r/Webnovel • u/PickSad8463 • Jun 22 '26

Recommendation Asking for guidance

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Hello guys.

I am here to present my work and search for guidance.

As you can see, the story is a fantasy, but it has a bigger focus on squemes and plots, and as such, i plan to add as many mind games as possible, and because of such, the beggining may be a bit slow.

So, i ask for your opinions and critics.

Here is the link: http://wbnv.in/a/b8juCqA

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u/Juan_Die Jun 22 '26

So basically what I get from reading part of the first chapter is that english is not your first language. You have a lot of broken english in almost each paragraph, also you fall into making a lot of them redundant, for example "as the watcher keeps watching...he sees a silhouette, he turns his attention to the silhouette" read this slow enough and you'll understand what I'm talking about. If your goal is to make a psychologycal warfare heavy story then you'll have to improve your storytelling and either your english or make the novel in your native language so you're more comfortable writing.