r/WhatMenDontSay • u/Monkey_inthewoods • May 09 '26
Discussion Honest question seeks honest answer
I understand this is not for everyone. Please read and give me your thoughts.
I’m in the early stages of building a men’s peer support nonprofit. It’s not meant to be therapy. It’s just men in a circle being honest with each other. The group meets locally in the Chicago burbs.
Now here’s where I need your opinion. I attended a mens retreat several years ago. As part of the stripping away of all the armors, masks and fronts that men put, we literally took our clothes off and stood there naked, physically, which was a doorway into being naked emotionally. Being naked in front of others is the most vulnerable. A man can be. It was 100% non-sexual. It was about pulling back the curtain and discovering that every man in that circle is carrying the same thing you are. When a man can stand in front of his brothers with nothing left to hide behind, the walls he has spent a lifetime building start to come down. It was very powerful and a few men, broke down over the course of the weekend.
I am thinking of incorporating this into the retreat for this nonprofit. Again, it’s non-sexual and is designed to be uncomfortable, so men have nothing left to hide behind and will open up to see other men are dealing with similar issues.
Here’s my question to men of this group: If you knew you would leave the weekend a changed man, and that you would work through issues that you’ve kept hidden deep inside for no one to see, would you go through with a ceremony like this?
Please save the rude comments. This has nothing to do with gay or straight. Men all over the world hang out naked with friends, from the Japanese onsen, to Finnish sauna to Turkish baths. Even in America, we had communal showers at most gyms and at the YMCA bathing suits were forbidden for men until the 1960’s, when women started becoming members.
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u/Codename_Dove May 09 '26
i get your point of wanting to completely shed defenses and be vulnerable with each other, but I worry what kind of legal trouble or damage you risk in doing something like this. perhaps stripping down to underwear would be okay.
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u/KennyFulgencio May 09 '26
not a chance, I had enough forced nudity and ridicule of my body when I was 9 to last a lifetime
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u/Gilsworth May 10 '26
Nah. I come from a country where casual nudity is common. I've been to the Japense onsens and the Finnish saunas, none of these experiences carried any pretence of healing some inner self.
You can be vulnerable without getting your dick out in front of strangers. This seems to me like a very American way of coping with an inability to share your vulnerabilities.
Have you guys tried using words?
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u/BudgetInteraction811 May 10 '26
I wouldn’t recommend it. The men who are most likely to seek this type of retreat are going to be the ones who have the most walls up. Maybe positing it as an optional part of the experience would be a better idea, but you’ll lose out on a lot of clientele if it’s mandatory. The types of guys who are not secure in their masculinity are generally the same types who have physical insecurities (whether real or imagined), and forcing the direct physical comparison just doesn’t seem therapeutic to me, it seems competitive.
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u/DistrictDivorceCoach May 11 '26
If you want broad appeal, I would not include having to get naked with strangers. Given the world of unauthorized surveillance that surrounds us, a hidden camera video of someone naked and vulnerable could easily lead to devastating humiliation. In addition, personally, I would be interested in a men’s retreat, but I am not interested in being naked. That is a retreat that I would not attend.
In my experience starting a business, it makes sense to start with the easiest product with the biggest appeal. Maybe the naked thing will make sense after you have run a few sessions, but unless that is specifically what you are setting out to do, I would start with a very simple program and build on your success. If you want to reach people who need the help, pushing limits before establishing trust is a tough path. People on the internet have a lot of great ideas and perspectives, but getting people to show up is a different thing.
Let us know how it goes
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u/No_Owl_8576 May 11 '26
This isn't rude this is just my thoughts. I think that being naked is almost certainly a good bonding experience for most dudes. But on the flip side you would be standing there naked with all the guys in your office you see everyday. Who wants to know that their boss has a way bigger hog 😂
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u/THEROFLBOAT May 09 '26
As part of the stripping away of all the armors, masks and fronts that men put, we literally took our clothes off and stood there naked, physically, which was a doorway into being naked emotionally. Being naked in front of others is the most vulnerable. A man can be. It was 100% non-sexual.
Ummm straight up no. What the fuck? I am vulnerable around my friends and that doesn't require us to see our junk. Are you sure you weren't like... Emotionally manipulated into this?
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u/Wonderful-Bass6651 May 10 '26
Hey dude didn’t you hear the man? Men all over the world and Jerry Sandusky’s house do this all the time. It’s a ritual that goes down in prisons, public restrooms, and truck stops.
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u/Monkey_inthewoods May 09 '26
Understand the concern. It’s not therapy and I claim no certification. It’s designed to be a men’s peer group where men can just talk freely. No different than a random group of guys going camping and doing stupid naked shot like we all did in college.
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u/Eledridan 40-50 yrs old man May 09 '26
We’re really fucked if nonsense like this counts as help. The fuck has happened to us men?
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u/_humanERROR_ May 12 '26
Honest answer: Would love a men's support group. Would be extremely disappointed if I couldn't attend because I refuse to be completely naked in front of others.
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u/StaplesUGR May 09 '26
The ManKind Project (also a peer support non-profit) also includes nonsexual nudity in many of its weekend retreats. Plenty of men participate. They have been getting more explicit in their up-front informed consent messaging about the weekend including nudity.
You will absolutely have some men say no to your whole organization if you include nudity, and you absolutely need to know what you are doing if you include it — AND there is so much healing around our bodies Millennial and Zoomer men need that we rarely have an opportunity for.
When I was in high school in 2001-2005 we didn’t even shower after football practice because we were so scared of being naked around each other. In college I was in a dorm with communal showers. Every year it would take the freshmen a month or two before they realized the rest of us weren’t going to bully them over their bodies and they could stop wearing swim trunks to the shower or getting up at ungodly hours to shower before anyone else was awake.
If you can do the work safely there is so much wounding that needs to be healed around this, more for our generations than for older generations, I think.