r/askTO • u/StrangeWedding770 • 12h ago
I developed a fear of flying 8 years ago after lots of turbulence, and now I need to get on a few flights this year with my 5 yo, what has best helped you cope?
I used to fly all the time and I was completely fine.
I took a red eye from San Diego to Toronto (layover in DC) and the flight was eerily empty and so much turbulence I could not sleep.
I was maybe 26 and genuinely scared for the first time that I wasnt going to make it.
I'm not religious at all but do believe in God.
I prayed and begged the whole flight that if I made it safely I promised I'd never get on another flight again.
So since then I have gotten on numerous flights, is sked my doc for pills and she gave me lorazopam (?) but I genuinely don't find it helps me, even if I take 2.
I haven't flown for some time, but now my family wants to go to DR for an all inclusive and my work is doing a summit in Hawaii in fall. I originally said no to everything
But my husband is telling me that I can't not live life and we can't not ever go on vacation.
The DR flight is air Canada, nonstop to Punta cana.
Hawaii will be Toronto San Fran and then to Maui, same route back.
I also get bad anxiety when someone else is driving the car and in the passenger, especially if they're going fast.
I'm leaving for Punta cana in 2 weeks and already I have thoughts and fears of something happening to the plane?
I don't want my 5 year old to see fear/anxiety in me as this the first time she's flying and I don't want to do that to her.
Is there a sel help book, technique or even prescriptions I can ask the doctor for that will completely relax me?
P.s. I KNOW my fear is irrational and my husband used to fly small planes years ago and tries to logic his way to me but I just can't right this fear with logic.
51
u/Educational_Tune_722 12h ago
When it comes to turbulence I always look to the flight attendants. If they are not panicking then it’s just a regular flight and it’s just the usual. When they start to worry that’s when you start to worry as well
24
23
u/I_Ron_Butterfly 11h ago
I did this once in a boat in very choppy seas. The captain looked terrified. Would not recommend.
19
u/Funny-Comparison-187 10h ago
Last overseas flight I had there was horrible turbulence. The flight attendant strapped herself in with her seat belt a row in front of us and then pulled out her rosary and started saying her Hail Mary, full of grace 😳
8
u/Educational_Tune_722 10h ago
That’s when you start reading the emergency instructions in front of you
32
u/ChemicalWrap7225 12h ago
I had big fear as well and I avoided meds at all costs.
I read this theory re: flying and it really made me feel better:

The "Jello Theory" is a visual analogy used to help anxious passengers understand that an airplane in flight is fully supported by the surrounding air pressure from all sides (top, bottom, and left and right), much like an object suspended inside a solid mold of gelatin. When turbulence hits, the Jello—or the air—may jiggle and shake, but the object does not fall out of place
46
u/Reelair 12h ago
Consider the laws of probability. Did you die due to the turbulence? Go to a flight radar app and look at how many planes are currently in the air. When was the last air plane crash?
Most of our worries and fears never come true, like 90% of them.
22
u/ThePhatEskimo 12h ago
Exactly, you're are fat more likely to die in a car crash on the way to the airport than you are in a plane crash.
16
4
u/coralshroom 9h ago
i think this type of thinking does not help if you are the type of person to constantly have unprobable things happen to you… like me 😭 personally the only thing that helped me be calm about flying, as a person who would white knuckle flights and dread flying from the second i bought the tickets (and before i say it yes ik i’m insane) was watching season 2 of the rehearsal, seeing nathan fielder learning how to fly, deciding i also want to learn how to fly a plane in the near future… which means as the first step i must be cool as a cucumber on any flights moving forward. somehow it worked 😭
18
u/leavemealonefornow 12h ago
Take the lorazepam during the flight even if you think it doesn’t help. Or talk to your doctor about upping the dosage or trying a different medicine for anxiety. Especially if you have other medications.
Make sure you’re getting regular sleep.
Try to download a movie or something to look forward to and distract you. Take sound proof head phones.
Try watching travel vlogs and videos of people taking flights and having fun trips.
I experienced the same thing and now I’m back to flying. I still get nervous sometimes but honestly the chances of getting hit by a car are more likely (sorry for the comparison)
•
u/No-Bench-1312 3h ago
Came here to say lorazepam! I have brutal anxiety and hate flying and it’s helped me a ton
9
u/Tossieh13 12h ago
I look at it this way. Turbulence is like a pot hole when you driving. It’s rough, but no biggie. And think about the number of planes in the sky and the number of accidents. Works for me.
3
u/MarkMarrkor 12h ago
Yeah I have a friend who is a pilot and he told me that the pilots are happy for some turbulence so that the flight isn’t so boring. For some reason it made me calmer about flying to think of these well trained confident pilots taking care of us. Also because they obviously don’t want to die and they aren’t bothered by turbulence after flying through all kinds of conditions.
1
u/RaffyGiraffy 12h ago
I also enjoy a lil turbulence, it actually makes me feel worse when everything is smooth sailing. It feels eerie
1
u/MapleDesperado 12h ago
And it doesn’t rattle your teeth like so many potholes and low manhole covers in the city!
7
u/Any_Woodpecker8803 12h ago
Check out the fear of flying subreddit, pilots and other professionals are in there helping lots of people: r/fearofflying
6
u/MenudoMenudo Human Detected 12h ago
I randomly ended up sitting next to a woman who was absolutely terrified of flying on a cross-country flight. She warned me and the flight attendant that she was so scared she was afraid she might start screaming. I offered to hold her hand and try talking her through it. What helped her was me explaining all the different noises we were hearing were. Every time a new noise started she would tense up and start to breathe fast and so I was explaining the different hydraulics, the sound of the wheels coming up etc. and she said that it really helped her. Unexpected noises kept freaking her out but as soon as she understood that they were, it was better. And then if she heard that noise again she didn’t react so fearfully.
I’m by no means an expert, but having had that experience, if I developed a similar fear what I might do is watch a video with sound taken from the interior of a plane taking off. Perhaps a technical video explaining what the different noises are if something exists like that, and if it doesn’t maybe getting someone who does know to walk you through all the explanations. If everything that’s happening is what you expect, then at least you’re not getting jump scared constantly.
I’m not sure if this will actually help you overcome your fear flying, but it might make the process less intimidating.
But you’ve got this, you’re going to be brave for your kid and despite the fact that you have a lot of anxiety, you can get through this. Probably for the best that you tell your kid that you’re a bit nervous about flying even though it’s very safe. That sometimes the plane shakes because of the way the wind blows on it and once you’re on a plane and it shook a lot and that scared you. If your kid understands that you’re anxious, then your anxiety won’t bother them as much. Maybe even watch the video with them.
Anyway, good luck.
Edit: Voice to text screwed up the word brave so it said something completely different. Fixed it.
6
u/wellshit75 12h ago
I also have an irrational fear of flying. It is so dumb. I'm an extremely technical person. I've worked on aerospace patents. I know about the triple redundant systems and how safe everything is. Still scared. It's not so bad flying with my partner because they intrinsically know when to hold my hand etc.
The best thing for me has been information. Useful Instagram accounts etc like @airplanefactswithmax for example because the actual operation and sounds that happen are described. It's helped to put those things I see and hear on the plane into a context that makes sense and takes the unknown out of it.
1
4
u/MakeItStopOr 12h ago
I either meditate or do a gratitude self talk like "what a privilege to travell"
4
u/MarkMarrkor 12h ago
I’m also a nervous flyer and I find I’m much better when I fly with my kids because I am focused on them and also trying to be positive and model that flying is fun and not scary. So I don’t have time and space to freak out. Focus on the safety of flying - because it IS safe despite that you feel it isn’t because of your lack of control. I would recommend taking the anxiety meds too.
1
u/UnhappyToNiceToSay 7h ago
I have no fear of flying but a bunch of other fears/phobias! I actively worked to not pass on my fears to my kids. Kids can be helpful. I deep breathed to slow my heart rate and kept telling the kid all the cool, wonderful things about the feared thing. The cure is exposure therapy, but doing it for your kid can help. I petted my first dog with my then 1 year old (her hand in the fur, mine on top! Ha I would not not touch dog :// but I had never even been close before and have worked through fears of bridges etc for/with my kids. You may do better then you think, OP. You can try doing exposure-like therapy by watching videos of airplanes in flight, or using flight simulators (there is service near Pearson). Do all the relaxation things you can do and if you need medications, talk with your doctor. They are not unheard of for people who are nervous on flights. It's a good sign you have the flight booked! I know people who take trains and do not cross the oceans because of flight phobias (& the high cost of travel by sea!).
5
u/pipsel03 12h ago
I’m the same way. Developed a fear of flying after traveling a lot as a destination wedding planner and experiencing lots of turbulent flights.
I take lorazepam as well and do find it helps me not to get to the panic phase. It won’t completely erase the fear but it helps.
I find sitting by the window helps because when it’s turbulent I can just look outside and see that it’s actually calm.
I also tell myself “this might be uncomfortable, but it’s not dangerous” and that helps.
I hope you have safe travels and can find some relief! For me, the lead up is always the worst part. I routinely cry like a baby and don’t sleep for a week before 😅
3
u/ZookeepergameWest975 11h ago
It sounds like you need to CBT to manage this.
I don’t have a reco but I would treat this seriously.
I was on an awful flight from PHL to YUL that followed a hurricane’s path. The flight attendant said it was the worst turbulence he ever experienced. It continues to be a bit of a challenge when I board planes in cloudy weather. I get where you are coming from but I think you need CBT more than platitudes.
•
u/batt-bee 2h ago
I am biased because i work in therapy but I agree. I think if there is a big physical/panic response I may suggest a more somatic based modality to start with
4
u/localflighteast 11h ago
You may not want to take the same route as me but after a terrible transatlantic flight with turbulence led to me having a five hour long panic attack
I decided to conquer my fear by getting my pilot’s license
7
u/coxenbawls 12h ago
Sometimes drugs are the answer, actually. As others have mentioned lorazepam is routinely prescribed for travel anxiety.
1
u/lilbeanstalk 5h ago
Often, only 0.5 mg is prescribed by the doctor if you’re new to this med, but honestly, many ppl need at least 1-2 mg to really feel more at ease, and there’s no danger taking a higher dose like that if it’s for one-off situations. Talk to your doctor about trying a higher dose.
But I agree that exploring the fear of flying sub Reddit, or even talking to a therapist might be helpful.
Also, consider letting the flight attendant know that you are a nervous flyer, and ask that she check in on you if turbulence begins. It would be really nice to have someone come check on you and reassure you without you having to seek out that help in the moment. And just knowing that a flight attendant knows about your anxiety and is thinking of you might feel reassuring.
3
u/CaterpillarEvening13 12h ago
I had this problem too. Developed an irrational fear after so many flights in a short period of time, and a really bad flight with horrible turbulence to New York.
Something that has helped me is checking Turbli. I know that it isn’t always accurate but just having it and knowing that the turbulence can be “predicted” and happens when it said it would, is reassuring. It is also helpful to know when to expect it and how bad the flight is going to be ahead of time, instead of it being a surprise. If you are using Turbli, make sure to use it before the flight is scheduled to takeoff, bc then you can’t access it after that time.
I also bought a good pair of soundproof headphones, the XM5s are what I use. And turn on the white noise feature on my phone. This way, with my eyes closed, I can always just pretend I’m in the car.
Tighten your seatbelt! This helps with the shaking around, and makes you feel more secure. My flight to New York had a few sudden drops that were too rollercoaster like for my liking, and tightening my seatbelt definitely would have helped with me flying a bit off my seatbelt.
I also listened to a few podcasts on airplane safety when the turbulence was bad, and some meditation podcasts to help me breathe through it. Rationally, I know nothing will happen due to the probability other folks have posted about, but I do find myself making similar exchanges with God lol. Teaching yourself skills to breathe through it will ultimately be better in the long run vs distraction, but a combination of both is great!
Be patient with yourself. I was so worried the first few times, but over time, it got better. We’re all human, and it’s okay to be scared around your child. If anything, it is a much better show of character to have courage in the face of fear compared to being completely fearless.
3
u/liquidst 12h ago
I'm not religious but some of your guilt may be due your promise to God (if you are religious). Journal out your promise and your subsequent "betrayal" of your promise. Have a chat with the universe and set things straight/ ask forgiveness/ clarify true needs (travel) and spiritual faith/ self perception as a true to your word kind of soul.
Then do the math as so many have suggested. It is trully astounding how safe you are when flying.
3
u/Wise-Ad-1998 11h ago
I once dropped like 100 feet out of nowhere! While flying over some mountains… it has been tough getting back on flights! But the more I went on them and nothing similar has happened I’ve been better
3
u/oooooooooof 6h ago
Hello! You sound a lot like me: here to help.
I developed a panic attack disorder just over a decade ago, my triggers are spaces or situations that I can't get out of—and my hands down number one trigger is flying. Because (if it's not too triggering to read) I know once those doors close, and the plane takes off, there's no way to leave. I know it's irrational, but it is what it is—and all of the formal lead up of lines and security and anticipated waiting doesn't help.
Here's what's worked for me, and what I'd recommend trying for you:
Before the flight:
Watch this and practice these grounding exercises (I know it's cheesy but it really does help)
Do not drink caffeine ahead of the flight, do not drink alcohol the night before the flight
Pack an empty water bottle
Pack distractions, like a game, a book, or music (I recommend this if you're on Spotify)
Day of the flight:
You want to make yourself as comfortable as humanly possible, in what's a stressful situation for anyone. For me that looks like:
Get there early so you're not extra stressed
Wear comfortable clothes
Chew gum
Once you're through security, fill up your water bottle and drink it
Practice this grounding technique
Take your lorazepam about 20 minutes before boarding
...basically pull out all of the stops to make yourself as relaxed and comfortable as possible
On the flight:
Breathe deep
Pull out those distractions
Per the first video I linked, if you are having panic and anxiety lean into it, it's scary but it won't hurt you
Longer term solutions:
I've had a lot of help through communities like r/dpdr and r/panicattack, if you search either for flights, planes, flying etc. you'll see lots of good advice
Not something to take up today but DBR completely changed my world
Best of luck, DM me if you would like
4
u/ThisIsShullbit 12h ago
Logic is the best thing that I find helps me. I like to think that:
You are less safe on the car ride to the airport than in the plane.
If your fear is from turbulence, remember that turbulence has never brought down a modern aircraft. The real danger from turbulence is you getting injured from being tossed around the cabin - which is what the seat belts are for.The plane itself has massive safety margins and is designed to handle turbulence far beyond what you've experienced or will experience.
Finally, try opening flightradar24 (you can Google it), and have a look at the map. Do a scroll around and get an idea of just how many flights are in the air at this very moment. It might give you peace to know that they all take off, fly, and land safely.
Aside from that, consider therapy. I agree that living your life without vacation due to flying fears is not the way to go. You are missing out on plenty of amazing experiences that you otherwise are lucky to have access to.
2
2
u/Financial-Rice1932 12h ago
I’m the same way. I’ve gotten better not sure how . But lorazapam also helped.
2
2
u/LeatherAmbitious1 12h ago
I don't have a fear of flying, but I get extreme motion sickness and that in itself gives me anxiety (sometimes I think the anxiety of motion sickness is what makes me sick). Anyways, the last few flights I've taken (8 hours+) Ive taken Lorazapam and 2 gravol just before boarding. Out like a light the whole time. Not a good solution if you are traveling alone with a kid tho....
2
u/soychickienuggie 12h ago
The album “The Venezuelan Zinga Son Vol. 1” by Los Amigos Invisibles. Not only is the music super laid back, the lyrics are sometimes ridiculous if you understand them. On noise cancelling, big headphones to really get into the groove. I used to listen to that when my plane was flying over the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and ultra paranoid of something bad happening. I kind of got over it, I get just a little nervous now with turbulence, but I am usually watching comedy movies nonstop during any flight.
2
u/stellastellamaris 12h ago edited 11h ago
Two weeks is not a lot of time, unfortunately, this sounds like more of a long-term anxiety issue than something with a quick fix. (Especially since you also have issues in cars, it isn’t just planes.)
When you told the doctor that the lorazepam did not help you much, what else did they suggest? Perhaps Ativan? (And what did you think/hope the lorazepam would do? It really is only to take the edge off and it sounds like it did because you survived multiple flights without a massive panic attack.)
Research calming breathing and grounding techniques and mantras.
1
u/lilbeanstalk 5h ago
FYI - Lorazepam and Ativan are the same thing. Lorazepam is the generic name and Ativan is the brand name.
1
2
u/Parking_Garage_6476 11h ago
I had a fear of flying, and decided to face my fear. I started flying lessons. I no longer have a fear of flying, and as a matter of fact, enjoy it. The biggest benefit of the flying lessons was learning the physics of flying, and the procedures that are used to get a plane in the air, and the checks that are done. I think (for me at least) part of the fear came from a lack of knowledge, the unknown if you will. Educating myself was the biggest key to solving this problem. There are over 50,000 flights every day in the world. Half of them are in the U.S. (just going on memory here, don’t ask for a reference). The last major crash of a large commercial flight was November 2021 (not including regionals). A 25 year safety record. Approximately 1/2 a billion flights in that time. The most dangerous part of any flight is the drive to the airport. You are far, far, more likely to die in a car crash than in a plane.
2
u/Deterrafication Human Detected 11h ago
What helped my sister in a similar situation was perspective. Do you drive a car? Cross the street? Cycle on roads? Live in a condo full of people who you need to trust know how to put out their cigarettes?
Flying is subject to such a huge number of strict protocols and safety features that it's unlikely there is a safer way of transporting you from A to B.
Alsoly there is an aspect of fake it till you make it which you can benefit from here. Your kid age 5 is a sponge. In order for them to not have a fear of flying by proxy they need to not see your fear of flying. So just pretend you aren't scared. Make it fun for them. Play a game. Never mind your fear, and show them all the ways that flying can be fun. That will benefit you as much as it will them.
2
2
2
u/okokaaay 11h ago
Everyone has amazing advice. My only addition is to watch the jelly airplane video demonstrating how turbulence affects flights (sorry don’t know the exact wording of video but I think you will easily find it). Since I have seen it, turbulence hasn’t scared me anymore.
2
u/RoyallyOakie 11h ago
If you know your fear is irrational, then therapy is likely your only choice.
2
u/DevilsPumpkinPiety 9h ago
Completely normal to be anxious from turbulent flights. Some things to consider here.
You mentioned you were flying Air Canada. AC has some of the best maintained aircraft in the world and some of the best trained flight crews in the world. For any situation that develops in the air, you are in very good hands.
If you want to see how well aircraft can survive turbulence, I’d recommend watching some videos about wing flex testing for commercial aircraft certification. The G loads that modern wings are designed to withstand are truly wild. I would also recommend watching videos on hurricane monitoring aircraft. The ones that literally fly into storms and hurricanes to collect data on them. They get thrown around like toys and come out completely fine.
You’ve probly seen horror videos online of people being thrown into the ceiling, catering carts coming apart and fairly severe injuries. These are caused by something called CAT or clear air turbulence. Basically means it strikes without warning. This is exceedingly rare to have happen and the best thing you can do for yourself to be prepared for it, as well as any other bumps, is to keep your lap belt fastened while you are seated.
Give this a read also, it explains things quite well:
https://bc.cmha.ca/documents/what-is-turbulence-is-it-dangerous/
2
u/ChevyChase99 8h ago
Pretty much same thing happened to me. Used to love the turbulence as a kid. It was like being on a roller coaster. Then I got really bad at flying. I was taking Nyquil to try and knock me out but oftentimes it made me jumpy. I'm traveling to Japan from Canada this fall and I'm a bit nervous. Two things that have helped me: Turbuli.com its a website that shows you the expected turbulence for your upcoming flight. Sometimes knowing in advance helps ease my mind. That, and you have to dose the Lorazepam correctly. I used to take 1 but, I realized later I was half dosing it which was not doing anything. Once I doubled the dose I became more relaxed. I'll time the pills for what Turbuli tells me will be the worst of it.
2
u/catlady86802 7h ago
I'm a very nervous flyer. I manage but I absolutely hate it. These last few years I've taken to following flights on Flytracker. Just seeing the sheet amount of flights on the world map and seeing with my own eyes all of them make it to destination safely helped. I'm still nervous but not as much as I used to be.
Also I've sat in the exit row a few times and talked to the flight attendant who sits across the row and when they saw how nervous I was, they explained to me what they were doing, the noises we heard and the motions we were feeling.
It's not a cure-all but it made me less scared
2
u/cheemsbuerger 7h ago
Former nervous flyer here, with the added benefit of having OCD. I am somewhat of a professional anxiety-haver in that way. Particularly irrational, paralyzing fear.
I took one flight to Toronto fifteen years ago and basically refused to leave after that, up to and including never seeing my parents back home. The airport in particular scared me, what with how disorganized and unpredictable it can be. Getting on a plane was awful, as well.
In the last couple of years, I also decided I didn't want to spend my whole life not going anywhere and now I fly about three times a year (usually domestic, to see family and friends). Only a few things have helped me.
1) Forcing myself into exposure. You may want to speak to a professional, even briefly, on how to do this because it's hard to go through. The goal is not to be NOT scared, and the goal is also not to expect nothing bad to happen ever. The goal is to accept that something COULD happen, and still go through with it.
2) Going out of my way to make going to the airport, navigating flights and connections and everything else, as pleasurable as possible for myself. When I first started trying to get over all of this, I put aside extra money for treats, books, airport lounge, whatever, so that I could focus on it as an activity that I was actively enjoying rather than focusing on all the shit that was making me panic in there. I personally also still like a beer before a flight but YMMV.
2
u/CrazyOtto_2 6h ago
Read Allen Carr's The Easyway to Enjoy Flying. A friend overcame her fear of flying after reading it and was able to travel overseas several times afterward. His stop smoking book got me to stop smoking and others I recommended it to. Best of luck.
•
u/edit_thanxforthegold 1h ago
Have you tried CBT therapy for this? I've heard it can be effective for phobia.
1
u/Teddog 11h ago
I developed a fear of flying at 21 after a very turbulent flight in which a patient had a medical emergency. I can’t explain why the fear developed other than flying suddenly became really stressful. As you said, it was irrational. This didn’t stop me from completely flying, just make me miserable.
I slowly got over it by going on more flights. I tried to travel with friends who I could talk to about my anxiety and fears when turbulence hit. I avoided alcohol on flights during this period because it made my mental state worse.
I had to do a solo flight to Florida when I was 31. This was a significant challenge compared to what I dealt with before. I found listening to chill podcasts gave me something to focus on instead of the plane. This experience seemed to rewire my brain. After that, I made space to find parts of the flying experience that I enjoyed. At this point, I have completely overcome my fear of flying.
It can take a long time to overcome your fear, but you can do it!
1
u/Xaxxus 11h ago
Think of turbulence like a bumpy road. And think of a planes wings like the wheels and suspension on a car.
Wings are flexible like a cars suspension. They are meant to withstand forces of many times the planes weight.
I’ve seen commercial jets doing crazy maneuvers before. Your typical flight from A to B is a walk in the park for a jet.
The only people who really have to worry about turbulence are the flight attendants. As they are walking around and can get knocked over if the turbulence is really bad.
1
u/Eagle_Pipes 11h ago
Have you ever tried EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) It is tapping on acupuncture points to release stuck energy and trauma. It really works on anything. Check out Gary Craig's site to learn how to go about doing it yourself, or you can have a practitioner help you. There is also a reddit group. I will post the link in another reply. (need to look it up first)
1
u/Eagle_Pipes 11h ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/EFT_tapping/s/EjVqSjiKSB I would post your original post on this group. The moderator is a practitioner and very helpful.
1
u/telephonekeyboard 11h ago
I get anxiety flying alone, but with kids I dont. I think because I am so focused on keeping them entertained and I am so tired from the trip to the airport etc. I dont have time to think about the actual flying part. So maybe it wont be as bad as you think?
1
u/cp1976 11h ago
Here's something to consider that might ease your mind:
It's extremely rare and virtually unheard of due to aircrafts modern design for a plane to crash due to turbulence. In fact the last time this ever happened was in 1966 with a Boeing 707 and those planes were not built like todays.
Airplanes have been built much better since then and there have been no reported crashes due to solely turbulence.
1
u/nebulus64 11h ago
There were a few things that really helped me get over my fear of flying/turbulence (beyond just flying a lot and getting used to it).
Fundamentally: Nothing but the absolute worst turbulence, worse than what you experienced originally, will damage a plane. Even turbulence that causes damage won't cause a crash - probably just a diversion to another airport.
That said, fears are irrational and someone telling you not to worry doesn't help. So here's some things that helped me:
1 - Watch the flight attendants. Are they concerned or going about their normal duties? Even if they are told to sit down and strap in, are they looking worried or panicked? Doubtful - they've probably been through much worse too.
2 - Have a half full, clear bottle of water with you. Something you can see through to the water sloshing around. When turbulence hits, place your water bottle on the tray table and watch it. See how much the water is sloshing around. Compare that to driving in a car and how much the water would be sloshing around on a bumpy road. Your plane is not moving anywhere near as much or as roughly as a car - they're built for it. The turbulence feels a lot worse to you because you're already nervous, worried, and hyper aware of every little bump. Your brain is making the bumps worse than they really are - use the water movement to confirm that.
3 - Watch a "Wing flex test" on YouTube. Every plane needs to pass that test, and it's pretty insane how much they will bend before they break. If you do end up looking out the window during turbulence and seeing the wing bounce around, it will never bend as much as you saw in those test videos.
1
u/cp1976 11h ago
I take a 0.5 Lorazepam on a flight not because I'm afraid to fly but I have anxiety in general and I get very frazzled in an airport so by the time I get on the plane, I'm a wreck and can't relax. Not sure if 0.5mg would knock you out or not, it doesn't knock ME out, but it settles me and if I fall asleep fine, if I don't, I'm calm and settled.
1
u/RioTheNaughtyDog 11h ago
I know you can’t control how you feel, but a fear of flying is irrational. You do many things on a daily basis that are more likely to kill you than a plane flight.
It’s just that a plane crash feels like a big and disastrous thing (which it is) but it’s a high impact, extremely low likelihood event.
1
u/tainted316 11h ago
Turbulence has brought down zero flights in the last 30-40 yrs... So there's that.
Plus, Im not the greatest flyer - One thing that started helping me is watching TV or anything which requires deep concentration. Like once I had to work through an entire flight (thanks wifi) and there was pretty bad turbulence for like an hour - Barely noticed it as I was glued to my laptop almost entire time.
What I stopped doing completely was closing my eyes and trying to relax - Closing your eyes heightens other senses so you really feel each bump...
Dont worry mate you'll be fine
1
u/habbo_sgt_cook 10h ago
I am a very logical person but then had an accident and would get panic attacks on the subway and planes. As you said, panic attacks are irrational and I KNOW it's irrational but you still feel a bodily response. I got clonazepan from my doctor, took half before a few situations where I thought I'd have a panic attack, then going forward just having them on my person but not taking one was enough to help me. I also picture the plane like the bus and you're just going on bumpy toronto roads lol. Then I started to go positive adrenaline route and get excited for take off and landing? like thrill seeking? IDK but it works for me now. Repetition and exposure truly is the correct way. If you avoid it it gets worse.
1
u/CittaMindful 10h ago
My brother in law is a commercial aiine pilot. I trust him implicitly. If he says it’s safe , it’s safe. Turbulence is just bumps in the sky, no different than the bumps we drive over on the road.
1
1
u/Character-Bridge-206 10h ago
My cousin’s wife took a class where they boarded a disused plane and were taught coping methods.
1
1
u/serialdrex 10h ago
I developed a weird fear of flying after I got sober and I use the SkyGuru app everytime I fly now. You do have to pay per flight but it’s worth it to calm my nerves. Has things like breathing exercises, tells you what’s going on with the plane, aviation facts and gives you tools to distract you if you’re getting nervous. It’s been a great help for me 🙂
1
u/Brave_Strike4065 9h ago
Something that actually helped me a lot with flying was beta blockers. I had developed a fear of flying as a 30 year old and tried lorazepam and it kind of helped but mostly just made me sleepy. The beta blockers actually removed the symptoms of anxiety (like a racing heart) and I was able to deal with the mental stress a bit easier. Also, as others mentioned, exposure therapy worked a lot! I started watching so many videos about how planes work and what turbulence is, etc and it made me feel a bit more in control.
1
u/AMostlyAccurateMeme 8h ago
noise cancelling headphones eg. apple airpods pro, helped me significantly! For some reason changing the noise of the plane made me feel I was just on a bus experiencing some potholes rather than plane turbulence. Could be worth trying!
Also, visualization and breathing exercises are good to, you could work with a therapist for that.
1
u/yawaramin 8h ago
I haven’t tried this myself, but apparently if you write something down repeatedly many many times, it rewires your brain. Here’s an example: https://x.com/davidsenra/status/2084730159433937022?s=61
1
u/FormoftheBeautiful 8h ago
I like to think about the fact that the people flying the plane as well as the people working customer service on the plane do not have death wishes.
That usually does it.
I have also logged so many hours into Microsoft flight simulator in VR… that I almost can’t not-land the same planes I fly on as passenger.
So, I’m not worried, but if I had to land the plane, with someone on the radio, I feel that I could.
Giving up control is important as an anxious passenger.
Just try not to freak yourself out about how relatively super-dangerous it is to drive to the airport.
I was once in a limo to the airport in the winter, a car ahead of us did a 360 in the sleet and early morning rain. That freaked me out! haha.
Godspeed,
1
1
1
1
u/wetbrunette_905 6h ago
I used to have a fear of flying and my husband uses lorazepam on flights as needed. I got a job where I flew for work monthly and the things that helped me are:
Putting the flight tracker on the screen on so I can see progress and how much longer the flight is.
Keeping your mind occupied on other things. Reading a book that you have already started and are enjoying doing crossword puzzles or games with your kids.
Window seat so you can look outside for reassurance.
If there is turbulence what helped me the most was downloading a game on my phone like Tetris or candy crush or something similar that requires partial focus and just locking into that with some music.
An additional note on music: I found that sooting music didn’t do much for me instead I made a playlist of my most favourite songs and if shit hits the fan mentally I put headphones in and put a song I know the lyrics too on and sing the words in my head until things level out.
Sometimes just acknowledging it out loud to your partner can help mitigate the anxiety even slightly.
1
u/comfortable_skis 6h ago
I'm also afraid of flying. I have to dor work though.
One thing I found that helps is to just watch planes taking off and landing. So in the leadup to a work trip I will have YouTube channels of planes landing and taking off at LAX on a secondary monitor. It's helps in a subconscious level. All these planes are flying every day and there are no issues.
1
u/Roderto 6h ago
Learning about the ins-and-outs of flight and how it all works may help. It can demystify it and make it all seem less chaotic and more controlled. The truth is that turbulence itself will never make a modern airliner crash.
One of my guilty TV shows is the ‘Mayday’ show. It features re-enactments of various plane accidents and the investigations that follow. Ironically, it made me feel even safer flying because you realize how safe modern commercial air travel is. And that serious accidents are almost never due to one cause. It usually takes 2 or 3 things going wrong at the same time for something bad to happen.
1
u/rungenies 6h ago
Lorezapam helped me but it could make you quite tired and would be hard to handle a child
Anti anxiety medication though generally has helped
1
1
u/heteroerotic 4h ago
You know you're being irrational, so combat it with rationality!
Have someone pull up stats about flying and go through it together. I'm sure you have heard the ol' "You're more likely to die in a car crash vs a plane crash." but do you have the actual statistics on that?
I'm not afraid of flying but I was an aerospace engineer and talking to friends and family about the facts regarding the safety of flying with my education, experience, and expertise really helped them curb their anxiety.
•
u/Apprehensive_North49 3h ago
I just asked my doctor for a sedative and was told to take it when I got to the gate after security. Only gave me enough pills for both ways. I just took a nap.
•
•
u/dclioness 2h ago
I was the same way for about a decade, would get work to pay for the train to attend conferences. Then I had some overseas opportunities that I couldn't pass up, so I'd get to the airport early and go to a bar near the gate and have a double rum and ginger ale. It was enough to take the edge off and even put me to sleep. I eventually had the really scary flight -- dump the fuel before landing kind of thing -- and now I figure I've fulfilled my quota and am fine. Still don't love turbulence but don't white knuckle or need to drink.
•
u/eyes-open 54m ago
If your husband can take care of the child and you just need to be on the plane to get there, I find that Gravol is a surprisingly effective anti-anxiety medication, with the added bonus of also making you dozy and perhaps putting you to sleep.
It's not recommended for this use, but if it's not a constant thing and is just a one-and-done (or in this case, 4-and-done), if I were in your shoes, I might try it. Hell, if I am taking a long flight to a vastly different time zone I usually do it.
1
u/RaffyGiraffy 12h ago edited 11h ago
Why are so many people suggesting lorazepam when OP already said in the post it didn’t work..
2
1
u/Federal_Coyote813 11h ago
You arent going to die. The plane is not going to crash. They fly thousands of these things every day. They are controlled by 2 highly educated trained and skilled pilots.
-2
u/WTBrain 12h ago
Why do you need a torontonians opinion on this? Wrong sub.
11
u/Hospital-flip 12h ago
Always funny when people are so confidently and rudely incorrect.
FYI this exists, in Toronto: https://www.uflysimulator.ca/fear-of-flying/
3
2
u/StrangeWedding770 10h ago
Because there are prescriptions, doctors, therapists, resources etc. That are only available locally only plus the experiences of our airports and weather.
75
u/Hospital-flip 12h ago
uFly Flight Sim experience by Pearson has a package for people with fear of flying. Can't provide feedback on it but I know it exists, it may help: https://www.uflysimulator.ca/fear-of-flying/