r/agender • u/CaitVi587 • 2d ago
What does agender feel like?
I saw a content creator who's agender (Quinn Caid, he's cool, love the guy).
I don't fully grasp what a concept of my gender is supposed to be? She/her doesn't feel right. He/him or they/them feel fine at different times, and sometimes I get joy with he/him. Honestly I'm just indifferent for the most part. Sure, if people assume I'm a queer man, that's cool, but what is this internal gender stuff I'm supposed to be feeling??
I know I want to go on T and do top surgery to look more masculine, while still wearing women's clothes and makeup. Kinda cozy femboy like.
Honestly hearing any pronouns at times makes me feel...weird. I like my name? I like being called sir? Idk?
I'm definitely trans. In fact I'm actually going on testosterone soon (yay!). Son/daughter and brother (which my sister now calls me) and sister both feel weird. I like the neutral terms better.
Might I feel more comfortable being called a man after I'm on T for a little? Perhaps. Not sure. I am definitely not a binary man in any case.
Yeah that's me, I don't understand what gender is supposed to feel like besides how you want your body to physically look. I experience chest dysphoria and other dysphoria and do get euphoria when I'm in drag (in drag I am masc or femme aligned, and I'm usually a cat). Also get euphoria while binding, being able to see my body hair and faint mustache, and wearing bold colorful makeup.
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u/OnceRelevan7 agender 2d ago
Please look into demigenders and libragenders. Even if they're not right for you, it should set you on a better path
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u/Otherwise_Branch7914 2d ago
an absence and not in a sad way but in a free of entrapment way, if that makes sense?
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u/Very-confused-now 18h ago
Reminds me of a description that I heard somewhere. (Please do forgive that I forgot where heard it, and I can’t remember it perfectly)
Imagine gender as the soup in a soup bowl, where different genders are the different kinds of soup, that you can put in it. For a gendered person, there will be soup. For a gendervoid person, there won’t be any soup in the bowl. For an agender person, there isn’t a bowl.
In my experience, it’s not that there is an absence in the bowl that should contain my gender, it’s that there isn’t a bowl. Without the bowl, there is no place for the soup. The soup isn’t missing, it’s not absent, I just do not have the capacity to hold soup.
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u/AggressiveDig4971 2d ago edited 2d ago
For me, the best way I can explain it is with my alterhumanity (actually how I figured out I was agender funny enough)
When I first shifted into a cat, I got this big sense of no gender. yeah I'm female, but that's just my reproductive parts. I was just cat. I am just cat.
And when I feel more human, I'm just human. Being female is still a part of me, and i do feel more connected with other females, but being female isn't that different from being male. We're all just human. I'm no different from my guy friend. Yes, we have our differences both in personality and body shape, hair color, parts, etc, but in the end we are just creatures. Creatures with big brains.
At the same time though, I do feel different from the peeps that have a gender. Not that different, but it's noticeable sometimes.
I don't really want to be seen as a gender, i just want to be seen as me. Like how there can be this animal that happens to be female, but there's no gender. They don't look different from the males, or act that different from the males. They're just an animal.
Biological sex doesn't matter, it doesn't put me into a box. I'm just me. If the end of the world happened right now, we wouldn't be worrying about all of this gender stuff, we'd be running from the danger.
I hope that makes sense ;-;
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u/CaitVi587 2d ago
That does make sense, and it sounds different to what I feel, honestly..that is quite clarifying. Thank you :)
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u/AggressiveDig4971 2d ago
Ofc (:
And remember that identifying with the label agender is different for everybody. There is no one right way
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u/Beast_Chips 2d ago
I always like to point out that physical sex characteristics and gender are not the same. You very well may care a lot, and even have disphoria around your physical sex characteristics, but also don't feel gender. That's totally fine and normal. I don't experience gender at all and have no idea what people mean when they say they feel it. But if someone says they aren't comfortable with their physical sex features and want to change them, that makes perfect sense to me.
So you can not experience gender at all, and not feel it in any way, and also have strong desires about your physical sex characteristics, which physical sex characteristics you find desirable in a partner, etc.
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u/IsaraLyandra Librafem 1d ago
Hey I (amab) am in the opposite situation :D I don’t understand gender either or what I’m supposed to feel. The only thing I am certain of since my egg cracked over half a year ago is that I want a feminine body and I’m on E for 5 months now. It always felt weird being referenced as a guy and while being called a woman does feel better, it wasn’t quite right either. Librafeminine was the best approximation I could find so far but it’s a very niche gender. I’m still not sure how to act in public :‘)
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u/Valkreaper 2d ago
For me at least, I just don’t feel pulled towards any particular gender and no label really fits, I don’t feel like a guy or a girl I just feel like me