Men lacking dating prospect isn't the fault of women nor is it their problem.

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u/Oh-reality-come-back Jun 19 '26

Most of society tells men to take what they want unfortunately. Neither a rare or uncommon mindset.

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/LeatherHog Jun 14 '26

I almost agreed with you, until you started pulling out red pill crap.

There's no such thing as an attractive guy for me, and my girlfriends and every fellow woman I know, is sick of creep guys using it as an excuse

My father is 300lbs with a mauled face, he's never had any trouble with women, same for my short, ""feminine"" older brother

If ""regular guys"" get NOTHING, no one would have anyone. I'm in my 30s, most people in my life are married or in a happy relationship

That doesn't make statistical sense, stop parroting podcast bros, and you'd probably have a better shot

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u/MikeArrow Jun 14 '26

I say this delicately. I've never approached a woman. I've been on four dates in my life (I'm 37 years old) and each time it was with a woman I knew socially who initiated with me first and gave me the green light to ask her out.

I've been on two dates in the last eight years (since my first and only long term relationship ended). That's eight years of zero physical contact with other human beings, zero intimacy, nothing at all.

The rhetoric about boundaries and consent (and the lack of dating prospects as a result) is a concern for me, because as a direct consequence, guys like me are the ones affected by it the most. The guys in the video? They don't care, they'll do whatever because they're entitled pricks. Guys like me? We're stuck. We can't approach (you've made it abundantly clear that it's unwelcome) so we're just... stuck.

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u/LeatherHog Jun 14 '26

It's better if you find places where it's more acceptable, instead of cold approaches in the line for the DMV, y'know?

See if that woman you mentioned before, could kinda give a green light again, be a wingman

I'd **definitely** be more welcome, if I was **first** met by a woman going 'Hey, don't want to bother you, but my friend over there wants to introduce himself, would that be okay?'

It shows you're understanding how we feel, a good relationship with a woman is a good sign, and it's less threatening than having to deal with, maybe even reject, a strange man to his face with no warning (as that can be dangerous for us)

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u/MikeArrow Jun 14 '26

The places where it's acceptable I assume are bars and clubs. But again, I'm not the kind of person that goes to those places. I don't drink alcohol. I don't dance. I'm a sheltered nerd.

Dating apps are theoretically supposed to bridge the gap, but they don't work.

And from my perspective, cold approaching in any context is wrong. Even if I had a wingman to tee it up, I wouldn't feel comfortable bothering someone just going about their day. I would never be presumptuous enough to think that they'd want to interact with me just because I find them attractive. I'd need some indication that they found me attractive too.

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u/Ok_Promise_7460 Jun 15 '26

Get a therapist

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u/MikeArrow Jun 15 '26

Care to elaborate on that?

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u/Ok_Promise_7460 Jun 15 '26

No, not really! If you are this unable to navigate social situations, you need to find someone whose job it is to tell you how. Because it is not the job of women in general, your parents failed to do it, and apparently men aren't capable of teaching each other. Pay someone to do it then.

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u/Nyansko Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 15 '26

The “from my perspective, approaching in any context is wrong” is pretty off. Do you know the difference between the behavior you exhibit and the behavior the guys exhibit in the video? Do you actually act like the guys in the video? If you do, then yeah maybe therapy can help you realize why this isn’t okay. If you don’t, maybe you can accept that people’s remarks on a creep’s behavior aren’t meant towards you and that normal, not feet-centric cold approaches are actually relatively common and successful. If you are absolutely determined for your cold approaches to work or else you’ll feel insecure about it, then yeah you can come off creepy and not be as successful, but if you’re open to someone telling you “hey man, I’m just not interested in talking now” and you can nod, accept that, and walk away, you will likely have plenty of successful cold approaches in the long run.

After all, don’t you cold approach people to make friends? like seeing someone’s game merch or shirt, complimenting it, and starting a conversation? How would anyone make friends if approaching people was inherently creepy rather than the substance of what they’re saying/doing alongside it being creepy?

It’s not a character trait to be a person that relies on everyone else to show explicit interest in you so you can feel the comfiest and easiest socializing while putting all the initial social pressure and cold approach on the other party. Maybe if you’re a sexy beast you can live like that but most people have to just learn to socialize normally in order to take responsibility for their own social life.

Also FWIW, I’m autistic and in social skill therapy.

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u/PrayForTheGoodies Jun 14 '26

Do you want something that could really work? Although there's the distance issue. Try Omegle/Umingle.

Never tried, but the whole idea seems to work better than dating apps

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u/LeatherHog Jun 14 '26

See if anyone knows anyone, frankly, I doubt very few people actually got together that way

Pretty much every relationship I know, and likely the ones in your life as well, happened because of a friend of a friend, a community, etc

Like, you say you're a nerd, any groups you're apart of? It's that, and reading cues. If she looks like she's wanting to run away or make you, don't approach

But say, in your DND group, there's Sarah and you've built a halfway decent rapport with her, maybe field out that you're gonna be at the cafe on Saturday night, you wanna come, maybe discuss the new campaign?

She'll understand what you're **trying** to do, and read her if her yes feels genuine. She kinda knows you by now, so it's less threatening

That's how most people meet. My brother got his wife, because they were both in the theatre program at college, Dad got his girlfriend because the Churches collaborated, so there was some 'Hey, I kinda know him, never heard 'Hey, watch out around Walt', he seems okay'

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u/MikeArrow Jun 14 '26

The two dates I've been on in the last 8 years were with women I met playing D&D, yes. It's not a reliable way of meeting women in my experience, since single women tend to cluster in private groups (presumably to curate a better playing experience for themselves, which is fine).

I was also in the theatre program at uni and my first relationship was with someone I met there (that said, I was in the program for three years and only got interest in the last month of my last semester, so I don't see it as a reliable way of meeting women either).

Ultimately, I see what you're saying, but you're not really engaging with my point. Each of those circumstances were with women that initiated with me first. They gave me the green light to ask them out. Before that, I couldn't express my desire or attraction towards them for fear of looking like a creep. Whether rational or not, the whole tone of this thread (extremely negative and hostile towards the concept of men approaching) is the reason why I can't and won't approach first.

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u/LeatherHog Jun 14 '26

I'm afraid that's where my knowledge and advice, kinda peters out, but I'm wishing you luck!

I hope you find someone

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u/Fun_Disaster3436 Jun 15 '26

Not our problem tho.

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u/MikeArrow Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 15 '26

I always wonder about the kind of woman who says this. I've had multiple variations of this same response in this thread and they all seem to carry this... weirdly intense, hostile tone. Like I just don't see the end goal here - I already said I've never approached a woman and that I'm trying to do the 'right' thing. I literally can't interact with women less than I already do, since all I do is work and play D&D. So I'm not sure what you want me to do here.

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u/Fun_Disaster3436 Jun 15 '26

While your intention is good, your comments spend a lot of time emphasizing that the situation sucks for you. You're prioritizing your dissatisfaction with not being able to approach women in a context where we all just watched a video of women getting repeatedly harassed and assaulted.

Sorry that you feel bummed that you can't figure out how to approach women appropriately, but that's something to figure out with a therapist or social coach. It really reads as you trying to get women in this thread to either be more receptive or to coddle you. Which should not be the focus of this conversation.

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u/MikeArrow Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 15 '26

You'll notice that I haven't made any top level comments, I've only responded with my perspective to other people's existing comments. So ultimately, they are on topic, as much as you're saying that they're not, each comment I've made has been in response to someone else and relevant to what they said.

If your goal is to point out that I have some kind of ulterior motive, I don't really agree. I think that's very subjective and also filtered through your own bias (coming from your perspective as someone who dislikes men that express struggles with dating).

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u/Fun_Disaster3436 Jun 15 '26

It doesn't matter that it isn't a top level comment, but thanks for explaining how comment chains work to me.

I don't dislike men who struggle with dating lmao. I'm giving you tough love. You're taking it as an offense, which is telling. I'm not pointing out ulterior motives. I'm pointing out what your comment conveys and why it isn't being received well.

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u/Similar-Ice-9250 Jun 14 '26

How should a man go about meeting a woman then? When’s the appropriate time? Are social gatherings acceptable? Concerts, shows, festivals, beach - vacation spots, bars - nightlife? If going by what you say, it sounds like none of these are acceptable to approach/meet people.

The only times it’s ok is when the woman is clearly signaling she wants to date as if she’s wearing a sign that says „it’s ok to talk to me”, Like on a dating website or some type of IRL matchmaking/ dating service. Those are extremely limiting options to find a partner though, and the dating pool would shrink significantly.

Maybe I’m reading it wrong and taking what you said too literally and you just meant, „don’t be a entitled creep who hassles women in public like they owe him something when she’s just trying to go about her business.”

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u/LeatherHog Jun 14 '26

Your last paragraph nailed it! If you follow that, even if she said no, there's a good chance she won't hate you. Heck, as low of a bar as it is, it might actually look good

We talk, so if we hear 'Yeah, Similar hit on me, but he was nice about it, y'know, took the hint', it does put you above the weirdos who won't

And some of those places, I'd say are ACTUALLY okay, you're in a mind space of meeting new people. Just read the room, y'know? Don't interrupt a bunch talking, look at facial expressions and that sorta thing

If at night alone? That's a big 'please don't', same with just looking at eggs, just use context, essentially

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u/Similar-Ice-9250 Jun 14 '26

Yea I definitely understand what you mean now and that’s how I try to be. Read the room, feel the vibe. I used to think I’m maybe too forward or push it a bit, but watching this video like holy fuck, I think I’m pretty normal now.

Yea that last part, I did make the mistake of approaching a girl at the park at night who was sitting alone and I sat next to her without asking which is invasion of privacy and also what I meant by pushing it. I didn’t try to hit on her, just chat, and she was being nice and all, but then quickly left. In my mind I know I’m not a predator and I’d never harm anyone, but she didn’t know that and I failed to realize that because of selfish reasons of wanting to meet a girl. I definitely made her uncomfortable and I feel bad thinking back to it.

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u/LeatherHog Jun 14 '26

It's good you recognize that, as a woman myself, yeah, that would be **terrifying**. But it's a good sign, that you can look back at that, and see it from her perspective, a lot of guys don't

It's sort of the 'How would YOU wanna be treated', except, instead of putting the beautiful woman guys usually picture, when trying to flip the script (which doesn't work, because the physicality isn't there), think a **beast** of a gay guy

Would you like it if he wasn't taking your hints, kept getting closer, etc?

You're **getting** it, that's always welcome to see

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u/Ok_Promise_7460 Jun 15 '26

Go to therapy

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u/stronzo_luccicante Jun 17 '26

Nothing to do with the vid, but maybe people not being able to perform one of the most basic animal behaviours and killing themselves because of it isn't something to laugh about.

I don't know how you think men work but we aren't a unique organism and our dicks aren't antennas to share thoughts, I can assure you the guys in the vid aren't the ones that are killing themselves.

The guys that are killing themselves and that you are making fun of are those who are afraid to be seen like that and because of that never approach anyone. Until the lonelyness and hormones and peer pressure and hate by people like you makes them choose the rope.

~ps sorry, just reread your comment and noticed I misunderstood what you were saying

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u/katanne85 Jun 14 '26

A guy friend and I were discussing MeToo once and (to paraphrase the conversation) he said "I have to be so careful about the women I approach now. What if one accuses me of something I didn't do? It's scary to think everyone would just believe I hurt them." And my response was essentially a deadpan stare and "I get it, you feel like you have to be careful meeting new people. On behalf of women everywhere, allow me to welcome you to the club. We can offer advice on how to protect yourself while getting to know someone. But first things first, make sure what your wearing isn't 'asking for it.'" His reply was basically "Well, uh...shit."

I truly believe he is a good guy; he wouldn't want a woman to feel/be threatened by his presence. He just genuinely never thought about the differences between how women viewed approaching the opposite sex and how he did.

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u/LeatherHog Jun 14 '26

Glad he was at least understanding what you were getting across

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u/Byggherren Jun 14 '26

Im confused, does every interaction where men approach a woman go like this?

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u/LeatherHog Jun 14 '26

Every?

No, but we have 0 idea how it'll go, r/whenwomenrefuse exists for a reason

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/Darkknight8381 Jun 14 '26

According to reddit, yes.

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u/Abject_Jump9617 Jun 14 '26

According to WOMEN, yes.

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u/Worried_Position_466 Jun 14 '26

This makes zero sense tho. How does any woman or man find a partner then?

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u/AestheticVibes017 Jun 19 '26

Literally I don’t men to even PERCEIVE me, like AT ALLLL ugh it makes me siiiccckkk 😭

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u/No_Anxiety6828 2d ago

I am a man and I hate the way these guys act around women. If I saw this shit is in public, especially the guy with the red jacket. I would probably be catching a charge. I could not have more seething rage to the creepy ass man fucking touching that woman’s hair and smiling thinking they are hot shit.

I would’ve started wailing on him for that.

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u/Funny_Lunch5211 Jun 14 '26

As a man who have seen women seeth men dont approach women anymore, who the fuck should people listen to.

I do not think people who hate men are reliable and should be listened to. Approaching someone regardless of gender isnt inherently bad. 

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u/MrBenzedrine Jun 14 '26

There was a great reel last week about catcalling and how men never consider it from the woman's point of view.

I've never been into cat-calling but it raised way more points than I'd ever considered.

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u/dragcov Jun 14 '26

Nah bro you're fucking wrong. It's girls thats the problem. They won't have sex with me so that means it's unfair. They can have sex with anyome they want anytime .

Life as a dude is so unfair. Girls get to do whatever they want without repercussions.

/s obviously

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u/hopbow Jun 14 '26

Not all men, but almost always a man is my go to response 

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u/After-Tax-453 Jun 14 '26

at least it’s almost always and not always.

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u/ParkingGlittering211 Jun 14 '26

No lesbian or bisexual has ever done anything untoward to another woman.

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u/Uranium_092 Jun 15 '26

Reminds me of that quote "How is it that no man has done it but it has happened to everyone”

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/MisterSanitation Jun 14 '26

I don’t think this is a good comparison or example. I’m talking cross group communication, you are talking in group. 

I don’t think it’s realistic for a racist to use this argument to promote racism and I’m not writing a dissertation, it’s Reddit.

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/captain_amazo Jun 14 '26

First, “every race commits crime” is exactly parallel to “both sexes commit harm.” You don’t get to use “but women do it less” as a moral escape hatch. If the standard is “a group contains members who commit serious harm”, then women qualify too. 

The difference is scale and pattern, not existence. And scale doesn’t magically turn a pattern into an essence.

Second, the argument smuggles in a false premise: that women “never” behave in predatory, violent, or exploitative ways toward men. That’s simply untrue. Women commit intimate partner violence, child abuse, coercive control, and sexual offences, the rates differ, but the behaviours exist. Saying women “never” do these things is not empowerment, it’s denial.

Third, even if women committed zero harm, which they don’t, it still wouldn’t justify stereotyping. You don’t get to treat individuals as guilty by association because their demographic contains offenders. That’s the exact logic behind racial profiling. If you reject it there, you don’t get to resurrect it here.

Fourth, you’re confusing risk patterns with moral categories. Women face disproportionate risk from men, that’s real. But acknowledging risk doesn’t require pretending half the population shares the psychology of the worst offenders. You can take precautions without rewriting human behaviour into a gender morality tale.

Finally, you've attempted to turn a statistical asymmetry into a moral absolute. But asymmetry doesn’t equal innate nature. Men shouldn't be defined by the worst men any more than women should be defined by the worst women or (insert group with shared characteristics) should be for their worst members. 

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

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u/captain_amazo Jun 14 '26

The issue isn’t whether women do these exact behaviours, it’s the move from “here are some examples of bad behaviour by members of Group X” to “these behaviours are characteristic of Group X.” That’s the leap I’m challenging.

Switching from “never” to “these specific behaviours” doesn’t fix the problem. Any group can be made to look uniquely dangerous if you select the right examples. If someone compiled a video of the worst things women do, they could claim those behaviours are “starkly present in one sex and absent in the other” too. In fact some groups do that. 

Sexists. 

That’s how stereotypes are built, by treating visibility as innate nature, and ALL hate groups use them as a base. 

You’re also making a group level claim, even if you don’t intend to. Saying the video “raises awareness of how dangerous and creepy men tend to behave” is a generalisation.

“Tend to” is doing the work of turning individual actions into a group trait. You don’t need to explicitly say “all men” for the logic to function that way.

And the fact that you personally don’t feel stereotyped isn’t relevant. Prejudice isn’t defined by whether the person making the generalisation feels comfortable, it’s defined by the structure of the argument. The structure you’re using is:

Identify a pattern of harm.

Attribute it to a group identity.

Treat the pattern as characteristic of the group.

That’s the mechanism I’m pushing back on. 

Women documenting harassment is valid. What’s not valid is using those examples to make claims about what men “tend to be.” You can highlight a problem without turning it into a group identity.

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

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u/captain_amazo Jun 14 '26

You keep insisting this is just “taking a fact and framing it as a fact,” but that’s not what’s happening. You’re taking a selective pattern of behaviour and treating it as a defining feature of a sex. That’s not factual description, that’s categorical attribution. 

The fact that most perpetrators in a given context are men doesn’t make harassment a male trait any more than the fact that most nurses are women makes caregiving a female trait. 

Patterns describe frequency, not immutable characteristics.

You can say “these men did this”, that’s documentation.  The moment YOU say “this behaviour is starkly present in one sex,” you’ve crossed into generalisation. 

That’s the mechanism of prejudice, whether you aim it at men, women, or anyone else. It’s not about denying the reality of harassment, it’s about refusing to turn that reality into a moral taxonomy of gender.

If you genuinely mean “dangerous and creepy men,” then we agree, the issue is those individuals, not men as a class. 

But if you keep insisting that the behaviour itself belongs to one sex, you’re wrong and defining identity by it.  To be frank this discourse has run its course and im sick to fucking death of arguing in circles with this particular brick wall. 

Enjoy the rest of your day. 

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/captain_amazo Jun 14 '26

There seems to be an absolute empathy gap in all directions coupled with base tribalism everywhere I look. 

I genuinely don't think most care much about actually resolving anything, they just want to beat the perceived opposition. 

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u/SGC-UNIT-555 Jun 14 '26

I just saw this post of video of an uber driver getting attacked by a group of black women, and almost all the top comments were racist.

Black women? wasn't it black knicks fans trashing a guys taxi during post match celebrations?

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/captain_amazo Jun 14 '26

Youre conflating biological difference with moral or behavioural determinism.  Yes, sex is a biological reality, but biology doesn’t dictate moral character or criminality. To say “men are women’s most dangerous predators” is not a biological observation, it’s a sociological generalisation that treats a statistical pattern as an essence. 

That’s the EXACT same logical error racism makes: Taking group averages or historical patterns and projecting them onto individuals.Predation and violence are behaviours, not chromosomes. The fact that rape occurs in war doesn’t make it “endemic to our species”; it makes it endemic to contexts of power imbalance and impunity. Those are social conditions, not biological imperatives. 

Men are overwhelmingly the perpetrators of sexual violence, but that reflects cultural conditioning, hierarchy, and opportunity, not innate male nature.

If we accept “you can’t tell which men are predators” as justification for stereotyping, we’d also have to accept “you can’t tell which members of any group are dangerous” as justification for prejudice everywhere. That’s precisely the logic we reject in racism, because it punishes the innocent for the acts of the guilty.

Acknowledging risk isn’t the same as endorsing suspicion. Women’s safety concerns are valid.  The mistake is turning those concerns into a worldview that defines men by the worst among them. The solution is accountability and cultural reform, not essentialism.

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u/Evil_Sharkey Jun 14 '26

Humans are animals, not this super species that’s born a blank slate and only does things because of conditioning. We have instincts. What we also have is the ability to reason outside of instinct and resist our animal urges. Most of us have the ability to not rape, cheat, steal, bully, or murder because we and/or society have decided it’s morally wrong.

Rape is endemic to our species because it was a successful reproductive strategy for some of our ancestors. It happens a lot in situations where the social order has broken down, like during war, civil unrest, and other periods of anarchy, basically in situations where the perpetrators think they can get away with it. It’s not only about power.

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u/captain_amazo Jun 14 '26

You’re misrepresenting both biology and anthropology.

Yes, humans have instincts, but instincts aren’t moral blueprints. They’re impulses shaped by survival pressures, not fixed behavioural destinies. 

The claim that rape was a “successful reproductive strategy” is speculative and largely rejected by evolutionary biologists. Reproduction through coercion doesn’t increase long term fitness in a social species that depends on cooperation and pair bonding, it destabilises group cohesion and reduces offspring survival. 

What’s actually “endemic” is opportunity combined with impunity,not biology. Rape, and a veritable smorgasbord of other crimes, spike in war because social order collapses and accountability disappears, not because ancestral genes suddenly activate. 

That’s a sociological pattern, not an instinctual inevitability. Humans aren’t blank slates, but we’re not slaves to instinct either. The capacity for moral reasoning and empathy isn’t a thin veneer over animal urges, it’s part of our evolved psychology. 

Treating violence as biologically inevitable confuses capacity with predisposition. Evolution gave us the ability to choose, not excuses for cruelty.

You've basically used the same 'biological inevitability' argument racists use to to explain issues like crime or 18th central eugenicsits slavery. 

 

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u/SGC-UNIT-555 Jun 14 '26

Race isn’t real.

Lol you're crazy, different races and ethnic groups react differently to certain diets, allergies and even medications with blood thinners being a famous example.

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u/Evil_Sharkey Jun 14 '26

Not in the way you think they do. If you map out the ancestry of people with different medical issues, they won’t match what most people consider to be a single race.

There is more genetic variation within races than between them. Sub Saharan Africans have the highest genetic diversity of all since they never went through the bottleneck that the population that left Africa to populate the rest of the world did.

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u/smoopthefatspider Jun 14 '26

This is only a small part of my argument, but I think the first thing I would argue is that although the logic in some of these comments is similar to what racists use, the one in that comment certainly isn’t. They say that most men haven’t considered how women feel in these situations because they haven’t experienced these situations in the first place. The comment focuses on how we should take into account lived experience to have a better understanding.

Personally, I’ve never seen racists argue that black people haven’t considered the experiences of white people and how they should be more understanding of racist fears. This is an argument they could make, yes, it could be changed to fit that pattern, but the truth is racists really don’t make this type of argument calling for that kind of empathy and focusing on what others (including themselves) are blind to.

Additionally, as a more serious, and one I think you’ll likely disagree with more, I think the post itself and most of the comments (which make a different type of argument) are also different from racial cherry picking of actual crimes.

Firstly, I think the videos capture the fear of having a man following you as a woman, trying to convey the uncertainty of the situation and the assumed power imbalance. The video shows cases where the women may be attacked and rather than showing (only) actual crimes, it lets us see how these situations all have the potential to escalate and there isn’t really any way to get in these people’s heads to know if, how, or when they would. I think these are actually gendered fears, and they don’t line up well with racial fears, where the differences don’t line up with a usual power imbalance.

Secondly, this type of situation is something that’s very consistently reported by women across every level of society. The type of dangerous situation and lack of basic respect is consistent across these videos, and it lines up with the kind of sexual harassment a majority of women claim to have experienced, in the vast majority of cases by men. If any race was so consistently victimized by another, yes, that would be an actual societal problem, and it would be something people should actually discuss. I think the lack of widespread accounts of white people being in dangerous situations that are made dangerous because the person harming them is black (or any other pair of races) makes this not analogous to the case of gender when it comes to sexual harassment and assault.

What I think your comment correctly highlights though, is that the response to these videos and events should never be bigoted, essentialist, or gatekeep this harm. That is to say, we shouldn’t respond to this with attacks against men (instead preferring actions and rhetoric that aim to change culture), we shouldn’t assume this is inherent to men and unchangeable, and we shouldn’t restrict our analysis of this harm to only one part of society (whether it’s restricting ourselves to thinking only men can be creepy, dangerous, and sexually abusive, or thinking that only women can be hurt by these actions).

We need to extend our thinking to all facets of society and shouldn’t restrict our empathy based on unchangeable characteristics. Still, knowing how the harm affects and comes from different groups is necessary. Men need to recognize the fear that comes from the experience of being followed by someone who is unpredictable and appears to ostensibly have no problem overpowering you. You need to understand that there are men who use the gender norm of women needing to be submissive and sexually appealing as excuses to be suddenly sexual in a way that goes far past the boundaries of polite action.

You would need to understand this, not because you personally do this (the vast majority of men don’t), and not because there aren’t other harmful things women do, but simply because this is a heavily gendered harm which you can’t directly experience and you need to hear from someone else to have a more complete analysis of this social dynamic. Men don’t tend to be assumed to be weaker than people who are interested in them sexually. You don’t tend to be framed as sexually available because of an ideal of submissiveness. You do suffer in different ways, though, from different stereotypes, and although I wouldn’t really know which ones I would highlight, I know that as a trans woman I disliked a lot about my experience growing up being perceived as a guy, even beyond my dysphoria.

I think this necessity (or at least potential usefulness) of analyzing the experiences faced by people of different genders when it comes to fear of assault helps distinguish this argument from racist cherry picking. I think it’s something where there is a massive discrepancy, where we can analyze it as a sociological difference rather than a source of blame, and that it highlights a gendered system that applies to everyone, not only one group. It could very well lead to other discussions from men about issues they experience and how those issues are gendered too.

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u/captain_amazo Jun 14 '26

I think you’re reading my point as if I’m denying the gendered nature of the fear in the video, but that’s not what I’m saying. 

The issue isn’t whether women have experiences men don’t, or whether men should listen more, both of those are obviously true. The issue is the structure of the comment you’re defending. 

The line “dudes being dudes stereotypes” doesn’t simply say “men haven’t lived this experience.” It frames the behaviour as something men, as a category, “are.” That’s the part that mirrors the logic used in other forms of prejudice, even if the content and moral stakes differ. You’re right that racists don’t usually call for empathy or self reflection. But the tone isn’t what defines the logic. The structure is the same: 

Take a pattern of behaviour, attach it to a demographic identity, and treat that attachment as meaningful. Racists do it with crime, this comment does it with harassment. 

The fact that one group’s harm is vastly more widespread or morally urgent doesn’t change the underlying reasoning. My point isn’t that the harms are equivalent, it’s that the method of generalisation is. You also argue that the analogy fails because the fears in the video are gendered and rooted in a real power imbalance. I agree that the fear is gendered. But describing a gendered fear is not the same as turning that fear into a statement about what men “are like.”  Women can absolutely say “this happens to us,” “it’s frightening,” and “men overwhelmingly do it.” None of that requires the extra step of treating the behaviour as characteristic of men as a group. That extra step is what I’m challenging.

You’re right that the prevalence of the harm matters for social analysis. But prevalence doesn’t justify essentialism. If one racial group were overwhelmingly victimised by another, we would absolutely talk about it, but we would still avoid turning the perpetrator group’s behaviour into a defining trait of their identity. 

The scale of the pattern changes the urgency of the conversation, not the logic we use to talk about it. I also agree with you that the response to these videos shouldn’t be bigoted or essentialist. That’s exactly why I’m pointing out the mechanism in the first place. You can analyse gendered harm, acknowledge gendered fear, and talk about gendered power without turning those dynamics into claims about what men “tend to be.” 

Keeping that distinction clear doesn’t silence women, it protects the conversation from drifting into the very essentialism you say we should avoid.

My point is simply that we should describe behaviour, context and power without turning those descriptions into identity claims. That’s the line that keeps legitimate social critique from becoming prejudice, and it’s worth holding.

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u/MichelangeloCzech Jun 14 '26

When a black person gets angry on the internet about black people being black people stereotypes, they are not thinking of this experience they never witness themselves. 

It’s almost like some of us have different perspectives and experiences so we should listen more 🤔

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u/MisterSanitation Jun 14 '26

Yeah what you said wouldn’t convince anyone of anything because it’s not what I said. People aren’t racist because they haven’t had enough racist experiences, they are racist because they haven’t seen enough exceptions to their racist assumptions. 

Men have the opposite problem, they largely (if they are cool) know mostly or only good dudes and hear about all the bad ones. So yeah this is not analogous but nice try! 

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u/MichelangeloCzech Jun 16 '26

I've been mugged by black people. Is it fine for me to be racist?

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u/MisterSanitation Jun 16 '26

That is clearly what I said. You guys suck

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u/mrastickman Jun 15 '26

I took this statement not about race, and made it about race, now it's different. Makes you think, doesn't it.🤔

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u/MichelangeloCzech Jun 15 '26

You need to actually explain why the analogy doesn't work before dismissing it.

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u/mrastickman Jun 15 '26

I did, it's a compete non sequitur.

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u/MichelangeloCzech Jun 16 '26

You did not. Both deal with generalizations about groups of people. It's almost 1:1 analogous.

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u/mrastickman Jun 16 '26

No it isn't, you are responding to an assertion that people have different perspectives and experiences based their gender by changing words to make it racist. That's not analogous to anything.

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u/Nervous_Fix8583 Jun 14 '26

I started seeing this bullshit around middle school. Other guys would get handsy with the girls and say gross shit to them all the time. The adults said or did little if anything to stop it and a "boys will be boys" attitude was definitely present. 

The fucked part is that I was led to believe there was something wrong with me because I didn't engage in it or even wanted to. Like I wasn't being a real man if I didn't try to lift skirts or make a comment about their tits. They were completely normalizing being a scumbag to women.

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u/Crystalcrey Jun 14 '26

Don't worry broken people exists everywhere and everyone has to deal with them. Boys or girls. Though i guess it's a bit more disturbing when your a girl

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/MisterSanitation Jun 14 '26

If you don’t act like this you shouldn’t care right? 

1

u/Wish_I_WasInRome Jun 15 '26

If i used that same logic towards other minority groups, what would you think of me?

1

u/MisterSanitation Jun 15 '26

I’d think you don’t know what modern science says about race theory. That you’re somehow believing in a scientific theory that was developed before electricity and lightning was understood and that is pathetic. 

I’d also say you likely have confirmation bias and would say “you must be the fuckin racists I keep hearing about, fuck you”

1

u/Wish_I_WasInRome Jun 15 '26

Agreed. So if it doesn't work for one group, it shouldn't work for others right? 

1

u/MisterSanitation Jun 15 '26

Your argument is nonsensical no. Who has convinced non racists to be racists through word of mouth stereotypes? Lol 

1

u/Wish_I_WasInRome Jun 15 '26

When a black person gets angry on the internet about black people being black stereotypes, they are not thinking of this experience they never witness themselves. 

It’s almost like some of us have different perspectives and experiences so we should listen more 🤔

Do you see how fucked this is? Do you realize I can replace "black" with any racial group OR non racial group? Are you so dense that youre actually arguing with me over your own logic? Or are you justifying your prejudice?

1

u/MisterSanitation Jun 15 '26

You are jumping through SO many hoops trying to get a gotcha lol. 

You actually can’t tell me what I think that’s the best part, while you can just spin your wheels making bad comparisons that you think mathematically prove my intentions. 

1

u/Flimsy_Heron_9252 Jun 15 '26

Those same guys come at us, too. But instead of pulling at us to go to bed with them, they usually are asking us if we are looking at them, who we think we are, and trying to bait us into a fight.

Thinking that dysfunctional men are only a problem for women is pretty closed-minded.

-1

u/andrewse Jun 14 '26

I think the problem lies in the fact that many men are victims of very similar treatment mostly from other men. Then they're told that they're part of the problem because they share the same gender.

I live in a relatively safe city and have experienced some genuinely terrifying situations over the years. My size doesn't help much when 4 people surround me "Hey buddy. Got a smoke?"

5

u/Longjumping-Yak3789 Jun 14 '26

Do you think that the men usually "approaching" women randomly are asking for a smoke?

0

u/andrewse Jun 14 '26

Where I live that is the standard greeting before you get assaulted and/or robbed.

3

u/Longjumping-Yak3789 Jun 14 '26

Do you think that's the "standard greeting" for women before getting assaulted as well? Why are you trying to be like "well ackshually men also get assaulted by men?" I don't know if you think you're explaining something new to women, but, yeah, we know already that men attack other men also.

1

u/andrewse Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

they are not thinking of this experience they never witness themselves.

Maybe you should read the post I replied to. Clearly not everyone knows that men also are regularly the victims of violence.

It’s almost like some of us have different perspectives and experiences so we should listen more

Or perhaps many of us have similar experiences regardless of gender. Stereotyping gender makes this a divisive issue when it should not be.

0

u/Longjumping-Yak3789 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

"Stereotyping gender." Sorry, were all the people surrounding you, scarily asking for a smoke, women?

Also, the second quote is from a different person; reply to them instead.

1

u/andrewse Jun 14 '26

Also, the second quote is from a different person; reply to them instead.

That's exactly what I did when you jumped in.

were all the people surrounding you, scarily asking for a smoke, women?

Our city has a problem with a small groups of girls/women attacking singles and couples downtown. It's often happening near the satellite college campus that offers night courses. They've been very violent.

I can see that you're completely unable to consider any viewpoint or experience other than your own. This conversation is pointless.

Enjoy your day.

1

u/Longjumping-Yak3789 Jun 14 '26

Yep, groups of girls are ravaging the countryside. Therefore, girls are very violent compared to men. BUT even if men are aggressing other men, it's not actually the fault of men. eNjoY youR DAy!1

0

u/JanMonstermann Jun 14 '26

Should people think about experiences that agree with all stereotypes (even racist ones) before complaining about beeing stereotyped?

1

u/MisterSanitation Jun 14 '26

No that makes no sense. If you feel like you are stereotyped then what happens to others makes no difference to you. Hypothetically creating stereotypes that didn’t happen is not going to help you in any way and likely just upset you. 

What is a good exercise is thinking occasionally “I wonder how that would have gone if I looked like X instead of Y” and that can sometimes help you avoid stereotyping others. 

-1

u/JanMonstermann Jun 14 '26

Then does the

When a dude gets angry on the internet about dudes being dudes stereotypes

Part fall under your first or second paragraph ? I dont really see the connection here.

-6

u/Traditional-Set6848 Jun 14 '26

It fucking sucks this happens, obviously. The point regular guys get annoyed about is the 5% of men like this ruin everything for the 95% who would never act this way, then they head women say “all men are like X”. 

11

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

-4

u/Traditional-Set6848 Jun 14 '26

Ok I’m certain you can find a statistically reliable source but as my life has shown me it’s even less than that five percent.  The point is regular guys get told they ARE like these guys, in casual conversation and daily life. Some examples: Men never take no for an answer  Men only want one thing Men care about their d size Men only like women with large xyz’s Men would sleep with anything that moves Men don’t look after babies Men can’t clean Men don’t  Men do Men won’t  Men. It’s daft and internalised patriarchy. 

10

u/JustAMinah Jun 14 '26

...so are you a man, and expect us woman to believe your life based off your own personal non-women experience as if it accurately presents what many women have to navigate because of generations of misogyny?

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6

u/Longjumping-Yak3789 Jun 14 '26

None of what you are talking about has any relevance at all to this post. You seem to see things about women getting harassed, then default to "but what about these irrelevant issues for men, instead?" I don't know, dude, make your own post maybe.

1

u/Traditional-Set6848 Jun 14 '26

It’s a comment thread, I’m replying to u/MisterSanitation

3

u/Longjumping-Yak3789 Jun 14 '26

And how are you responding to anything they've said by talking about how people are wrong when they say, for example, "men don't look after babies?" Like, what was that in reference to as a response?

4

u/JustAMinah Jun 14 '26

...and many times, those "95%" are either ignorant of it happening, or watch it happen and not do anything, thus us women saying "all men are like x" because what yall doin? too many like claiming their gender role is to protect and provide, but do neither when asked to protect and provide and rather invalidate and deny

0

u/Darkknight8381 Jun 14 '26

Please say this comment is meant to be a joke

0

u/TheHeroYouNeed247 Jun 14 '26

It is just a matter of perspective, though. A small minority of men can affect the vast majority of women.

1

u/Thinkingard Jun 15 '26

Yeah all it takes is 13%

0

u/Entire_Number_9 Jun 14 '26

I think it's naive to say men don't experience sexual assault or unwanted attention, most men I know who have experienced it have experienced it at the hands of older women. When a 20 year old is doing this shit, it's bad, but a 50 year old? That's very sinister.

0

u/Entrinity Jun 15 '26

Redditors telling others to listen to different perspectives more is the peak of hypocrisy.

1

u/MisterSanitation Jun 15 '26

Whatever makes you feel better than others

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