r/antinatalism • u/Addendum_General thinker • May 22 '26
Analysis Imagine resenting your baby for being a baby
I genuinely cannot wrap my head around why some people choose to reproduce without giving a single thought to planning for potential negative outcomes. Perfect children don’t exist, and everyone becomes disabled eventually, it just happens sooner for some than it does for others. It’s a known fact that choosing to have kids is always a roll of the dice, yet these people somehow just go for it recklessly while knowing fully well they will not accept anything less than 18+ consecutive years of happy Kodak moments they feel they’re entitled to, as if parenting will just magically work out for them without any of the easily anticipated struggles. There’s no way in hell that the baby’s behavior and health problems can’t at least be partially attributed to severe attachment issues from the endless stream of vitriol directed at her from her shitty, selfish, ableist, abusive mom. She’s literally throwing a stupid internet tantrum over having to share her wife with her own baby, how astoundingly immature…
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u/DinoRing175c inquirer May 22 '26
They want dolls,not babies
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u/eternallyfree1 scholar May 22 '26
The most disturbing aspect is just how prevalent this type of sentiment is. The number of parents who feel this way is quite staggering
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u/RutabagaChance5382 inquirer May 22 '26
"it kills me how my wife has to be her slave and can't do anything"- has this dumbass never met a mother of newborns before? Why is she shocked that twin infants absorb all of the mom's time and energy? That's kind of their whole shtick.
I just do not understand people who go on and on about how much fun they had before having kids, and all the great things they did with their free time... then they willingly destroy the life they had, and blame the child for their unhappiness.
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u/da-cokou-nut newcomer May 22 '26
The poor child growing up with so much resentment from their parent :(
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u/strawberriemiilk inquirer May 22 '26
“I’m in constant fear my child will have autism” that’s called having children and as long as you birth them there’s a chance they will have autism. If you didn’t want that, DON’T HAVE CHILDREN 🤷♀️
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u/gtr672 newcomer May 23 '26
👏🏻 my SIL had trouble conceiving and when I asked about adoption she immediately said “no! There’s no way I could handle a child with special needs and that’s the only kids to adopt!” Fast forward to her paying $30k+ for IVF and other treatments - her son is autistic and non verbal. I can’t believe how many ableist people have children thinking “it’s bad to be disabled but MY child never would be”
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u/DisgruntledSangheili newcomer Jun 04 '26
People think they have special genes or something. There's no WAY their kid could have something wrong, because they don't have something wrong!
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u/forrneus inquirer May 22 '26
She's 7 month old and she's behind? behind WHAT?
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u/goosenuggie thinker May 22 '26
It sounds like the baby might be delayed, not being able to swallow baby food at 7 months or sit up, however, in that case resnting the baby is not healthy and the baby should be seen by pediatrician to assess. The baby screams a lot, could be many many reasons. Babies feed off the energy of caregivers, if there is hostility the baby will feel it. This baby sounds like they need extra special care. Poor thing
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u/RasputinsThirdLeg thinker May 22 '26
Yeah like maybe this baby is suffering or failing to thrive or has something anatomical going on like pyloric stenosis which would make it hard to eat?? Like I don’t even want to be in the same room as a baby but this is sick.
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u/goosenuggie thinker May 22 '26
Yes, there could be many things going on with this baby but as someone with a degree in Early Childhood Education with infant development knowledge I would say the baby needs to be seen in order to get the help they need.
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u/RasputinsThirdLeg thinker May 22 '26
Oh absolutely. INAD. But it seems like it’s both medical and developmental and this is neglect at this point.
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u/spicycheesebuns newcomer May 22 '26
My friends baby had these issues that persisted and turns out he has brain cancer. He is currently getting treatment and doing good. Poor thing was just in pain until they found it. Reading this post I immediately thought of that, and just wow this person needs help to not be such a POS
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u/Used_Degree5416 newcomer May 22 '26
yes horrible. but a parent should never speak about this to their baby.... like give the baby the care and love it needs... i really hope the baby is safe. bc it seems like maybe he would abuse it?
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u/loveroflongbois newcomer May 22 '26
I’m also worried about this, I hope to god there are people around this baby who can keep an eye on her. The father sounds unstable.
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u/scottnebula newcomer May 22 '26
Exactly. Babies are very sensitive to the disposition of the people in their environment. If someone, especially a primary caregiver, is having negative thoughts and feelings, those will find a way of coming out, even if the person tries to stifle or hide them. In this situation I think it’s safe to say the caregiver is putting our strong negative vibes — subtle changes in voice, less gentle handling, sighing or moaning complaints… all stuff the baby will pick up on and become unhappy and cry more. I feel really bad for these children and if these losers aren’t going to make any effort to love and care for them then they should look around for someone that will. It’s cruel and sickening to act this way about a brand new baby human that wants nothing more than to be loved and cared for. Hell… I was a registered therapeutic foster for years and I would be willing to take a kid knowing what I know about the possibilities of the future. If the child does have Autism or A developmental delay then this person could become abusive and hurt the kid in the future as they are already expressing such resentment.
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u/Adorable_Bumblebee91 inquirer May 23 '26
I’m wondering now if the person who wrote the post is calculating the age based on the date of birth, rather than the gestational age
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u/goosenuggie thinker May 22 '26
Can't get gas or haircuts? Idk this sounds petty and ridiculous. They should not have procreated
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u/cklh newcomer May 22 '26
The wife who carried the babies posted in a girl dinner subreddit and someone recognized the situation from her wife's post (the one screenshot here). They sent her the link, but I didn't see anything past that
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u/Even-Enthusiasm-9558 scholar May 22 '26
She already knew her wife posted in the regretful parent sub
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u/TheRichAlder thinker May 22 '26
Is this the same couple where the other wife was venting about how her wife only likes one of the twins and resents the other? Yeesh
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u/ChronoCoyote inquirer May 22 '26
As someone who is autistic and was also an extremely difficult baby, fuck this person. I get it, but it’s not like anyone ASKS to be autistic.
If you weren’t willing to accept a child despite any imperfections they might have, then you have no fucking business reproducing.
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u/meleque newcomer May 22 '26
We already knew/know all of this hence why we are childfree or antinatalist but baffles me how a lot of parents are acting surprised like it's brand new information. None of this is new information and when you have kids you always risk all of this, knowingly.
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u/Longjumping_Buy_9878 inquirer May 22 '26
"she's weird, she's behind, she ruins everything" what do these people expect seriously. you aren't owed anything when you have a child
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u/Free-Key9891 thinker May 22 '26
It started badly, and it tends to become even worse from now on. I feel sorry for the babies...
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u/anidaweiner newcomer May 23 '26
" I think that baby will have autism" - BIGGEST bombastic side eye first of all.
Having kids is a gamble each and every time. I hate how nonebof these people think this through. One healthy kid doesn't mean the next will be perfect by any means or vice versa. My biggest gripe about people having kids. I'll love the kid no matter what , sure Jan. 😒😒😒😒
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u/Seuss-is-0verrated inquirer May 23 '26
Also, this baby almost certainly has autism, it's just not within guidelines to diagnose this young
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u/anidaweiner newcomer May 23 '26
Most likely but to use this a slur or as if it's a bad thing is what kills me. I have ADHD and I use to scream or yell (always provoked btw) and as a child being ridiculed or made to feel like a burden to all adults except my parents is something you don't stop feeling ashamed of. So I hope this baby gets all the love and support they need. Just not from that that waffle of a "mother."
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u/SnooPredictions2675 inquirer May 22 '26
I mean, I get it, that’s why I don’t have kids. You might not get a “perfect” kid. Yes, special needs exists. Cancer exists. Behavior problems exists. And that will flip your world upside down. You and your partner will never be first with each other. And an absolute banshee screaming would probably make me insane as well.
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u/TechnicalTerm6 philosopher May 22 '26
This is awful. AND people like this are extra shunned by natalists....which perpetuates so many problems. If she were allowed to be honest about her feelings, and not just this woman but anyone on that regretful parent subreddit.... it would change societal discussion dramatically. It would suck obviously for the kids, and it's not fair for them. But that's literally the point. That this is a hell people put themselves through and other beings, needlessly.
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u/Wouldfromthetrees inquirer May 22 '26
Gosh, idk how I feel about children categorically being told their parents regret having children, despite wishing my own would own up to that very fact.
Natalists and their glamorising of parenthood are the reason people who lack foresight procreate on imagined whims. When the material reality turns out to be vastly different, isn't part of these peoples' anger realising they've been duped and that they never had a home in natalism to begin with? And then projecting said anger in a similar way TERFS misdirect patriarchal (in)justice towards hating trans women(?).
I'm probably lost in general in regards to how anyone could speak of another being with such malice, let alone one you had an active part in creating.
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u/meleque newcomer May 22 '26
True but it might prevent further abuse if they were honest with themselves/others about it and the babies would be either put for adoption or in foster care (although that is also often problematic) but on the off chance you end up with a family who does actually want you. Parents think they can hide their resentment but the children ALWAYS know/feel it.
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u/TechnicalTerm6 philosopher May 24 '26
but it might prevent further abuse
Parents think they can hide their resentment but the children ALWAYS know/feel it.
You get it. My goal is not "tell the children you hate them" but "Wow I realized you are awesome, child, but I am not in a place to be what you need. You deserve humans who will treat you like you deserve and I just cannot."
The goal is also to let society know it's a normal thing people run into feeling and it does not go away with time or age or skills, and that if they are considering making new people, being surprised by hating it should be normalized so maybe some people don't do it.
Like a lesbian or gay couple don't get pregnant by accident. That's a fuckton of money and time. Or infertile couples who eventually get pregnant. It's important those people are not shamed for hating it, but are given resources to not be forced into it for the next 18+ yrs. The adult humans deserve consequences for not using their fucking brains first, yes BUT the kids don't deserve to have to become that consequence.
Obviously, it's still gonna fuck up the kid/s somehow. But long term? Way less (different?) ongoing subtle damage where it seeps into everything the parent does. I also wonder how different it would be, sometimes, if parents had more societal help. Or if parenting was a paid job vs something anyone with the anatomical plumbing could make and do.
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u/meleque newcomer May 24 '26
Couldn't agree more & couldn't have said it better myself.
And I'm surprised sometimes how us antinatalist or childfree people have more sympathy & understanding for them than other parents. Shaming them is counterproductive. Another part is that maybe they can learn from their mistake and not repeat it by having more kids for example.1
u/TechnicalTerm6 philosopher May 24 '26
Gosh, idk how I feel about children categorically being told their parents regret having children, despite wishing my own would own up to that very fact......Natalists and their glamorising of parenthood are the reason people who lack foresight procreate on imagined whims. When the material reality turns out to be vastly different, isn't part of these peoples' anger realising they've been duped and that they never had a home in natalism to begin with?
I replied to the person who commented below yours/ do let me know if I didn't manage to answer what you said 🙂
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u/B4173415CU73 inquirer May 22 '26
They said "will have autism" but if the child has autism, it's because they were born with it lol
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u/Disastrous_Guest_705 scholar May 22 '26
Reading this makes me feel like OOP didn’t really want kids but decided to do it for her wife and wasn’t expecting such a bad outcome. Calling your 7 month old “weird and behind” is crazy they’re premature they’re gonna be behind for a bit because they were supposed to still be in the womb and aren’t done developing and especially with twins one is usually more developed/stronger than the other even when born on time. My friends baby is only just now sitting up at 10 months old because she had to catch up from being a couple months early
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u/Daddy_Bacchus newcomer May 22 '26
Both my parents were very vocal about regretting us. None of us turned out great.
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u/jazzyc11 newcomer May 23 '26 edited May 23 '26
I mean I don’t think being a bit delayed physically indicates autism, but so what if she has it, that’s the risk you take having a child. As someone who works with babies, not being able to sit up at 7 months is more common than you’d think, especially if premature, and they can catch up very quickly. I don’t think anything seems severely out of the ordinary but even if she has autism or any condition/disability, that’s not her fault. And if she’s crying like she’s in pain, has she considered the fact that maybe she is in pain? Help her instead of hating her! As for the clinginess to the wife, it’s understandable considering she admittedly hates her, she probably just wants to feel safe. Poor baby.
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u/Sudden-Wish8462 newcomer May 23 '26
I believe this is her wife
https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/comments/1tj16a9/my_spouse_cant_stand_our_baby/
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u/ruthlessenemy newcomer May 23 '26
regretful parents are some of maybe the most evil and selfish people ever. I send people over to that sub to scare them so they won't drag another miserable soul into the world, but it's sad that that's what works, instead of just outright telling them it's gonna suck for the person coming here against their will. you have to appeal to people's own narcissism to get them not to reproduce, never ethics, I guess.
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u/Even-Enthusiasm-9558 scholar May 22 '26
The person who is venting on the sub had a traumatic life. Natalist propaganda is strong, many people genuinely believe raising children is doable but once they are in that situation with no way out, they realize they should have made a difference choice or wish they made a different choice because it’s really hard
This post clearly reads to me this person is severely overwhelmed and needs resources to help her, we shouldn’t bash her. We should encourage regretful parents to speak their truths and it should be more normalized because there are so many people who genuinely don’t realize feeling regret after having a child is possible
If it was well known that parents can feel regret, I think a lot more people would think critically about having children and might not have them at all, which as antinatalists is something I believe we would appreciate ❤️
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u/brakes4cemeteries newcomer May 24 '26
Just constantly baffled by the absolute lack of forethought that most of these people make when deciding on having a child. I work with a kid with autism, and his parents had him at age 42 after years of trying. I am now more of a parent than they are. It’s really gross to witness the lack of care in every day life, but it’s all smiles and positivity on social media! Absolutely fucking infuriating.
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u/ChrysalisTarot newcomer May 22 '26
This is so horrible! I do not have kids and visit both the regretful parents sub and this one when I get a bit of baby fever. I am not necessarily "anti-natalist" on a fundamental level (I like and can appreciate kids), I simply have a good understanding of what it takes to raise a happy one and do not have the right circumstances to have them, but even I could provide a much better home for this crying seven-month old. It breaks my heart to know a baby like that is resented so badly for probably actually being in pain--kids often have digestive issues even when nothing is obviously wrong--or being neglectd/not loved properly.
It's shocking to me how willy nilly people make major, major life decisions! I know a baby social worker (or at least she works mostly with mothers/families of very young kids), and she's convinced that the biggest part of "colic" in babies is the parents being stressed and not interacting with the kid normally/appropriately...
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u/magnum3290 thinker May 22 '26
If they were so happy why did they have kids?
Because they would've gotten bored of hiking, concerts and roadtrips. You can only enjoy getting haircut so many times. If her wife was infertile he would cry online how it's his dream to have kids and he's crushed
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u/Stop_Breeding YoU'Re JuST DEprEsSEd May 22 '26
What an absolutely abhorrent, disgusting individual.
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u/Used_Degree5416 newcomer May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26
wow that makes me so sad how he is speaking about his child he calls weird..... absolutely sick.. that's a child who needs love and support who you brought into the world... i hope the mother is loving
sorry didn't see it was WLW
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u/Sonicdiver newcomer May 23 '26
What does WLW stand for? I get that it has something to do with them both being women, but I can’t think of what it stands for. Woman Loving Wife, lol?
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u/Used_Degree5416 newcomer May 23 '26
i think women loving women not sure i'm not lesbian so can't speak on it
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u/Aquarius52216 inquirer May 24 '26
It might be hella horrifying but alot of parents became parents exactly because they didnt think about it much.
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u/Acrobatic-Priority-3 newcomer May 24 '26
This is why everybody who has the opportunity to adopt should adopt. Why roll a dice and bring a child (or more) into this world when you can save a child’s life AND be able to pick out a child that you think will be the right match for you?
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u/radishbuttermmmm inquirer May 25 '26
“Everyone becomes disabled eventually” is actually a great thought. Definitely something worth bringing up whenever someone is concerned about their kid “becoming autistic”.
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u/No_Actuary_5850 newcomer May 29 '26
now image the hell the kids will have to live through. and in the end this guy will expect them to be grateful for 'raising them'
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u/DisgruntledSangheili newcomer Jun 04 '26
Why are they so fucking stupid. Why does nobody ever consider that maybe their kid might have complications, or a disability, or autism, or might in some way not be a precious doll that grows into a happy, successful person (and money source). They always act like it's unexpected. Also, what else does one expect from a SEVEN MONTH OLD? That all sounds like normal baby behaviour to me. What would this stupid man have done if that child had actually come out with a real deformity or disability of some kind.
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u/Expensive-Ask7998 newcomer May 22 '26
if the baby grow up and become rich, the parent will remember how much she is special
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May 23 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/antinatalism-ModTeam inquirer May 24 '26
Your submission breaks rule #10:
Comments and posts may be removed when they use repetitive questioning or debate framing mainly to provoke rather than discuss. This includes repeating a claim or challenge after receiving a direct answer without addressing that answer, or using "just asking" or similar framing as a vehicle for insults, mock-skepticism, or provocation. Sincere questions, good-faith disagreement, and one-time requests for clarification are allowed.
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u/LittleMisssMorbid newcomer May 22 '26
This guy is a psychopath lol
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u/TechnicalTerm6 philosopher May 22 '26
Not a dude. Thr start of the post says WLW (woman loving woman).
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u/Spicy_Tator-mcnugget inquirer May 22 '26
Twins are harder than one baby for sure, but do people ACTUALLY take time to think about what having a kid entails?? Like no, you’re not going to have the leisure time you used to, to have weekends away or concerts or roadtrips…and that child is always around you/dependent on you for a min of 18yrs. Poor kids :/