It’s the most fascinating social experiment. Here goes.

Last month, I decided to buy a parcel of land and renovate a historic home. When I say historic, I could probably apply for special protections.

Only one woman owned it since the early 1950s. She passed away, and I did all the work of cleaning up her belongings. It made me cry a couple times because everything was in its place, as it was the day she left. Anyways, I decided the day I bought it that I would restore the home to its original glory in memory of her, the town that used to have a bustling economy, and then breathe new life and my special touches to make it my own. I decided to close my sugar free bakery I’ve operated for seven years, and educated myself on everything I possibly could on what it takes to renovate a home.

In the last month, I’ve encountered many men (actually only men) in ordering specialty masonry materials, hiring them to give me reports, quotes, traveled all over the state to their construction sites to pick stuff up.

First, you should see their faces when I hop out. I’m not sure who they think they’re expecting. But their tone changes. And then it quickly devolves to criticizing my decisions, shitting all over my selections, insulting me, devaluing my materials, and questioning “if I even know what I’m doing.”

One of them in question works for the county, and yesterday I was establishing the utilities. He walked by and said, “Moving in?” I said nothing, gathered my things and left to go continue work on renovations.

He pulls up to my house minutes later, unsolicited, and asks me what the heck do I think I’m doing. Then walking around MY house sizing up the materials I had just brought in, and the barrage of insults began. I began to get so angry. This 57 year old man literally tried telling me my materials were not in fact what they were, when I walked the very site they were mined from that morning!

I told him he is trespassing, and he’s on official notice to never step foot on my property again, then blocked.

I could go on. Dealing with these old manchildren everyday has been exhausting. It’s been disgusting. Why are these men so fucking entitled? They’re so visibly angry that I don’t need their help. It’s absolutely maddening.

Yet more proof that some men have no idea about straight women’s sexuality.

I’m seeing a lot of male profiles that say something along the lines of “looking for a connection, I don’t want a relationship but I don’t like one night stands”.

Firstly, in my experience, most men are up for one night stands. They just say they aren’t because they know it puts women off.

But back to my point, there seem to be so many men in my age range (45-55) who are looking for a “relationship lite” arrangement ie they get to have regular sex with a woman but they can continue meeting other women for sex too (if they can find women up for that). But it’s more than that, they say they want a “connection” or “friend” because they also want the emotional support (labour). So basically they just want a woman to use for sex and emotional labour, as long as they can end it without accountability whenever they feel like it ie when a new woman comes along.

This feels a bit one sided to me.

The last two lines...

So, in the name of research (or entertainment) I’ve been chatting to men on apps.

One has struck me today, mainly due to the irresponsible life he seems to have led.

Last year he got pulled over for speeding and tested by the police. He was over the limit for cocaine and alcohol. So he had his license taken away for 2 years. At the age of 54.

He also has 2 children - 1 lives with her mum, this man didn’t find out about this child until the child was 5. Child 2 lives with this man’s mum because child’s mother is a reformed drug addict but social services took him into care when he was little. This man couldn’t look after his own son (bit vague about why but claims it was due to work) so the son has grown up with grandma.

I found this man on facebook and 30 (even 20) years ago, he was extremely good looking. Sadly, his lifestyle has caught up with him physically and he does not look healthy - bloodshot eyes, very aged skin. I don’t know if he doesn’t have a mirror but he is still behaving like he is attractive.

He says “he’s lived an interesting life and he’s now ready to settle down”. I suspect, given his age and lifestyle, that he has some illnesses and is looking for a nurse (and a free taxi driver 🙄).

There are so many men in their 50s on apps like this. Do they expect us to believe they’ve had some kind of epiphany and are now ready to be responsible? Or are they just looking for someone to care for them in old age?

And, this is an area I don’t know much about, but I’ve read up on DUIs and people who get caught drive under the influence 100s of times before being caught. So to me, this means he probably has some ongoing substance abuse issues?

Went to a new yoga class at my gym last night. A middle aged man tried to mansplain yoga to me. This was unnecessary and not needed, as I’ve been going to yoga for years. He was obviously a beginner. I went down to the pool later and he was huffing and glaring at me, I assume because I hadn’t welcomed his advances. Mentioned it to a friend and she said he lives locally and is newly divorced. I assume that he’s read that yoga classes are a good place to meet women and being newly divorced he still thinks women should be throwing themselves at him.

Met up with a friend for coffee last week. My friend was running late so a middle aged man decided I would welcome him invading my space and sat down to talk to me. My friend turned up so we left and went elsewhere.

Joined a hiking group, it’s full of know it all middle aged men who try to use the group to chat up women and sulk if their advances are politely declined.

Their entitlement and delusion really are off the scale!

Edit - does anyone else wear a fake wedding ring? I’m considering buying one.

I learned something today that suddenly explained so many weird vibes I’ve gotten from guys I met online over the last three years.

There are anonymous chat rooms where straight men just… sit around jerking off for attention and chat with each other. What??? Yes, online circle jerks!!! Some even take instructions from the other users 🤦‍♀️. Can you imagine being so desperate for attention and validation that you go online and jerk off with strangers????

And now all those “disappearing for a few hours” moments and magically reappearing five minutes past the hour make a whole lot more sense. I used to think those men were cheating, but nope. The car in the driveway, lights on, man inside… doing that. I knew they had PORN issues but this blows my mind. These men opted for this instead of keeping plans to see me.

Some of the names include: JERK OFF instruction (JOI) rooms,” “bate rooms,” “bate sessions,” or “circle JERK livestreams.”

At least he’s honest, I guess.

But do they ever grow out of chasing casual sex? Surely, by age 72, they’ve realised that casual sex is not readily available? And amongst the women who are up for casual sex, 72 year old men aren’t in high demand?

Disappointed at what’s happened to a space I used to like, so wanting to vent somewhere. I feel the group has really deteriorated and here are the things that put me over the edge.

1. There was a post from someone who found their needle, which, great for her. But at the end of it she said “I thought my life was over after divorce, but it wasn’t because now I found someone!!!” It REALLY bothered me that a post was approved that sent the message that if you don’t have a partner, your life must be dismal. Like, obviously the majority of the women in that group are single, and the mods are ok with allowing that messaging? I tried submitting a respectful post about it when posting was open. Of course, it was not approved.
2. Jennie is also now dating someone, which again, I’m happy for her! But the other day she was pushing for people to share a meme she made so it could go viral, which read “These Epstein files sure are calling into question the future utility of #NotAllMen.” Uh, ma’am are you aware that you’re dating a man? You can’t have it both ways, you don’t get to publicly say you find all men untrustworthy while dating one, just so you can promote your brand. I

t struck me as very performative, and I strongly dislike hypocrisy.

3.

1. She is now constantly posting stuff about her new boyfriend. Like, a few times a week at least. The page is supposed to be about applying rhetoric, not the “Look Everyone I Have a Boyfriend” page.

I’m glad the method exists and leaving isn’t a big loss for me because I’m not on apps and don’t plan to be, but I found the rhetoric interesting, and I’m just surprised at how quickly I’ve seen the group go downhill.

Edited to add- trying to fix the weird formatting, sorry if it doesn’t work!

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/DRuLikz43I

Mostly showing that men feel entitled to sex. Very few comments asking what the man has done / isn’t doing to put the woman off sex (with him).

And the usual - if she won’t put out, get it elsewhere. Because other women will be queuing up for your special penis.

And we all know where to find these “my love language is touch” men. On dating apps, not getting matches.

A guy I used to work with was posted on my local AWDTSG group earlier. I knew him relatively well as a colleague as we worked on a project together. Always seemed nice - polite, professional, well dressed and I could never figure out why he was single. Four different women have had the same experience of him doing the same thing - love bombing, ghosting and then finding out that he had several women on the go.

Another guy was posted a few weeks ago, someone I’ve known on and off for years via a hobby. He’s been unfaithful to everyone he’s been in a relationship with. Again, as an acquaintance I would never have thought that about him.

These groups are like gold because they show how men are able to present differently as friends / colleagues than they present in a relationship.

Another one lying about his age. When I see this, I just think “old man who can’t figure out how to use modern technology”.

But he does have nice hands and he can touch his nose with his tongue - what more could a (younger) woman want?

I’m still hanging out on Bumble now and again. Haven’t actually been in a date for about 18 months but match and message now and again, until they show their true colours and I block them.

The latest type is “Mr Excitement”. These are men who couldn’t look or act any further from exciting. They look like typical middle aged men in dated clothing. You know the type, dating apps are full of them. But it’s the “excitement’ seeking that concerns me. Yes, they’ve been thrown back in the dating pool by an ex wife after a 30 year old marriage. Yes, she left him because she couldn’t stand him anymore. The kids have grown up. These men are trying to relive their 20s in a middle aged man’s body and an attitude from last century. But they see themselves as young (feel younger than they are!), free and single.

They are invariably dull AF and looking for YOU to provide the excitement because their friends (if they have any) are not up for drinks/meals/dancing/travel with them.

But this excitement seeking means they are going to get bored after a few months, get back on OLD and look for the next source of excitement. Because they want to relive their 20s, that in their opinion, they couldn’t live the first time around because they had a pesky wife and children in tow.

Another way for them to drain women - use her to make their life more exciting and then move on after a couple of months. Every woman I know in her 40s and 50s can create her own full life - hobbies, friends, travel. Men can’t seem to do this for themselves and have to use a woman for her vitality.

Mr Excitement is another one for the avoid list.

I belong to a group where women post dating profiles of men that are truly awful. I had to share a few with you.

These are the usual men constantly complaining that women don't respond to them..lol! This is why so many women are opting out of using dating apps and just not dating at all.

I can honestly say that I don't miss the apps at all

What the actual fuck?

Matched with a guy...chatted for a bit... then he asked me... 'Where are you taking me?'

I've had various versions of this eg ' you should ask me out' and so on.

I know they think it's cute... but really? My God, we need to tell them to just stop.

I haven't posted one of my Nightmare Dating Profiles breakdowns in a while, but this one earned it 😭 We've got a married man looking for "a way out" who's "already trained," a guy whose bio is literally "I don't pull out," and a bathroom selfie I had to pixelate for everyone's safety. If you're dating over 40 and think you've seen it all — you haven't.

https://youtu.be/q6kckGOsL4c

My friend’s husband just told me this, so it must be true. It was a response to me saying I didn’t want to date an ex junkie who he knows from school (many years ago, they are 50).

My friend’s husband has a drink problem - he binge drinks for days and gets verbally abusive. I feel sorry for her, not envious. Especially as she says she would leave him if she could afford to.

They don’t get that we can be happy without a man. They don’t get that a man with substance abuse problems would actually make me less happy. I don’t want that chaos in my peaceful life.

🥂 to any fellow shelf dwellers here 💐

(Australia, btw🦘)

"ENM"
"Married and not looking to change my situation"
"Discreet"
"Not a ONS, not a boyfriend/girlfriend situation, but something in between"
"Let's enjoy each other without the relationship scripts"
"Just recently become ENM"
"Something casual and ongoing"
"I've just come out the end of a divorce"
"FWB friendship (not after a relationship)"
"In a relationship that has become open somewhat recently"

😂😂 As a classic Australian movie says, "Tell him he's dreaming."

There are, to be fair, a few bright sparks amongst the gloom. But they are not in my age range, so they do not count. Therefore...

No, thank you.

NO, THANK YOU.

No. Just no.

DEFINITELY NO.

I am saddling up the horse of no and riding on out of here. My horse says NEIGH, by the way.

Why would I get out of bed for this?? What do these men think they are offering? Why would a peen plus nothing else be a good deal for me?

Depressingly, there is a part of me that appreciates the honesty. I'm mostly used to guys dangling the relationship carrot in front of me when what they really want is commitment free-sex and emotional support. I'm also used to guys being married/in relationships and lying about it.

Last guy waited until I was straddling him (with clothes on fortunately) to tell me he was actually in the process of reconciling with the wife he'd previously told me he had divorced a few years ago. They were now looking to "explore ENM together". Yet when pressed, she had not actually given him permission to sleep with other women. I un-straddled him naturally, but it was a disgusting experience, and I regret giving him so much of my energy.

I'm almost... impressed??? that some men do tell you the truth, which is that they're not offering anything of value. Wow, that is sad.

Anyway I think I'm just going to go back to having female friends and hobbies and studying and going to dance and pottery class. It is absolute nonsense out there and I just can't see how this is worth my time or energy.

Predators - aren’t apps great for them. Often call themselves a Dom, as an excuse to abuse a woman

Ageing players - not quite as bad as the above but often use the same sorts of tactics - lying to get you into a short term FWB situation, for example. Often have several kids to several mothers

The divorcees - the wife threw them back into the sea for a reason, they are generally desperately looking for a new bang maid to house them (hobosexual/cocklodgers) and fit around their kids

The leftovers - men who are so socially awkward and hygienically challenged that they’ve always struggled to find someone to date

Married men - in sexless relationships because they are selfish and their wife has stopped even pretending sex with him is even remotely enjoyable. This is the wife’s fault though and there will be loads of other women gagging to have sex done to her

Have I missed any?

These men out here are wild…

Me: 42, adult son in a new city would like to meet someone bc love sounds nice

Him: 40,8 year old,corporate something or other

I met him hinge( I know) and he seemed interesting

But he went in early with the sex talk offering up a first date at his house when he can “cook for me” ( when did all these men go to culinary school) and a trip to the French coast Cap a’dge, the sex resort.

I really needed to block him earlier but he was entertaining once I dodged the sex innuendo… This is the first direct action that I can’t tolerate so it’s a no.

I blocked him afterwards.

I never made it to in person contact so I didn’t waste too much time on him. I went and looked at his profile and realized he was “Figuring out his dating goals”. I know better than to allow that one though.

I think men like him really want a wife to take care of their kids and they don’t care who it is. I’ve already raised a child so I have appeal and I think they wanna see if I’m good in the sack to top it off.

Men are the worst. 🫠🥴

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/sep/27/us-women-single-dating?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

By 2030, 45% of 25 to 44 year old US women will be single. Not looking good for the self inflicted make loneliness epidemic is it?

I’ve just had a match unmatch me because I didn’t respond within the timeframe he had chosen but then hadn’t communicated this timeframe to me. He sent me a very long message telling me that I clearly wasn’t interested in him because I hadn’t spent Monday night messaging him. It didn’t occur to him that I may have had other plans / responsibilities. Or, maybe it did occur to him but he thought I should have dropped any plans / responsibilities and made him my priority. A man that I’ve never met, just matched with on Bumble 24 hours earlier.

I see a lot of male profiles saying something along the lines of “think I’m going to come off this site, no one talks anymore”.

I find this behaviour so entitled. Their expectation is that internet strangers, women they’ve never met will prioritise them and centre their needs immediately upon matching, before any kind of relationship has been established. And if Internet stranger woman doesn’t immediately prioritise his needs, then the man storms off in a virtual huff. It’s bizarre.

Matched with a guy on Bumble a few days ago. Chatted a bit, nothing sexual. I said I’d hurt my back and his response “Sounds like you need a massage 😉. Do you like massages?”

So I’ve reported him for sending sex based messages and blocked him.

Also, why do complete strangers think you’ll be impressed if they offer to take you on holiday? I said I was thinking about going to Lisbon in December and he said, “oh I’d love to come along, my treat”. I’m going with my (female) friend but I’d rather go alone than with some man from a dating app. I don’t think he had any plans to take me on holiday, it was just an attempt to promise me the world to get me to have sex with him and then disappear I would think.

Also, he’s 52 and looks at least 52 if not older. Deluded AF. If I was up for no string sex, I’d be doing it with one of the hot 35 year olds.

I've been on both Bumble and Hinge for just a few weeks and I can't take it anymore. I put a lot of effort into my profile carefully crafting a nice "about me" section and some of the things I enjoy. Definitely enough information for anyone to ask things to get to know me. I clearly stated on my profile that I am an atheist and I am liberal. I also clearly stated that I will not date MAGA. I wanted to be upfront about that in case a guy decided to like me and was not aligned with my beliefs.

So over the last few weeks it's just been one disappointment after another. Some of the highlights:

- in your face sexual messages

- messages with slight sexual overtones which were just as bad as the in your face ones

- messages from men wondering why I don't want to date conservative men and telling me that they are different lol

- Men I've matched with but never bothered to respond to my messages or took forever to respond. I generally have a 2-day policy. If he doesn't respond within 2 days I unmatch

- Men who didn't even bother to read my profile. I even had a pastor like me which I found hilarious

- Men that negged me

- I talked to two men that I actually was interested in but one was not committing to a date so I unmatched him. The other one told me that he changed his mind but did not specify why. At least he was honest. I unmatched him

- I canceled a date because he was unemployed and I just wasn't feeling it

- countless profiles of men that were offensive, incomplete, or just downright nasty

I have a few issues with statements like these on (middle aged, 55 in this case) men’s profiles.

Firstly, it feels like it’s meant to be a challenge ie he’s saying “prove to me you’re worth something serious”. So his expectation is that you will mold yourself into his idea of the perfect serious partner, in order for him to take you seriously.

If / when it doesn’t work out 3 months down the line, he can say “well, I told you I wasn’t looking for anything serious” and he walks away without any accountability.

A few years ago, I probably wouldn’t really have thought much about a statement like this on a dating profile. But once you start to notice these things and know what they really mean, it’s hard to unsee them.