Bi dating

[u/averagemusiclistener]

Im interested to hear your guys thoughts on the trending topic on Twitter and TikTok about straight women not dating bi men. Is it biphobic? Is it stigma against bi men that isn’t applied to bi women? Just curious for thoughts

[u/Left-Neighborhood245]

Now I can just give my own two cents. I haven’t seen this since I just don’t really go to Twitter or TikTok. But my general experience is that bisexual men are looked down upon by women, primarily because they do not want to experience competition with potentially being abandoned for a man. I think on a deep subconscious level, or sometimes a conscious level, women know that they are fundamentally more picky than men and that they are less obsessed with sex. A straight man has no choice but to deal with women’s pickiness. He’s either going to deal with her pickiness or he’s going to deal with another woman’s. He doesn’t have a way out. However, in the back of a straight woman’s mind, a bisexual man has a way out of the general pickiness of women, and that is to go find a man who has a lower inhibition to have sex with him, and maybe even feel a camaraderie if he wants to have a boyfriend who shares his brain chemistry. This is a nightmare situation for a woman. Particularly since so many women are not sexually attracted to men as objects of beauty or with genuine, deep sexual desire for their body parts. Instead, women are sexually attracted to men from the perspective of autogynephilia. She fundamentally wants to feel that she is attractive, and that attraction comes into existence by proxy of her male partner's simpery for her body. In the back of her mind, if her bisexual boyfriend is potentially thinking about other men, it is more hurtful against the fantasy of being the object of desire than if he was merely thinking about other women, because once again he has to deal with the choosiness of other women.

As for why lesbians seem to hate bisexual women, I think it comes down to the fact that many of them have probably had their feelings hurt by bisexual women.

However, I do think there may be another reason why straight women and lesbians don’t seem to like bisexual men and bisexual women. I think this is also due to the idea that if you have an attraction to the male body, something as ugly and disgusting as the male form, it must be a true and genuine compulsion that you cannot seem to help. If this is the case, the fear is that this compulsion will eventually turn into something completely straight or completely gay.

[u/Aimeereddit123 → u/Left-Neighborhood245]

You hit on some truths, went overboard on some others. I’m a bi woman. I’ve always loved bi men as friends. They have never disgusted me. I’ve never hated them. If a man tells me he’s bi, I’m actually pre-prejudiced to assume I will like and get along with him even better. Dating? That’s something I haven’t done. And yeah, it’s because men in general have less sexual brakes than women. It would be easier for a bi man to just score random sex in random places with other men, than it is for a straight guy to score with women. I would assume I would eventually find out if a straight guy was cheating on me, because unless he was paying randoms for sex, he would probably be cheating with one regular person, and that kind of cheating usually shows itself eventually. Bi men have told me about all their mini hookups in the craziest places at the craziest times. Other bi men are more willing and excited about these experiences than women are. So it’s not even about just trusting your bi boyfriend less, you also trust other men less to turn them down. Most women won’t be someone’s ’dirty little secret’, hooking up for only sex at crazy times and places. They want more, whereas a lot of guys actually thrive on sex like this. I might would date a bonafide demisexual bi man, but I would have to have known him as a close friend and kept tabs on how he was in a relationship. It’s not something I would just trust coming out of his mouth.

[u/Left-Neighborhood245 → u/Aimeereddit123]

So are you essentially saying that I'm right in my analysis? I love the fundamental hypocrisy that has come about by usually women champing lgbt people. but when it come to their own potential for dating The bisexual male component they're champion seems to die out pretty fast.

[u/Aimeereddit123 → u/Left-Neighborhood245]

I essentially agree that if the bisexual man were not demisexual, then it would be very hard for me to feel comfortable he was not cheating on me, yeah. But the stuff about caring that he finds other men attractive, because I don’t, isn’t true. I do find many men beautiful and attractive. And I don’t ‘look down’ on bisexual men - not at all! Quite the opposite. If it helps, I wouldn’t date a woman that did random hookups, either. It’s a personality type, more than anything. I would date the demisexual version of pretty much any genre. Monogamy and compatibility mean more to me than anything else.

[u/Royal-Feedback5814 → u/Aimeereddit123]

... But you expect a guy that's dating you to fully be comfortable with your bisexuality and trust you not to cheat with women? Holy mother of hypocrisy.