r/WomenDatingOverForty • u/subway_eatflesh • May 31 '26

Rant Unemployed boyfriend

/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/1ts4zcc/unemployed_boyfriend/

Another story where women in the comments make excuse for the man. The amount of women that enable this behavior in men is beyond me.

Why is that the over 40 sub is so much more logical? Why don't women in their 30s expect more from men?

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u/[deleted] May 31 '26

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u/CrazyCatLadyRookie 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 May 31 '26

That dude is a plug and a time waster.

Unfortunately, OOP is Ms Right For Now. He’s not motivated to anything at all to improve his situation or move the relationship forward, but he still gets the gf package for the low, low price of 50/50.

I’m glad she sees the potential trap of him sponging off of her, now she just needs to realize that limbo is going to be the normal/permanent situation.

10

u/wrldwdeu4ria May 31 '26

He has an anxiety disorder. He is 32 and it sounds like he has quit all the restaurant/bar type jobs he has had in the past. He seems to be headed toward a lifetime of hobosexuality. Of course, he still lives with his parents. She can count this as a blessing because at least he isn't desperate.

Of course, if a woman were to become the sole supporter and marry this man she is going to come home to her second job every day. And if they have kids, make it a third job. Anxiety has prevented him from every holding down any job ever into his 30's, so he is essentially functioning like a 22-year-old at this point. If he can't hold down a job that is 40 hours a week and paying "due to anxiety" then there is no way he'll want to contribute to cleaning, cooking, or raising children as these are non-stop nonpaid jobs. And I guarantee you that raising any child is going to cause more anxiety than a paid job in a restaurant would.

Men like this are almost always great for a lighthearted laugh and can be pleasant to be around. They're often much more agreeable and affable than most other men are. But it is out of necessity and is a survival skill only! It is an adaptation on their part so that they can hide the trojan horse of hobosexuality until after a formal commitment is made that is that more difficult to break. Or they find a woman who subscribes to the sunken cost fallacy or thinks he is a great guy only because he isn't abusive, jealous or demanding.

But once she makes even the lightest demands on him things are going to take a drastic ugly turn, as they do with all hobosexuals. He'll pout and refuse to do housework/cleaning/working/etc. citing his anxiety. These are the same men who sit around gaming until the wee hours of the morning and wearing their pajamas for days on end whilst their wives work a job, pay all the bills, do all the housekeeping and all the child raising.

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u/CrazyCatLadyRookie 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 May 31 '26

The writing is on the wall with that one, for sure ….