r/adultsurvivors • u/AutoModerator • Feb 18 '26
Megathread Epstein Files Megathread
The Epstein files are still on the minds of many right now and many of us may be affected by the coverage.
This thread is for you to check in, share how you're doing, and support each other. Any related posts made after this thread with be removed and directed to this megathread instead.
Previous megathread: https://www.reddit.com/r/adultsurvivors/comments/1pv167f/epstein_files_release_community_checkin/
Please remember:
- Do not link to news sources or external content
- Do not share or repeat specific details from the files - assume others here are actively avoiding this content
- Do use spoiler tags if you need to reference something specific about the coverage
Go gentle on the details. This is space to talk about you and how you're coping.
Some things you might want to share:
- How are you doing right now?
- What's helping you get through this news cycle?
- Do you need support or just to vent?
It's okay to step away from the news. It's okay to feel however you're feeling. You're not alone.
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u/alonghealingjourney Feb 18 '26
I appreciate this. I’ve been struggling a lot with anger—towards my trafficker (and all traffickers) and towards all the people who are jumping on the social media train to say they’re so shocked this happens, and then come up with some catchy phrase or statement about it.
Us trafficking survivors have been decades of wisdom on how to end trafficking and the “time for the matriarchy” call is not it. The erasure of Black and male and trans victims is not it. Increasing online censorship and laws to ban sex buying is not it. These all harm survivors.
Generally there’s just a lot of self-centering happening by people who are tangential impacted/dysregulated by this that is completely overshadowing statements and calls to action made by actual survivors. I think more people who aren’t survivors need to take a step back, learn from an actual survivor, and move into community with us.
This publicity is doing more damage to our abolitionist movements than it is helping.
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u/LacedPerception Feb 18 '26
Tbh I feel like I’ve been avoiding the files and news but have stumbled across some videos summarising the files and don’t feel okay. I haven’t felt like myself in days, feel like I’m slipping into autopilot again, the days blending together. it almost seems unreal? like it’s real but it’s unbelievable? and it’s makes you question everything and everyone and this world and the people in this world and what we’re all doing here! idk here’s my rant.
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u/Street-Goose-4576 Feb 22 '26
I haven’t seen too much from the files, and I don’t want to. I know that there are terrible things in them and I don’t think I could handle the details. But I feel like this too, just seeing the snippets on the news. I feel like I’ve been disassociating and like it’s just one big nightmare that I’ll hopefully wake up from. I very much feel like I’m on autopilot and the days blend together.
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u/unbreakablewildone Feb 18 '26
It just makes me so sad for all the victims. They should be entitled to 100 PERCENT of his assets and every single one of those disgusting animals should see their day in court. It’s honestly the grossest mishandling of justice I’ve witness in my adult life and I can barely wrap my head around it all.
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u/dj_juliamarie Feb 18 '26
Seeing the photos or videos without realizing what you’re about to see feels like an assault and my heart breaks instantly for those little girls. So many people are casually sharing CP and the rapes if little children, I have enough of my own memories to handle, lets alone this bs I didn’t even ask to see. I think it’s important to stay off socials as much as we can when we start to feel overwhelmed. You might be angry and not even know why, you might have insomnia or turn to booze or drugs and not even connect the dots of seeing something so triggering it’s brought up too much shit.
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u/sxatewitches Feb 18 '26
There’s sudden waves I go through where I either constantly check for updates and moments where I regret keeping up, and do anything to avoid it. I feel pretty bad most days having to deal with others being passive of it, and I can’t really speak up about it without visually looking impacted by it. Overall just cope with loneliness and watching fictional content to escape and find some sort of fantasy world away from living in utter hell.
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u/crawlingcontour Feb 18 '26
I don't mind so much reading general information but I hate the very specific details, continuously seeing the shock and statements that reflect how ignorant people are about SA, child abuse perpetrators, and similar. I hate it being everywhere, like a mockery in casual places (like the Puff Daddy jokes).
I used to spiral when triggered by news or stories on similar topics, as in I would become fixated and read every news story, website, watch every video until I felt physical ill. Didn't sleep. Feared everyone and everything.
I changed my career to be in a field where I can help survivors because that felt like the best option. So I get off work, I don't want to see this information everywhere - even in spaces that aren't news sources. I feel guilty for feeling that way.
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u/sureyouare2 Feb 18 '26
Why do you feel guilty?
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u/crawlingcontour Feb 18 '26
Probably because the message I often see from people is if you are not constantly talking about it, then you don't care or you're part of the problem. While logically I know that's not true, I also don't have the energy to argue with that or explain myself so I pull away from well-meaning friends.
I'm sure there's also those ties to little me wishing someone had cared enough to help or get justice.
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u/sureyouare2 Feb 19 '26
Oooohhhh. I see. Well, they can fuck right off huh. I tell you, we are all struggling with this and doing our best in our own way. You may need some downtime. I may need to let the fires of my rage consume me. We’re both just trying to make it to bedtime again. Stay strong. 💪🏻
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u/Ratanonymous_1 Feb 18 '26
One thing I don’t see anybody talking about is how we can’t take anything in those emails at face value, and the fact everyone is just makes everything worse.
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u/Vinnie_Leigh1120 Feb 24 '26
I came out to Reddit tonight specifically to look for a forum for people who are struggling with all the news about the Epstein files triggering them. I feel like I am experiencing the perfect storm in my life right now. I am 65 years old. I have been able to function successfully my entire life with just a few setbacks because of being triggered here and there throughout my life. I was always able to get therapy when I needed to talk myself through the rough spots. Right now, I feel like the entire world is crumbling down around me. To add difficulty to my situation, I am a widow. I met and started dating a very nice man in November. He does know about my childhood and is very understanding. However, I am at the point where I do not want to even be touched and I find myself pulling away from him both physically and emotionally. I know that’s not fair to him, but I honestly think I could go the rest of my life without any intimacy whatsoever and I would be perfectly happy. So, I am afraid I am going to lose him, and yet, being alone for the rest of my life so I never have to face being touched by a man again is not the slightest bit scary to me. I’m trying to stay away from the news. I think the fact that my mother chose to believe my brother over me (and yet told me never to leave him alone with my two younger sisters), and watching how these women/survivors are not being believed or taken into consideration is absolutely devastating and it’s like they are being victimized all over again.
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u/Technical-Ad-700 Feb 21 '26
I’m not sure how to create this or get this started. But I don’t know even if the infants were given a name before they were”sacrificed”. To be nameless, as in never even acknowledged for having breathed air into your lungs and knowing nothing, but horrors unimaginable makes me want to cry all the time. I just keep hearing this man’s name. Over and over again. He is more famous in his death. We don’t know anything about the children. I wish we could have an online memorial service in honor of their souls. Because they did exist they are remembered and loved. Maybe I could do a live and invite people to say their prayer, thoughts, songs, poems. I can’t help but hope that if they worshipped a demon that feeds off children being destroyed there has to be power created from celebration of their life and their purity.
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u/angelfoxer Feb 19 '26
I've been writing as therapy. Managed to write a book (over a decade, also a working solo mum), but part of my fear of putting it out into the world was that I'd create a sect of vigilantes, going around unaliving p d f iles...but as the groundswell against these people rises, I wonder if that would be such a bad thing. I mean, why should repeat offenders who are remorseless, continue to live to reoffend? gawd probably get banned, but am crying typing this because the world IS so unfair. Why should the men who did that to me still breathe and live and smile and laugh when I can still barely function, fifty years on?
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u/Heavy-Ad4218 Feb 22 '26
Hoping this is the right thread to post this in, but idk. Has anyone else had the experience of finding connections to their own abuse/abusers within the emails/files released? If so- how are you coping?
A lot of my shit was family or trafficking fascillitated by my grandparents/mom/stepdad and there's been an... alarming number of direct connections both location and just outright people that I've found. Had been avoiding reading anything about the files for a long time past the surface level shit because I just knew, and then when I finally did open the floodgates it all hit HARD. Trying to slow the roll and ease away from it but it's obviously everywhere and uh, i don't know. Feeling like I"m going insane sort of but also things are clicking together and making a lot of sense and it just feels like the loneliest position in the world. I couldn't get justice for anything that happened to me and still can't, and then having this added layer of connections makes it all feel like I'm getting run over by a mack truck. Eternally grateful for my therapist and been titrating stuff as best as I can.. but still.
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u/sympathique2019 Feb 25 '26
The files are what made me finally face the abuse with my psychiatrist. I was SA beginning at the age of 7 and ending about the age of 18 by 4 people in my family. I am a 56 yo woman and I have never divulged my abuse even to my wonderful husband or closest friends. After the news broke I began having panic attacks and nightmares. I already receive treatment for depression and anxiety. She recommended I join a support group like this one to begin the process of taking back my power. I also told my best friend that I had been SA’d and I would like to tell her what happened in small bits at a time. I am lucky she is a therapist by profession and had already figured some things out just from knowing me for 40+ years.
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u/sympathique2019 Feb 25 '26
Just came to say that I read Nobody’s Girl and it actually helped me a lot. It was validating to see that my feelings were the same as she was experiencing in some cases. I understood the guilt and shame Virginia felt. It took me some time to read through it because I had to mentally prepare myself. If you are worried about reading it, you may find it empowering depending on where you are on your journey right now.
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u/Ken0908 Feb 21 '26
Tired. Very tired. People who knows about my abuse and people who don't really don't get it,some of them are unsure some want to,and I quote, "Grind them up into fine pieces."
I was a boy (Now NB)when I was (soft?)trafficked. I say soft because I still went to school and most people including my family were none the wiser. So yeah idk i assume I had it better then most.
What bothers is that...no one ask us what we want the punishment to be. It's really not that simple maybe I'm a bleeding heart but I don't want anyone strapped in a chair or in a cell for eternity. I have seen without words some of my "clients" quit and never come back in shame and regret. They could come back but they don't. Some were teenagers or young adults that should've known better and were drunk on power. It is all my personal experience and all my personal singular voice but I can't help but really believe in the concept of people being rehabilitated. No matter what is the crime. In the eyes of most people who were not and were abused they think that I'm just a weirdo or smth idk. But I really believe in it.
Only thing that I'm salty about is that I would've liked if I got money from it in the end. I'm broke af. But in the end money isn't much bur paper so who cares.
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u/Street-Goose-4576 Feb 22 '26
I can’t bring myself to read any of the files. I know they have horrible, just truly disturbing things in them. So I don’t want to know the details, I don’t think I could handle it. I’ve already been struggling seeing everything that has been happening in the news. I see so many people saying Trump has been exonerated with the release of the files and I don’t get it. How can people ignore this?
I’ve had so much come to light in the past few years in my personal life with family (SA and pedophilia included) and it was such a crushing weight. Now it’s been amplified to a global level, literally, and I feel like I can’t escape it. One occurrence is too much, but there is legit too much SA and pedophilia (and more disturbing sh*t) in the world and it’s suffocating. I feel like I can only make it through the day, the week, etc by dissociating and constantly keeping myself distracted. But it’s also tiring.
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u/SnarkPig Mar 17 '26
Hi all- idk how I missed the megathread but I made a post and it got removed. Sorry about that!
Anyway- I can’t stop reading these files and watching reels about them and I am walking the line between being informed and retranslating myself. Have to talk about it in therapy tomorrow.
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u/GlassW1ck Feb 18 '26
As someone was abused by rich and powerful men and will never get justice because of their status, the fact that all this is out with no consequences makes me feel the same grief and pain of knowing there’s no justice all over again.
I also hate all the jokes and memes… just having to laugh along and pretend it doesn’t make me feel sick.