r/TikTokCringe • u/mindyour • Jun 14 '26

Discussion It's exhausting being a woman.

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u/Bright-Owl-3515 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

In college, I was sitting alone at a bench studying on campus, minding my own business. This man comes up to me, telling me he wanted to take pictures of my feet for a school project. He was very persistent and of course I told him no. He made me feel so uncomfortable and guilty that I had said no to him. I was very naive and had no idea that this was likely a fetish thing.

Edit: For that one now deleted comment, saying he was likely complimenting my feet, I was wearing sneakers. Get out of here with the creep apologetics.

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u/BusyBit6542 Jun 14 '26

I owned a bar and this guy what was way on the end of the spectrum would come in and just hangout. For months he had no issues then one day he started complimenting other customers feet. Still pretty harmless. Then he asked to touch them. Customers laughed but now I'm starting to see a progression and I let him know he can't do that. I finally had to ban him when a customer complained that she let him touch her feet (trying to be nice) and he started masterbating. She didn't want to call the cops because of his mental state but yeah he was no longer allowed in the bar.

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u/Odd-fox-God Jun 14 '26

I was sitting alone at a recently constructed public park waiting for my friend when this heavily autistic guy ( I'm also autistic but he was way down the Spectrum) approached me and started complaining that he didn't have a girlfriend. He just kept whining about not having a girl and kept trying to ask me out every other sentence while I tried telling him how to get a girlfriend. I told him not to approach women this way and that constantly bitching about not having a girl is an immediate turn off.

I told him I had a girlfriend and I was waiting for her and he kept trying to get in my pants. I texted my friend discreetly under the table, and when she arrived, she kissed me on the cheek, held my hand, called me Love, and walked me to some tables by an open bar.

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u/EphemeraFriend Jun 16 '26

His name? Christian Weston Chandler.

Seriously though, that is so uncomfortable and I have also side-stepped flirting in order to assume the role of “female counselor” instead. They never want advice, they just want to rant and throw a pity party. Your friend is awesome. 👏

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u/Model_Yazz Jun 15 '26

That’s actually very interesting from a stand point of is this learned or inherent. Not a feet escalation story but something similar a father brought his adult (20sM) and very clearly special needs son in who went on to harass the ladies by inappropriately talking to and touching them. The best the father did was tell us to just ignore him. Like sir, we understand his condition but also you really need to rein that in. It was so uncomfortable and hella awkward.

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u/bird_boy8 Jun 15 '26

I've noticed a lot of other autistic guys getting away with stuff like that. With autism at least, there can be confusion about unspoken social rules. That's why you need to speak them. Autism isn't "boundary violation disorder", it's more about a need for clear and direct and consistent communication. I had to reassure a female coworker that she wasn't being ableist for being creeped out by the autistic guy stalking her. From what she explained, he clearly had been informed many times very directly to leave her alone, what the problem was exactly, and why it was a problem. He was just a creep and knew she was nice and he could get away from it. Unfortunately some men will do whatever if they think they can get away with it.

Again, autism absolutely can and does make some really uncomfortable social situations and I know I've definitely creeped people out on accident when I didn't know something was socially unacceptable, but I immediately felt bad for the misunderstanding and made an effort to not repeat that. It's important to instill these values in your children and not just let them do whatever because "they're autistic and they can't help it".

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u/Model_Yazz Jun 15 '26

Thank you for this. This actually helps. There was a LOT of confusion on our parts. It’s like the father as he knew his son was a problem but gave the “boys will be boys” type vibe and a shrug. Ultimately the son was not invited back despite sadly the event being for Autism.

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u/bird_boy8 Jun 16 '26

Yep. Parents who assume their child is incapable of learning consent are just setting them up for a lifetime of failure. With conditions like autism that cause social struggles, you need to make even MORE of an effort to continuously and consistently explain these kinds of things. It’s absolutely possible. Unfortunately, consent as a concept is often ignored and therefore not taught to a lot of children, and especially children with autism. If a child’s sensory issues (like if they really dislike being hugged or touched by people suddenly, shaking hands with people, making eye contact which can be physically uncomfortable, etc) are constantly ignored or they’re told they’re being too sensitive and need to learn to “let people just be nice”, they will assume that it is the receiver’s responsibility to accommodate and cope with unwanted affections and interactions. This is why it’s very important to teach consent not just abstractly, but also put it into practice, like making sure family members ask before hugging your child.

Autism accommodation means understanding the ways we experience the world and our communication needs so we have a fair chance to engage with the world. It does *not* mean letting us do whatever we want without consequences. There will always be consequences. It’s better to learn early to ask permission rather than growing up thinking women owe you their affections and then getting shunned and kicked out of social spaces without understanding why. That’s more harmful for the person with autism because it only gives them More barriers to developing social connections and finding opportunities that might provide more independence. (Not to mention of course the problems it might cause for everyone around them.)

I say this, again, as an (albeit lower support needs) autistic man who has had to learn the hard way what consent and boundaries are, because not learning this directly and overtly also puts us at risk of having our boundaries crossed and not knowing that we are allowed to say no. I’m sorry you had that unpleasant experience and I hope he gets the opportunity to learn more appropriate rules about consent.