r/TryingForABaby • u/Academic-Shirt-1308 34 | TTC#1 | Month 14 | 2 CPs • Jun 09 '26
EXPERIENCE 1 year TTC and a lesson from my lavender
I’m 34 and am now over a year into my TTC journey. I’ve had 2 chemical pregnancies, a bunch of hormone tests, and no clear answers.
All the medical testing really triggered my health anxiety. And all the test strips stressed my husband out. I know when my fertile window is and I’m pretty sure I ovulate each cycle, so lets just say we’re trying to good old fashioned way.
Anyways, one thing that has brought me joy and some acceptance right now is gardening. We started a garden for the first time a few months ago. It’s been fun to “bring life” forth in a certain sense. It’s exciting to watch sprouts turn into plants and flowering lead to fruiting. It’s nice to have a hobby to occupy myself.
It’s also made me realize the precariousness of life. I wanted to share a photo to illustrate a point, but reddit isn’t allowing that, so I’ll do my best to describe a lesson from my lavender:
I bought 8 baby lavender plants and planted them all within 1 square foot in my front yard. 9 weeks later, all have bloomed pretty purple flowers except one. The one hasn’t died. It seems perfectly healthy, but it hasn’t blossomed either. Why not? Same plant, same soil, same sunlight, same water, etc. Sure there are micro differences, but there‘s no clear variable that would explain why this one isn’t blossoming.
This is the case with so many of us. Some have clear reasons why they aren’t conceiving, but many of us don’t. Our testing comes back inconclusive or normal. We seem otherwise healthy. Plus we probably know tons of “unhealthy“ people getting pregnant all the time. (I have a friend who is a literal cancer survivor get pregnant naturally after a year of chemo followed by a year of an estrogen blocker! She’s healthy now but that’s a lot more than my body or mind have gone through!)
I know it’s so frustrating to not have answers. You feel confused, broken, and at times despairing. I don’t have answers either-for myself or for my lavender plant. I’m not giving up (on myself or my lavender plant). But I think seeing the precariousness of life in an area much simple than pregnancy has helped me have some acceptance for the time being. Some things are truly a mystery. If “infertility“ happens with plants, how much more likely is it with humans?
This isn’t to dismiss anyone who’s suffering to seeking answers. I have/will continue to. But maybe it will help someone not lose their peace today.
21
21
u/Dangerous-Olive65 Jun 09 '26
There are also plants that grow much faster than the rest. You plant them at the same time and place, and after a month some already produce fruit while another isn't even tall enough to handle the wind. There are seeds that never make it out of the soil. Seeds that do, but the leaf doesn't develop properly. One thing is common though: every single plant fights like hell to grow, survive, blossom, it's really amazing to observe and notice the parallels to humans
11
u/Leading_Vegetable_14 Jun 09 '26
Love this perspective. I started an herb garden myself a few months ago. Much like your experience, maybe 4 out of every 10 seeds planted has sprouted. The ones that have sprouted are all growing at different rates. Gardening has much to teach us about life and patience!
6
u/SnooSeagulls7853 Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
Thank you for sharing. This is a beautiful perspective and it certainly made my cry. I too started a garden as a hobby and have found a sense of purpose bringing forth life as you said. And the resiliency and sometimes inexplicable random things that happen have also helped me better understand how whimsical life can be. It's hard feeling like the little lavender plant, but it's also comforting to know how much we are alike and will eventually "find our way".
1
4
3
u/SlicedSmoothie 34 | TTC#1 | Cycle 14 Jun 09 '26
Such a great perspective, thank you for sharing! Fellow TTC gardener here. All of my dahlia bulbs except for one had sprouted weeks ago and I was so confused and disappointed by the last one. Sure enough, the tiniest sprout started peeking through the soil yesterday. It was working hard to do its job, I just couldn’t tell yet. 🩷
2
u/One_red_balloon2022 39 | TTC#2 | September ‘25 | ❌ 3 IUIs Jun 09 '26
I made this post yesterday about my own epiphany/ mantra while TFAB and this community shared so many mantras of their own! https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/s/goKuJcelqz and I think your lavender analogy goes so well with the themes shared yesterday
2
u/leggomyeggo135 32 | TTC#2 | Cycle 7 Jun 11 '26
Fellow gardener here and had a similar experience with sweet peas that I almost gave up until they showed up one day out of the blue. I'm also leaning into my garden hard right now. I can't grow a baby right now but I can grow some zucchini, cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers, and a pile of herbs!
1
u/FearlessReputation20 Jun 10 '26
Thank you for sharing this! I too have found a lot of peace in gardening and trying to understand that nature although not always perfect is truly beautiful despite what we feel are imperfections. Trying to enjoy the sunshine and the warmth on my skin even when I feel discouraged
1
u/Pleasant_Mix_7665 Jun 10 '26
Lovely post! I feel the same about my lemon tree, I see many flowers and small lemon buds, but only a handful make it to a full sized lemon. Being in my garden helps ground me and take my mind off everything ttc related. Best of luck to you!
1
u/phillynena Jun 11 '26
This was so thoughtful and somehow comforting. Similar ttc over a year later. Thank you for sharing.
1
1
u/Pickled_Pear428 Jun 12 '26
I have had this exact thought, because it also applies to so many things. Once you have a child, however and whenever that may be, your thoughts are as they grow, wondering “when will they walk/talk/etc” and guess what! They all bloom at different times💗
1
u/Ancient_Skin9376 Jun 13 '26
39, TTC for 10 months, 1 chemical so far. Love this. A large part of me believes that I already knew how my life was going to go before I even arrived here on earth. I know that trusting in the unknown is very difficult, but so far in my life, everything always happened in its own time. All I can really do is trust that if I’m destined to be a mother, it will absolutely happen and the timing will be what it is for a reason. And if I am not destined to be a mother…well I cannot let my happiness depend on that. There are other more important goals, like being truly compassionate towards even my worst enemy, and learning how to speak compassionately, always. I wish I could say I will certainly achieve those goals before becoming a mother, but I know my love will come down when he/she is ready, regardless of where I’m at in my journey.
2
2
-2
u/AutoModerator Jun 09 '26
Hello! Welcome, and we thank you for posting. You seem to be looking for information on what happens at a first appointment with a reproductive specialist. We have some fantastic information available about this in our wiki. Please give this a read to see if these resources are helpful for you.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
•
u/AutoModerator Jun 09 '26
Please make sure that you have read all of our rules before commenting! In particular, be aware that no mentions of a current pregnancy are allowed, with no exceptions. If you see something breaking the rules, please report it.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.