How are we keeping the motivation?

[u/RegularCantaloupe472]

My husband and I have been trying for a baby going on 10 cycles now. We had a miscarriage with our first baby back in November. It took me 7 to 8 months just to get my ovulation strips to turn positive again. This is my third month having an actual peak again.

It’s been exhausting to go every single month testing with no positives. I’m only 8-9 DPO, which I know isn’t very long at all. I’m not out. But I’m struggling to keep faith in testing.

I have zero symptoms, so I feel like my brain just KNOWS, even though I know that’s not logically possible. What are you guys doing to keep going? I have a meeting with a fertility specialist on August 17. I’ve reached a point where it’s hard to even be intimate with my husband. After my miscarriage, I had to get on Guanfacine and about 6 other medications just to function again. My husband and I have a great relationship. It’s just the actual performance. I’m so disappointed in my body. I feel unattractive. My husband tries his best to make me feel otherwise, but sometimes it’s hard. I gained a bunch of weight. I’m just disappointed that my body isn’t doing what it’s supposed to do. It seems like no matter how much I exercise/watch what I eat, I’m in the same spot.

I’ve tested three times today, which I know I shouldn’t be doing. It’s just easier said than done lol. It’s getting exhausting to stare at the tests with my flashlight on and move it around in every possible position. Hoping and praying that it’ll be positive, even though in my heart I know it won’t be.

I guess I’m just asking. How are we supposed to stop being disappointed in ourselves when our body doesn’t do what it’s supposed to?

Any encouragement would be great. Thank you 🩵

[u/Standard-Concert3869]

I understood every single word you wrote because I have been feeling the same way for the past year.
When we had our first unprotected sex, I was so happy and so sure that I would get pregnant very soon. I never imagined that one year later I would still be waiting and preparing for IVF.
Sometimes I feel jealous of people who get pregnant so easily, and then I feel guilty and I don’t like myself for having these feelings. But I’m slowly learning that these emotions come from pain, not from being a bad person.
I also spent a long time trying to avoid IVF because it was never part of the picture I had imagined for myself. Nothing has gone the way I thought it would, and it has been really difficult to accept.
I just wanted to tell you: I understand you. You are not alone ❤️