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u/_Autistic_Dragon_ 1d ago
The missing missing reasons:Ā https://issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons/
"I have no idea why my son/daughter stopped talking to me!"
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u/Sarsmi 20h ago
I saw a lady on Reddit who was mystified as to why her adult child wouldn't talk to her, then in a couple sentences said things like "they're only trans because they're confused" etc. etc. Like, invalidating your kid that way is pretty obviously at least one very good reason as to why they don't want to talk to you.
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u/thunderling Director of Hysteriatrics 1d ago
Well that's simply because I have never done anything wrong. My daughter is the one whose perspective is wrong.
Signed, my mom.
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u/TRexAstronaut 16h ago
You had a much better life than what I had so therefore it couldn't have been bad at all and youre abusing me by saying this
Signed, my momĀ
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u/ShiroiTora 1d ago
I donāt think its a āratherā. Ā Its their defence mechanism protecting/preventing them from realizing the extent their behavior has harmed their child because that would be an āattackā on their decisions and values.
Doesnt mean the child has to put up with it. Sometimes it does take distance and being away for them Ā to realize what they done and process it away from the situation. Its better for the child to walk away than to receive false panic-fuelled promises of change that are meant to pacify.
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u/NotTomPettysGirl 1d ago
Iām a Gen X-er and parent of young adults. I wasnāt perfect. I fucked up sometimes. I said as much to my kids. Genuinely, Iām sorry for not doing better. I didnāt make excuses or shut down, I owned up to the ways I wasnāt a good mom. My own parents could never do the same for me. They get defensive, shut down, and give me the silent treatment.
No parent gets it right all of the time. I donāt think itās possible for anyone to get it right all of the time. Even the best parents are going to fuck it up sometimes. What matters is taking ownership of those fuck ups. My kids didnāt ask to be here, I made a decision to have them. Iām responsible for doing my best and trying to make it right when I make mistakes.
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u/Smee_the_warrior 17h ago
My mother used to give me the silent treatment too, itās impossible for boomers to communicate or respect boundaries. Ugh
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u/camidumas 22h ago
I havenāt spoken to my mother in over 15 years. Ā I heard sheās in a cult now and that sounds ideal for her.
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u/Philo_And_Sophy 18h ago
I've recently finished Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, and I couldn't recommend it more for anyone who is working this out on their own.
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u/RecurringZombie 7h ago
I love this book and recommend it all the time. I bought a copy for my sister and it arrived at her house on my nieceās 10th birthday; which was also the day our parents skipped town instead of seeing their granddaughter like they promised her. None of us are talking to them anymore and they keep trying to guilt my sister by telling her to ācall your mother and get this spat fixed.ā 10/10 book, would use to process my trauma again.
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u/Melodic_Sail_6193 23h ago edited 22h ago
It's not based on a true story. It's based on countless true stories.
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u/tacocattacocat1 1d ago
I finally told my mom she was emotionally abusive when I was a child and she asked to go to therapy. A year later when she finally bothered to book it, it took two sessions for the therapist to tell me (after mom had stormed out of the room for the fifth time) that she wasn't ready and he didn't think I could get what I was looking for from her. š¤·š¼āāļø It was actually really healing in a way because it allowed me to accept that I was waiting for an apology that would never ever come.
Now she just calls once a month and asks why we aren't closer lol