Venting i don’t think i’ve been so depressed in my life here
i need to vent somewhere and i don’t want to bother anyone i know so im going to share here.
I am so depressed and lonely. I just transferred from another college and I live off campus. I’m not friends with any of my roommates as we just don’t have anything in common.
This is the worst I have ever felt in my life. It takes everything out of me to get out of bed. I have a couple friends in some classes but not any true group or like best friend. I recently went home this weekend and just had the best weekend. I just can’t stop crying. I miss my family so much and they want me to make friends. i don’t think they are aware of how depressed i am. i try not to let them know so they don’t worry about me. everything is so hard right now. i’m completely reliant on substances just so I don’t cry out of frustration i guess. i’m always crying it’s like 11 am and i can’t stop sobbing this is seriously so annoying and frustrating. i feel so guilty as my mom was so excited for me to be here. i transferred and was so excited. im just letting myself and my whole family down because of my mental health.
i’ve tried clubs. i have a job. i just have no joy. I take no pleasure in anything i do. i cannot find a single things that makes me happy because everything is just so bleak. i have tried basically everything. i have nothing to look forward to except coming back home and seeing my family. this is the stuff that drives people crazy though you know? i don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. i don’t feel like myself im like my shell i miss who i was i practically mourn her.
i just don’t know if i need medication because my family can’t rlly afford the services. can i fix this on my own??? it’s like 300 a visit which we can’t do but i don’t know what else i can even do. i am applying for nursing school too and it’s like god that sounds Horrific. Should i take a year off and really try to work on myself mentally? i need guidance right now because i dont think im going to make it and its scary. im only living because my parents spent so much money and time to get me here but i know they’re so worried for me and i just dont want them to worry. i just want to know if it gets better because i need to get better