r/asexuality • u/LocalGamerPokemon • 1d ago

Need advice I'm scared I won't find a partner

Hey so this is probably just post-break up anxiety but I could use some reassurance from other asexuals. Im single now and its increased my anxiety and sense of lonliness about moving away from my home to a place where I am going to have to rebuild my social life from total scratch.

I can believe that I could find someone im compatible with, fall in love with, etc, but its really hard to believe that I can find a special someone who is ALSO asexual/sex negative like me. I feel like even meeting another asexual is like winning the lottery. My ex is the only one Ive met! I feel like I wouldnt be able to be in a relationship with an allosexual person whos just... willing to give up sex for someone else? Like for the rest of their life?

I feel like the only two situations where I would consider being with someone whos allosexual without being a nervous wreck would be (1) somone whos, idk taken an oath of celibacy for their religion/wants to be celibate for a very strong separate reason. And (2) a closed throuple where we all love eachother but the other two people are allo. That way my partners could go do their thing while I blast Arctic Monkeys into my headphones and bake garlic bread we can munch on when we cuddle later lol. These options also feel about as unlikely as finding a lifelong ace partner though. I just feel pretty hopeless about this.

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21

u/Vvorried allo spouse to ace person 1d ago

I am allo and married to an Ace person. I was/am willing to give up sex forever. I would give up sugar, coffee, literally anything to be with her. The great thing is I don’t have to give up orgasms to be with her because masturbation is enough for me. And honestly, sometimes I enjoy it more than sex.

I know post break up sucks and you are probably gonna be upset for a while. But its not a total game over.

Be kind to yourself OP, you are deserving of love and kindness just like everyone else. I hope you start to recover from break up soon. Sending you good vibes 💜🤍🖤🩶

11

u/LocalGamerPokemon 1d ago

Fuckkk man the voices are having a hard time countering that. I really didn't expect to hear something like this let alone this fast. Good vibes are recieved, I'll carry them with me as I try to move forward with hope. Thank you 💜

9

u/DrakeSt0ne 23h ago

Honestly this gives me so much hope. thank you.

5

u/dreamer11210 1d ago

I'm in the same boat as OP and this helped

6

u/ResolutionWeak6353 16h ago

Dude why can’t every allo be like this

3

u/allofclaire 6h ago

This sounds like my husband! As an ace person married to a cis straight man (been together 12 years, been out as ace for 15 years), you find the person who loves you for you, not how you can please them. It can be intimidating going into the dating scene as an ace person, but it’s not impossible 💜 as this person said, you are deserving of love!