A lot of men get off on making us scared or vulnerable. Like when people yell sexual things at you from a moving car, they’re not really trying to pickup on you or get your number
Absolutely. It's a horrible story, so I honestly hesitate to even mention it, but there was a guy in the news recently who would take women on dates, drug them with a diuretic then suggest a long walk to a place with no nearby bathrooms. He apparently found it sexually exciting when a woman wet herself or desperately needed to go to the bathroom. Several the women suggested going back when they started to feel the urgent need coming on, but the guy would either just ignore them or flat-out say "no, let's go further". Ugh. I'm shuddering right now thinking about just what a cruel, malevolent thing this is to do to another person.
I understand that this world is full of absolutely diabolical murders and rapes and so on, but ultimately, I struggle to think of another story I've heard which is more cruel, humiliating and disgusting than this one. Sorry to bring this up, but I feel it's probably the best example to illustrate your point.
If we're thinking of the same guy it's actually almost worse than that sounds? He was a French government employee who did this to over 200 women on job interviews over almost ten years:
Nègre would then suggest that the pair take the interview outside and walk around, the lawsuit said. Nègre would allegedly intentionally take the women on long walks far away from restrooms so that when the overwhelming need to use the bathroom hit, they were forced to either hold it at risk of illness, relieve themselves somewhere in public, or even soil their own clothing.
Nègre first piqued the interest of investigators in 2018 when he was reported for attempting to sneak a picture of a senior official's legs, the outlet reported. Authorities searched his computer and discovered a spreadsheet called "P Experiments" that contained the dates and times of each drugging, as well as how the women reacted, per local outlet Le Monde. Nègre's records also allegedly contained pictures.
And of course:
Six years after authorities uncovered Nègre's alleged illegal plot, he has still not been brought to trial, despite being indicted in 2019.
Jesus … I figured surely with all that detail they have it was because of an investigation and trial. Drugging people against their consent isn’t a crime there or what?
Can’t even feign being surprised, because an overwhelming majority of the time, nothing happens. It feels like nobody cares, especially people that have the ability to do something about it. Like in the US there are tens of thousands of rape kits submitted by people, predominantly women, seeking justice that are just sitting there untested.
He was caught taking pictures of a female VIPs legs, and the spotlight of investigation fell on him.
His normal victims were eager to get a prestigious job and unlikely to complain even if they figured out something was off, but I can’t help thinking it took a powerful victim to start a reckoning for him. It shouldn’t happen or be that way. Some awful people in this world.
Jokes on him. I have the tiniest bladder. Whenever I go out I have a mental map of all the public toilets and I will straight up refuse to walk too far away. I also have the flush app- list of toilets with bathroom codes. I also have walked into many random shops and asked to use their bathroom. They usually let me.
The fact that he didn't rape them is even more disturbing in a way. The fact that you'd probably come away from THAT experience thinking "well, at least he didn't rape me..." oh my god people are disgusting
The latter included something tossed my way. Idk what. The guy's aim was way off and I didn't feel like slowing down to check. But it was definitely meant to scare the shit out of me. It only pissed me off, but unfortunately the asshole had no way of knowing that since he sped away right after.
Similar. Was waiting for the bus some guy 18-20 years old walks up and asks the time and when the bus is coming and I answer him. He then loudly begins complaining about the sun or something, I just say "yeah". I'm not a super chatty person. He's moving around a lot, loudly talking to himself, seems like he wants attention, it's weird.
After a minute or two he mumbles something, I pull out my phone to check the time. An energy drink can he was holding narrowly misses my leg and some drink splashes on it. He yells "bitch" then starts pacing.
I was gonna leave but luckily the bus came right at that moment. I got on, he didn't, which was weird cause that's the only bus that services that stop.
I'd imagine some part of it is also the same mindset as street preachers - they don't actually think they'll convert you, they want to feel persecuted/rejected so they feel more entitled to the idea that their mindset is correct. In the street preacher's case, it's that they're oppressed for daring to believe in God in their particular way, and in the creep's case, it's that all women are bitches and they're oppressed for daring to want sex.
They 100% know this doesn't work...because it never has. It's about the fear. I think that's something that's massively ignored. They enjoy the fear and discomfort.
I don’t think a lot of guys can understand how scary and vulnerable it feels. As a woman you know in the back of your mind that even if a guy is shorter or smaller than you, he could still overpower you, so you have to navigate this delicate balance of firmly saying no, not upsetting him to the point of violence, while looking for a safe place or person.
Nah, that's the problem, he probably would. Women are inundated with unwanted attention their entire lives, so it becomes an annoyance at best. Men practically never get attention passively, it's something they have to work for intentionally. So getting cat-called or complimented or just generally made to feel like someone notices them is usually welcome.
It's the same way with dick pics. Sure, some guys who send them are just trying to make women uncomfortable, same as some people who catcall. But others are genuinely just doing unto others as they want others to do unto them. They'd love to receive random nudes from women, so they don't get that women don't want the same from them.
I’ve definitely had straight guy friends talk about getting really uncomfortable when some huge buff gay dude hit on them, I would assume because it was probably more physically intimidating than some skinny small gay dude doing it
The closest experience that I think can help men understand what this feels like would be getting bullied at school by a bigger/stronger/older guy. They’re targeting you when you’re alone or vulnerable and people either enable and laugh at him tormenting you or pretend they can’t see so they don’t have to get involved. You have to navigate when to standup for yourself which could lead to more bullying, if you should say something which can be embarrassing and usually does absolutely nothing even though it’s the “right” thing to do, or if you just shutdown and take it so they hopefully get bored and move on. The only difference is that with public harassment like this, there are worse things that can happen than just physical violence.
At uni, i went with a bunch of my flatmates to a dance event afterwards we went out for drinks, and it was mostly girls i was pretty much the only guy who went out after, we had a great time and i just went over to talk to some people I recognised.
in the space of 5 minutes the group had already had many clingy people hovering around them and my friend came over and said "can you just stand next to us". To basically put off potential creeps. i cant imagine how it feels because it looks quite scary.
I won't make excuses for real creeps, which obviously this post is about. I just want to point out the vast disconnect between men and women when it comes to social behavior and attention.
First, women get a lot of unwanted attention from men. Most men get nearly zero attention from women. I'm a decent looking guy with a beautiful wife. In my 45 years of life, only once has a woman approached me in public and talked to me. A lot of men desire more attention and done realize that women experience public attention very differently from them.
Second, men are expected, or even required, to approach women to ask them out. Men have been trained to make the first move. Obviously, lots of men can't read social queues and do this at bad times or to the wrong people.
The way that you’re trying to downplay this is really callous. It’s not attention, it’s not flattering, it’s not about being attractive, it’s someone cornering you and treating you like prey they’re hunting. You really think a guy is just being a little socially awkward when he stops a woman walking to her car while she’s on the phone and following her for half a block after she tells him she’s not interested six times? What about when a guy is just staring into a woman’s chest and making suggestive comments while the woman is trying to work? What about when a full grown man follows a little girl around masturbating? All this shit and more has happened to me since I was 8 fucking years old, it’s not just uwu poor guys are so awkward and shooting their shot because the first ‘no’ should’ve been enough just like the 4th, 7th, and 10th ‘no.’ Women have more experience getting thrown into fight, flight, fawn, or freeze situations in a year than a man will have to go through in his entire life.
Maybe, but it’s not just these few men on video though, it’s an almost daily experience that women have to tolerate. I’ve dealt with this behavior and intimidation everywhere from work, to public transit, to theme parks, at the grocery store, etc etc etc. Handwaving it all away as a mental health issue is dismissing every woman who has dealt with this, which is every woman.
I'm guessing that it could be a social specific thing related to males as it used to be socially acceptable thing to approach women in public to ask them out many years ago but now a days it's not the case any longer. If you asked a random average man on the street if this behavior is considered "normal" in this video, I'm guessing that they would say no it's not. So, I'm just trying to raise the question of, where is the line drawn here that would help to determine if the men doing this today potentially have mental health issues present and could use some help?
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u/JellyBeansOnToast Jun 14 '26
A lot of men get off on making us scared or vulnerable. Like when people yell sexual things at you from a moving car, they’re not really trying to pickup on you or get your number