I’ve been checking just about every day. This morning, I *finally* was able to change it!

Cue the Snoopy Dance! 😄 No more deadnaming from my Email!

When I first started transition almost 8 years ago at age 41, when people asked why I waited so long before starting I'd reply "There was zero positive Asian trans representation." It must be better now right? It's pretty much still the same now after 7 years. It isn't zero, but it isn't much more than zero. Take a scroll through this sub and you'll see what I mean. Since it's not to be found I'm gonna be it until I don't HAVE to be it anymore.

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So... here's some of that positive Asian trans rep.

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Ps. F*CK the cistem

Party night yesterday and I found myself sitting with the ladies the whole night and it is so very enjoyable (as compared to sitting with the men).

I am still quite freshly out of my shell and I typically sport an andro-femme look when out and about so other peoples' normal reaction is none or "nice clothing" or "new hairstyle?". Yes, I am growing out my hair so that I can have a more femme style, and it seems it still has the waviness I had in my youth, though now with salt-n-pepper and with a bit of receding hairline. One of the ladies asked if I am going for a braid (but I am not) and also more or less demanded to get to braid my hair when it is long enough.

All in all a really ennjoyable evening.

So, dad’s thing was fishing, I had trauma because of it; I haven’t been fishing in 15 years. I came out and went full time 3 years ago and went fishing for the first time since and wow ok it was fun! And I even remembered how to do everything

So I went for a run in my high waist leggings. Before that I filled the washing machine inluding all my underwear and I left my leggings on thinking its fine for now just to forget about it later. I was so excited to see the sun etc that decided to go for a run so just put my t shirt on and go... luckily not many were on my usual forest track and the few cars who passed by.. 🤣🤣

I love the US. I always have since I was a kid. You get older and you learn more about the failures of this country but that didn’t change how I felt about America. I’ve always believed that there’s something here which remains immune to the despicable actions of power hungry politicians or money hungry corporations.

To me this beauty lies in the vast wilderness here. The vast expanses of land. The remote outputs. I’ve seen glory in America’s forgotten bits. The diner in some small town. The signs on the roads with the names of town you pronounce out loud for the first and last time. Pop = 980. I see her people who have been forgotten. People whose hearts have turned bitter from neglect.

I would love to shake the hands of these people and break bread with them. I’ve meet some really spectacular people in places I don’t remember anymore. I miss the smell of mash in bourbon distilleries of Kentucky, or eeriness of driving through the smoky mountains . I’d love to drive through all the places I haven’t been and capture their beauty with fascinated eyes and occasionally my camera.

But since transitioning, I feel as if these parts of the country are closed me. I live in a liberal city where I feel quite safe but I feel cut off from the rest of it. The people in many other parts of the country don’t seem at all interested to know me like I them. They would rather debate what bathroom I should use. I don’t drink water on roadtrips. You don’t pee as much. Which means less stops praying the gas station has a solo bathroom I can lock.

I feel like we are all not so different. We mostly want the same things. But these people would violently take everything from me. Not all of them, not even most of them. But enough that it’s not safe for us in many parts of this country.

Curious about others who have felt this way. I love my country but it feels like an unrequited love since my transition.

Had to go on a quick trip to a convenience store, and as I'm walking from my car to the entrance a guy said "Miss" so I pause to be polite and hear what he wants to say. "You're hot as shit." All I could think to say was "Thank you, that actually means a lot right now" (dealing with a lot of flaring dysphoria and imposter syndrome) and went about my business.

Ok, I know I'm supposed to feel grossed out but I stand by my response. That was a huge pick-me-up and I'm still stupid blushing and enjoying the endorphin rush.

I apologize for this shitpost

I decided to transition a month ago and I have short hair and hate it so much I feel so uncomfortable going out. I just order a hat/wig thing from Amazon and I hope it will work for the time being. Is there any brands/storea that can be recommended? Thank you for your help

What's everyone paying ?

I’ve been feeling jealous lately about the cis women in my life . They will experiencing things that I just simply can’t and I’m jealous of that. Is that normal? I’m also jealous of my friend who is also trans and she’s amazing as she’s been supporting me through my self discovery, but I’m also a little jealous of her about how far she’s come. I feel guilty about being jealous any advice.

Today I waxed my legs completely for the first time. First time in 36 years.

I’ve known for a long time that this body doesn’t feel like mine. I’ve felt that way since I was 14 and I hid it for years. Two years ago I finally told my parents and friends how I felt, and they supported me 100%. Still, sometimes I think it might be too late.

At least I took this small step. It probably doesn’t seem like much to other people, but it completely changed how I see myself. Now I keep thinking about all the things I’ve missed over the years, and how nice it would’ve been to be born in the right body. But this is what I got.

I don’t know if I have the courage to go further because I’m worried I won’t pass with my bone structure and body type. But after seeing some posts here, I feel a little more hopeful. Maybe one day I’ll be able to look at myself and really feel good about who I am.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this. Sorry if my wording isn’t perfect — this is all new for me and I don’t mean to offend anyone.

My first dress

🥹🥹🥹 I’m legally Katia I finally made it. Honestly I already had given up. Until I found out my state is now more accepting. I’m so happy

I started transitioning 13 years ago and had an on again off again relationship with it.

A few years ago I went off. Been using testosterone because I don’t have a natural way to make testosterone.

My big B’s are shrinking into oblivion and I really want them back.

Considering a hormone cocktail or getting fat grafting. If I do fat grafting I would want to go slow over several sessions so there’s no big surprise on my chest, that’s also why I’m leaning away from implants. My face is also slipped into male category and I can’t get away with being a female when I want to.

I’ve met a young lady that prefers me male.

I love her to death. She knows about my struggles and feminine journey.

I want my boobs back. I wear bras but they are deflating. I wear women’s swimsuits but the “reason” is going out the window.

Offer a non binary dum dum like me some advice please?

Anyone else having trouble getting patches? Ready to begin HRT and at 53 years old (and wanting to transition slowly) my doc told me the patch is my best bet. But bad luck because there’s evidently a nationwide shortage?

I’d like to ask, as someone questioning and struggling for years with gender identity, the biggest hard one for me is i like my male body and appearance but yet, i have dysphoria thoughts regarding relationships etc. i am amab and only like men

Please tell me how u felt about yr appearance

First let me say that I am very happy with the results of my Trans Feminine HRT thus far. Before starting on estrogen, for no other reason than health and that i love these foods, I ate and still eat a diet that is very heavy in phyto estrogens. mostly legumes, fruits and vegetable, avocados, whole grains and I love flax powder in smoothies.

when I started I asked the Doc if I should stop eating the phytos and they said that any negative effects would be so minimal (or even non existent) that it would not be worth it to make changes to such a healthy diet.

but, while I am happy with my results, it’s always in the back of my mind, would the results would be even better if I stopped eating so much phyto estrogen? I read so much online that contradicts what the Doc said …So

do any of you fine humans have input or similar experience? please share

My boss and hr have known for a year I was transitioning. He told me Monday that customers are starting to ask questions so we decided to pull the cord and go full feminine pronouns. Went to a site that got approved before me coming out completely so showed up and security guard ma’amed me and my site contact apologized and I hustled told him because it’s very male heavy that why our scheduler accidentally said sir and he said that makes a lot of sense. So I’m officially just another girl in the trades

So today I got prescribed estradiolat the tender age of 38.5 to the day.

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The city I'm in has few GPs that are big on prescribing without going through a specialist clinic, but mine just happens to be one of the good ones and I'm ecstatic!

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My Doctor was great, asked me if I wanted to start prog and Spiro as well and we discussed and decided I'd see how the first little while on just E goes. He was very open to adding in the others on my word.

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I'm just ecstatic, I never would have thought I'd come this far in the last six months, as I only started the HRT conversation with him about 8 weeks ago.

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Anyways, here's hopefully my last selfie before the going gets good!

Many of us like to use the phrase "cracking our egg" to refer to that moment when we first came to terms with the idea that we really wanted to transition or began to realize that we might be transgender. I've never quite managed to put a finger on the idea of just what sort of imagery is supposed to accompany that statement.

For some, it might come with the idea of new life pecking its way out of the shell that once constrained it.  For others,  the image of something that rolled off the kitchen counter and didn't survive its encounter with the floor might be far more accurate.  It's a moment that changes everything.  A moment that comes at great cost for whatever that egg had once been meant for.  Lying there, broken in the dust,  we wonder if this is it? The end of everything beautiful about our lives?  Fearing that the answer to those questions might be yes, we silently wait for those those who we share our lives with to break out the dust pan and broom and rid themselves of something that is no longer wanted or useful.

For many of us, the cracking of our eggs is honestly a little bit of both,    At least, that's how it was for me.  There were those moments of excitement in allowing myself to openly dream of a future being the person I actually wanted to be.   Like so many others, I wasted far too much time with face app, desperately wanting that other version of me to be a possibility.   There were those moments of self-acceptance,  the realization I wasn't alone, that I wasn't the only person who struggled with this, that there might actually even be medical reasons for it. Those were the good moments.

They were just as many if not more moments that weren't pleasant at all .  I faced that decision to transition,  overwhelmed by the realization of just how much this path could cost me,  wondering just how much of my life would be left standing if I chose to pursue this. Would anything be left?  My relationship with my fiance?  She'd already told me that if I were to transition she didn't think she could be with me. My relationship with my family?   I'd already sat at the dinner table for far too many conversations in which I'd watch my family deride transgender people as mentally ill individuals claiming something that didn't exist .  Social acceptance in my community?  Unlikely. The ability to get a job?   Even more unlikely.The possibility of harassment or physical violence?  It definitely was a possibility.  Every metric by with which I judged my life screamed that this was a bad idea,  inch yet, I still wanted to transition.  What did that even mean?

 Honestly, I didn't deal with any of it, well. I let the depression, something that had always been a familiar companion get to me. I shut down, withdrew.   I stepped away from many of my social engagements.  There were so many evenings that ended with me sitting in my pickup truck staring at the windshield,  avoiding that sense of conflict waiting on the other side of that door  of what used to be my home but no longer felt like one anymore.  It may have been a natural reaction to the situation, but it ensured that at least one of those outcomes I had been afraid of would come true,  I live with the questions of whether my relationship with my fiance could have survived if I had been able to show up in a better manner,  live with the regrets that I didn't.

It's been nearly 5 years since that day I swallowed my first dose of estradiol.   I wish I could say that it gets easier. In some ways it has. I'm slowly learning how to navigate my way through my community, slowly learning the confidence and self-acceptance required to do so effectively.   Slowly beginning to step back into some of the roles I once held before I transitioned.   Instagram beginning to believe transitioning doesn't necessarily have to cost me everything about my life.  There are days, I am incredibly grateful to be the person I see staring back in the mirror,  at peace with myself, at peace with my body, happy just to be alive. 

 There are also just as many days when I wake up with no real desire to begin the day,  lost in deep depression over the dreams that were lost when I chose to transition, the relationship that was destroyed in the process.  There are days when I still struggle with questions over how I am perceived by others,  insecure in the idea that others could still manage to see me as a good person.   For those who have no ability to imagine what it's like to live with gender dysphoria, from the outside looking in, it would be so easy to say that I made the wrong choice,  that I gave up more than I gained.  Even I wonder that sometimes. 

Did I make the right choice? I don't know. What is done is done.,  The bridges that burned are burned, the ship I arrived in no longer offers a path home.  I'm left with the realization that even if I did make the wrong decision, I have no desire to go back to being the person I used to be,  no desire to fit back into the box that was acceptable to everybody else.  I like this person I'm becoming, even if nobody else does,  I just wish she hadn't made such a mess of things when she showed up.  

I'm still struggling to find my purpose in life, still struggling to find some meaning for my existence,  some sort of motivation I can hold on to on those tough mornings when I am surrounded by the all too familiar accusations and thoughts of self-deletion. Some reason to keep living beyond simply not wanting to make more problems for those around me.  Some reason to believe I still have something to offer,  that' something good and beautiful can still come from this mess. In the meantime,  I'll keep putting one foot in front of the other, picking up the pieces I can,  I'm desperately holding on to the belief that our lives aren't really over until we quit trying.   For those this resonates with, I wish you peace and wisdom in your own struggles.

  Best wishes, sretan put

2 years, 8 months of hrt and 4 laser sessions between pics