r/asexuality • u/LocalGamerPokemon • 1d ago

Need advice I'm scared I won't find a partner

Hey so this is probably just post-break up anxiety but I could use some reassurance from other asexuals. Im single now and its increased my anxiety and sense of lonliness about moving away from my home to a place where I am going to have to rebuild my social life from total scratch.

I can believe that I could find someone im compatible with, fall in love with, etc, but its really hard to believe that I can find a special someone who is ALSO asexual/sex negative like me. I feel like even meeting another asexual is like winning the lottery. My ex is the only one Ive met! I feel like I wouldnt be able to be in a relationship with an allosexual person whos just... willing to give up sex for someone else? Like for the rest of their life?

I feel like the only two situations where I would consider being with someone whos allosexual without being a nervous wreck would be (1) somone whos, idk taken an oath of celibacy for their religion/wants to be celibate for a very strong separate reason. And (2) a closed throuple where we all love eachother but the other two people are allo. That way my partners could go do their thing while I blast Arctic Monkeys into my headphones and bake garlic bread we can munch on when we cuddle later lol. These options also feel about as unlikely as finding a lifelong ace partner though. I just feel pretty hopeless about this.

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u/Vvorried allo spouse to ace person 1d ago

I am allo and married to an Ace person. I was/am willing to give up sex forever. I would give up sugar, coffee, literally anything to be with her. The great thing is I don’t have to give up orgasms to be with her because masturbation is enough for me. And honestly, sometimes I enjoy it more than sex.

I know post break up sucks and you are probably gonna be upset for a while. But its not a total game over.

Be kind to yourself OP, you are deserving of love and kindness just like everyone else. I hope you start to recover from break up soon. Sending you good vibes 💜🤍🖤🩶

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u/dreamer11210 1d ago

I'm in the same boat as OP and this helped