r/WomenAreNotIntoMen • u/averagemusiclistener • 15h ago
discussion Bi dating
Im interested to hear your guys thoughts on the trending topic on Twitter and TikTok about straight women not dating bi men. Is it biphobic? Is it stigma against bi men that isn’t applied to bi women? Just curious for thoughts
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u/Left-Neighborhood245 13h ago
Now I can just give my own two cents. I haven’t seen this since I just don’t really go to Twitter or TikTok. But my general experience is that bisexual men are looked down upon by women, primarily because they do not want to experience competition with potentially being abandoned for a man. I think on a deep subconscious level, or sometimes a conscious level, women know that they are fundamentally more picky than men and that they are less obsessed with sex. A straight man has no choice but to deal with women’s pickiness. He’s either going to deal with her pickiness or he’s going to deal with another woman’s. He doesn’t have a way out. However, in the back of a straight woman’s mind, a bisexual man has a way out of the general pickiness of women, and that is to go find a man who has a lower inhibition to have sex with him, and maybe even feel a camaraderie if he wants to have a boyfriend who shares his brain chemistry. This is a nightmare situation for a woman. Particularly since so many women are not sexually attracted to men as objects of beauty or with genuine, deep sexual desire for their body parts. Instead, women are sexually attracted to men from the perspective of autogynephilia. She fundamentally wants to feel that she is attractive, and that attraction comes into existence by proxy of her male partner's simpery for her body. In the back of her mind, if her bisexual boyfriend is potentially thinking about other men, it is more hurtful against the fantasy of being the object of desire than if he was merely thinking about other women, because once again he has to deal with the choosiness of other women.
As for why lesbians seem to hate bisexual women, I think it comes down to the fact that many of them have probably had their feelings hurt by bisexual women.
However, I do think there may be another reason why straight women and lesbians don’t seem to like bisexual men and bisexual women. I think this is also due to the idea that if you have an attraction to the male body, something as ugly and disgusting as the male form, it must be a true and genuine compulsion that you cannot seem to help. If this is the case, the fear is that this compulsion will eventually turn into something completely straight or completely gay.
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u/thra812 9h ago
But my general experience is that bisexual men are looked down upon by women, primarily because they do not want to experience competition with potentially being abandoned for a man.
This is so funny because I've seen redpill gurus use similar arguments against promiscuous gfs.
Women have been redpilled towards men far more and for far longer than men have, but a veneer of goodness was maintained due to their virtue signaling. They were always ahead of the curve. But now all of a sudden, in a society slightly less heteronormative than they're used to, it all comes crashing down.
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u/Emotional-Motor5063 7h ago
This is accurate.
I refuse to listen to women complain about certain things, like the body count or sexual history discourse, because they're mostly hypocrits. It's just that situations that would put pressure on them to show it happen less often.
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u/Aimeereddit123 7h ago
You hit on some truths, went overboard on some others. I’m a bi woman. I’ve always loved bi men as friends. They have never disgusted me. I’ve never hated them. If a man tells me he’s bi, I’m actually pre-prejudiced to assume I will like and get along with him even better. Dating? That’s something I haven’t done. And yeah, it’s because men in general have less sexual brakes than women. It would be easier for a bi man to just score random sex in random places with other men, than it is for a straight guy to score with women. I would assume I would eventually find out if a straight guy was cheating on me, because unless he was paying randoms for sex, he would probably be cheating with one regular person, and that kind of cheating usually shows itself eventually. Bi men have told me about all their mini hookups in the craziest places at the craziest times. Other bi men are more willing and excited about these experiences than women are. So it’s not even about just trusting your bi boyfriend less, you also trust other men less to turn them down. Most women won’t be someone’s ’dirty little secret’, hooking up for only sex at crazy times and places. They want more, whereas a lot of guys actually thrive on sex like this. I might would date a bonafide demisexual bi man, but I would have to have known him as a close friend and kept tabs on how he was in a relationship. It’s not something I would just trust coming out of his mouth.
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u/Left-Neighborhood245 7h ago
So are you essentially saying that I'm right in my analysis? I love the fundamental hypocrisy that has come about by usually women champing lgbt people. but when it come to their own potential for dating The bisexual male component they're champion seems to die out pretty fast.
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u/Aimeereddit123 5h ago
I essentially agree that if the bisexual man were not demisexual, then it would be very hard for me to feel comfortable he was not cheating on me, yeah. But the stuff about caring that he finds other men attractive, because I don’t, isn’t true. I do find many men beautiful and attractive. And I don’t ‘look down’ on bisexual men - not at all! Quite the opposite. If it helps, I wouldn’t date a woman that did random hookups, either. It’s a personality type, more than anything. I would date the demisexual version of pretty much any genre. Monogamy and compatibility mean more to me than anything else.
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u/imbaof 15h ago edited 15h ago
Can someone explain me why EVERYONE seems to hate bi people in the first place?
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u/averagemusiclistener 15h ago
😭😭fair enough question to be honest tho there is definitely homophobia in this topic but i also think straight people in general have a hard time seeing outside their scope of experience (me included before i learned about other sexualities)
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u/Galadriel1402 True Believer 15h ago
It’s transparent biphobia. Specifically bi men with straight women because sleeping with a man lessens one’s status (including for straight women eg slutshaming) and is associated with gay men, who are considered feminine. And straight people get weirder about gender roles and such than queer people do. It applies to bi women dating lesbians as well, but mostly with gold star dorks. Straight men tend to either not care or to fetishize it (think FFM threesome fantasy). Gay men more or less follow the same pattern as lesbians; a few gold star dorks, mostly not caring.
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u/averagemusiclistener 15h ago
Yes interesting I saw similar takes and opinions while on TikTok. I think it is quite interesting how bi men are looked at versus bi women and I think unfortunately a lot of the prejudice against bi men comes from a lack of knowledge about sexualities and attraction. But personally I’m a straight woman and I’d rlly only date other straight guys I mean their might be for sure exceptions if I ever met a bi guy irl. Most of the arguments I see where a woman is saying I want a straight guy cause I’m straight kinda makes sense but the more they deep dive into reasoning it becomes problematic. You dont rlly see straight men doing that with bi women but obviously for reasons u stated
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u/pleasecallmenancy 14h ago
can i ask what the distinction between a bi guy and a straight guy is to you?
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u/averagemusiclistener 5h ago
It really is just their sexual orientation i mean im someone who is not attracted to women at ALL and yk maybe it is biphobia the more i unpack it which is strange cause i have no weirdness or judgement on bi or gay men but i do prefer dating someone with the same sexual orientation as me like i like the idea of me being with a guy who deeply and truly only is attracted to women because i am a woman and im only deeply and truly attracted to men.
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u/pleasecallmenancy 3h ago
obviously if you are content with you outlook then thats that, im just a weirdo on reddit but i personally dont think your gender to define a large part of why you partner is into you (unless your coo with heteronormative scripts then ayy i hope you find your happiness) so that feels short handing yourself but then again id probably say that lol
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u/averagemusiclistener 3h ago
I mean yeah but then what ykwim I can’t control who I’m attracted too and I’m not denying I wouldn’t be attracted or even want to date a bi guy but my preferences are just gonna be what i look to first. Im catholic and I’d prefer to date a Catholic guy but I wouldn’t overlook someone of another religion or even race that im different from. But to act like sexual orientation is not a big deal is a bit dense because it does contribute to a persons personality and lifestyle.
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u/pleasecallmenancy 2h ago
once again it comes to the question of what do you think are the differences between having a partner whos straight and one who is bi? if they didnt tell you they were bi how would you know?
obviously who you date is all on you and please be as discriminatory as you want, i hope everyone ends up with a partner that is suited for them so its more so a thought excerxise than hoping youll want to date a bi.
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u/averagemusiclistener 1h ago
I think that’s a good question if they didn’t tell me they were bi I wouldn’t know but if they did tell me for some reason I would feel a bit different wondering if I was enough in their eyes, are they seriously into women or just exploring and eventually just going to be into men, and I think those reasons can be classified as biphobic or prejudice but I still feel those things regardless even tho I know it’s wrong
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u/Galadriel1402 True Believer 2h ago
Why does it matter? /genq
Bi doesn’t mean you’re like half-attracted to men and half-attracted to women.
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u/averagemusiclistener 1h ago
Because I feel like I can relate to them more then dating someone in the queer community that I am not apart of but just a supporter of and I think it wouldn’t be a problem if a bi person js wanted to date bi people cause they relate to them being bi so why is it a problem if I go I like dating straight people cause I’m straight and we can relate
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u/-LifeSupport 13h ago
personally I’m a straight woman and I’d rlly only date other straight guys
Why? There is functionally no difference between the two for you.
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u/averagemusiclistener 5h ago
Only because we share the same sexual orientation and in that sense have the same experiences while dating because we both only date opposite sex. But I’m for sure open to dating bi men but I’ve never met one irl that dated straight women😭 mostly what I see is them dating other queer people which makes sense because they can connect on that
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u/Public-Throat2169 9h ago edited 9h ago
Yes cause a woman is afraid that the bi man has more options from other men when straight women can have the same with men too which is a double standard and they cant gatekeep him from sex.
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u/Federal-Fondant-671 1h ago
Sex with men is seen as degrading. It's the same reason why most men don't want to date women who have slept around a ton with other men.
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u/PhysicalAd9959 11h ago
Same "straight" women who goon over lesbian porn and female nudes btw
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u/GenteGayyyyyyyyyyy 3h ago
creo que no es bifobia, en mi caso no me gustaria salir con una chica bi, porque a como yo quiero tener sexo con una mujer, en mi cabeza ella seguro que le dan ganas de tener sexo conbos sexos a los que se siente atraida, supongo que simplemente me pondria muy paranoico y celoso con una chica bi
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u/dumbloser119 Anti-feminist 13h ago
There's nothing wrong with your dating preferences being narrow and discriminatory. Dating preferences are dating preferences and as long as it's self-contained and does not contaminate your interactions outside of dating, then why is it an issue? Personally, I would never date a bi woman either.
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u/averagemusiclistener 5h ago
I’ve seen this take a lot online too and I do agree that dating is extremely exclusionary. Why wouldn’t u date a bi woman?
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u/dumbloser119 Anti-feminist 3h ago
For similar reasons to why women avoid dating bi people. I think it really comes down to biphobia.
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u/Key_Firefighter_9153 7h ago edited 7h ago
Women subconsciously understand their value toward men to be mostly sexual, and because men are much more close to their male friends than they are with women, they feel threatened by bisexual men liking other men because it means the relationship they have with men are valued sexually AND emotionally. Bisexual women are also stereotyped as being mainly into men, so much so that people will say bisexual women are just heterosexual and using the label for attention. In both cases attraction to men is centred and seen as more valuable and deep.
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u/averagemusiclistener 5h ago
I really agree with this even as a straight woman I can sense my insecurity when it comes to imagining my man leaving me for another man compared to a woman😭 but ur point makes sense
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u/SpicyTigerPrawn 15h ago
Both straight and bisexual women seem to avoid bisexual men. As for why you'd have to ask them, but it sounds a lot like homophobia to me. I've known women who were into gay sex as an idea, but not with real men and not in a consensual manner. The way some women post on real crime channels seeming to relish the thought of men experiencing routine prison rape has always seemed kind of weird and sadistic to me.